“You were being stupid.” said Marrow Label, sitting on the bed across from Fera’s in the infirmary.

“Still, I didn’t ask for your help.” she said stubbornly. “Why bother anyway? It’s not like you care.”

He looked at her and then looked away again, crossing his arms over his chest. Ita was in the process of silently unwrapping her bandages, meaning her shirt was taken off and she was left in just a black pull-over bra to keep her chest covered.

“Maybe next time I’ll just leave you be, then.” he growled quietly.

“Wouldn’t be the first time, would it?”

“What are you talking about?” he asked her.

“I heard you talking to Raven last year on the staircase. She wanted your help, you refused, and yet, you never warned me. This scar on my face is just as much your fault as it is hers.” His eyes flicked up again, taking in the sight of the jagged white line carved into her right cheek. “Yeah, it’s pretty bad, isn’t it? You could have warned me what she was planning, but you didn’t do anything.”

“I’ll just go grab some clean wrapping.” said Ita, finally having all of her burned and singed bandages removed and balled up in his hands.

He walked away, leaving them alone momentarily. Fera paid no attention to her arm or hand, even if it might’ve gotten worse from her idiotic use of it in class. She only had hate-filled eyes for the boy across from her, who seemed to be at a loss for words.

“Say something.” Fera spat. “I held back. I never wanted to fight you, so why? Why do you hate me so much that you let this happen, hmm?”

“I don’t–” he started in a whisper.

“Louder!” Fera shouted, her gold irises glowing brightly as the lights and equipment around them flickered.

“I didn’t hate you!” he screamed. “Happy?! I was jealous! I was angry! But I never hated you.” This time, his voice came out as a whisper more than anything. “You were all he talked about, you know that? Copper was obsessed with you. People thought he had a big head or something… Stupid shit. They thought he was trying to be the best because he wanted some kind of power trip. It’s all bullshit.” Marrow spat. “The truth is, he had no confidence in himself. He never felt like he was good enough, and when he saw you getting better every day in class, he got more and more insecure. I never had him to myself after that. It was always like you were there with us. Prodigy this, Prodigy that, it ate away at him. The day he died, the day you fought him in the cafeteria… I’ve never seen him so upset. Losing to you that day, it was like confirming everything he hated about himself.”

“That doesn't excuse any of it.” Fera growled.

To this, a possibly unwanted chuckle slipped out of Marrow. “You were so forgiving last year. My sister told me that you forgave me for that,” he said, nodding at the scar over the old bullet wound on her stomach. “She also said that you wanted a full apology before forgiving me for everything else. Before that, when I gave you that scar, you wanted answers, not violence. Now, here I am giving you everything you wanted, and that isn’t enough anymore, is it?” he asked her, glancing up into her hateful leer. “Doesn’t seem like it.” he added, stuffing his hands in his pockets and shifting his focus to the floor again. “Tell me, Hirigaya, are you glad he’s gone?”

Fera clicked her tongue in a frustrated manner. “How many times do I have to tell you all this? I didn’t want any of this to happen! I didn’t want to fight with any of you! I didn’t want any of you to get hurt! I didn’t want him to die! I’m so fed up with trying to explain this over and over and having none of you listen to me. Do you think I wanted to get bullied all year? Do you honestly believe I enjoyed any of it?! It was all you! It was you and Raven and Copper! You people made me into an outcast. You people made up that ridiculous nickname and spread it around. It was all on all of you, from the very start, so why do you keep thinking I asked for it? Why do you keep thinking I wanted any of this to happen?”

It was Ferain’s turn to look away now, glaring menacingly at the tiled floor while she continued. “Do you know why I came here? I came here because I wanted to be normal, and I thought that being around people like me would make me seem the least bit normal again. I didn’t want my powers; they’ve only caused me problems. I just wanted a normal life. I wanted friends, I wanted to be able to touch people again. I wanted to experience what it was like to not be some monster. I came here, hoping that things would work out, and instead, I fell right into the same mess. Everybody knew about my past, and with you and Raven spreading it around, how could they not? I tried and I tried, and everything I did went wrong.” she said, tears welling up in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Marrow said softly, so much so that Fera thought she imagined it at first. She looked up at him with blurred vision from her tears of frustration and heartache. “I’m sorry for all of it. I wasn’t like that before coming here. Actually, looking back, I guess I was. I was always a little shit, bullying everyone just because I thought it made me seem cooler. Copper did it, and I wanted to impress him, so I followed along, pushing people around and stuff. Then I would go home and act like I was some stupid saint or something. I had table manners and I did my homework and I told my sister that everything was going fine and all that. Whether it helps or not, I guess I wanted to say that you helped me change. Obviously it wasn’t enough, and it wasn’t in time, or I would have told you about Raven’s plan. I know I fucked up with that too, and I’m sorry for that. After I thought about how you acted and how you showed me that scar of yours, I don’t know, it helped me start seeing you in a different light. It helped me see that what I was doing was wrong, but I didn’t want to admit that yet. So I let Raven run amok, and I let you walk right into it. I was there on Halloween too, I was going to stop you, but I didn’t.”

He ruffled his shaggy hair and sighed. “I’m such a fuck-up. All of those times I could’ve made things right and I just let them slip by.”

“So what?” asked Fera, butting in with a tone of rising fury. “Do you expect me to just let it all go now? As if it never happened? Yes, you are a fuck-up. I could’ve died because of that. Raven and that other girl could’ve died. All of those kids I attacked while I was under the influence of that power could’ve died, and do you know who would have gotten all of the blame? It would have been me. ‘The monster that killed her family is at it again.’ ‘Known murderer strikes again, killing dozens in crazed attack on students.’ I’m sorry, Marrow, but an apology just isn’t going to cut it anymore, and neither will whatever this is. I don’t need your pity or your help. How about the next time I’m about to fall over, you just let me go, yeah? It beats you having to lie to my face that you actually care about what happens to me.”

“I’m not lying. I didn’t help you out of pity either. You were hurt so I brought you here. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“I wonder.” Fera snapped, glaring at his face with nothing but contempt and an internal, deep rooted pain. “Funny enough, I don’t have much trust left to give, and what little is left, I’m sure as hell not giving to somebody like you.” Fera rose to her feet and grabbed her shirt.

“Ms. Hirigaya, your bandages,” said Ita while rushing over.

“I don’t need them. I’m going home.” She shoved past the nurse and slammed the door on her way out, her bag over her shoulder and the fingers of her left hand struggling to button the rest of her shirt closed. “Saying sorry now, like it means anything.” she spat, while stomping her way through the mostly empty corridors. “Like it makes any difference. Who does he think he is? I spent all last year trying to make up with them and now look at him, trying to warm up to me.” she continued, rounding a corner blindly as her attention was focused elsewhere. Keeping on par with her luck so far, as she turned the corner, she bumped into somebody, and they happened to be the last person she wanted to see at the moment.

Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

“Ms. Hirigaya?” questioned Guji Hakamura, the headmaster of the academy. He was tall, thin, well dressed, as was his custom whenever at the school. His hair was mostly black, all except for a single swatch of white along the left side of his head, all of which was slicked back with some sort of gel or something. With eyes near as gold as Fera’s own, he looked at her curiously. Shortly after, as in, a blink or two, he found her unbandaged hand. Whatever he was thinking to say seemed to disappear as his expression turned to one of pity.

“Headmaster.” she said curtly, before making a move to pass around him.

“Hold up,” he said, reaching to stop her. “A few questions first, I think. Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”

“I left to go to the infirmary. That new teacher you hired isn’t exactly gentle. Now, if you don’t mind…” She tried to move again, but again, he stopped her.

“I do mind. I permit my students a fair amount of freedom, yet I don’t recall letting them make their own hours. Students are held to a higher standard here, Ms. Hirigaya, you know this. Given your position as a scholarship student as well, I imagine your time is even more precious. You should be using it to learn and to–”

“I’m not in the mood for this today.” Fera growled, trying to get around him again. This time, he lighty grabbed her arm. “Let me go!” she hissed loudly, her eyes glowing and her furious leer now marking Guji as its next victim.

“Hirigaya!” called Ita, just as Guji was about to say something. Both of them turned to watch the running plump man, his dirty blonde hair bouncing and swaying as he moved. Guji had her left arm seized near the elbow, and Ferain looked as if she was about to attack him, her hair standing on end and her face contorted in rage. “S-sorry, Headmaster, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” he said quietly, seeming to feel the tense nature of the scene in the air.

“You weren’t, Mr. Ita.” said Guji, loosening his grip enough so Fera could pull her arm free. “Did you need something?” he asked.

“Huh? Oh, yes, of course. You forgot your jacket, Hirigaya. Here, all yours.” he said, holding out her school coat.

Rather rudely, she snatched it from him, gave a final piercing glower at Guji, and turned to walk away again.

“Thank you, Mr. Ita, that was greatly appreciated. Now, if you’ll excuse me. Ferain, wait up.” he called out, jogging after her.

“What?” she snapped, refusing to do any such thing as stopping or halting or ceasing. Her only goal was to leave the school and to head… When she thought about it, she didn’t know where she wanted to go. She just wanted to leave, that was all she was certain of. She didn’t want to go home, but she didn’t know where else would suffice. As she tried to think of a preferable destination, Guji caught up and reached for her arm again. “Don’t touch me.”

He held up both hands and stepped back. “Fine, fine. Do you mind telling me where you’re going, at the very least?”

“Home.” she lied. “I’m not feeling well, and starting my day by getting shot with a cannon isn’t exactly helping.”

“A cannon? What…” Guji sighed while shaking his head, moving to keep up with her again. “Look, I will permit you to leave for today, but only today, understand me? I only ask for one thing in return.”

Fera rolled her eyes before stopping to face her headmaster. “What is it?”

“Answer my question, and do so honestly. Are you okay?”

“People keep asking me that.” Fera said sharply. “Do I look broken to you, Headmaster? Do I look like I’m not okay? I’m fine, really, I am. I’m just not feeling well. I’ll be better tomorrow.”

“You look tired.” Guji said, as Fera started walking away again. “There’s a lot on your mind at the moment.” She glanced over her shoulder with glowing irises burning brightly as she looked into his own eyes.

“Get out of my head.” she demanded.

His expression grew, if possible, more disheartened, more depressed. “You’re not a failure, Ferain. You’ve done good things.” Fera smirked wickedly as she changed the thought at the forefront of her mind, recalling an extremely vivid memory of Kiko’s face smeared into the crater she made by hammering down into it. The blood that covered the floor, that drenched her, and the way his distorted features hung loosely from the bone and visible muscle as he sat up to laugh at her again. Guji’s eyes widened as Fera shook her head.

“You have no idea. None of you do. I said to get out.”

“Very well.” Guji sighed. “My doors are always open for you, Ferain. I’m always willing to listen.”

“You, Anita, and now Marrow apparently. Yes, I have a lot of ears to talk into. I just want to be left alone.”

“That’s not true.” Guji stated. “You spent so much of your life searching for bonds, Ferain. I won’t believe that you’re ready to throw it all away because of a little fear and some self-doubt. But, I’ll give you your space, for today anyway. You’re expected in class tomorrow, all of them. If you fail to appear, I’ll have no choice but to give you detention.”

Fera scoffed as she spun and marched towards the exit. Later, probably only an hour or two after leaving the school behind, she found herself sitting on a transformer at the top of a wooden post, watching over the district that she lived in, or a small portion of it anyway. Her unwrapped right hand was resting in her lap, the scarred flesh being most of what caught her attention every few minutes. Whenever her focus was drawn away from her injury, she found herself feeling guilty, once again for her recent ‘temper tantrums’, as Anita called them. She was right, of course, Fera always had a bad attitude. It was why she injured that boy when she was a kid. It was why she charged ahead so recklessly during the team games or when she fought Copper in the cafeteria. It was why, against any sort of better judgment, she went on the offensive against Kiko right at the start.

She always let her temper get the better of her, and now, she was directing it at those closest to her. Guji, who was like a father to her, who had always done right by her, didn’t deserve the way she treated him. Anita didn’t deserve a partner who was constantly flying off the rails at every turn. This thought made Fera smile grimly as she curled and uncurled the fingers of her right hand.

“Hindsight, right, Guji? Always so pointless.”

After a short breath, she stared up at the blue sky overhead, watching as bundles of clean white clouds drifted by, forming different shapes or breaking apart to go and build up with another distant one. She thought about Christmas, and how nervous she was about giving Anita that flower. She thought about her meeting with Lilipa, and how her small friend compared her to Guji, who had become a role model of sorts for her. Guji was who she wanted to be when she got older. He was wise, strong, caring, and he was always there to offer help when it was needed. Still, he wasn’t a pushover either.

He would put his foot down about something, especially if he believed in it. This comparison was made a little over two weeks before, and Christmas was even sooner. It did feel like a lifetime ago now, but in reality, it wasn’t. It baffled her, then, as to how she could change so drastically in so little time. Her eyes darted around slowly before finding the park she met Yarin in after she found out he became the prime suspect in the murder case. Next to it was the gym she trained at with Anita and Yarin, as well as Kiko and Lilipa. It was the memory of Kiko and his smiling face, spewing out that insane laughter, that got her blood boiling again.

“It’s being here.” she said, finding her answer. “Too many memories, too many times I could’ve done something or figured something out. There had to be signs, more than just the others I missed near the end. I was too blind to see them though. I was too infatuated with the idea that I was finally getting what I wanted.” Struggling, she raised her right hand up in front of her, outstretched towards the sky as if she was trying to grasp it. After lowering it again, she sighed. “What do I do? If being here is what’s messing with me, how am I supposed to fix this? I can’t leave, this is my home. If I leave, where else am I supposed to go? What would you do, Mom?” she asked, watching a passing cloud drift by. “What would you tell me to do?”

She sat in silence for a moment, listening as the wind shifted her clothes and hair. Of course, there was no answer, from her mother or from herself. Disappointed, she stood, brushed her skirt flat, and stepped off of the transformer, vanishing over the side in a streak of blue and white electricity.