A world of white existed in the streets of Tokyo. Snow had fallen rather heavily the night before, and even now, early the next dawn, a light powder still drifted down atop the many heads of the countless amount of people starting their day. In most places, cheerful holiday music could be heard in the shopping plazas and on television, and hanging over busy avenues, lonely storefronts, and the everyday home were festive, colorful lights. Depictions of reindeer and round men dressed in red could be found everywhere, from lawn ornaments to tree decorations to snowglobes in almost every shop. It was the time of year for cheer and celebration and family. It was a time where people snuggled up with the ones they loved, sharing warmth and merriment. It was a time where giving gifts and appreciation were commonplace. It was a time where most people found comfort from bonds that were impossible to sever.
Somewhere on the outer limits of the city was a nature park, one that was full of trees and walkways of dirt that were created from all of the people that trekked along them on a frequent basis. A large lake rested in the center of the park, which was frozen over at the current time thanks to the terrible bone-chilling temperatures. There were dozens of people walking the path this early in the morning. Just when the sun was rising was a peaceful time to be awake, after all. One such person was a smaller girl, never to reach a full five feet in height, with spiky brown hair that was cut to a length that barely hid her ears. The fringe around the front of her face was a bit longer, some of it reaching her chin, but it was inconsistent and lazily trimmed away.
She wore a black and gray skirt with black tights beneath them. Beneath a long, heavy coat of black fabric, she wore a white shirt with three buttons at the collar and long sleeves that were hidden beneath the coat's own. Overlooking the lake with golden irises, just slightly contaminated by tinges of black around the edges and pupils, she took in a quiet breath and raised her trembling right hand to rest it on a blue metal railing that encircled the lake. Around said right hand were white bandages, covering every finger, and every inch of skin from fingertips to shoulder. The girl’s expression softened as she watched kids and adults alike skating on the glassy surface of ice that had covered the water.
In her right ear was a small black earbud that was playing a soft, acoustic melody that was extremely familiar to her at this point. Especially since it was her partner who played and recorded it for her, along with several other pieces on her currently playing playlist. People walked around her, past her, and all the while, they each ignored the other’s existence, it seemed. Nobody paid her any mind, and she tried to give the same courtesy in return. As they passed, however, she could hear bits of their conversations.
Dinner plans, dates arranged to meet up with family members, possible gifts for each other. Fera smiled softly with the sounds of her closest friend singing in her ear, accompanied by the beautiful, practically flawless guitar playing. She let out a faint breath, releasing a small puff of white frost from her pursed, pinkish lips. She’d only been out in the weather for half an hour, an hour at most, yet her face was pale white while her cheeks and nose were already shifting to dark red splotches. Her gloved left hand lifted to her mouth as she breathed into it, hoping some of the warmer air would help to heat her face just a bit.
“I told you to wear a scarf.” said a girl in her imagination, followed by an adorable giggle.
“I know.” she said aloud, laughing quietly to herself.
Her voice was quiet, practically a whisper in most cases. Unless she really put in an effort to raise her voice, it was always barely audible. She was surprised that anybody could ever hear her, to be honest. It was possibly a natural genetic thing for her, or perhaps it was a side effect of disuse for nearly ten years, but either way, the docile tone was what she had to deal with. Shaking her head slowly while looking down towards the bandaged hand, she grimaced and decided to continue forward. She wasn’t out here just for sightseeing. The previous night, December 22nd, she was invited out to this particular spot by a friend that she dearly missed, so she was not willing to risk a tardy appearance.
After a short while of circling the lake, she came to a spot that seemed to be a bit of a rest stop. The miniature square plaza was made of red bricks, though most of it was covered now by white powder, and in the center was a mighty bronze statue of a soldier that she knew nothing about. They looked more like an infantryman, wearing heavy gear and carrying an assault rifle in one hand and a flag in the other. There were also a few blue benches made out of fake wood that resembled plastic when touched. Fera saw the person who invited her at once, and began approaching the smaller body that was currently leaning on the railing. This friend of hers just barely reached four feet, and had long brown hair with three ribbons tied at various points in the tail that reached her ankles.
“Lilipa.” the girl muttered, announcing herself as she neared the smaller person.
The person that turned around was a girl that was forever stuck in the body of a nine year old. Her face was round and youthful, her silvery eyes were wide and innocent, and she had a grim downturned curve to her lips that would make anybody want to comfort her.
“Ferain.” said Lilipa, in a voice that sounded just as childish as she sounded. “I’m surprised you came.” she added, turning back to face the water. The blue hoodie she was wearing swayed briefly from the movement, showing a small hint of the white tights, blue skirt, and white shirt that she was wearing beneath it.
“Of course I came.” Fera replied, walking up beside her. It was rare for Ferain to look tall next to somebody, but next to Lilipa, there was nearly a full foot in difference, making it an odd sensation when she was actually being looked up to. “I left that message didn’t I? I told you to call me if you needed somebody to talk to. We didn’t get to do much of that after what happened.”
“I was unconscious until a week ago, so it makes sense.” Lilipa said, grimacing as she watched the glistening icy surface of the lake. “I’m still trying to process everything that’s happened. Yarin died, Kiko was the culprit, and here I am, feeling lost and confused and… alone.”
“You’re not alone though,” said Ferain. “I know Yarin meant a lot to you, Lili, I’m not trying to take that away at all. I’ve lost people too, remember? I know that grieving requires time. I know what it feels like. I just… I want you to know that I'm here for you. Like now, actually. You must’ve called me here for a reason.”
“There were a couple.” admitted Lilipa. She shifted her gaze to the right to see past Fera’s body, and to the wrapped hand that hung at her side. “Is it healing?”
“A little.” replied Ferain grimly. “Not as fast as I would like, but it’s getting there. I have some tingles back, and I can move it a little. At the very least, I don’t need the sling anymore. Anita is hoping that in a couple of months I’ll have full use of it again, but who knows. She’s not really a doctor, so I can’t really take her word for it.” laughed Fera. She then saw the dark look in Lili’s eyes and stopped abruptly. “Enough about me, okay? How are you holding up?”
Lilipa thought for a second and shook her head. “I… don’t think I’m okay. I spent so much time following him around. I loved him with everything I had. He was all that ever mattered to me. Now… he’s gone. Thanks to Kiko, I’ll never see him again. Thanks to Kiko, I couldn’t even go to the funeral. I’ll never see Yarin again, and I… I don't know how to handle that.” she said, her shaky voice hinting at a coming possibility of tears. She then cleared her throat and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “I’m sorry, I didn’t come here for this. I… I wanted to thank you. You saved my life. I rushed in like a moron and you helped me…” She then laughed faintly. “I never thought you would be the one to save me, Sparky. I always thought it would be him if I was ever in danger.”
“I’m sure he would have. And.. in a way, I think he did. The headmaster talked to me after I woke up. He told me that Yarin did what he did so we wouldn’t get involved anymore… so we wouldn’t get hurt. He put himself in danger so we didn’t have to.”
Lili’s hands were gripping the metal railing as she leaned against it, and Fera heard the girl’s gloves whine as she squeezed it tighter. “He’s such an idiot. Who does he think he is to make that decision for me? I was always by his side, Ferain. Always… since we met, I have always been there. I was always supposed to be there, no matter what. What right did he have to do that to me? That was my decision to make!” Lili cried, pressing her forehead against the railing as tears ran down her cheeks and splashed against the small pile of snow at their feet.
Fera put a hand on her back and rubbed it softly, hoping to bring her friend some sort of comfort. “I sort of feel the same way, Lili.” she gently said. “But… Yarin had the right to choose us over him, just as much as we should have had the right to do the same. I think if Kiko didn’t take him by surprise… didn’t take any of us by surprise, he would still be alive. Kiko played his game well, and we all lost. Guji told me that hindsight is a terrible thing to dwell on. Has been, what could have been, things like that only serve to hold us back and to make us feel terrible about ourselves. I don’t have a lot of room to talk, less than anybody actually, especially you… But… I think that Yarin’s decision should be acceptable as well. I feel like we should respect what he did instead of–”
“I do.” Lili cried. “I do respect it, I always have. I just wish he could have respected mine. What’s my life without him in it? If he was going to get himself killed, if I’m supposed to just accept that, why could he not accept that I wanted to die with him?”
“You don’t mean that.” Fera said. She then leaned down a bit to get Lili’s attention, and when the smaller girl shifted her head a little, they locked eyes with one another. Right in front of Fera’s eyes, she saw Lili’s change from silver to a deep, bloody crimson. It was as if somebody had spilt red dye into a milky glass of water, as the color swirled around and around before taking over the iris completely. Fera smiled warmly. “What good would dying do?” she asked. “He did what he did to keep us safe, and if you went and died anyway, what meaning would his sacrifice have? He cared about you, Lilipa, you were the most important thing to him. His decision might be selfish in your eyes, but if you died, how do you think he’d live after that?”
Lili’s irises darted around sporadically, as if looking in every direction for something she couldn't find… and what that was might’ve been an answer to Fera’s question. After a short, brief bout of silence, she replied with a quiet, breathy, “I don’t know.”
“Yeah, you do. You know because it's the same thing you’re going through now. He would be suffering, maybe even more so when you take into consideration what he knew compared to us. He knew it was Kiko, he was working on a way to find evidence against him. If he knew the truth and he saw you die and didn’t do anything to stop it, or couldn’t do anything to stop it, imagine how much pain he would be in.” Ferain paused and looked out at the lake again, with its glistening surface and the joyous skaters that were carving up the ice with every glide across it. “I agree with you, Lilipa. I wish I could have helped him. I feel that if I knew the truth, if I had figured it out sooner, I could have done something. But… I also agree with him. I didn’t have any friends for a long while until meeting you guys at Olirian. All of you mean the world to me. If I had to, I would die for any one of you, that’s how strongly I cherish you all. Yarin putting his friends over himself is something I can relate to.”
“He was wrong.” Lilipa said sharply. “If he told us, we could’ve helped. He didn’t need to put all of that on his shoulders.”
“He was wrong.” Fera agreed. “I’ve learned a lot this past year, and I’ve changed a lot. It’s been enough for me to discover that nobody is perfect. I thought Anita was when I first met her, but after a while, I found out that she was far from it. I thought you and Yarin were perfect in so many ways, but again, I was proven wrong. He made mistakes, as we all do, thinking that it was the right one at the time. I can’t blame him for that.”
Lili shook her head and smiled as she gazed up at Fera, catching her attention. Ferain gave her a curious look and grimaced. “What? Did I say something weird?”
Lili surprisingly smiled, and even gave a sniffling giggle as she wiped her nose and eyes on her sleeve. “No, Sparky, it’s just… you sound different. I think you’ve been spending too much time with that perverted headmaster.”
“Perverted?”
“Why else would he spend so much time with you?” Lili asked, sounding lighter than she had this whole conversation. “I think he wants to have… you know… sex.”
“Ewww, no… H-he would never, I mean… He’s h-hansdome and all that, but n-no, not him.”
“I don’t know.” sang Lilipa. “You’re pretty, and he’s hot, so I think something might happen if you play your cards right.”
“Lili!” Fera snapped sharply. “Don’t talk like that, it’s… it’s dirty.”
“Don’t act so innocent, Bug Zapper, I know all the ‘dirty’ things you do with Anita when nobody is around.”
Fera’s cheeks went even more red. “W-what? T-that’s impossible. You couldn’t possibly… I mean, we don’t even… Well, I mean, there was… B-but…”
Lili laughed louder this time, and lightly hit the railing with a hand out of apparent amusement. “There you are, Ferain.” she said after collecting herself. “I was wondering where you've been. That’s the you I remember so well.”
Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.
Fera pouted as she looked away. “You didn’t have to get me so worked up like that.”
“I don’t know, it made me laugh. I feel like it was necessary and if I say that, then it is.” Lili then sighed while smiling sheepishly. “I mean it, Ferain, thank you. I… I haven’t told anybody this yet, but I don’t know if I’m going back to Olirian next month.”
“What?” Fera gasped.
“I only went because of Yarin. If he’s not there, I… I don’t know if I can… Being back there might be too hard. I don’t mean that I won’t ever go back, just… I might give it a few months, so I can come to terms with everything. Heh,” Lili chuckled. “Even my parents don’t know. They’ll be livid when I tell them. They’ll probably call me an idiot and complain about this and that.”
“I don’t think it’s stupid.” said Fera. “I think they should respect your choice.” Lili looked up at her again, stunned by what Fera said. “I mean it. I’ll miss you, but if you think you should take a few months, nobody has the right to deny you that.” Before Ferain could say another word, Lilipa had lunged at her, wrapping her in a breathtaking embrace that could nearly snap her spine.
“Thank you. I’ll go back, I promise. But for the time being, thank you for understanding.”
Fera uncomfortably stroked the back of Lili’s head as she realized all that she’d done and said since meeting with her. This was more of an Anita thing to do, or even a Guji thing, but it was never her thing. She wasn’t usually the one comforting people, and she was far from the right person to give advice or to provide relief for anybody.
“Uhhh, yeah… no problem.” she eventually replied, not knowing entirely what to say in response.
Lili jumped back as her hair began shifting colors. A whitish pink began at the roots atop her head and washed over the brown like a dazzling wave. “I can’t say it enough, Ferain, but thank you. You’re the only person I think I could talk to about what happened. It helped me a lot. Even the perverted headmaster didn’t understand completely. He was one of the first people to pay me a visit after I woke up. Said he wanted to explain some things and to give me some options. That was where this idea came from. He said to take as much time as I needed, and I think I will take him up on that. Thanks for listening to me.”
“Anytime, Lilipa. Oh, Anita isn’t too far. We’re having breakfast at some cafe she found nearby. Do you want to join us?”
“No. I mean, I do, but… I should probably go explain some things to my parents. Plus, I want to pay Yarin a visit. His family put a small shrine up for him near where we live, at some graveyard or something. I want to go see him.”
“I’ll have to get the address from you later. I wouldn't mind visiting him before I leave.”
“I’ll text it to you.” Lili promised, smiling from ear to ear. Lili waved as she spun and began walking away. Before she got too far, she turned again. “Tell the princess I said hi when you see her. And one more thing… I love the hair. It looks good on you.”
Ferain grinned as she watched Lili walk away, her tiny figure getting lost in the other pedestrians and sightseers that were out so early in the morning. Fera cast one final glance out at the lake before taking her own leave from the park. A short while later, a bell chimed as she pushed a mostly glass door inward. The smell of fresh baked goods and roasting coffee found her nose as the warmth of the little cafe defrosted her freezing body. She could hear the quiet chatter of the diner’s patrons, accompanied by the soft seasonal music that was playing over the speakers. Fera took her earbud out and returned it to a black case that she slipped from her pocket.
“Ferain.” came a lively, angelic voice.
Fera looked to its source and saw… well, an angel. Anita was several inches taller than herself, and had a body that was by far more curvy and noticeable than Fera’s would ever be. Her silver hair ran down to the small of her back and had a ribbon tied in it near the end, creating a miniature tail near her waist. The storm gray eyes that watched Fera approach glistened beautifully in the dim light of the cafe, as well as the small traces of sunlight that made it past the blinds beside her table. For clothing, Anita wore a pair of pristine jeans, a blue sweater, and a white coat with gray and brown fur around the collar and the ends of the sleeves. Some silver bracelets were also around her wrists, and in her left ear was a sapphire stud with a golden base for the piercing.
Ferain fell gingerly into a seat across the table from Anita and smiled brightly. “Morning.” she said.
“That’s all I get?” asked Anita. “I wake up to find you gone, and that’s all you have to say to me?” She didn’t sound upset, nor did she look it. There was a bright appearance to her features, and she had the tone that befit a more joking nature. After a brief silence as a confused Fera pondered what to say, Anita leaned forward and sipped from a straw that was protruding from a glass mug in front of her. “So, how’s Lilipa?” she asked.
“As well as you might expect. But… I think she’ll be fine. She seemed happier when she left.”
“I would hope so. At least she got to see you this morning. All I got was a text saying that you were paying her a visit.”
“Don’t be like that, I was–”
Anita laughed, cutting her off. “I’m playing around, doofus. I’m glad you could help her out. We all need somebody after something like that, and she didn’t seem to have anybody left. I'm happy that you were there for her.”
“I’m sure she would’ve liked to see you too.” said Fera.
“And who’s fault is it that I wasn’t there?” Anita questioned. She then raised her hand, calling over a waiter. “Anyway, what’s the update with her?” Anita then asked as a man started their way.
“Can I help you, Miss?” asked the sharply dressed man. He had messy black hair with bluish streaks and hazel colored eyes that had more green within them than anything.
“Some milk tea for my friend, and make sure it’s extra sweet, she has a sweet tooth. Do you want anything to eat, Fera?”
“No thanks, I’m fine.”
“So, just the tea?” checked the waiter.
“Yep, that’ll do.” replied Anita.
“Wonderful. I’ll be back in a minute.” he said before walking away.
Fera watched him for a second before turning to Anita again. “Well, she’s not coming back to school yet. Said she needs some more time to process things.”
“I can’t entirely blame her.” Anita said while mid-sip, her straw still in the corner of her mouth.
The sight made Fera laugh when she recalled the environment that Anita was raised in, and how she acted while at home. Anita was the daughter of two wealthy business owners, and as such, her upbringing was supposed to be full of fine etiquette and flawless table manners. This other side of her, the side that Fera knew best, always made her chuckle now after seeing her back in her previous element for a short time.
“So, you think the headmaster will go for it? I know the school can be pretty strict about certain things. I wonder if she can come back whenever she feels like it.”
“Apparently, it was Guji’s idea. You know he’s not always loved by the board though.”
“Yeah, because he makes decisions like letting you in without their approval.” Anita said, giggling. “You know, the more time I spend with him or the more stuff I hear about him, the more I like him. You should adopt him as your dad, Ferain, I’m sure he’d go for it. It would be a pretty fun time, I bet.”
“Yeah right. I doubt it.” Fera said.
“Your drink, Miss.” said the returning waiter, without Ferain even knowing he was there. She jumped slightly which made Anita almost snort tea out of her nose while Ferain nervously took the cup, feeling hot from embarrassment.
“Thank you.” she said.
The man grinned, trying to hold back a laugh himself as he bowed his head. “You’re very welcome.”
Anita was dabbing her face with a napkin when she finally composed herself, and Ferain was left timidly sipping from her tea. Anita, having her drink before Fera even arrived, was the first to finish. When she was done, she clapped her hands together once and grinned. “So, I have a few errands to run today. I was wondering if you had any other plans after this?”
“No, not really. Why, did you want me to go with you?”
“Actually, to some extent, I was hoping you wouldn't.” said Anita.
“How come?”
“A surprise. Christmas is in a few days and I wanted to get you a present. It wouldn’t be any fun if you knew what it was, right?”
“I suppose. But I don’t know what else I can do.”
Anita tapped her fingers nervously against the table, and looked away from Fera as she smiled strangely. “Maybe… and don’t get mad, but maybe… you can go home for the day?”
“Anita.” Fera sighed.
“Look, maybe your grandmother misses you. You said she messaged you before we left the ship right? I’m sure she wants to see you.”
“Maybe, but maybe I don’t want to see her. I… I don’t want to deal with that part of my life anymore. You should understand more than anybody.”
“I do, but running away isn’t always the answer.”
“Like you’re one to talk.” argued Fera, though she instantly regretted what she said as she saw Anita’s expression darken.
“You’re right, I’m not. I still haven’t told my parents about us, or about my arm, or… or anything about the school. I know I’m being cowardly, but… But maybe you can–”
“Anita…” Fera groaned quietly as she played with the longest bundle of hair from the left side of her unevenly cut fringe. “Like you, I’m not ready to face that. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought up your stuff, but… I’m just not ready, okay?”
“Ready for what though?” asked Anita. “You’ve been so vague about it every time I ask. If it’s just your grandmother wanting to talk, what’s so wrong about that? She might be trying to reconnect with you, but you’ll never know if you don’t talk–”
“It had nothing to do with that.” Fera said, cutting her off. “Can we drop it please? I don’t want to talk about it anymore. My grandmother, my father, they stay out of this, okay?”
“I never mentioned your father, Ferain. That’s what I’m talking about. You seem so defensive when I only want to help.”
“I know, and you’re right. I should deal with it. Fine… I’ll meet with my grandmother while you go and do your shopping. But… if I do this… I want my gift early.”
“Oh, really?” scoffed Anita. “Hmm, I’ll think about it. Tell you what, if you do that, and if you tell me about it later, I’ll get you two gifts, one of which you can have early, and the other will have to wait until Christmas. Deal?”
“Errr… Fine, deal.”
“You’re always so agreeable. It’s one of my favorite things about you, Ferain Hirigaya, so never change it.” Anita tapped something on her phone and Fera received a notification on the black watch around her left wrist. She looked at the screen and saw something that said more money had been put into her school account. “It’s the money for the tea. Can you pay the bill for me so I can get a headstart on shopping?”
“But that’s my school–”
“It all works the same. It’s like a bank account. I found that out a week or two ago. You can use it anywhere around here, so please, have you got it covered?”
“Yeah, I’ll take care of it.” Fera said, grinning.
“Good, because between you and me, I really have to pee too.” Anita whispered, before bending down and kissing Fera on the cheek. “Love you. I’ll see you back home later, ‘kay?”
“Of course.”
“You didn’t say it.” teased Anita.
Fera shook her head. “I love you too. Happy?”
“Clearly.”
“Good, now go pee before something bad happens.”
“It’s not all bad.” Anita sang.
“Ewww.” Fera groaned. “I need to keep you away from Maple. She’s becoming a terrible influence.”
“I’ve seen some of the things you have on your phone, Ferain. In this regard, I don’t think you’re one to talk.”
Anita then stuck out her tongue as she started walking away. Fera watched, red in the face, as the bell chimed and her partner was gone. She sat there quietly for a while after that, contemplating over what she should actually do, and whether she should keep her deal with Anita. Of course, Anita didn’t know that her grandmother wanted to meet so they could arrange a time to go see Fera’s father, who up until a few weeks ago had been in a coma for ten years of her life. Anita didn’t even know that her father had woken up. With all of the stress of being around Anita’s family, she didn’t want to put anymore strain on her partner by sharing this bit of stressful news. And perhaps, there was a small part of Ferain that honestly wanted to pretend she never got that message in the first place, like ignoring it would just make it go away… like it would stop being real.
She hated her father, or she thought she did, because of the night where he tried to kill her, the cost of his attempt. Fera’s powers exploded, killing her mother and putting her father in that coma. After all of that, after all that happened to her because of that, she wanted to hate him. But… he was her father. He helped to create her, and now, after this last year and all that it entailed, she didn’t know if that was actually how she felt. She might’ve just been angry, rightfully so, or maybe she did despise him and never wanted to see him again. What she knew for certain was that she was scared of how seeing him would make her feel. Would it make her feel pity and forgive him? Would she despise him more and have another outburst? Would she feel absolutely nothing to the stranger that he most likely would be? Or, worst of all, would she have a breakdown from seeing his face? After all, the last time she saw it, he was pointing a smoking barrel at her, having fired it once into her stomach.
Hesitantly, she pulled out her phone and pulled up her grandmother’s message. “I want to see you, Ferain. Your dad is awake, and we should go pay him a visit. Call me when you can so we can arrange something.” she read quietly.
“I noticed your friend left.” said the sneaky waiter, making her jump in her seat for the second time. “Are you ready for a check?” he then asked.
“Y-yeah.”
“Excellent. Here, the receipt, and here's a tablet. Just tap your watch or phone against that if you’re doing an electronic payment.” he instructed. She hovered her watch over the screen and heard a quiet ding to signal the end of the transaction. “Good. Hope you had a good time. Come again.”
Fera gave a distracted nod as she rose and started for the door. She eyed her grandmother’s number for a while, even up until the point where she was sitting on a bench by the road for what felt like fifteen minutes. After a steadying breath, she clicked the name and a ringing tune began playing in her ear.