- 13 -

Pandora flicked her cigarette butt over the railing and watched it fall away into the blackness below. Even with the moon high in the night sky, there wasn't enough light to see it hit the ocean. Dinner with Lilith had gone the same way. There were indications of progress; moments where her forced smile faded to a genuine one, if only briefly. Lilith's happiness may be too distant to see right now, hidden in the darkness, but she would reach it. After all, a cigarette tossed from the side of a ship only had the ocean to land in. Pandora would make sure Lilith's options were equally limited.

Even if she had no idea how.

Pandora pulled her cloak in a tight hug around herself and headed back to the cabin, speaking to Renna as she walked. "I wish you were here to help me. I'm not cut out for this."

As she opened the door she found Lilith sitting on the bed flipping through the pages of a book. Her worries eased at the sight. At least Lilith was taking her advice. The distraction would be good for her; give her a break from her emotions. Pandora knew from experience just how exhausting grief could be.

The click of the shutting door drew Lilith's attention. "That didn't take too long."

"Of course. You're talking to a pro. I can put two cigarettes end to end and smoke them both in a single drag."

"Impressive. But don't you think that's a waste? Shouldn't you take your time to enjoy them?" Lilith's face twisted into a fake smile. Pandora could only guess at the pain she was failing to hide.

"Normally I would, but it's getting late."

Pandora shuffled over to her suitcase and flipped the lid up. She unfastened her cloak before folding it and setting it inside the bag, then moving to her shirt. Starting from her collar, she freed each button on the blouse, then let it slide off her body. "We should probably get to sleep soon."

Pandora tossed the shirt toward the chair. She gave it little regard when it missed and landed on the floor nearby. Turning back to Lilith, she said, "We can leave a table lamp on if you want to keep—" A beat-red face shot away from her and settled on the room's only window.

"...reading."

Lilith raised her book and hid her face in the pages. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare."

Though her plain bra on full display was the obvious reason to feel embarrassed, when Pandora looked down at herself all she could see were the assorted scars she had collected from years of hunting. A six-inch line of pink flesh on her right hip, three circular marks under her left breast & a long gash on top of it, and a myriad of small wounds along the length of her arms. She moved her hands to cover the largest and most obvious of them.

"I... I think I want the lights off," Lilith said.

"If it bothers you I can sleep with my blouse on."

"No, That's not it. I'm just done reading is all."

Lilith was a terrible liar, but Pandora had no desire to challenge her on this one. For some reason, she wanted the lights out too. She flipped the switch off and crawled into the bed. Even in the dark, she pulled the sheets up to cover herself but didn't know why. She had never been shy of her body before, but something about Lilith looking made her chest tight.

There was a soft thud of the book on the bedside table followed by the shifting of bedsheets. Pandora rolled her head over to look at her bedmate. The moon's dim light cast a soft outline over her shadowed form. She lay on her side, back turned to Pandora, as close to the edge as she could manage.

"Lilith, what are you doing?"

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Silence festered between them before Lilith unconvincingly answered, "Trying to sleep."

Pandora sat forward and examined Lilith. Her muscles trembled with the effort of keeping herself perfectly balanced. Any lapse in concentration threatened to send her falling to the floor. Pandora rose onto her knees and crawled over to Lilith's side of the bed.

"Half of this bed is yours. You should use it."

Pandora placed a hand on the woman's shoulder. It was meant only as a gentle touch but her knee slipped from the edge of the bed. Her balance faltered and she was falling, Lilith's shoulder coming down with her. Pandora drove Lilith's back into the mattress and fell across her. She pushed herself up, hovering over Lilith's small frame.

"I-I didn't mean— I fell. It was; I didn't..."

Somewhere in Pandora's throat, her thoughts crumbled into fragments, so she stopped trying. She simply stared down at Lilith; the dim moonlight highlighting her face. She was beautiful. Large eyes. Plump lips. Pandora's heart pulsed with desire. A desire to lean down, and to...

Pandora rolled away from Lilith, realizing just how long she was lingering above her. Now she was the one with her back turned away in discomfort.

You useless lesbian. No way she doesn't think you're just trying to get in her pants after that.

Pandora let another long silence hang before her thoughts finally arranged themselves. "It was none of my business. I should have left you alone."

Lilith didn't respond, but then Pandora didn't expect her to. Maybe in the morning, she could ask for forgiveness. Until then, she would lay in the dark smothered by the silence. Except, a question filled the space between them.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

Pandora faced Lilith. She had her forearm draped over her eyes and her mouth was pulled into a tight frown. "It hasn't been long, but I can tell you don't treat me the way you treat everyone else. You're assertive. You don't take shit. I've seen it several times now. But for some reason, you're always worried about me."

"I..."

Pandora turned away, unsure of what to say. After a pause, she decided to tell the truth. "I don't know." She spoke slowly, deliberate with her word choice. "Maybe I just see too damn much of myself in you."

Springs creaked. Lilith had shifted. Pandora didn't look back but she could feel questioning eyes heavy on her back. Should she answer them? It seemed wrong to put that weight on Lilith.

"I was 12 when I met the only person I ever loved."

Pandora's insides twisted in on themselves. Lilith had problems of her own. She didn't need someone else's heartbreak stacked on top. But the seal was broken and the lid was cracked; it wouldn't go back in the box now.

"My earliest memories were all at the orphanage, at least for the few years before it was shuttered. After that I was alone. I only ate on days that I could manage to steal without being caught and beaten. I was forced to drink from mud puddles. I broke into an animal pen each night to cuddle with the pigs for warmth. And the saddest part, I had never been happy enough to even know how miserable I was."

The corners of Pandora's eyes began to burn. She shifted in the bed to sit upright. Lilith was also sat up, staring across at her. Shadows hid the expression on her face. Pandora was thankful for that. She knew her struggle to not cry would have failed the moment she saw Lilith's eyes.

"I don't know how my parents died. I don't even know when my birthday is. But I know the day Renna took me in. February 22nd. I'll never be able to forget that date. I had pissed off her boss and gotten what I deserved, but she came and found me. She was only 15 at the time but she still decided to take me with her; to raise me. Pathetic right? Children raising children."

Pandora's voice shook more with each word but she needed to rush them out. She was running out of time. She could feel the dryness in her eyes fading with each passing second.

"I spent every day with her. She trained me in witchcraft; taught me everything I know. For the first and last time in my life, I knew what happiness felt like. I only got three years with her. Three years to the day after our meeting, she was burned at the stake."

Pandora wanted to look over at Lilith but she couldn't force herself. Her head slumped down and she stared at wrinkles in the bedsheets. Then a tear fell on one of the high spots. She made it to the end of her story, but not a moment longer.

"So no, I'm not being nice to you; I'm being selfish. I'm a miserable bitch who thinks trying to fix you might somehow fix me."

Pandora closed her eye and leaned back against the headboard. Lilith was silent. Of course she was silent. Lilith had shown Pandora a cut and she had flashed back a scar; told her don't worry, it never heals. What was she supposed to say to that?

"Pandora?" Lilith's voice was a trembling whisper.

"You've lost someone you loved. When does it stop hurting?"

Pandora bit her lip not wanting to answer. "It never does. You just learn to carry the weight."

"That's..." Lilith broke out into a thick sob. "That's... what I... thought."

Now it was here; the nightmare scenario Pandora had tried to prepare for, without any luck. It had come sooner than she expected. No amount of one-sided conversations with Renna had given her any idea of what to say or what to do. All she was left with were her instincts.

Pandora took Lilith by the chin and guided her into an embrace. Cold tears streaked down her chest as she stroked Lilith's head. She didn't have the words to ease the hurt; she didn't even know if they existed. So Pandora just held her tight until she cried herself to sleep.