“Ms. Hirigaya, it’s been a week since you received the scheduling form,” said Autumn Willow.

She was a thinner woman with a stern aura constantly around her, from the uptight, always flawless bun her golden hair was tied into, to the pristine condition of her suit, and even the straightness of her posture. All around, she was the perfect example of what a teacher ought to be, though very few actually followed it. The present room Ferain found herself in was a decently sized office, one that wasn’t too far from the headmaster’s on the top floor of the academy. It was about as equally decorated as most of the others, having a few personal effects like family photos of who Fera assumed to be siblings and parents, and a few pictures of herself with Guji, seeing as he was her partner back during their tenure at Olirian.

She had the basics in terms of furniture, such as a desk, some filing cabinets, a few plants to add to the decor, but nothing that was too off the wall. Ferain sat in a black leather-backed chair, as Autumn took her place behind the desk, watching her carefully with an open folder laid out between them.

“I assume you read the pamphlet that was sent with it? You are aware that you can now participate in special electives, clubs, even study under a teacher, yes?”

“I am.” Fera answered coldly, leaning forward and busying her eyes with literally anything but the person in front of her.

“Then, if you don’t mind me asking, why haven’t you signed up for anything? Most second-years jump at the opportunity for a bit more freedom, and you in particular showed so much enthusiasm last year. I expected you to be the first to sign up for something.”

“Then you thought wrong.” Fera said, her eyes half-closed, almost seemingly weighed down by the dark rings that existed beneath them. “I’ve told my partner this a hundred times, I don’t do well around people. Clubs and fancy classes don’t really pique my interest.”

Autumn sighed as she looked down at the folder, eyeing something with some interest before glancing back up at Fera. “I’m going to be frank with you, Ms. Hirigaya, as I always am with every student. I’m worried about you. You look unwell, and from what I hear, you’ve been having difficulties when it comes to your academics as well. You aced almost every test last year, and now you’re just below passing marks.”

“It’s only been a couple of weeks. I’ll do better.” she said groggily.

“Yes, well… I think that in light of everything that’s happened, I feel that intervention will soon be inevitable.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Fera spat, her weary, narrowed eyes turning angry and focused.

“You’ve been skipping classes, Ms. Hirigaya, this will have to be stopped soon enough. This is a prestigious academy, very expensive in terms of gaining attendance, and you, a sc–”

“I know what I am.” she growled, cutting the teacher off. “I’m tired of people reminding me. I’m a scholarship student, I’m held to a higher standard, yes, I know. I haven’t forgotten.”

“That may be the case, and weary of it, you might be, however, that doesn’t change the facts I’m contending with. If you don’t change soon, we’ll be forced to start punishing you for your actions, and if that still doesn't work… I’m afraid expulsion will be the only remaining option. It costs a lot of money to keep non-paying students in attendance. You have not paid for your uniforms, your books, your band, your housing, it was all supplied by the school and government. If a person does not show a willingness to remain here, then we will be forced to free up the space and money for those that will.”

“I’m assuming Guji told you to talk to me about this?” Fera said angrily.

“No, and I don’t see why that would matter if he had. Your relationship with the headmaster, whatever it may be, is none of my concern. I am typically in charge of guidance and discipline. It is my job to make sure the rules are being followed, and that the students have all they need to remain happy and well-behaved. That is the other reason I called you here. Besides your rapid descent from top-class marks to bottom of the list, I am also concerned about your mental health. What happened last year, how are you handling it?”

“Fine.” Fera growled.

“Ms. Hirigaya, I assure you that you can tell me whatever you wish without any danger of having our conversation exposed. Anything you say will stay between us, so if you’re afraid of appearing weak by your trouble coping, I can–”

“I’m fine!” Fera yelled. “What does it matter anyway?! Telling you, telling Anita, it’s not like it will make it go away. What happened happened, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Nothing will make it disappear, no matter how much I talk about it, so why does it matter? Why can’t everyone just leave me alone?”

“I do not because it is my job, and because I care for every student that attends this academy.” Autumn said seriously. “As for why it matters, sometimes it eases a burden one carries if they share it with another. The weight you have doesn’t need to be held alone, it can be shared.”

“No, it can’t. Things happened to me, and I did other things that I’m not proud of, and nobody can share that with me. You didn’t watch one of your close friends try to kill you. You didn’t see that same friend kill others. You didn’t…” Fera blinked after going silent, remembering the crater, the smearing of blood, the misshapen features of a bashed and beaten face. “You…” She shook the image away the best she could, glaring up at Autumn with rage-filled eyes that intermingled with glimmers of pain and remorse and fear. “None of it can be undone or lightened.

“Not if you refuse to give others the opportunity to try. I was going to offer therapy, perhaps even just some visits with me or the school counselor on a regular basis, but if you’re going to be this uncooperative, I suppose it would be wasting everyones’ time. If that is your decision, if you are finished speaking on the topic, I will dismiss you. Some small points before you leave, however. One; I will be collecting those scheduling forms year-round, in case you ever change your mind. Two; only those above a certain grade-average can participate in any and all upcoming events, so if you wish to do so, you must start participating in classes. Three; as much as it pains me, I will reiterate my warning earlier. Should you keep disobeying our school rules, we will be forced to start taking action. Do you understand?”

“Very much so, Professor.” Fera said, scooping up her bag.

She gave a sloppy bow of her head before turning and making for the door, remaining silent as she left the office behind. It was a clear day. Cold, but clear. The sky was a beautiful shade of blue that stretched towards the horizon without end, and only a couple of clouds could be seen among all of it. As it was growing close to the lunch period, she found herself, as well as many of the other students, walking outside of the halls for the duration of the break. She was once again staying away from the cafeteria. She couldn’t entirely say why she avoided the place now, but there was a lingering guess that it was because her friends were there… as well as memories. Luckily, Anita didn’t mind joining her on the roof or on one of the benches by the various concrete walkways outside. They didn’t speak much during most break periods, but when they did, Fera attempted to be a good partner in conversation.

She nodded at the right times, gave her input on topics when she felt it necessary, but for the most part, she wasn’t in the mood for lighthearted talk, no matter who it was beside her. Maple and Victor didn’t try as hard as Anita, but that wasn’t saying much seeing as Anita was impossible to compete with in just about anything. Unfortunately, like her, they didn’t get the results they desired. The first two weeks had only hardened Fera’s shell all the more since returning to the island. Every night before bed, she promised to be better the next day, and every next day she would break it just as easily as she had spoken the vow the night before. As if it was needed, there were also Professor Itani’s morning classes to add onto the nightmares and suffocating levels of guilt. These classes, if they could even be called that, had been growing increasingly violent too, and just for the added salt of repeating history, she seemed to be his favorite plaything among the students.

Later that night, the same day she had the meeting with Autumn, she and Anita were back home. The meal they shared was a simple one, some take-out from a burger place not far around the corner from the dormitory. After this meal, Anita pulled her into the bathroom and began prepping the bath for the two of them to share. Fera was unbuttoning her shirt, using both hands now instead of just one. Her right hand still had a small hint of numbness to it, but it had gotten decent enough that she could do some simple tasks without much issue. Writing was still difficult, and fighting would be even more so, but thankfully, they hadn’t had an event where combat was required just yet. It wasn’t even a month into the year, so the closest thing coming up was the first-years’ team games, which were going to be held in a week or two, in early February.

With her back turned, she couldn’t see Anita getting undressed behind her, but she could hear the rustling of clothes as they were stripped away and thrown aside. Fera took a bit longer than usual, waiting to hear a splash before turning around. She folded her shirt and laid it out on the counter by the sink, slid out of her skirt, and while standing there in her more frilly underwear of indigo with pink ribbons, she began unwrapping her arm.

“Hey, Ferain,”

“Hmm?”

“What’s taking you so long?” asked Anita. “The water will be cold before you get in if you keep it up.”

She heard a splash behind her, indicating that Anita had climbed into the large tub first, which was honestly more like a pool than anything, with its dark marble, rectangular opening that gave way to a large, surprisingly deep amount of water. Fera turned around slowly, pulling off the final bit of her wrappings. When she looked up, she saw Anita still standing there, completely dry, and completely naked. Fera’s eyes, which used to scan all of her helplessly and timidly, now only found one spot before looking away again. Her face didn’t turn red as it used to, and instead of a longing in her chest, she felt pain and regret and hatred, no matter how hard she tried to revert to how it was the previous year.

“You thought I got in, didn’t you?” Anita asked playfully, putting a hand on her hip and grinning.

“I was hoping, yeah.” said Fera, keeping herself distracted as she put the old bandages atop her discarded shirt and skirt.

“Why, you don’t want to see this much of me? Aww, it’s still so cute how embarrassed you get. Well, Ferain Hirigaya, you’re going to have to pay attention to it eventually.” said Anita, finally climbing into the water. Fera glanced back just to be safe, and saw her bare, pale back as her partner descended into the depths of the tub.

“Why is that?” Fera questioned, returning her focus to undressing herself. Her panties slid down her legs and she kicked them aside gingerly, before pulling her bra over her head and setting it aside with the rest of her clothing.

“Well…” Anita started, paused, and seemed to take a second before finishing with a bit of a higher pitch than usual. “Because of… you know… that thing couples do.”

“Such as?” Fera asked mindlessly, heading for the bath now. Anita gave her enough room to step inside before taking her usual spot against the wall of the bath. Anita pressed her chest against the wall as she rested her arms outside, her silver hair tied up into a bun to keep it out of the steaming liquid. Fera took up residence against a back wall, where she pulled her knees to her chest and sat there, relaxing after another stressful and exhausting day.

“You’re going to make me say it? Geez, I’m just about as bad at this stuff as you, you know that? You know… sex.”

Fera’s eyes went wide, despite how heavy they were, and she nearly choked on her own saliva. This time, her face did go scarlet. Despite her recent troubles, this simple word was enough to still bring back some semblance of the girl she’d been a couple short months earlier. “S-sex?” she gasped.

“Yeah… I mean, eventually, right? We are a couple, and couples do that. It doesn’t have to be now, obviously, but you know, sometime… maybe?”

“Y-you, uhhh… Have you thought about it?” asked Fera, somewhat reluctantly.

“Yeah, sort of… sometimes. Some nights, I can’t really sleep, and my mind kind of wanders so–”

“Not what I meant.” Fera interjected, trying to not explode at the thought of what Anita was implying. “I mean, have you… like… thought about us getting to that point? We only started this whole ‘couple’ thing pretty recently, right?”

“It’s been quite a while, and honestly, I was reading stuff online, and a lot of people say that after the first month or two is a good time to start. And it’s not like we’re too young, you know? I guess technically we are, but people our age do that sort of thing all the time. Again, I don’t want to feel like I’m pressuring you, I just thought that… maybe… we can maybe go… a little further?” Anita asked, looking over her shoulder to eye Ferain, who was full on scarlet now. Her entire face felt like it was on fire, and she bet that if she dunked her head beneath the water, it would let off steam and a faint hiss to accompany it.

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“F-further?” Fera choked. “Ehh, w-what do you mean by f-further?”

“I don’t know, like, maybe some… touch– Ah.” Anita gasped, as a small spark of blue lit up the water.

“Sorry.” Fera screeched, quickly rising up from the water. With flickering eyes, she hurried from the bath and stopped in the center of the bathroom, covering her body with her hands. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I don’t know what happened.” she continued, her body randomly sparking as it grew hotter.

“N-no, it’s fine.” Anita said, rising as well before starting to climb out of the tub. At the sight of her partner’s body, Fera turned away, making sure to look everywhere but. Anita stopped in her approach, her face darkening as whatever moment they were possibly having shifted.

“I-I’ll take a bath later.” Fera murmured, hurrying to grab her clothes and make for the door.

“Ferain, wait. You don’t–”

“It’s fine. I don’t want to hurt you and I guess I don’t have it all under control at the moment. We’ll uhh… We’ll talk more at dinner… about all of this. Yeah, dinner.” Fera said softly, scurrying from the room in a haste to remove herself.

She practically ran down the hall towards her room before slamming the door shut, her bare back pressed against it. The clothes in her arms fell around her as she slid to the floor, pulling her knees close to her chest and holding herself tightly with her arms. Small electrifying cracks arced around her in sporadic locations while she heard Anita’s suggestion on repeat within her thoughts. Without noticing, her body began to tremble from both cold and something else, something she couldn’t place. It sort of felt like excitement, but it may have been nervousness, or perhaps even fear, she just wasn’t sure. With her head against her knees, she remained there for several minutes before hearing a light knock on the door she rested against.

“All done, Ferain. You can take yours now if you want.” There was a momentary pause, a brief break of silence, then, she heard something thud against the door. “I’m sorry for bringing it up. We’ll take each step slowly, at your own pace. I know you’re going through a lot, so I only brought it up to kind of… snap you out of it, I guess. Sorry if it bothered you. Love you.”

Fera wanted to respond but her words caught in her throat, and after several speechless seconds, she heard the soft shuffle of Anita leaving her door. Seeing as they already ate that night, which made her feel incredibly stupid for her slip up, she instead resigned herself to just going to bed. After dressing in some cotton pajamas, she crawled under her sheets and reluctantly closed her eyes, praying for at least a few hours of sleep before having to wake again. Unfortunately, the night was long, cold, and lonely. Multiple times she woke up with a heaving chest, a pounding heart, and a sweat that moistened the skin beneath the clothes she wore. All the while, deep within her, she felt… colder… angrier. With every disruption, she found herself growing more and more frustrated with each awakening.

It was understandable, nobody enjoyed being disturbed while they were trying to sleep. The most comparable thing she could relate it to was an experience as a child. She had a bad toothache once, and no matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it, it constantly throbbed in the night, making any sort of rest impossible. This wasn’t exactly the same sort of pain, but it was equally relentless and unbearable. When the next morning came, she was already awake to hear her alarm going off, and she was already staring furiously at the ceiling with dark, heavy eyes when Anita knocked on the door, calling for her to wake up.

“Ferain, we’re going to be late.” Anita said from the hall, but Fera gave no response. Instead, she rolled onto her side and pulled her sheets over herself, trying to make herself disappear… trying to make it all disappear. “Fera!” Anita called, knocking on the door with a heavy fist. After a final hit, one that was louder than the rest, she heard an exasperated sigh. “Fine, I’ll go on ahead. Just think about going, please? I heard from… Just think about it.”

After she thought Anita had left, Fera popped her head out from beneath her covers and glowered at the wall, her eyes narrowing furiously as she struggled to keep them open. With a final growl of frustration, finally resigning herself to another sleepless day, she slid out of her bed to begin gathering her uniform. It was sloppily done, to the point where she didn’t even bother with the ribbon she always tied into a bow around the collar of her shirt. In fact, she even left a few random buttons undone. Begrudgingly, she shrugged on her coat, forgetting to bandage her arm, and left her dorm behind. She walked alone that morning, meaning she didn’t walk with anybody in particular. There were still dozens of students traveling around her, but in her mind, she was by herself.

Her steps were awkward, heavy, unbalanced, and she had an odd wobble from time to time as the strength in her legs faltered. Ferain gritted her teeth, forced herself to move forward, but only made it a few more feet before stumbling. She fell to her knees, only catching herself by dropping her bag and planting her hands against the ground they all walked on. With her jaw clenched, her nails dug into the ground as she tried to make her legs work. Fera struggled to get to her feet, bringing back memories of her fight with Victor the previous year. Easily the largest person in the school, and with a similarly powerful ability, he had been an unstoppable opponent to go up against. By the end of their fight, after exhausting all of her strength and ability, after pushing herself to her limits, she ended in a similar position, groveling at his feet as her body refused to move any longer.

“Move.” she muttered, just as she did back then, but again, she couldn’t. Helplessness threatened to drown her, but just as she felt her head going under, her body became weightless. The ground grew further away, and after a second, she found herself looking in the opposite direction of where she’d been walking.

“Up you go, Lightning Bug.” said a deep, mature voice, despite its owner being a second-year just like herself. This too happened at the end of their battle, though this time, the large bull that had hoisted her up was a close friend instead of a hurdle she needed to clear. His shaggy dark hair swayed as he began walking with her over his shoulder, and as her bag slid off of her arm, a small girl walking behind them caught it.

She was just about Fera’s size in almost every way, with a more reddish-brown hair that had braided twin-tails this morning, and eyes the soothing color of honey. The ends of the thin fingers that caught Fera’s bag were sharp, like a beast’s claws, and in the girl’s small mouth were four razor-sharp canines, another similarity that she shared with the animal her powers replicated. The girl gave her a warm, loving smile as she threw Fera’s bag over her shoulder.

“Morning, Fe-Fe.” she said softly, and slightly nasally.

Ferain sighed as she let her body relax. It wasn’t uncommon for Victor, the large student that was currently carrying her, to do this, though she did wish for him to stop doing it against her will. With great reluctance, Fera groaned out her own weak greeting of “Morning, Maple,” before letting her head droop limply.

“You look tired.” Maple noted. Fera only produced a growl in response, deciding against talking. “And grumpy.” Maple added, realizing that Fera was in no playful mood this morning.

“You look sick.” Victor quietly chimed in.

“I’m fine.” Fera spat.

“Yeah, I totally believe that.” scoffed Maple, rolling her eyes. “Totally fine. That’s why we found you lying in the road, right? If you were fine, you’d be with Anita, and you would be walking on your own legs.”

“I was taking a rest.” Fera argued.

“You fell.” Victor said, and for the first time in a long while, she heard an anger in his voice that, while matching his appearance, didn’t quite line up with his personality. “I saw you fall. You don’t have to keep lying to us.”

“I’m not lying!” Fera protested angrily. “Nobody will just shut up and listen to me! I’m fine! I don–” Fera’s words were cut off, replaced by a short, quiet squeak as Victor bounced her on his shoulder. “Cut it ou–” Again, he repeated the motion, causing her to growl darkly. “The next time you do that, I’ll burn you.” she warned.

“Threatening me now, Lightning Bug?”

“If that’s what it takes for you to leave me alone, yes. Let me go.” she demanded.

“Oh, Fera…” started Maple, eyeing her sadly. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” Fera howled, her eyes glowing brightly as Victor jumped and tossed her aside. Fera landed on the ground, scratching her knee in the process, but still, she stared up at them with contempt. “I’m fine! I’m tired of repeating myself!” Fera rose and started marching towards the checkpoint, shoving past the people in her way.

“Your bag, Fe–”

“Keep it!” Fera yelled back, disappearing behind the other students that now all gave her annoyed, protesting looks.

Two hours later, she found herself in Guji’s office, sitting across from him at his desk. He had a pained look in his yellow eyes as he watched her sulking in her seat, staring at the tear in her black tights that were still stained by the small bit of blood that escaped from her scrape.

“Ms. Hirigaya, I–”

“Just get on with it.” Fera said softly, cutting him short. She sounded defeated, broken, and as weary as if she had just woken up after her fight with Kiko at the end of last year. “I know I’m in trouble. Professor Willow already warned me. I don’t need to hear any speeches or anything. Just get it over with.”

She ended in a whisper, feeling destroyed from the inside out as she remembered the look on Maple’s face before she abandoned them that morning. She would probably recall Victor’s too if she had given it any attention, but worst of all, she spared not even a single look to see how he reacted. Her hands clenched into white-knuckled fists as she took in handfuls of her dark skirt. The guilt was eating her alive, knowing that she’d just willingly done what she always dreaded doing. She used her powers on him. It wasn’t a proper duel or sparring match, it was out of anger and a desire to hurt him. She actually, knowingly used them.

“Just expel me. I’m done.” she said, with tears in her dark, heavy eyes. “I can’t take it anymore.” Tears dripped onto the back of her hands as she gripped tighter to her clothing, her body shivering as waves of pain and regret and anger ran through her veins.

“Ferain…” The always calm headmaster started, but he quickly stopped as Ferain sniffled and shook.

“I’m sorry.” she cried, for the thousandth time in that week alone.

“I am not expelling you, Ferain.” said the headmaster. “Mr. Crimson brought me your bag. I am simply giving it back.” he said, removing it from behind his desk and placing it in front of her.

“Victor did?” Fera questioned, looking up slowly, staring at the black messenger bag that lay on the smooth wooden surface. “Did he… Did he say anything?” Ferain questioned shakily.

“He didn’t need to.” Guji answered solemnly. At once, she knew what he meant. Guji’s ability was to see inside a person’s head. He wasn’t able to go deep into their inner thoughts. Instead, he was only able to see things that were presently at the forefront of their minds. He saw it exactly as the person saw it, as if he was using their own eyes to relive the event, which he practically was.

“So you know what happened?” asked Fera.

“I know what happened,” he affirmed. “And without even using my ability, I can see how much it bothers you. If it upsets you so much to act this way, why do you do it?” he asked. “A lot of things last year upset you, Ferain, and yet, you were even willing to forgive a person that directed a planned assault against you. Lives could have been lost, yours included, and you still tried to make her understand. So I ask you, what happened that distorted that pure part of you? Was it that scene you showed me the other week?”

Fera opened her mouth to speak but she quickly looked away, struggling with the internal argument that was constantly going on. Telling or not telling, she couldn’t make up her mind. Everyone said that it would help, but how would it? How could reliving those events, sharing them with others, possibly help ease her burden? How could describing what she did to anybody make that bloody scene go away? How would anything she said or did ever get Kiko’s laughter out of her head as he threatened to kill her and everyone she held dear? The memories of the time she spent with him, the times where she called him a friend, the moments they all shared and enjoyed with one another. It was all a poison now, a disease, a parasite that slowly gnawed away at everything she was, and all of it was caused by his betrayal, and her inability to foresee it. How could a few shared words have any chance of changing any of that? At the end of the day, her friend killed all of those people, her friend tried to kill her, and being the monster that, very deep down, she knew she was, she had tried to kill him in return.

Nothing would ever change that. Nothing would ever wash away the blood that stained her hands that night. Nothing would ever chase away the desire she had when she wished for Kiko’s death above all else. No, talking would only make it worse. That was all it could do. If she admitted to these feelings, if she shared these memories, it would only make everyone hate her more. But, then again… with the way she was acting now… everyone probably already–

“Nobody hates you, Ferain.” said Guji, causing her to twitch as she stared at the ground numbly. From behind her hanging bangs, her eyes shifted upwards briefly, but the glance didn't last long before returning to her lap.

“Everyone does.” Fera murmured. “I hurt Anita. I hurt Victor. I hurt Maple. I let Lilipa down. I let Yarin die. I failed to kill Kiko. I killed my mom. I hurt all of those people. I fail every time. All I could ever do was hurt everyone close to me, even you.”

“You never hurt me.” said Guji.

“I might as well have slapped you in the face.” she grumbled, refusing to look into his eyes. “You were always there for me, and yet, I yelled at you. I threatened you.”

There was a pause of silence for several seconds. It wasn’t long, but to Ferain, that momentary quiet was the loudest thing she’d ever experienced. She hit it right on the mark, she thought. There was no denying it. He felt betrayed, and why wouldn’t he? He was so proud of her, so happy with her progress, and then she spit on it all because of her ‘temper tantrum’. She wanted to apologize again, but with how often she said them, with how frequently she apologized for something just to go back on it the same day, they didn’t have any meaning anymore. She gave them out because that was what somebody did when they did something wrong. When you broke a promise or lied to somebody, you said you were sorry. It was a natural instinct. But like money, the more there was, the less valuable it became. With dozens of apologies in a day, each one meant less than the previous. They no longer held weight, in her eyes at least. It was like she said to Marrow, it was too little too late. Too much happened, she caused too much damage. A simple apology simply wouldn’t solve it anymore.

“It’s okay to admit it, Headmaster.” Fera whispered. “It’s fine. I’m able to handle it.”

“I don’t think you can, Ferain.” Guji quietly stated. “I think you’re trying to take too much as it is.” After a weak sigh, Guji ran a hand through his hair wearily. “I advise you to start taking counseling, Ferain. I won’t force you into it, I can’t, but I am starting to believe it is necessary. Unfortunately, as the headmaster, I do have to insist that you go back to class. As a friend, I would love nothing more than to give you time and space, but I simply can’t. So, for the time being, you’re not in any trouble. Just… try to…”

He paused as he saw Fera hoist herself out of the chair. She scooped up her bag, gave a lazy bow, and headed for the door. She didn’t look at him, didn’t say a word, she simply left. Ferain returned to her class, fell back into her seat in front of Professor Itani’s desk, and that was where she remained for the remainder of the lesson. Per usual, these consisted of students being tested physically, with him using his powers or not, to push the student’s to their limits. When the class was finally over, when the bells had finally chimed over the speaker systems of the academy, she found the energy to force herself out of the chair. As she started for the door, a voice called out to her, one that was like venom dripping from a snake’s fangs… slowly… and fatally.

“Ms. Hirigaya, a word?”