Ferain returned to Koto in silence, with her eyes watching the world that passed by. During her earlier trip, the one to Chuo, she failed to truly pay attention to the city outside the cab. Now, she saw it for what it was. Whatever happened back in her old neighborhood, added onto what the cab driver had told her, made it as if her eyes were finally opened to the truth. The city, her home, was a disaster, a bomb just a few ticks away from blowing everything sky-high. There were cops everywhere you looked, posted at almost every street corner, all watching for any signs of violence. Protesters marched down the sidewalks, raising signs asking for the removal of the wielder governor and for heavier restrictions on wielders as a whole.

It was a mess that only now, only as she currently witnessed it with her own eyes and not on the television a thousand miles away, did she come to feel the weight of the tragedy that was unfolding. What's even worse is that it wasn't only in Japan, in the Sakura Nation as a whole, that this was occuring. It obviously wasn't talked about as much as the local news, but she'd seen clips here and there of the same stuff happening overseas. Her heart sank even deeper during her trip back to the place where she'd become just another rogue wielder, planning on doing something that only served to prove that everything being cast against her people were accurate assessments. Ferain once again tried to shake away her doubts, but this time, it didn't work near as well.

Her anger, her emotions were rooted deep, but so too was that kind soul that she always possessed, the one that never wanted to hurt anyone. That was who she was for nearly all of her life, these last several months excluded. It was hard to throw something like that away, especially when it was so ingrained into her very being.

"I have to do it though." she murmured, growing agitated at herself over her own indecision and pacifistic nature. It was a nature that, in the end, would get her killed. This was simply because people like Kiko didn’t share it, and Yarin’s fate was a fine enough example of it. His kindness, his willingness to give Kiko a chance, cost him his life. It was a part of Ferain that would likely cause her to make the same mistake, however faint the possibility may be. Despite all of what Kiko did, even with her memories of him being poisoned and painful, he had still once been a friend to her. Her inner nature might just find whatever good is left in those memories and use them to stay her hand, and just as he did with Yarin, Kiko would not hesitate to capitalize on the moment.

By the time she made it back to Koto, it was nearing one in the afternoon. It wasn't all that late, but she needed time to mentally prepare more than anything else. Plus, she needed to scout out the bridge, find a spot that would suit her planned ambush. Or, if there was no such place, an ideal spot to attack from if the need to go loud from the start presented itself. Instead, after arriving at the bridge itself, she found herself paying more attention to the water as it danced and glistened and flowed effortlessly. The highway itself was several lanes wide, and at this current hour, rather busy. It wasn't a relentless flow of traffic, but there was hardly a break from the noise of an engine driving by. If anything, it was there more often than not. Fera zoned it out, however. There were more pressing things on her mind than the going-ons of passing pedestrians and traveling motorists. There was too much to be reflected on, too much to process.

Even in the more recent day's worth of time, she'd received more than she thought she could handle, this coming in the form of her conversations with Kristen, and the words she shared with her father. Even before that, she had almost an entire year worth of talks with Guji that all caused a pain in her heart to arise. She hated it. She hated all of it.

"Go away." she spat, directing the venomous demand at the intruding thoughts and feelings. "My mind was made up. Go away!" She didn't yell this aloud, but she might as well have for how loud the words echoed within her mind. Ferain gritted her teeth as her hands gripped tightly to the barricade that separated her from the open air, which was the final obstruction between herself and the lightly churning water below. "I was going to do it." she then cried, now biting her lip, praying that this contemplation, these arguing desires would all just go away.

Ferain opened her teary eyes and stared out at the horizon ahead, watching ships come and go, and then she looked up at the sky, observing the clouds drifting overhead. This was how the rest of the day progressed. Ferain, her head low, her hat hiding most of her face in its shadow, remained still and quiet. As the hours passed, as the sun vanished in the west and the moon rose to take its place, as the darkness of night was poorly chased away by the orangish glow of street lamps on the sides and center of the roadway, she seemed to finally be alone. Traffic was dim, only having a single car or truck passing by every so many minutes. Even later into the night, nearing ten or eleven, there were larger gaps. Dozens of minutes of silence at a time, all leading up to midnight, where she seemed to be the only living person in all of Japan. The only sounds around now were the light shifts of the Arakawa River beneath her feet, and the wind that steadily blew by with each faint gust that shifted her hair and clothing.

As twelve-thirty started creeping up, she began to lose hope in Itani's information. Fera began to believe that he was either wrong, his contact was wrong, or he'd been lying from the start. It wouldn't be the first time, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. If her father was to be believed, her entire life was built around a lie that she was clueless to. If that was the case, how could she really be expected to believe anything anybody had to say, let alone Itani and his so-called contact. Her left hand tightened around the railing, sending blue crackles of energy through it as her eyes glowed in the night. After a second, her eyes dimmed and her powers flickered away. She leaned forward, resting her head in the arms she now folded atop the barricade. The only silver lining was that her decision, the one that had been haunting her for the last several hours, was now made for her. The off chance she couldn't go through with this was no longer a concern, seeing as she now didn't seem to have the opportunity to make that choice.

Though, as luck would have it, just as she resigned herself to giving up and returning to Kristen's ship, she felt a light tug of power from the western end of the highway, the direction that Koto was in, the direction that Kiko's transport would be coming from. She raised her head and saw headlights, but due to these headlights, as well as the rack of lights on the roof and lower front bumper, she couldn't actually make out the shape of the vehicle. All she knew was that it was large, and it was obviously electric, giving the trace of energy she was picking up from it. It wasn't much, but it was steadily growing stronger as the boxy silhouette grew nearer. Itani's information said this particular truck would be arriving closer to midnight than it currently was, but there was a possibility it was just held up at the depot or at the holding facility or at any other point during the trip.

What was certain to Ferain was that this was the truck she wanted, and inside the back of it would be the person she wanted to see. She took a long steady breath, tilted her hat down more to hide her face, and placed a hand over her rapidly beating heart in an attempt to calm it. Nearly a dozen scenarios played out in her mind about how this would go. She would stand in the truck's way until it stopped of its own volition, which would then be followed up by a simple knockout of the guards and then a quick influx of power into Kiko's brain. There was also the idea of simply overloading the car from the side of the road, knocking out the car, and possibly killing all of its passengers if she wasn't careful with how much power she put into it. As the truck grew closer, she thought about hitting the car as hard as she could, meeting it head on and seeing if she could blow it up or send it into the river. If she did that, she could maybe make it look like a crash of some kind, so people might consider it to be an accident instead of a murder.

"Murder." Fera muttered under her breath.

The word filled her heart with ice. That's what this would be, no matter the circumstances. It didn't matter what he did or how she felt about his actions, none of it mattered. If she killed him right here and now, in cold blood, with not even a chance for him to defend himself, it would be murder. The label she'd been given since killing her mother all those years ago would no longer be from the tragic but innocent burst of out of control abilities. It would be voluntary manslaughter, done by her own willingness and determination to carry it out. Despite her calming breaths, her chest heaved harshly. Despite her attempts to quell her hastily pumping heart, it beat on all the faster. She felt faint, sick to her stomach, and rightfully ashamed of her actions. She felt terrified, not of Kiko, not even of Itani, but of herself, and of what she knew herself to be capable of. Still, during all of these indecisive seconds that passed, the unbidden imagery of her carrying this foul deed out played on in her mind.

The image of Kiko burning to a crisp, his skin bubbling and turning into a charred black mess that would, in some spots, become ash and bone. The anger and drive that she'd been building up since starting her lessons with Itani seemed to be rising to the surface, boiling her blood as she argued with herself relentlessly on what to do. Slowly, without a single stumbling step, she began walking towards the approaching vehicle. It got close enough to make out the shape of the truck. It was mostly made of sharp corners, and the body of it seemed to be made of riveted metal sheets, presumably thick and impenetrable. The color was probably a black of some kind, but in this poor lighting, it could easily be a dark blue or something similar in hue. As it passed her by, she saw dark text on the side of the metal plates, but the only word she could make out was 'Enforcer'. Everything that came after or below it was something she failed to take in from her quick glimpse as she let it pass.

Ferain's mind was racing, her heart was relentlessly beating her ribcage with violent thuds, and her eyes glowed blindingly bright in the darkness as she looked over her shoulder, giving a final glance at her last chance to make things right. She turned, and took a single step in the direction the truck was heading. She could catch it now if she moved, it would actually be quite easy. She took another step, her body taking on an electrified aura of blues and whites. As she took the third step, the raised foot never touched the ground. Instead, she took it back. She then took two paces backwards, watching the truck's crimson tail lights become all she could make out. Soon, even those were gone. Kiko was gone. Her decision was made, and she now had to live with it. Kiko was gone... as was her last chance to kill her fear and earn her freedom. All because that single word, that single, simple word, filled her with so much darkness. Murder was not something she was capable of, no matter how far she'd fallen, no matter how much she thought he deserved to die, she simply couldn't do it. She took a final breath, fell backwards onto her butt, and stared blankly to the east, where Kiko had gone, and where he would wait until it was time for him to come back and make her regret this inability of hers.

Ferain closed her eyes tight, caught her breath, and sat there for as long as it took for her to fully realize what she'd just done, and what she hadn't. Ferain didn't go back to the ship that night. She went somewhere far away from the harbor of Koto City. She went to a place she had tried to visit earlier that day, but this time, she wasn't deterred by barricades and police. Fera used her powers to move across the city rapidly, much faster than she had in the cab. She soon reached the district her old home was in, the district that was so terribly destroyed that it was nearly unrecognizable as being a place where kids played in the streets and people of all ages went to nearby convenience stores for drinks during the hot summer days. Any signs of homes or the people that once lived in them were almost entirely eradicated. It wasn't like the last horrible disaster Ferain saw, the one that looked like ground zero for a nuclear bomb. This was all still flat land, for the most part, it was just littered with the remains of hotels, modest homes, and cheap apartments.

She found a place where there wasn't too much security at the moment, so she was able to sneak into the restricted district with little issue. There were no discernable roads any longer. Everywhere looked the same. Every inch of this small portion of a much larger city was reduced to rubble that crunched under the light, whispering weight of her abused boots. Glass was scattered in all directions. Cars, trucks, and electric scooters and bikes were flattened or flipped or torn apart. Piles and piles of dust and concrete and twisted rebar lined most of the space in between. It was an uncomfortable walk, not just because of the topography of the terrain itself, but also the grisly idea that corpses could easily be buried beneath her feet and she wouldn't know it. She stumbled everywhere, trying not to fall over the uneven ground. Due to the unfamiliar scenery, it was incredibly difficult for her to find her home. Luckily, she had a small familiarity with the neighborhood to make out a few of the landmarks she came across, like a toppled over sign for a convenience store or a signpost that somehow made it through the carnage. Because of these, and other things like it, she managed to find the place she was looking for.

Surprisingly, there were still portions of the old home standing. Nearly all of the right half of the front was lying on the ground, giving a perfect view of the destroyed living room, and the roof had caved inwards in several places, but it was standing. She stepped through the gaping wound in the front of the house and peered to the left, where the cracked archway led into the kitchen that was without a doubt in shambles. The doors were either laying on the floor or hanging on a single remaining hinge, and there was obviously no power when she tried to flip a switch to test the lighting. The door leading to her room was in two, one half of it swinging on the top hinge while the rest lay in a pile of dust and dirt. Her bed was leaning towards the door, thanks to the front left leg breaking, but for the most part, it was fine. Her computer and the desk it sat on were not so fortunate.

All of her books, as well as her father's unpublished collection, were scattered around or buried in the chunks of fallen ceiling and clumps of insulation. Ferain walked slowly over to a few of the scattered masses and scooped one up. Blowing off the dust revealed an old favorite of hers. It was about a young wolf-girl with snow white hair and ivory colored eyes. She was a mage that was charged with protecting a region of a forest that was full of magical beasts and old spirits. She was only one of the many of her kind that was put in charge of protecting the various magical places left to the world. She didn't know how many times she read it as a child, but the number was surely high. After brushing the remaining layer of dust off, the gold text of the title, as well as the embossed image of a sleeping girl with wolfish features glistened in the slim amount of moonlight that peeked in through a hole in the ceiling.

Quietly, she set this on one of the remaining shelves and bent down to pick up another. It was one of her father's, one that was similar to the previous fantasy book she just sat down, but she was the main character instead.

"I used to love this book." Ferain said softly. "It was short, but it was special to me. Why would he write these for me if he never really cared?" she asked.

"Nobody but Tobi knows that." said a man's voice.

"He told me he never loved me. I think... I think that hurt more than I expected it to. I kind of knew, but still, it... How could a parent say that to their child?" Ferain asked, her eyes glowing softly as her palms began to spark and the book began to burn. "Did Mom..."

"Harriet loved you more than anything." said the man, his crunching steps indicating that he was moving closer to her.

The book turned to ashes in her hands, which swiftly drifted to the ground as she let what remained go. Her head turned just enough to see Guji over her shoulder, standing with one hand in his jean's pocket and the other picking up another of the fallen books.

"How'd you find me?" she questioned.

"Your partner showed me your note. I took a helicopter here as soon as I was able with the hope and intention of stopping you from doing what I assumed to be highly probable."

"What's that?"

"Killing Tobi or killing Kiko, but it makes no difference who your target was. I just wanted to stop you from doing something I know you would regret."

"But why are you here? How did you know I'd be here?"

"A lucky guess." he said, giving the faintest smile as he brushed off the dirt from the book's cover. "Hmm, I remember this one. I read it repeatedly as a child. You have good taste, Ms. Hirigaya." He looked up at her and saw the discontent in her eyes. Ferain wanted answers, not jokes, and she was set on getting them this time. After a sigh, he gingerly set the book down on the remnants of her broken desk. "Really, I just had a feeling. I couldn't think of anywhere else you would go except home. I didn't exactly expect it to be in this state, but…” He paused for a moment before looking directly at her. “Ferain, did you go through with it?" he asked her seriously, jumping straight into the main topic he wanted to discuss.

Fera kneeled down and grabbed another book, primarily to keep herself busy, and to give herself an excuse to not look at the man peering down at her. After a few seconds of staring at the leatherbound cover, she sucked in a shallow breath. "No. I let Kiko go. I couldn't do it. I don't even know if I really wanted to do it. I just thought I had to, but..."

"Taking a life is not an easy thing to do, Ferain, it never should be. I'm proud of the decision you made, but most importantly, I believe your mother would be too." He knelt down beside Fera, who was looking down at the book as tears fell from her eyes and smeared with the filth on the cover. Almost reluctantly, he put a hand on her shoulder. He didn't smile, nor did he attempt to make light of the situation. He just crouched there, and didn't say a word.

"I'm sorry." Fera cried. "I'm sorry." The cries became a sob as the book fell from her hands. Guji wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest, placing a hand on the back of her head to hold her tightly against him. "I'm sorry." she repeated, gripping his gray jacket with both clenched hands and burying her face into the fabric.

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"Me too." he whispered, stroking her hair. "Me too." After a minute, he lightly broke apart the embrace and stared intently into her eyes. "We have a lot to talk about, Ferain. I have a lot to tell you. It might make you mad, but... I have to believe that this is the best path to take. You deserve to know the truth, and I think it's about time I told you. Come on, I'll take you somewhere to get cleaned up and then we'll talk."

Guji brought her to a hotel just past the barricades of the closed off neighborhood. It was a tidy enough place, something that proved helpful in a pinch. After checking in, both rode an elevator to the fourth floor, where their room awaited. It was a basic room with two beds, a sofa aimed at the small black entertainment center, and a minifridge that sat beneath a counter used for making coffee and tea. The primary thing Ferain cared about, however, was the shower. She didn't have any clean clothes to change into, but that didn't matter. She just wanted her body to be cleansed. She wanted to wash away all of the dirt of her home and the destroyed memories within it, and she wanted to wash away the darkness that had almost completely consumed her. She sat in the tub, allowing the water to just rain down on her, but no matter how hot it was or how long she stayed in there, her would-be deeds weren't going anywhere. She was so close to killing Kiko, murdering him. Before, during their fight, she could at least say it was self-defense, but this time, she actively sought him out. She had dreamed about it, and that in itself was enough to make her feel sick and terrible.

She dressed in her denim shorts and t-shirt, but left the jacket, hat, and tights scattered around on her bed. As she dried out her hair with a towel, she saw Guji sitting on the sofa, his elbows on his slightly spread thighs as his chin rested atop his clasped hands. He was tapping his foot rapidly on the red-carpeted floor while eyeing the black, empty television screen. Ferain suspected that he wasn't even really here at the moment. It was more likely that he was in his own mind, trying to come up with something to say or how best to say it.

"You said we needed to talk?" said Ferain, walking up to him cautiously.

"It can probably wait until morning." Guji said. "You look exhausted. You should get some rest and we'll discuss things then."

"With all due respect, sir, I would rather have some answers. I'm not really in the right headspace to sleep anyway. I'll more than likely just have more nightmares again… I doubt I'll even get to sleep tonight." Fera sat on the coffee table in front of him and eyed him with a strange interest, which was returned by the most sorrowful expression she'd ever seen him wear. "Like I said, I talked to my father. He already told me that everyone was lying to me. Is that what this is about?"

"Ferain..." said Guji, looking up into her face. "I guess I should start with the easiest thing to explain. Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Yes. I'm tired of being lied to. I want to know the truth that everyone is hiding from me. What was Itani talking about back at the school? He said that I'm special to you, and the way you've been treating me all last year, I..."

"Like I said, we'll start with the easiest and work our way up. Sound fair?"

"Yes." said Ferain.

Guji gave a slight nod of his head but still seemed hesitant. He rubbed his face with both hands and took a breath to prepare himself. "Okay. To start, I talked with your grandmother shortly after I arrived in the city. I was looking for you and I thought you might've visited her first. I wasn't sure, but there was a chance that you'd want to talk to her. After a short discussion, she... I convinced her to give over custody of you. I will now be your legal guardian, and you will now be staying with me for your breaks away from the school, unless you wish to stay with Ms. Caswell, which I would fully understand and allow. It's mostly a formality, and I assumed you would, at this point, rather this than staying with that woman."

"She just gave me away?" asked Ferain.

"There's good reason for it, and not just in the financial way or that you were too much of a burden on her. Your grandmother and I never got along, and we never will. She always preferred Tobi, but... I do have to give her some credit when dealing with you. She was ill equipped for it, but she tried her best to do what she thought was right for you. It's more than what anyone besides Harriet did so I'm rather grateful to her. This brings me to my next point, something that isn't so easily forgiven or understood, I think. First off, I want to apologize again. An apology is nowhere near enough for what I'm about to tell you, but you're at least owed that much. The reason your grandmother gave over custody to me is because Tobi isn't your biological father."

Fera's heart sank almost at once as she saw Guji look away from her. He stared at the floor with eyes nearly the exact same to her own. She always assumed it was an odd coincidence, but if he was going to say what she expected to hear next, it was so much more than that.

"Your mother always preferred Tobi. They were partners, after all, it only makes sense. The same could be said about you and Ms. Caswell, yes? Your partnership led to a beautiful and blossoming relationship. We all started out as friends, but ever since meeting Harriet, I had eyes for her alone. I waited too long, however, or perhaps I never had a chance to begin with. Tobi and her started going out in our second year at Olirian. Anyway, I don't need to start that far back. The short of it is that she and Tobi were always a pair. That didn't change after we graduated. Tobi did change a bit though. He began spending time with some bad people, and Harriet never approved of it. They fought repeatedly over this topic, from what I hear. I was traveling around the world after leaving school, trying to visit other places and trying to find myself some in the process. I came back later with the intention of becoming a teacher at the academy. I let Harriet and Tobi know that I was back in town in case they wanted to catch up before I left for Olirian."

He paused a moment, as if he was reliving some long ago memory, and as if this very memory was the root of everything that pained him.

"Harriet got back in touch first. They got into a huge fight and your mother was distraught over it. She thought it might finally be the end of their relationship and she didn't know where else to go. I invited her over and we had a few drinks while I tried to comfort her. Eventually... well... We both did something we... Regret isn't the right word. We were ashamed of it, of how it happened, but I don’t think either of us regretted the act itself… or not entirely anyway. In the end, I told her to give Tobi another try, to see if things got better. A short time later, she called me and told me she was pregnant. She was crying... She didn't know what to do. She still loved Tobi, and they talked about their issues and sorted things out. Things seemed to be going well, but... Tobi didn't know about our affair. She couldn't hide being pregnant from him for long, and she hated the idea of lying to him in the first place. This is what I have to apologize for, Ferain. At that moment, what I told her to do during that call... It's something I will never stop regretting. It was my worst mistake, the sole thing I wish I could change if given the opportunity. I gave you both away for the sake of the friendship Tobi and I once shared."

Ferain looked away from his eyes, his face, his entire being. He said she'd get mad. That was rapidly proving to be an enormous understatement. This didn't stop Guji from continuing though, as she suspected would be the case.

"I told her to tell him the truth, but to do something that would prove it was a mistake, to prove that she still loved him more than me. A few weeks later, I got notice of the wedding. It didn't happen until after you were born, which was one of the only times I ever saw you before you came to my school last year. The rest of the times were through pictures that Harriet would send me every now and then. The only other time I saw you in person was when you were three. That was when Harriet asked me to look out for you if anything ever happened to them. Of course, I ignored that request for a long while. I didn't stop thinking about it every single day, but... Still, it's as you said before. I did nothing. I didn't come and get you then, and I never came after that. Part of it was your grandmother. She didn't think I deserved to be in your life after giving you away like that. She didn't take it well, understandably."

"Then that part isn't your fault." said Ferain.

"I still take the blame for it, Ferain, but I appreciate you attempting to alleviate some of it. She didn't want me to see you, but I could have. I was your biological father. I had every right to visit, or to even claim you as mine. It wouldn't have even been hard, but I never did it. That fault lies with me alone, and for that, I'm deeply sorry. Had I told your mother to stay with me, or had I even been a more prominent factor in your life, she might still be alive. Even after her death, I could have still given you the life that you deserved if I really wanted to, but I didn't. I was young, I was just starting my career, and the thought of raising a child seemed... taxing. I should have though, it would have only been right. After some time, after I’d grown more, I wanted to fix things, but… But, it felt like too much time had passed. The damage was done, and after so many years, I didn’t think repairing things would even be possible anymore. The truth would make you despise me, and in all honesty, I despised myself for it, so I decided to let it go. I was a coward, and I was selfish, and I figured that I could never be the father that you needed me to be. I now realize the fault in that. What you needed was somebody, anybody, to fill that roll… so even I would have sufficed."

Ferain sat in silence for a moment, trying but partially failing to sort out her feelings to this news. Tobi wasn't her real father. This, for some reason, made his words back at the hospital seem so... empty. What did it matter if he never cared about her? Besides, this was obviously the reason why. Maybe he found it impossible to love a child that wasn't his, and in fact, one that was born by his girlfriend's affair with one of his best friends. Still, there were also Guji's previous words and actions to take into account as well.

"At the school, you said that I was nothing to you. Was that a lie?"

"Yes. Ferain, I... I have never stopped thinking about you. When you came to the school, I thought I finally had a chance to make right on my words to your mother, and every day since I have tried my hardest to keep to them. I chose Anita to be your partner because I thought she'd be a good fit for you, given both of your natures. I chose Yarin to teach you not because we didn't have a lightning-wielder as a professor, though that was certainly part of it, but because I thought you could use a friend and mentor that truly understood what you were going through. Everything I did, I tried to do for your sake, whether you know it or not."

"And Itani?" asked Ferain. "Was he for my sake as well?"

"Itani was forced into employment at the academy. The government and the school board wanted to reduce the chances of another string of incidents like last year, so they sent him there to serve as a teacher and as a deterrent. He's actually head of the Enforcer Office here in Tokyo."

"Enforcer?" asked Ferain.

"They're like a special wielder police force. It doesn't matter really. What matters is that you should have said something was happening. How am I supposed to help if you don't tell me?"

"A part of me felt like I shouldn't have to." said Ferain. "But I know that's stupid. Really, I didn't want to. Itani promised to make me stronger, and I wanted to get stronger in order to protect people. He helped me too, but it cost me a lot in the process. In the end, it almost made me do something awful. I can't believe I let him talk me into this."

"It's understandable that you did. You've been lied to and mistreated for most of your life. It makes sense that when you were at your breaking point, honeyed words and sweet promises were enticing enough to lead you astray. Fera, we all do things we regret at some point in our lives. Look at me.” he said softly, and so she did. “You should take solace in the fact that this mistake you made ended before it turned into something worse. This is fixable. Had you gone through with killing Kiko, there would have been no going back. Your life would’ve been over. Nobody was hurt though, and you did nothing wrong besides disobeying my orders to stay at the dorm, and cutting up a pillow in a hospital.” Surprisingly, he smiled at her. It wasn’t full of sunshine and positivity, or even any real form of cheer. It was more grim, more fitting to the conversation, though it did help to bring a faint sense of levity to Ferain’s burdened heart. “There will still be a punishment when you get back to the school, a few detentions, I think, but nothing major.”

Fera wanted to smile back, to say something lighthearted. She wanted to talk to him as if the last several months never happened. She couldn’t though. When she looked into his face, she remembered their last talk only a few days earlier, and the memory of all she said nearly broke what was left of her wavering spirit. She averted her eyes, growing even more ashamed of her actions as of late, and feeling as if forgiveness for all of it would never be given.

“I don’t deserve to go back.” Fera muttered darkly. “I did awful things, I broke a lot of rules, and I said some stuff that I wish I could take back.” Her eyes began to tear up, which caused her to quickly try to blink the oncoming drops away but it didn’t work half as well as she hoped. “I don’t think it was all your fault.” she then said, her voice nearly a whisper.

“Some of it is, Ferain. I technically could have done more. We all could have. Laws and regulations and morals aside, we could have acted, but we kept to the rules placed on us and that resulted in some terrible outcomes. I will never exonerate myself entirely of that weight. As Headmaster, it is my duty to keep my students safe, I told you that before. I failed to do so. It is my job, and yet, students were killed at my school, on the very ground it sits on, and so many others were harmed in one way or another. You were right. Even if my hands were tied and I did all I legally could, you were right.” He then sighed while rubbing his temple with a finger. Afterwards, he looked up into Fera’s face and the smile he once had was gone. “I gave you a lot of information, some of it may be shocking, some of it may need time for you to process. Given that, I would understand if you have any questions for me about what I said. I’m willing to answer whatever I can if it helps ease you into this.”

Fera thought for a few moments, looking away, looking back, trying to decide how she wanted to move forward with this. Guji was her real father, and now he was her legal guardian, not her grandmother. He’d given her away, but he regretted it more than Tobi regretted shooting her, so that had to count for something… Didn’t it? Didn’t he deserve to have another chance? If he thought she did then certainly she should give him the same deal. He was willing to forgive her for this year’s nonsense, so maybe she could forgive him for a mistake he made sixteen years ago, when he was ashamed and probably confused about how it all played out.

“I have a few.” Fera then admitted, keeping her eyes away from his own, watching the floor or the table or her twiddling fingers instead. “If you’re my father, if you’re my guardian now, will my life change at all?”

“I don’t suspect it will.” Guji answered. “You can live with me if you want, but other than that, it will only change as much as you want it to. I don’t need, nor do I desire you to call me your father. I helped create you, but… Tobi was even more of a father to you than I was. He at least played the part for five years before writing you off. It’s a title I don’t deserve. As far as I’m concerned, you can do what you want when it comes to us or how this affects your life. The decision is yours.”

Fera gave a slow nod as she tried to think of her next question. “Are you sure I can come back to the school?” she then asked.

“The spot is there if you want it. I won’t make you come back if you feel like you can’t. I’m sure I can find you a school to attend here if you want, or–”

“No.” Ferain said, interrupting him. “No, I… I want to go back.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Any other questions?”

“One more.” Fera said. “Do I have to change my name now?”

“No, I don’t see why you would. You’re still your mother’s daughter, and she had Tobi’s name due to their marriage. You don’t have to change it.”

“Can I?” she then questioned, looking up at him again.

“I… I don’t see why not. Is there something you’re considering?”

“My mother’s name, maybe. I don’t know, I want to think about it. If Da… If Tobi was never my real father, if he never really cared about me anyway… maybe it’s best if I just got rid of his mark on me. I don’t think I want it there anymore, and I don’t think Mom would have wanted it either, not after what happened.”

“Well, the decision is yours. However, I believe you have some time to sleep on it. It doesn’t need to be made tonight, and I think it’s about time we both try to get some sleep, yes?”

“Yes.” agreed Fera, watching as Guji rose from the sofa. “Sir, one more thing.” she quickly added. “Are we going back first thing in the morning?”

“I hadn’t decided yet. If you have some other plans, we can leave around noon or so. Was there something you wanted to do first?”

“I just need to grab something. It shouldn’t take too long.”

“Then we’ll wait until you get back.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course. Goodnight, Ferain.”

“Night.” she replied, and with that, Guji walked towards one of the beds, yawning as he stretched his arms.

Guji was wearing the same clothes as earlier, though he had removed his jacket. The black shirt underneath was tight to his thin body, so when he stretched, she could see the muscles in his back flexing with the movement. He might not have been the most intimidating man in the way of stature or bulkiness, but he certainly wasn’t weak. As she watched him sit on the side of his bed, lay down in it, and turn off the lights of the room with a tap of a remote beside him, she thought about what life would’ve been like with him in it. He was strong, he was caring, and he seemed to be good-natured. He might’ve lied about some things, he might’ve made some mistakes in the past, big and small alike, but he was at least trying now. Having a man like that for a father all those years ago, she wondered how she’d be now. She most certainly wouldn’t be the same Ferain that she was. Maybe she’d be happier, and maybe her mother would be alive. Maybe she’d have siblings that all loved one another and played games with each other. Maybe she’d have had a truly happy childhood of love and warmth. Perhaps the girl sitting here now would never have fallen for Itani’s words and the promise of strength that they offered. She wouldn’t have needed them.

Ferain rose from her seat, trying not to dwell too much on what-ifs and whatnot. It would only serve to make her despise the man that shared this room with her now. She didn’t want to hate him anymore. She didn’t want to be mad at him any longer. This time, Fera truly did want to just leave the past in the past. An old promise to herself that she failed to keep when this year started. But, from this point on, she wanted to be better in a different way from before. She watched as Guji’s silhouette shifted under his sheets, trying to get into a more comfortable position to sleep. She recalled his conversations with her, and she remembered how Lilipa compared her to him the last time they met. Most of all, Ferain remembered why she respected him so much. He was just a good person, one that always tried his best to do good by the people around him. He tried to stay positive and he always tried to be supportive of others. This all brought a new goal into clearer focus, a goal she did have before but now it was something she wanted to prioritize. She wanted to be more like Guji. That was the ideal version of herself that she wanted to become. All of his good traits, all of the things she loved about him, these were things she wished to find and hone.

Ferain smiled as she raised a hand to her empty left ear, finding only air and a few thin strands of brown hair in place of her earring. With a short shake of her head, she walked over to her bed, crawled beneath the covers, and stared at the resting face across from her. She fell asleep shortly after, his face and his words occupying her dreams that night instead of nightmares. For the first time in a long while, she finally got some real rest.