The surprisingly busy city of Olirian went by slowly outside the window. Fera rode the bus in mostly silence, at least, she was silent. Other second-years were aboard as well, most of whom were conversing with one another in excited murmurs and exalted exchanges. Anita remained at her side, sitting atop the same bench, watching her curiously. Fera didn’t see her doing it, but she could feel it, like a third sense of some kind. District-E, the outer ring of the city, was the location of the main harbor, given the fact that it acted as the border to the surrounding ocean. The rings went inward, all the way to District-A, where the academy itself resided. At a steady pace, their transport progressed from one to the next, following or preceding other buses carrying other students.

Unlike the first-years, who would be going to the welcome center in District-C, she would go with the other second-years and above to the dormitories assigned to them the previous year. The next day, they apparently had off while the first-years were all tested to assign them their levels. The day after, classes would start once again. As she watched the cityscape pass her by, she felt Anita shift in her seat, as if she was scooting closer.

“Are you okay?” Anita asked quietly.

“I’m fine.” Fera answered.

“You don’t look fine. One second, you were happy to come back, but ever since we got on the boat, you’ve been… different. You said we’d talk about it.”

“I meant that we’d talk later, like, later-later, as in, not a half hour later. Can’t this wait until we get to the dorm, at least?”

“Do you have dreams too?”

Fera’s eyes went wide and she turned to see her partner’s darkening expression. “Too?” she asked.

“I didn’t see as much as you did, but… I dream about it sometimes… about how it could have turned out. Do you think of the same thing? Is that what’s going on?”

Fera turned back to the window, glowering at her own reflection. “What gives you that idea?”

“Sometimes, you talk in your sleep. It’s actually very common, you know. I read that somewhere once. I’ve heard you say things, sometimes nonsense, but other times… it varies. You apologize some nights, and others, you cry or whimper, like you’re in pain or something. When we first got back, it wasn’t so bad, but as the month went on, it started happening more often.”

“I… I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I hope it didn’t keep you up.”

Anita sighed. “That’s not the point, Fera. It doesn’t matter if you woke me up or not. I just… I want to know that you’re okay, that’s all.”

Fera looked around, feeling even more eyes on her, and sure enough, there were a couple of people across from them that quickly averted their gazes when their eyes met. “I told you that I’m fine. Can we just drop it until we get home?”

“If that’s what you want,” said Anita, before going quiet again.

All the way to District-C, the last ring that could fit buses and cars, she remained stubbornly silent. The few first-years among their bus were guided into the welcome center while the others began branching off in groups. Both Fera and Anita, who no longer had any close friends within their own dormitory, walked as a pair. They had loose connections with their neighbors, but the only people that were truly friends were Kiko, Yarin, and Lilipa, all of whom were currently gone. Yarin was dead, Lili stayed home, and Kiko… Kiko was arrested, she knew that much, but where he was now was unknown to her.

“I shouldn't have missed.” she grumbled, thinking only of that face, and of that cursed laugh he let out consistently during their last meeting.

“What was that?” asked Anita.

“Nothing.” Fera replied, staring at the ground as she walked, thinking of the boy that took so much from her last year.

It wasn’t even just her as a victim in her mind. There were so many people that lost so much to Kiko’s actions. People lost their lives, others lost their friends, and some, like Marrow, lost who they were. The imagery in her most recent nightmares; the death, the blood, the pure unfiltered fury, all began bubbling up within her. Unwillingly, her right hand burst into arcing currents as she clenched the fingers of both hands into tight, white-knuckled fists. Her jaw clenched and she felt a roaring in her chest that was screaming to get out. Out of nowhere, something touched her shoulder and she turned her head sharply to meet it. With teeth bared and murder in her glowing eyes, she met Anita’s concerned features.

“Fera?” she asked, sounding almost afraid of whatever image she saw. Fera looked away, feeling partially ashamed for how she was feeling. “Ferain, look at me.” Anita said firmly. Unable to refuse whenever Anita used that tone, she looked up into her partner’s storm-gray eyes with a hopefully apologetic gleam within her own. “What is wrong with you?”

“Wrong with…” Fera growled. “What do y…” Fera bit her tongue and looked away again, trying to calm herself down. She knew what Anita meant, and she knew that it wasn’t the same thing she thought of when she heard those words. Anita would never insinuate that there was something actually wrong with her, not in the way her grandmother did. After a second, she cooled down her temper and took a breath. “I’m just mad, okay? I’m scared, and I’m angry, and I’m… I shouldn’t have missed.”

“Missed? Missed what?”

“Kiko.” Fera replied furiously, glaring angrily at the ground again, so Anita wouldn't notice the hatred she knew to be in her illuminated irises.

Anita looked around and then pulled Fera to the side, trying to get away from the other people traveling to District-B. When they were finally in the solitude of an alley, somewhat near the checkpoint, Anita glowered in Fera’s direction.

“You took off his arm, Fera. You didn’t miss.”

“He should’ve died!” Ferain yelled, her rage exploding out of her with the words. “He deserves it!”

Anita looked back to the street while gesturing for Fera to quiet down. When she was certain they were clear from possible interruptions, Anita returned her attention to her fuming partner. “You did enough. You took him down and he was taken into custody, remember? Fera, you’re not a killer, you couldn’t have–”

“I wanted to.” she admitted, cutting Anita short. “I tried to, but I couldn’t control it. It was too much.” Fera growled, raising her right hand and slamming the fist into the wall beside them. A burst of lightning flooded out, causing the wall to crack and burn around the impact.

“Ferain, you–”

“Quit acting like that!” Fera bellowed, causing Anita to take a retreating step back from her. “You act like I’m some kind of saint. You act like I am some hero or something. I’m not!” Anita opened her mouth as if to say something, but in the end, nothing came out. Her eyes had a sadness behind them as Fera stepped away from her. “I’ll see you at home.”

With that, Fera turned while her body became engulfed in electricity of various blues and whites. She leapt from one wall to the next as a spear of lightning, leaving a sapphire trail of energy in her wake. It wasn’t until several hours later that she was able to reflect on her actions with a cool head. Ferain sat on the edge of a roof that overlooked District-C, one leg hanging off while the other was pulled close to her body. She rested her arm and chin on her raised knee while staring out at the dwindling daylight among the horizon.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at her.” Fera muttered, kicking her leg back and forth while small electrical stars danced in front of her.

They spun around one another and went through each other. It was all just a mindless act at this point, just something for her to do without much thinking involved since she was primarily focused on her moronic actions earlier. Anger was fleeting, even if it seemed untrue at the moment. Her relationship with Anita, however, was different. That was something that could last an eternity if she played it right, but what she did today, what she did the last couple of days, could easily ruin it. Bonds were fragile, she learned that much from her father. A person that was supposed to love her unconditionally had such a sudden turn of opinion of her. If that was possible of a person who helped to create her, well, that only showed how easily it would be to destroy what she had with Anita.

“I’m so stupid.” she groaned, lazily flicking her index finger around to guide the stars in the air.

Out of habit at this point, she reached up and began playing with the blue crystal earring that had once been around her neck. She let out a heavy, aggravated sigh before pressing her fist against her forehead. Finally, after a final groan of frustration, she rose to her feet while the dancing stars flickered out into sparkling particles that soon drifted away in the wind. Her body took on the static-imbued aura once more as she stepped over the side of the building, making her next heading the place she should have been hours earlier.

Building-24 in District-B, that was her home when attending Olirian Academy. District-B was a compact ring in the city, having narrow streets instead of major avenues. They were so small, the only motor vehicles that could traverse them were golf carts and those of the two-wheeled variety, like motorcycles or scooters. At least, these were the only things that could both exist comfortably on the roads. Whenever necessary, they could fit a row of emergency vehicles or garbage trucks, but their space was limited. Essentially, this district was made up of one way roads with no room for opposing sides of traffic. The buildings were all condensed together as well, leaving as many alleyways as there were streets. It was fine though, seeing as this particular district was the closest to the school, and it didn’t take too long to go from the school’s checkpoint to that of District-C in almost every direction. Due to its size, this portion of the city was primarily home to school dorms, having very little in the way of actual stores and such, except for some convenience stores on a few corners here and there.

As well as the packed in nature, most of the buildings were made of older materials, giving B a more rustic appeal. The dorms were made of brick instead of smooth stone or concrete, and the entrances to a majority of them consisted of stained wooden doors that reminded Fera of old fancy hotels she’d seen in movies as a child. Eventually, she found herself approaching one such set of doors, though only one was typically used. After passing the black band on her left wrist over a dark, boxy sensor beside it, she was granted entry. The interior also gave her fancy hotel vibes, given the maroon carpeting with golden thread used as an accent, and the stained columns that stretched from floor to ceiling in several places. Even the chandeliers that hung from the ceilings added to the vibe and atmosphere.

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Some seats, such as benches and cushioned chairs, were scattered about, most of which matched the faux printed wallpaper that resembled a mixture of bronze and gold, further enhancing the rustic nature. A reception desk was also in the room, across from the doors and almost tucked into the corner. Behind it sat a young woman with a freckled face, gem-like emerald eyes, and hair that was straight and matched the color of auburn autumn leaves when their time came to fall from their branches.

“Evening.” she said kindly, showing a smile that always came naturally to her. “Running a bit late, aren’t you?” she added.

Fera gave her a strange sort of grin, with that being the most she could conjure at the moment. “Yeah, a bit.” she agreed.

“Well, have a pleasant night,” said the receptionist.

Fera gave her a curious glance as she cautiously passed her by, expecting there to be more to come from the woman’s mouth. Last time, there was a short discussion of rules and such, but she assumed that those sorts of things were reserved to new students. Being a returning attendee, the woman likely presumed she knew where to go and what the rules were. Without another word between them, Fera continued to the elevator, rode it up to the tenth floor, and made her way to room fifteen a short way down the corridor. Obviously, she found it without issue, but she found herself having an issue with reaching for the knob. She was anxious again, not knowing what to expect from Anita for her outburst earlier that day.

A short breath later, she found her courage and opened the door. Anita’s leather boots were already in the entryway, meaning that her partner was home. As she stepped past them, sliding out of her own boots, she looked around at the living room, dining area, and kitchen, all of which looked exactly as it did when she was last standing here. Nothing changed, not one thing was moved from their places, it seemed.

“Fera, is that you?” came a voice from the kitchen.

Following it, the head of Anita poked out from the archway entrance. Fera expected to see anger behind her beautiful moon-like eyes, but all she found was relief swimming within them. Ferain timidly looked away while playing with the hanging crystal from her left ear, not really knowing how to properly apologize for her actions. The rest of Anita left the kitchen and was swiftly pulling her into a warm embrace. Ferain closed her eyes, melting into the comfort her partner offered, while reaching a hand around to reciprocate the hug.

“It’s later.” Fera said.

“I suppose so.” Anita agreed, taking a step back, but keeping her hands on Fera’s shoulders.

With a slight tilt of her head and the soft swishing of her hair as it fell in front of her face, she cast Fera a motherly expression that showed she was willing to listen. It wasn’t long after that they were on the couch together, Fera’s head in Anita’s lap as she was curled up on the sofa, laying on her side.

“I think I understand.” Anita said quietly, after listening to a retelling of Fera’s recent nightmares.

“Do you?” asked Fera, staring at the large set of windows opposite of the sofa. Through it, she could see stars swimming in the darkening ocean that was the sky. There weren’t many clouds out tonight, making for a beautiful clear view that she was sorely missing. “Maybe I’m just stupid or something but I can’t figure it out. All I know is that it terrifies me.”

“What does?” asked Anita, stroking her head softly, like Fera was some sort of cat or lap-dog.

“All of it.” Fera said. “I guess that’s not really an answer, is it? I don’t know… I guess… I think I’m scared of myself, of what I’m becoming. Before, the things I did, I had an excuse for them, you know? I couldn’t control my powers and things happened because of that, but now… Now, I have total control. Everything I do, I do intentionally, knowing what it can do to someone. I was weak and helpless, and now, I’m really strong, and I am afraid of what I’m doing with this new strength.”

“Fera, I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. You saved me and Lilipa with your strength. You’re not–”

Fera sat up, interrupting her, and stared into her eyes. “Anita, you weren’t there. You showed up after so you didn't see it. What I did to Kiko, what I knowingly did to him, I… It still makes me sick just thinking about it. All it took was him threatening you and I just… snapped. I… Nobody should have survived that. Then, at the end, I tried again… but I missed.” Fera looked out of the window again, in which she saw her reflection. Her eyes focused on her own visage instead of the cityscape outside, bringing her into perfect clarity. “Maybe everyone was right about me. Maybe I’m just some bloodthirsty monster.”

To her astonishment, to the point of making her jump, she heard a squeak of laughter escape Anita’s mouth seemingly unwillingly. “That’s not likely.” she then said after collecting herself. “If having a temper problem makes you some kind of monster then most of the children in the world really are demons. Fera, you’ve always had a bit of an anger issue, you know that, right? Add that on top of all of the stuff he did, plus him threatening me, how do you honestly expect somebody like you to react?”

“I… I don’t know.” she answered.

“Please.” Anita scoffed, waving a hand dismissively. “You know perfectly well that most anybody would be angry if they were in your shoes. Fera, you’re not some monster, you’re just a girl that throws the rare temper tantrum.”

“When you say it like that, you make it sound like I just threw a book or something because I didn’t get what I wanted. Anita, this is entirely different and you know it. There’s no point in sugarcoating it. My ‘temper tantrum’ almost resulted in me killing somebody, and the only reason I didn’t was because of chance, otherwise, Kiko wouldn't be alive right now.”

“And that upsets you.” Anita said.

“Of course it upsets me.” Fera said, her voice rising. “It upsets me that I tried, but most of all, it upsets me that I failed.” Fera then pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment and took a calming breath. “Anita, have you ever read those superhero comics or watched the shows or something?”

“I dabbled a bit, why?” she said.

“This will make it easy to explain then. You know how the heroes always catch the bad guys and put them in jail. Then, after that, the bad guys break out and kill a lot more people. To me, in my personal, honest opinion, any death after that point is as much on the hero as it is the villain. If the hero would have killed them, then any death after that point wouldn’t have happened. Kill one person to save dozens, that’s where I think those ‘heroes’ fail at being actual heroes.”

“But Ferain, the whole point of those things is to teach morality and stuff.” said Anita.

“Yeah, but when you think about it logically, it doesn’t make sense. The moral way, the heroic way, would be to make that sacrifice so no more lives were lost. I’m not saying that I was trying to be heroic, but my whole point is that since I failed to kill him, anything he does later is also my fault, just as much as it is his.”

“That’s just not true, and besides, he’s not ever going to get back out.” Anita assured her, sounding confident in this matter, but Ferain did not share any ounce of that confidence.

“You don't know that.” she said darkly.

“Those are all just stories.” Anita stated firmly. “People don’t just break out of prison on a regular basis.”

“We go to a school where people breathe fire and can create tornadoes in the palms of their hands. I can punch with the force of a lightning strike, or something similar anyway, if I wanted to. Anything can happen, and to be frank, breaking out of prison in this sort of world sounds like a really easy thing to do. Kiko is dangerous, and I–”

“You're nervous about him getting out and killing more people, I understand you.” Anita interjected. “But, Ferain, that’s a one-in-a-million chance, really, it is. I’m sure they have some sort of way to stop wielders from breaking out, like suppressors or something. Maybe he’s even under constant watch or something like that, so I don’t think you need to be so worried about it. As for a more reasonable problem, and by that, I mean your opinion of yourself, we can fix that. Fera, our powers aren’t in control, we are. We decide what to do with them, and if hurting people bothers you that much, and don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing that it does, then don’t hurt people.”

“It’s not that simple.” Fera said softly.

“Why not? All you have to do is hold yourself back.”

“I’m tired of holding myself back!” Fera shouted, glaring at her partner, who flinched at the movement and surprising volume. “I’m sorry.” Fera apologized again. “I… just can’t help it. I think I’m going to take a shower and head to bed.” she added, rising from her seat.

“Ferain, wait.” Anita said, reaching for Fera’s hand. Anita grabbed softly onto Fera’s right hand, sending small tingles up the still recovering limb. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m only trying to help.”

“I know.” Fera replied, giving a grim sort of smile in return. “I just think I need a good night’s rest before we try this again, okay? Maybe I’m just a bit tired. I’m sure after some sleep, my temper will ease up a bit.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Anita said, letting Fera’s hand slide free of her own, like a feather being gingerly swept up by a soft, caressing breeze.

“Good night.” Fera said, turning to walk towards the hall, where the bathroom and their bedrooms were located.

“Night.” Anita said in response, watching her slowly walk away.

Fera undressed, unwrapped her bandages, and stood in the shower of their sizable restroom. With tiled floors, a separate bath, and plenty of space between, it was definitely larger than they actually needed. The upside, however, was that the space was comfortable instead of being cramped and suffocating. She had her left hand against the wall as she leaned forward, making it so the water rained down atop her head and followed the contours of her bare figure. Her shorter hair clung to the sides of her face, and the streams of liquid flowed from the drenched ends. They followed every line, every groove, and almost highlighted each and every scar, including the damaged right hand she stared at angrily.

This, like Anita’s own scars, was a sign of her failure. Or, perhaps that wasn’t necessarily the word for it. She didn’t fail completely. Instead, maybe it was just her fury physically embodied. All of those burns were caused by her surging hatred and rage, all of which focused primarily on her right arm, giving her the power and the weapon necessary to accomplish what she needed to do. The only issue was, she wasn’t strong enough to wield it. Even now, after having already done it, she doubted whether she could muster that same strength again, at least in a situation where she was actively trying to. Should another Kiko-esque encounter arise, she might stand a chance at conjuring that power once more, but she wanted to do it on her own terms, and to remain in control the entire time.

That was what these marks represented. It wasn’t her failure, per se, it was her weakness, and she despised it. Despite who she was, despite how she always tried to act pacifistic, she wanted that power. For too long she was helpless and weak, and now, the opportunity was coming for her to never feel that way again. All she had to do was reach out and take it. Before last year, she never even wanted to have her powers, she simply wanted to be normal again. Now though, after all that Kiko did, she wanted to be strong enough to prevent all of it from ever occurring again. No more lies, no more dead friends, no more failures. She clenched the fingers of her right hand into a tingling fist and opened the hand, revealing coursing webs that stretched out as each finger moved apart.

“I’ll get better. I’ll get stronger. You’ll never take anything ever again, Kiko. Not from me, not from anyone.”

She closed her fingers tightly, quenching the raging streams of static, and putting an end to her shower. That night, her dreams were still plagued with nightmares. Ones that were familiar, and ones that were strange, but they all made her feel the same way as they always did; weak and pathetic and frightened beyond belief. They showed her the monster she could become, and they showed her the ways in which she affected those she held dear by actions she made, and have yet to make. All in all, it was another sleepless night.