- 36 -
It almost would have been better to wake to a youkai attack. At least then, Pandora would have known what to do. She had trained for years to handle herself physically and emotionally during a hunt. Instead, she woke up to Lilith curled up beside her. It sent her heart and mind racing. The sense of losing control drew her right to the edge of a panic attack, but stopped short.
Is she giving me a second chance? What should I say to her? What if I fuck it up again?
Her anxiety told her she needed to act fast, but also that nothing she did would be the right choice. A test with no correct answer. She laid still for minutes, tying herself in knots before she decided the best thing would be to ignore all of it. The plan she came up with was so simple she didn't know if it could rightfully be called a plan. It didn't amount to much more than conversation over breakfast in bed, but her mistake last time had been moving too fast. If Lilith really did mean to give her a second chance, she would let her set her own pace.
The hardest part was ignoring the apprehension growing in her chest. It had seemed easy enough as she carried Lilith back to the room, ensuring there would be no repeat of the previous day's events. She even managed it as she crossed the ship to the galley and brought back food. But now, as she stood outside the cabin door, she was terrified of what might happen once she opened it.
Calm down, Pandora. If you go in you could damage your relationship with Lily, but if you leave now you've ruined it anyway.
She placed one of the two plates she had brought across her forearm and balanced it there. This freed up a hand to retrieve the key, but the challenge of not spilling it also helped to keep her mind off Lilith long enough to unlock the deadbolt. She took a deep breath and, with a trembling hand, pushed the door open.
"I brought some food. Are you hungry?"
Pandora held her breath waiting for Lilith's answer. Can we even go back to normal at this point? Will she forgive me? What if she's still mad I ran?
For a heartbeat, their eyes met, then there was a shuffling. Bedsheets burst into the air followed by the creak of springs and a heavy blow to the chest. The force nearly knocked the plates from Pandora's hands. Lilith clung tight around her midsection, head pressed into the cleave of her breasts. There was no need for words. Her heart shouted its approval with hurried beats directly into Lilith's ear.
Pandora set a plate on the bedside table, then spun to set the second beside it, Lilith's embrace unflinching as they moved. Now that she wasn't holding anything, Pandora brought a hand down on Lilith's head and began to jostle her hair. That was enough to break up the hug and send Lilith retreating.
"Hey, cut it out!" she demanded, but Pandora could hear the smile in her tone. It was followed by a small squeak right before a heavy weight slammed against her chest. She fell back and landed on the mattress, Lilith collapsing on top of her. Embarrassed, Lilith tried to push herself up and away as an apology spilled from her mouth.
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"I'm sorry. I lost my balance; I didn't mean to—"
She was cut short when Pandora pulled her back down on top of her, locking her in place with a hug. She savored each detail: The warmth Lilith gave off, the weight of her body, and the gentle rise and fall of her breathing. They were both silent. This time, Lilith didn't try to rise. Instead, she pulled her arms in and clutched Pandora's sides.
Pandora searched for her usual confidence but came up short. Her words were uncertain, like a scared child. "Does this mean you're giving me a second chance?"
Lilith stared up at her with large beautiful eyes. They were empty of understanding, as if her question had been in a foreign language, but their brilliant green struck at Pandora's heart. Had she made another mistake already? She should have kept her mouth shut.
It was a relief when Lilith's answer came as meek as her question had been. "It's not... You're still on your first chance. Everything that happened was a misunderstanding."
Lilith's grip on Pandora tightened and she began to tremble. The regret over asking returned with a fresh reason. She was pushing Lilith too much. She wanted to say something to comfort her, but before she could speak Lilith continued.
"I... I was scared."
"Scared?"
The question dropped from Pandora's mouth with the grace of a shit, and value to match. What a stupid fucking question. They both knew why Lilith was afraid, but neither of them could say it out loud. And what did she gain from asking? She had only forced Lilith to fabricate an excuse to satisfy the curiosity she didn't actually have.
"We hardly know each other. It had barely been a week, but then we... Everything was moving so fast. I just—"
Even if it wasn't the full reason, the excuse she came up with was true. It hurt to see Lilith so upset over something that she had caused. Pandora gave the woman a squeeze, hoping it would signal her to calm down. To her relief, Lilith squeezed back.
"It's true. I'm sorry I did that to you. From now on, we won't do anything you're uncomfortable with. Everything at your pace. Just tell me what you want."
Lilith went quiet. Pandora's heart picked up speed with each second spent in silence. Was she unsure how to answer? Or maybe she was contemplating exactly how far back to set their relationship. What if more than simply erasing their kiss, Lilith wanted to restart from the very beginning?
"Would I still be able to be your girlfriend?"
Shock hit Pandora like a lightning strike to the heart. Lilith couldn't have meant that. Did she mishear? She swallowed, then asked, "Are you sure? Is that what you want, Lily?"
"I think—" Lilith froze mid-sentence, then pushed herself up to meet Pandora's gaze. Her hair fell from her head and pooled on Pandora's pounding chest. A faint smile started to form at the corners of her lips before she said, "Lily?"
A rush of heat struck Pandora's cheeks and she turned her head away. She could still feel the stare. "Sorry. I guess you don't like it?"
"I didn't say that. It surprised me is all." There was a pause, then she said, "Try it one more time."
Pandora looked up at her. "Lily, would you be my girlfriend?"
Lilith leaned forward and pressed her lips against Pandora's. The kiss quickly turned into two, then four. After a dozen or so pecks, Lilith pulled away and set her head on Pandora's chest once again.
Stunned, Pandora let out a slow shuttering breath. Her arms slipped from around Lilith and landed at her sides on the bed. I guess that was a yes. While she was debating how to respond she felt Lilith's hand grasp at hers with urgency. She worked to lace their fingers together then looked up at Pandora.
"Please don't get up yet. Can we stay like this for a little longer?
Pandora wrapped her free arm back around her girlfriend, leaving the other to hold her hand. She had no plans to get up. She would have waited there till she turned to dust and bone if it was what Lilith wanted. But maybe she could take the opportunity to do just a little bit more.
"Lily, do you remember the story I told you a few days ago. Before..." She let out a shuttering breath. "Before all of this."
"The story about you and Renna?"
"I never finished. Would you like to hear more?"
Lilith nestled herself deeper into Pandora's chest, then let out a deep breath.
"Please. I want to know more about you."