Johnny rolls around in his bed, sickness continuing to build, his head aching, and his will fading.

Johnny grabs his head, but the pounding wouldn't go away. Think Johnny… Think for god's sake. He thinks, taking deep breaths. We reached the peak. Now what? What's next? My soul is aching and my body is wandering aimlessly… He thinks helplessly.

This was Johnny's sickness. Ever since he had reached the peak, he had lost his purpose, and ever since, he has continued to pray… For the heavens to show him mercy… To show him more…

Often, it was all Johnny could do to be a zombie, a walking corpse, convincing himself that he was not yet dead.

Often, this sickness materialized and affected his body like a disease, like a grim reminder that this urgently needed attention, that it could not be ignored, lest his soul begins to deteriorate.

“Think Johnny! Think!” He yells, no longer content to hold it in his mind. “Think! The heavens always have a way out… What was the last sign they gave us? The last sign…” Johnny thinks, racking his brain for a sliver of a clue.

Johnny takes another breath, then another, hoping for clarity. “The last thing the heavens did for me is show me mercy… They took pity and sent me back… They let me meet Mary Rose again… That was the last thing I heard from above…” He says, his breathing calming. “Mary Rose is the answer… I know she is… But I’m retarded… I still don’t know what I should do…” He says, still unable to lift his head, still unable to see clearly.

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Johnny lets out a sigh. Let’s take a step back… Let’s take all the steps back… When I started cultivating… Back then, everything was so clear like the road was paved… I still had a sense of morality back then, and I used to reach higher and higher, fighting heaven at every step… I got higher and higher… Johnny thinks before his eyes widen. Wait… This whole time… Did I only think to go up? He asks himself, seriously pondering the implications. I only went up… I only went up… He thinks before it hit him once more. “Fuck.” Johnny says, his eyes widened. This whole time I’ve barely scratched the surface… I’ve been traveling in a straight line this whole time… But the world is fucking round… He thinks before letting out a sigh. There’s more to life than the height between heaven and hell… The peak my ass… He thinks feeling regret.

But Johnny realized something else… This journey to the heights of cultivation had drained him. Because he understood cause and effect and how the various things in the universe looked from above… Because heaven’s rule had infected him… He was now imprisoned and bound by rules… Because he understood that there was reason amongst all this chaos…

It was fine if Johnny didn’t see it, but now that he saw it, he couldn’t un-see it. To claim he didn’t would be a lie and his spirit was embarrassed just to think of lying. Although lies were mostly meaningless, because he understood that the heavens often gave lies meaning anyways as a means of irony and as a joke. Sins often came back in weird ways and weren’t always direct, and it often hit you right in the gut if you saw it as it came. The way it was done by the heavens were always artful; if your sin was a painting and you were worth saving, that painting would be a masterpiece under heaven’s graceful hand. If a young boy ever told a bold faced lie and claimed he didn’t love his mother out of embarrassment, Johnny could guarantee that the heavens had a way of making that boy come begging on his hands and knees, wanting nothing more than to eat his words.

Because Johnny understood art in this way, his freedom was limited.

Johnny lets out a sigh of defeat. Fuck. There’s only one way out of this prison… I have to make a deal with the devil… He thinks with a shake of his head. Heaven has a path but no one takes it, hell has no gate but men will dig to get there… I finally understand these terrible words… He thinks with a bitter smile.