(A/N: This chapter jumps straight in from the last one.
Also, it may not come as a surprise to any given that there's a succubus involved but the following contains scenes of a sexual nature. I don't think it's too explicit or gratuitous, but that's just my opinion. So be warned.)
The distant sound of thunder began to encroach on my memories and the first rain-drops began to fall. There are many stories in which the presence of rain is a cliché and I am well aware of this. But sometimes, as you go about seeing to the fallen, rain begins to fall. It was fitting for me. I would have laughed at the irony of it but the laughter seemed as though it would be out of place at that moment.
Instead I wanted to cry.
I managed to lever Saffron's carcass out from the ash that was covering her. She didn't want to come free, her limbs were stiff and brittle after the fire and subsequent rainfall. It was only a little bit of consolation to discover that she was dead long before the fire had been set but...
There were ends of old leather tied to her ankles and wrists. As I wrote previously she had obviously been torn apart, probably by horses. I looked up from where I was working up to the tree where Kerrass was still struggling to free the corpse of Saffron's husband. He was having his own difficulty with the fact that he didn't want the body to just collapse to the ground. But he needed both hands to work the nails free.
I offered to help again but he either shook his head or ignored me. I couldn't tell from this distance. Instead I bent back to carefully brushing the sodden ash away from the succubus' body.
Another memory.
-
“And you're sure that you're ok with this?” I asked.
“Ok with what?” Pula was sat in one of the arm chairs reading the book that Kerrass had given to Sally. Sally was off somewhere doing whatever she did when she wasn't eating sleeping or reading. She had solemnly handed the book over to Pula before quickly eating her dinner, despite the fact that it was cold and congealing before running out into the summer air.
“She's your wife.” I told him incredulously.
“Precisely.” he told me without looking up.
“I don't understand.” I told him.
“Understanding is not required.” He told me with a grin. “Only obedience.”
“Is that a quote?”
“Yes.”
“But....”
“Look, Freddie, can I call you Freddie?”
I shrugged. It rather felt as though it was a little bit too late to be asking the question.
“Yes, she's my wife but she's also her own woman. You are human and you worship the holy fire, am I right?”
“Yes. Which is not helping by the way.”
“I can guess. First of all, let me reassure you again that she doesn't take your soul. She's not eating your soul as you mate but rather, feeding off your life essence.”
“Holy fire Pula, you're a nice guy, but that is, in no way, reassuring. What does that even mean?” My fear was making me angry.
“Your seed Freddie, we're talking about your seed. There's more to it of course...”
“Of course.”
“...But that's essentially it. She's not dissimilar from a human woman. The difference being that a human woman can take your seed and use it to help make another human. My wife will take that seed and use it as sustenance.”
“That doesn't make me feel any better.”
“I know.
“But....Are you sure you're ok with this?” I asked him again.
“Are you asking me if I'm jealous?”
“I suppose so.”
He considered this for a moment, marking his place in the book with a finger. “A little,” he admitted. “But she'll come back to me eventually.”
“I just....” I began, searching for the right words. “I just don't understand it. How you can be ok with this?”
“How could I stop her?” He countered. “She is much stronger than I am physically, she can run much farther and faster and apart from all of that, she has access to fire magic as well as her more natural powers and skills. Pheromones and such like.”
“Phere-what?”
“Pheromones....If you don't know it's hard to explain. Basically she is almost designed to be sexual and to attract men, whether they want to be attracted to or not. She gives off this aura, call it magical or chemical but it's probably both, that reaches past a man's civilising characteristics and causes him to fall into lust with her, giving him an urgent need to...well....fuck her. She can emphasise or restrain these things according to her whim.”
“So what you're saying is, that if she wants me she's going to have me.”
“Pretty much.”
“But you're ok with this?”
He sighed, carefully placed a book mark and examined me.
I was pacing in the trio's living area and it was about mid-afternoon. Kerrass had read the provided book before telling me to be good and do what I was told. An order that had caused Sally to laugh aloud. He then left, leaving my still incredulous and insistent outrage in his dust.
Pula had cleared up the cooking remains before sitting and beginning to read. I had oscillated between sitting and pacing nervously before Pula had advised me to rest properly as I would need my strength.
“What is it that you're really trying to ask me Freddie?”
“I just....” I struggled for words.
“I promise that I won't be offended, although I cannot promise that I won't laugh aloud.”
“WHYYYY?” I all but yelled at him. “Why are you ok with this? She's your wife!”
“Yes. She is. But she's not my property. Look. I get that you're a follower of the church of the holy flame and I understand that they use the phrase, “Love honour and obey” in a vow that the wife has to swear before they are married. But....that's not what happens here.
“Saffron is a beautiful, wonderful, individual woman that I love a great deal. It is an enormous privilege that she has chosen to remain here with me and it is not a privilege that I take lightly. I am also aware that that privilege can be taken away at a moment's notice. She, needs to love and be loved by multiple people, the broader the variety in that, the better for her. It's how she maintains her existence. I can feed some of that by being a Doppler but sooner or later she just needs that other person. To deny that is to deny who she is.
“She wouldn't be.... She wouldn't be Saffron without that and I find that it makes the return all the sweeter. When she does come back it is all the better for it. Also, she is not in the least bit demanding or jealous in return and when the opportunity presents itself, she is more than happy with it if I go off and have a little adventure or two.
“Hell, on more than one occasion she's even asked to join in. Just as I've joined in on her games on more than one occasion.”
“What do you mean?”
“What on earth makes you think that I am only male?”
My mind boggled. “You mean that you can....?”
“Oh yes.”
“And you....?
He grinned at me without answering. After a while he took up his book again. “I would take the opportunity to freshen up if I were you. There's a hot water tank out back, run yourself a bath.”
“How do you get hot water up here?”
“I had a wizard do it in return for a long essay on the inherent evil of the female form.” He told me with a smile. “Saffron took the opportunity to wear her smallest outfits which meant that she was, essentially, just wearing some jewellery with a belt, and spent her time doing stretches and things around the place. The poor man was sweating and shaking by the time she went out before he left.”
There was no denying that the image was funny and I had left to do what I was told.
-
The rain was getting thicker now but I wasn't cold. I had to force myself to go and get a cloak from my packs to keep dry. I dimly managed to decide that I was in some kind of grief related shock. I found that I liked the rain and didn't want it to stop, but I also knew that the chances of being able to dry my clothes was a remote one.
Kerrass had managed to get Pula of his tree now and had laid him next to the blankets that contained Saffron and Sally. We stood together, looking down at them.
“Do you want to say anything?” I asked Kerrass.
“Oh yes. Oh, but I have so many things I want to say.” He stopped suddenly. He'd closed his eyes and gritted his teeth for a moment before he relaxed. “But not just yet.”
“What do you want to do? Bury them?”
Kerrass seemed to think for a minute before nodding. “Yeah. There used to be a shed out back that might have some tools still in them. See if there's a shovel?”
I nodded and did what I was told. Even then I needed to root through some wreckage to find what I wanted. Kerrass took the shovel off me without a word. He hadn't moved from where I had left him.
“Is this something you want to do by yourself, or is it something I can help with?” I asked him after a long moment.
“No,” a small, sly and incredibly sad smile crossed his face. “I remember how bad you are at physical labour, remember?”
“I do,”
“I'll do it.” He told me. “Go and....” He had to take a deep breath, wiping some water from his eyes. “Go and see if the other cabin is usable for some shelter or if they burnt that too. I don't want to have to go back down to the village tonight if I can possibly help it but we can't spend a night out in this.”
“We've slept in worse.” I commented, already backing off to the much smaller path.
“We have, but I don't want to sleep in the rain tonight if I can help it.”
I nodded, trying for a smile but Kerrass was already marking out a square to start digging.
I turned and strolled across towards the beginning of Saffron's little path.
She had a secret little path that she liked to walk at night, up the hill, through the trees and along to where she had a private cabin. Turns out that she wasn't so thoughtless regarding Pula's feelings that she would take her other lovers to her marital bed.
Unless he wanted her to of course.
I sighed. The place seemed somehow empty of life, empty of...meaning without the three of them. The trees seemed to hang limp like rags and the grass lacked the shine and the...the lustre that that grass should have. You know, good, clean and above all “green” grass. It was as though the land surrounding the two cabins, itself was mourning the departed.
For all I know that might have been exactly what was happening. Spirits and Succubi affect the world in ways that we can't even begin to imagine.
The path was winding, twisting back in on itself past several flat areas of grass that were devoid of root, rock or branch. A bed of flowers that Saffron used to cultivate, sleep on and occasionally frolic on.
But I saw that the knights had found this path too. There were broken branches everywhere and deep, heavily booted imprints all over the ground so that even I could track them.
I sighed. If Kerrass wanted shelter then I guessed that we would have to go down to the village tonight.
I carried on anyway.
Another memory.
-
Saffron had come for me just as the sun was setting. It was a beautiful sight. As far as I could tell she hadn't changed her clothes or her jewellery. Her hair was still the same, long cascading waterfall of hair but there was definitely something different about her. When she opened the door to the cabin Pula made himself scarce, off through one of the doors but it would have been impossible for me to notice which one it was. He was right. I didn't really have a choice. Even if I had been trying to resist going with her I don't think I would have managed it.
There was a luminescence about her. She was glowing and the sun seemed to set around her. She just walked over to me and looked down at me from where she stood. She raised her eyebrow in a question although, as I sit here at my desk to write this, I honestly couldn't tell you what the question was. She must have seen what she wanted to see because she bent down and took me by the hand, lifting me up and led me out into the fading days light.
In the distance I could hear pipes being played.
“Sally,” she told me. “She read a book on how to make these little pipes, spent days carving them with this little knife that Pula made for her and hours more practising them until she could get it right. I have never heard focus or determination like it in audible format.”
I nodded. I was desperately trying to keep hold of my sanity. I could feel my cognitive function slipping away from me as though pulled beneath the waves. I felt as though I was drowning. I shook my head in an effort to clear it.
She laughed when she saw it.
“Still fighting me?” The path was wide enough now that she was walking next to me. She still had a firm grip of my hand but we had stopped. I had the distinct feeling that if I had wanted to stop then she would have allowed it.
“I don't know,” I told her and I really didn't. “It feels like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff. I know that I can jump in and that it will be exhilarating and wonderful...”
“Not to mention, insanely pleasurable,” she said with a mischievous smile.
“That too. Or at least so I'm told.”
She acknowledged that point. “But...”
“I'm also terrified of the jump.”
She nodded. “There is time, while we wait. Also there is some time to walk as well and if I may. I have a question of my own.”
“Oh?”
We had started to walk again. I could feel the heat from her body. She was holding my hand and there was no other, physical contact but I could feel the shape of her. I could feel her arms and her chest and her legs and her....
“Yes.” She said startling me. “Without wanting to boast or put you off. I am a Succubus and I have known many men. You understand that I'm talking in a religious sense of the word right?”
The stars were coming out and the sound of the wind in the leaves combined with the sound of her voice was hypnotic and oh so arousing.
“I do.”
“But here's the thing.” She went on. I could hear her gentle laughter running through the voice. “I know that you are attracted to me. That's not arrogance talking. That's not me saying that I know that I am beautiful or that I know that you must be attracted to me because of what and who I am. I know that you are attracted to me because I can feel it in my blood. It's part of who, and what I am.”
There was a small clearing in the trees next to the path. The floor of the clearing was covered in flowers, a bed of flowers with blue and purple petals covering it.
The term “bed of flowers” scuttled through my brain like a marble or a rubber ball bouncing in a box.
I was overwhelmed by the urgent desire to kiss this woman in front of me and drag my hands through her hair.
“Is that all?” she asked me with a sly smile and a twinkle in her eye. “We can do much more than that. I promise that the grass and the flowers are soft.”
I groaned and backed away shaking my head.
But she didn't let go of my hand.
“You see that?” She asked me. We had started walking up the hill again. I could begin to see the outlines of a house. There were windows through which I could see the fire light and the smell of the wood smoke and the flowers began to combine with the scent of this woman.
My arousal was almost painful.
“You see that?” She said again. “That's what I'm talking about. You're fighting your own arousal. You have yourself in a grip, a death grip of control. I don't think it's me that you're terrified of. I think that you're afraid of letting yourself lose control.
I groaned, again and forced myself to look at the stars. To pick one and focus on it. It was a mistake as all I could imagine was that same star reflected in Saffron's eye.
“It's actually quite impressive.” She told me. I could hear her laughter along with a certain amount of her own lust in her voice. “You will not be surprised to learn that you are not the first person that I have brought up here. Nor will you be surprised to learn that I am using my powers on you. It is a self building cycle. I wanted you from the moment that I saw you.”
I swallowed and clenched my first, digging my fingernails into my palm in an effort to distract myself.
“So because I want you, then you want me. Because you want me, I want you more. It's a cycle. I can feel your desire. Other men have not resisted this much. Not without help anyway. Witcher's are always more controlled, as are others who have certain....magical advantages over normal humanoids. But other men don't even bother to resist their own desires. Normally I have been grabbed and pushed up against a tree, or thrown down onto the bed of flowers before we get to this point on the trail. Often multiple times. So why do you resist?”
I had to take several deep and calming breaths. My normal, one quick, in and out breath wasn't going to cut it this time.
“Can you.....uhh.... Can you turn off the.....”
“My allure?”
“Yeah, that...”
She must have done something as my....oh, lets call it what it is.... My erection became less painful. I still didn't dare look at her though.
“Is it such a bad thing to have self control in the face of a beautiful woman?” I asked her.
Dammit, I had meant to not look at her. She was smiling at me but her eyes were hooded with her own desire. I turned away again.
“That depends,” she answered. “Largely on the circumstances and the situation. But let's say this. Let's say that the circumstances and the situation are not...what they are. Why is self-control so important to you? Especially in the face of a beautiful woman? You have taught yourself to be this way Freddie. Why?”
She still had hold of my hand and we had moved up so that we were just outside the front door of the cabin. I could barely breathe with desire.
“I don't want to be that guy.” It felt like a lot of effort to get those words out. As though I was forcing them out past gritted teeth.
“What guy?”
She had moved up behind me and I could feel her breath on my neck.
I shivered.
“A rapist.”
She laughed at me. “A rapist. I never met anyone less like a....”
“You're missing the point.” I told her. “I lived in a university town for several years. I suppose technically I still live there. Lots of young, attractive people having left home for the first time, tasting their first freedoms. They get drunk, one thing leads to another and they have sex.”
“Sounds natural to me.” She had reached round me and was stroking my chest. Flame help me but I could feel her breasts pushing against my back.
“Except when it isn't.” I told her, pulling away so that I could think.
She wouldn't let go of my hand though.
“A friend of mine made a mistake.” I told her. “Just a little mistake. But it ruined his life. He was seeing a girl, a nice girl that I liked a lot. But one day troops came and dragged him out of his bed to go and stand trial.
“As it turned out the couple used to enjoy a little rough-housing in their sexual play.”
“They liked it rough you mean,” I could feel her smiling.
“Maybe. I never asked for clarification. But then one night it went to far. I don't know what happened but it would seem that she wasn't into it one night but he couldn't tell. He couldn't tell, he didn't see the problem until it was too late. He was heartbroken, that was the thing that I kept coming back to. He loved that girl with all of his heart but then he slipped up. Till the day that he left Oxenfurt he swore that he didn't mean to hurt her. He swore that he loved her. I believed him. His life was ruined though and he was sent away as the courts took his side of the story. Because of course they did. But now he was a rapist and no-one wanted to go near him.
“But then the other side is also true. Another good friend of mine, also driven from Oxenfurt because of what happened. She came in sobbing after a night at some kind of....party out on the lawns. She says that she woke up in the early hours of the day, with her clothes strewn around her, covered with what she described as bodily fluid. She was distraught, traumatised and if I had caught the bastards that did that to her I would have killed them myself.”
I looked up at the stars and shivered.
“I used to see it all the time. I used to work with a girl during my aborted attempt to become a doctor. She was a nice girl, exceedingly pretty but she was a friend first. We had a good working relationship and I found that I didn't want to spoil that. One day I was talking to her after class, moaning about lecturers or something similar.
“I remember it distinctly.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
“The university has this piece of lawn where students and lecturers like to sit and argue. We would like to tell each other that we're debating but we're arguing really and we all know it. So the girl and I were chatting,
Carla was her name, short blonde hair and bright blue eyes that shone in the sunlight.
“Then another man walked up and wanted to talk to her. He greeted me first as I remember before turning to her. His eyes hooded and his mouth hung open in lust. He was practically drooling.
“I'll never forget it.
“She turned to him, saw what was happening and her face fell. It literally almost collapsed in on itself. Suddenly this bright and happy young woman was insulating herself and protecting herself against this man's feelings.
“You wanna know what happened? The man, I think his name was Owain, wrote to his father about her and the two were engaged to be married six months down the line. I remember that she was happy at the wedding day.
“It was one of the reasons I changed my field of study to history. I wasn't happy with medicine anyway but that was just the icing on the cake. She was a fantastic teacher, lab-partner and co-worker, and to see her so....robbed of....Flame but I don't even know what I'm talking about any more.”
“Did you love this girl?”
“Flame no,”
“I think the man protests too much.”
I laughed. “I liked the girl. She made me laugh and yes she was beautiful. In another life I would have been happy to marry her or have a mutually consensual roll or two in the hay. But then and there I just didn't feel it.”
I sighed.
“It was early on in my student tenure. I had been in university a matter of weeks, but that was the moment that I decided not to be that guy. No girl would ever be made to cry by me. No action of mine would ever be misconstrued. I would never rape a woman or allow myself to be in a situation where it might happen by accident like what happened with my friend. I would never be that guy.”
There was silence for a while before I could feel a chuckle start in the chest that was pressed against my back.
She moved round me and stood looking up at me with a huge smile. Part mocking, part kind. “Are you asking me, a succubus, for consent?” She laughed as she said it.
I felt my own laughter rise to meet hers.
“The truth is...”I told her. “Even if you gave me your consent, I'm not sure I would know what to do with it.”
She looked surprised.
“I thought Kerrass said that you had satisfied the best.....No..... You're not a virgin. You know what to do.”
“I know what to do it. But I don't know how to bridge the gap between laughing and joking with a woman to kissing and fondling. Then again from that to....well....everything else. Even with those Courtesans or the two lovers that I had back in University, they had to be the ones that started....proceedings.”
“Oh.” She said. She was laughing again. “Then let me make it perfectly clear,” Suddenly her grip was like steel and there was no getting away from it. I couldn't have pulled away from her if I tried. She reached into my trews and pull out my rather....
It seems that I'm still prudish enough to struggle to talk about this.
She took my manhood out and held it in her hand.
I groaned at the contact making her smile and lick her lips. Her other hand came round and cupped the back of my neck pulling me close.
I didn't resist, I was completely under her spell by this point. She extended her legs so that she could whisper in my ear.
“You are very sweet.”
The hand holding me.... I don't know how else to say this....rippled. I sighed as she held me close. I wasn't there yet but I could feel my legs growing weak. She was so strong. Not that I was surprised but she supported my weight easily.
“But do you think you could do anything to me that I didn't want you to?”
Her hand rippled up and down my manhood again. I whimpered
“But just to assuage your concerns.” She was barely whispering. I could hear her only as a breath on my ears.
That, and her body pressed against mine was intensely erotic.
“Anything that you do....”
Her hand rippled.
“Anything that you want to do....”
Another ripple.
“Is fine by me.”
Another ripple.
“Indeed I look forward to it.”
I was breathing quickly now. My breath coming in groans.
“You don't need to hold back.”
I gasped.
“You don't need to worry about my pleasure. Mine will come and believe me when I say that you will be ready again much sooner than you might think.”
I was trembling as she held me on the very edge of the cliff.
“You don't need to show off to me. You can let go and I will catch you. You can surrender and I will keep you safe. Then when you want to take some control you can do so with my blessing.”
I made a sound, somewhere between a whimper and a moan.
“You are a good man Lord Frederick.” She whispered. “This won't change that.”
Her hand rippled again and I whined.
“Now let go.”
She kissed me and I did what I was told.
It took me a little while to recover but when I did she was standing in front of me with the smile of a cat that had just caught the mouse.
“A good start,” she commented with a gently mocking smile.
“A start,” I found my smile coming back. “I hope you don't mind if I ensure that you get some as well though right?”
She laughed. “You know that you don't need to show off though right?”
“No, but what if I want to?”
She was still holding onto me. I felt a rebellion start somewhere in my belly and I grabbed her back in a mirror to her own embrace, one hand on the back of her neck and the other reaching between her legs.
She let out her own gasp of delighted surprise and pleasure.
“What can I say,” as I started with one of my older tricks and then it was her turn to hold onto me. “I like doing it.”
-
The cabin was a ruin.
There hadn't been a fire set this time. I guessed that they had been pushed for time and had wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, but even then I could see that the door had been caved in with an axe and the wooden walls had been splintered with hammers and kicked in with armoured boots. Going inside I found the contents of the small....well....hut had been tossed and searched. Rotten food had been smeared up the walls, the bed had been tossed aside and splintered, the mattress had been slashed to pieces.
Men had defecated up against the walls and the walls had been daubed with graffiti. It made me sick and I didn't stay long.
I didn't want to remember this small room like this.
I left and stood in the doorway. It felt like only yesterday that I had stood here and made love to a beautiful woman and she to me before we had gone inside.
She had taught me so much in the three days that we spent together. She gave me the confidence that I had been sadly lacking. And she had loved me in her own way.
We had lain together for hours and talked. She also taught me a few more tricks that I had used later on other women, much to my amusement and their pleasure.
She had lain next to me, both of us covered in sweat and panting in happy fulfilment. She had stroked the side of my face and told me that “Some day, you are going to make some woman really happy.”
I sat down on the ground and allowed myself a few minutes in the rain to have a few quiet tears.
It felt like long time ago. Since those three days with Saffron I had been tortured, had my soul removed and tortured, gone mad, regained my sanity. Lost family members to disappearance, murder and banishment. I had learned how to properly respect women of the night as well as learning so much more about women in general. I'd been poisoned, shot, stabbed, and killed my first man.
Then I had killed several more people.
I had fallen in love twice. Once was with an ancient and unknowable being of over 900 years in age and the other with a woman in a green dress with red hair who was much better than I deserved. I had met living myths and legends. I had spoken with a dragon and talked to the ghost of a King as well as being put through approximations of the Witcher's trials.
I had learned to fight. I had learned to kill.
I had learned more about the world than I had even thought had been there to be learned. I had learned of the evils of my own prejudices and had been forced to set most of my own drama's and behaviours aside as childish things.
I looked back at that....man.....that boy that had come here with Kerrass all that time ago. I thought he was incredibly naïve and I was no longer entirely certain that I even liked him that much. I had already started my journey on the way towards being the man that I was today back when I saved that baby from Nekkers all that time ago. I had taken another step that day nest to a bridge when I helped bury a troll. That had been the beginning of my journey towards being a better man.
But I had taken a significant step here. With these three creatures. These three people that the majority of society would kill or condemn them as monsters. That HAD condemned them for what they were. They had devoted their lives to the preservation of knowledge and even though I didn't entirely agree with their methods or their reasons for doing so. I had thought that an important goal.
I wept for them then because I was pretty sure Kerrass wouldn't and these people deserved tears.
That was how Ariadne found me.
She sat down next to me. She didn't say anything. She didn't have to. She just sat and waited for me to calm down a little.
“What happened?” She said after a while, handing me a small cloth for me to wipe my eyes.
“We don't know, for sure.” I told her, staring into space. “Could I?...”
“Could you what?”
“Could I have a hug?” I still wasn't entirely comfortable with physical intimacy between us. I needed to be warned or to ask in advance. It sounds silly when I say it like this but....
For her part, Ariadne was content to take it slowly. We were working up to things but I was still very aware that my automatic response is to reflexively flinch away from her. For her part she was still learning to interpret humanity's intimate signals so we had agreed to not be embarrassed about asking if we could, or asking if we wanted something.
Yes, this is partially fed by what I had told Saffron all that time ago.
“Of course you can.”
She shuffled closer and put her arm round me. It took me a while to collect myself.
“Ok.” I said after a while. “Thank you for coming.”
“Of course I came.”
I nodded and put my own arm round her. She stiffened at first but relaxed. She smiled though so I decided that it was ok.
“What can I do to help?”
“Let me show you the library.” I told her and stood.
She was wearing what I liked to refer to as her “evil Queen” get up. It was a large, voluminous black dress that looked as though it wrapped around her, tied together at the waist by a belt. I had looked before but I could never find any corsetry, ribbing or anything. There was very little accentuation of her gender, it showed no cleavage, nor did it hug her hips or display and leg. But I won't lie. I found it incredibly sexy. She had a satchel of brown leather slung over her shoulder as well as various pouches off her belt. She also had her long golden staff with her.
I held my hand out to her. With a look of pleased surprise, she took it and we walked down the hill together as I told her about what had been here.
“I'm so sorry,” she told me when I told her about the three dead. “I'm so sorry.”
“I'm sorry too.” I told her. I don't know why. I thought that there was a bit of guilt there. I was mourning the death of a previous lover. Ariadne was getting to the point of knowing me well though.
“Don't be,” she told me. “You had no obligation to me. We hadn't even met and you would not have been able to resist a Succubus if she put her mind to having you. No man could, not even Kerrass. I'm not jealous.”
Something about her tone caught me and I looked at her sidelong as we walked down the hill.
“Well, ok. Maybe a little bit.” She smiled at me lopsidedly. “But only in so much as that you and she loved each other and that she had had you before I got the chance. Can I ask you a question?”
I nodded.
“I promise I won't get cross or upset.” She told me. “But did you love her?”
I thought about this for a minute as we walked gently and slowly down the hill. Suddenly, the rain didn't seem as important with Ariadne being around. If anything I welcomed the fresh feeling of the air. As though it was washing the world clean.
“I did.” I said after a while. “I did love her, for the three days that we had together. She wouldn't let me love her for any longer than that. We parted with that understanding and I may say that she played me like a lute. I couldn't have put up with all of the other things that would have come with loving a Succubus anyway.”
“Would you take it correctly if I told you that I'm glad.” A look of horror crossed her face. “Not that she's dead. But that she...”
“I understand Ariadne.” I smiled to let her know that I wasn't angry. “I get it. She was good to me though. Without her there would be a good chance that I wouldn't have had the nerve to talk to you the way I did all that time ago.”
“Then I should thank her as well.” she smiled.
Kerrass was just filling in the last of the grave that he had dug. I saw that he had put the little straw doll that I had found in with Sally's grave and found that I was absurdly pleased.
He saw us coming, “Nearly done,” he told us. “Be with you in a minute.”
We nodded and I went off to show Ariadne where the remains of the library was. Her being her, she ignored the smoke and the flame and strode down the steps, the smoke billowing ominously as she moved.
It was a good job that I loved her otherwise I would have been even more terrified by that.
I went to stand with Kerrass who was resting on his spade.
“The cabin's a wreck.” I told him, “although to be truthful. I'm not sure that I would want to sleep in it anyway.”
He nodded at that, “Kareen will put us up tonight,”. His eyes were vacant and glassy. It was like he wasn't home. He nodded again, and I supposed he was carrying out some kind of internal monologue and nodding to something that he had heard. “I'm going for a look at the tracks,” he told me. His voice sounded odd but I couldn't have said why. “See if I can find something out.”
“Ok. Just....”
He smiled at me. “Don't worry Freddie. I'll come back. I promise.”
“Today though? Not some time next week though right?”
He nodded but then was gone into the grass.
I went and stood next to the grave for a while looking down at them.
It was a very odd experience. I had known people who had died. Of course I had. I had stood next to my Father and brother's grave. I had stood next to the grave's of people that I had killed. But somehow this was different. This had hit me harder than any of them and as I stood there, I tried to figure out why.
I still don't have an answer although I do have a number of theories.
I had spent a little over three days with these people. Not all of it had been in Saffron's bed, or in any of the other imaginative places that she decided that she wanted to take me. I ate with the family on a couple of occasions and had the privilege to observe them as they interacted. (Despite the rather personal questions that Sally had sometimes asked as well as one rather mortifying moment when Pula asked Saffron how I was performing)
There was love in that cabin. Sally loved her pseudo parents, Pula and Saffron's affection for each other was obviously very deep and they both cared about Sally a great deal. It was a warm place and I found that I..... That I missed it when it was gone. My own families interactions are much more remote with each other, much more....calling them cold is wrong. I have no doubt that my family loves each other in their own way and I also hope that they certainly know how much I love them. But there was an....
intimacy to it that I found seductive and attractive.
There was also the factor that.... I hope this doesn't sound too awful.... Tom and Annie the trolls had started me on the understanding that not all monsters are monstrous. However with Pula, Saffron and Sally, they were the first “monsters” that I had met who challenged me on an intellectual basis. They had showed me that intelligence and conscious thought wasn't just the purview of the more humanoid species. But of the others too.
There was laughter in that place. Laughter and kindness and learning and decency and.....integrity. In many ways there had been more of those things here than there had been in my own home when I had been growing up. Pula told me once after chastising Sally for not cleaning up her dishes that theirs was a house of standards.
They weren't my morals or my standards. Personally I wouldn't have held all that information back from those other places of learning. I could see his points and understand his fears but I supposed that I was a little bit more optimistic about the continent's.....capacity and treatment for knowledge.
That said something about me. I made a note of it and went back to my journeys with the objective of taking these thoughts out at a later date and going back over them.
I had never done that. What with one thing or another I had never quite gotten around to it. I could say why. Obviously I could, meeting Ariadne, losing your parents and elder brother will do that. But now it felt as though I had somehow let them down.
I hadn't even thought about all of this, the three of them, my time with Saffron, for months, years even. It felt as though I had done them a great disservice to them.
“You ok?” Ariadne was slapping soot and ash from her dress as she walked back out into the rain before swearing. “Should have done this inside,” she muttered before coming over to stand next to me and putting her arm round me.
I accepted the arm with a smile which I hoped conveyed the depth of feeling that was running through me.
“No,” I said after a while. “No, I'm not.”
She tensed her arm to bring me closer. It was an invitation for a closer embrace and I found that I wanted it. We moved closer and I put my arm round her as we stood there for a moment looking down at the graves. It wasn't a false statement that I had made before. Without these people, would I have had the guts to talk to this woman in the way that I had. I somehow found that I doubted it.
Kerrass came out of the undergrowth. Ariadne pulled away from me and offered him a hug. “I'm so sorry,” she told him.
He briefly accepted the hug before pulling away.
“What did you find?” I asked him.
“Knights, or heavy cavalry. Shod horses. At least twelve but no more than 20. Three groups from all directions. They knew exactly where the cabin was and knew exactly what they were dealing with. I found silver arrowheads in the remains of the fire. Sally was killed first as she went out to greet them presuming that they would be friendly. Then they captured Saffron and Pula, Saffron struggled free and killed at least two that I could tell with her fire magic and before they could restrain her. Then they nailed Pula to a tree, and pulled Saffron apart in front of him.”
“Bastards” I muttered.
“Why would they do that?” Ariadne asked after another moments silence.
“Flaming swords,” I commented. “The villagers told us that they had flaming swords on their armour and heraldry. I don't recognise them but that doesn't mean very much. Mark was telling me in Toussaint that there have been a lot of new “Holy” orders of knights been founded after the loss of, and the later disgrace of the remnants of the flaming rose over in Temeria and Redania.”
I shrugged.
“Lots of younger sons and disgruntled knights that need employment that don't want to go back to work after the end of the war. Same thing that meant that Lord Fuck-face's rebellion managed to get so many recruits back in Angraal.”
“So you think it's a religious thing?” Ariadne asked. Kerrass had walked off a little way to stare out over the, now, rain-swept valley and was no longer listening.
“I don't know.” I said. “Is it odd that I kind of hope that it isn't. I think it's much more likely that the religious thing is an excuse. Some kind of....explanation that gives people the excuse to do the horrible things that they want to do.”
Ariadne shuddered and, not for the first time, I felt the guilt of being a worshipper of the holy flame. The guilt of association to all the fanatics and torturers that the sect seemed to attract. Not for the first time I considered renouncing my religion for this reason and not for the first time I realised that it wasn't the religion's fault. That people will always find an excuse to do despicable things.
Ariadne was looking at me. I cleared my throat on the second attempt.
“How's the.....” maybe it was the third attempt. “How's the library?”
“I won't lie Freddie,” She brushed some more soot from her dress now that she had been reminded of it. “It's in a bad way. I'm going to need to bring some people in. Not least because there's so much of it.”
“Who did you have in mind? Pula, the Doppler, once told me that there was some dangerous information in there that he didn't want to fall into the wrong hands.”
“I was thinking of Margarita.”
“Laux-Antille?”
“Yes. She's still, mostly putting together a new magical school after Aretuza was sacked. I like her, she doesn't seem to care about the politics of the world. She's one of those rare minds that only cares about teaching so I think this might be well suited to her. She might even make it a school thing and get the students to work on it. She would also respect the fact that there are such things as dangerous knowledge without the knowledge itself being evil.”
I nodded.
“Sounds good.”
We stood there for a bit longer. I guessed that neither of us really knew what to say. I was happy to see her, excited by the fact that I was seeing her but also... I didn't want to be excited or happy. I wanted to be sombre. I stared over at Kerrass. He hadn't moved for a while.
“Freddie,” Ariadne said quietly. “The two of you are going to do something drastic aren't you?”
“Yeah.” I said looking at the curve of Kerrass' back and the almost quivering tension in his body. I could also feel the rage in my belly. It was a small thing really and I hadn't noticed it until I had looked for it but it was there. I also thought that it might be the thing that had kept me from grieving too hard. “Yes I think we are.”
I sighed and looked back at her.
“To everyone else, these are three dead monsters and to far too many people in authority, the only good monster is a dead one.”
Her face was unreadable.
“The other thing is... that if these men were knights then there's almost certainly nobleman's sons in amongst them. If we took this to the authorities then the killer's families will apply political pressure meaning that nothing will get done. Then there's the religious aspect. If they are church knights. Regardless of how legitimate or illegitimate they might be. They would claim that there was provocation and the courts would, almost automatically, side with them for fear of bringing down the entire weight of the greater church down on them.”
“So what then?”
“As you say.” I told her. “We'll do something drastic.”
She nodded. Her face was the familiar mask that I could recognise from all that time ago.
“I'm so sorry, my love.” I told her.
The first time that I had called her that as well. Not the way I wanted that to happen but at the same time, I felt as though I had to say it. I needed to say it. After all, it was true.
“It's alright.” She said. “It's not you, the Empress or the Duke of Angraal. Just some jumped up bastards who don't know that they're evil.”
“It's not alright.” I told her. “It's not alright.” It felt as though it bared repeating.
“Then we will make it alright.” She said with a tired smile. After a moment that smile turned vicious and I abruptly found her more attractive. “Can I help?” She asked me with a certain amount of relish.
I grinned savagely to answer her but, fortunately for everyone, my brain caught up a little.
“No,” I said. “I mean I want you to. Nothing would make me happier than to take these bastards on with you beside us but....”
I sighed.
“I'm protected by my rank, status and my fame,”
“and your notoriety.” She was smiling, she saw my point.
“Kerrass isn't important enough and I can, and will, kick up enough of a stink until he's ok. But if you do this or are involved then you're just another dangerous monster and you prove them right.”
She was nodding.
“You're right.” She said. “I don't like it but you're right.”
I nodded. “Wait a while, I still need to talk to Kerrass.”
“I'll be back in the cabin.”
Kerrass didn't react as I approached so I stood and waited for him.
It was a long time before he spoke.
“I'm sorry Freddie.” He said. His voice sounded creaky and dusty. “I know I promised you that we would hunt for your sister. I am aware of the hypocrisy in this and the selfishness of this.”
He looked at his shoes.
“I'm so sorry that I have to let you down.” He told me “But.... I need to do something about this.”
“I know Kerrass.” I told him.
“I'm going to kill those men.” He told me. “I'm going to fucking murder them for what they did here. These people were my family. They weren't Witchers but they were my family.”
He turned to face me then. His face was awful. “They healed me when I was hurt. They cared for me in my anguish and they gave me love and affection when I needed it most. I told you that I've been married twice? When both wives died, I came here. I didn't go back to the keep, I came here.”
“I know Kerrass.”
“After I had avenged Princess Dorn, I came here. When my brothers died. I came here and without these people, I would have died a thousand times over. I cannot let this slide.”
I know Kerrass.”
“I just can't do it Freddie. I can't.”
I know Kerrass. It's alright.”
“I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry but I need to kill these bastards. I've been wandering around all day trying to think of how I can tell you that I need to leave you for a while so that I can go off and do this, especially after I gave you so much grief for your selfishness a few weeks ago, but....”
“It's alright Kerrass.” I had managed to get a bit closer and put my hand on his shoulder. “I get it. I understand.”
For a moment, a flash of rage crossed his face.
“They were your family.” I told him. “I get it. Of all people, I get it.”
His face softened. I stepped a bit closer and put my arms round him.
“So lets go get the bastards.” I told him. “Let's go get them.”
Kerrass sobbed and began to shake. I recognised the same symptoms from the time with the Grave hags and held onto him until his fit began to subside and he pulled away.
“Let's go get the bastards.” I told him again.
“Sorry,” he said again wiping his eyes.
“What for?”
“For....all of this.” He gestured. “For another delay.”
“My bastards will wait.” I told him. “Your bastards might still get away.”
He nodded again.
“Thank you Freddie.” He said. “I'll get the horses together,” He moved off.
Another memory.
-
We were packing our horses. Pula had come out with various supplies, dried meat, energy cakes and a full water bag. Pula was chatting with Kerrass about something and Saffron approached me.
There was a distance now, between us. We were no longer lovers and I no longer looked at her with any kind of desire beyond the aesthetic of knowing that I was looking at a beautiful woman. We were friends but I knew that we would, never again, be closer than that.
She grinned as she approached.
“So this is goodbye.” I told her with a smile.
Alright, we were close friends.
“It seems that way.” She told me.
“Do I get a hug?”
She laughed and threw her arms round me and kissed me on the cheek. “Of course you get a hug.”
“Can I ask a question?”
“Sure.”
“How did I do?”
She laughed. “Why did the creator give men their pride?” She grinned at me. Before tipping her head over onto one side to regard me, considering.
“Better than I expected.” She told me after a minute or two before smiling a more gentle smile “Much, much better than I expected to be fair.”
I nodded acceptance. “Then I will take that.”
“You should. Kerrass had told me that my expectations should be pretty high.”
We laughed before she hugged me again. “Come back and see us again Lord Frederick.” She grinned wickedly and the desire flashed across me for a moment. “Maybe you can show me some more of the tricks you pick up on the road,”
Ok, so we were close friends with the potential of some benefits at a future date.
“I will.”
She walked away to say her farewells to Kerrass and help him pry a weeping Sally from the Witcher's leg.
“High Praise,” Pula told me as he approached and held his hand out which I took and shook firmly.
“Really?”
“Oh yes. She doesn't often invite people back. Normally it's me that has to do the inviting. Just for the record though, you would be most welcome. Come back and see us when you're in this area of the world.” He smiled at me. “Listen though, could you do me a favour?” He asked.
“You mean other than making sure that you get a copy of my notes?”
He laughed as I had intended.
“Well obviously that. But Kerrass.” he pointed to where Kerrass was accepting his own hug from Saffron. “Don't judge him too harshly. Believe it or not, he likes you.”
“You are joking,” I told him. “How can you tell?”
“Because you're not lying in a ditch somewhere with your throat slit.” He said. At the time I wasn't convinced that he was joking. Now I'm more sure. “But seriously, you're the first person he's ever brought here. He respects you enough for that. Just....Be gentle when you come to write all of this up.”
“I will.”
He left. Sally had been avoiding me but when Pula had walked off a little way Saffron tackled me from behind with a hard and fast embrace. The godling was crying. “Will you come back and see us?” She asked through the tears.
“Of course I will.” I told her and smiled as I remembered our arrival. “I'll even bring you a present.”
“YAY!” She did a little dance. I laughed at how fast she had gone from tears to laughter before climbing on my horse moving to go. But I hadn't realised that Kerrass wasn't following yet. “
So answer honestly Saff.” He said to her from the back of his own horse. “How did he do?”
She laughed for a long while before considering him in the same way that she had looked at me earlier.
“Pretty good.” She told him as though she was saying it grudgingly. “”Top twenties. High Top twenties.”
A look of comical horror crossed his face.
“But you told me that I was only in the top thirty.” he protested.
“Did I?” She was fighting to keep a smile from her face. “So I did.”
“Son of a Bitch.” Kerrass snarled as he kicked his horse past mine and onto the path.
I was laughing and bowed my gratitude to Saffron who blew me a kiss.
I waved again and turned my horse to follow Kerrass.
It was later that night when he made me promise not to write about that library and the people guarding and maintaining it.
-
The three of us gathered in front of the three graves. The horses had been resupplied as Kerrass knew where Pula's hidden cache's of food were. We had refilled our water skins and Ariadne had gone off to make contact with the various people that she wanted to make contact with.
I didn't want to leave. But there was absolutely no reason to stay.
Once Ariadn'e's contacts arrived she would go back to carrying out her own research and fulfilling her own feudal duties. Not mention getting ready for a wedding. The place was a mess and all that would be happening would be that we would be reminded of happier times while at the same time being confronted with the bad.
But I didn't want to go.
It felt insulated against the rest of the world. The rain didn't help. The constant noise of water on grass, earth and the leaves drew the ear so that I couldn't, or rather my brain couldn't wind itself up to dealing with anything else. It was soothing and gentle in the way that Sunshine, wind or cold is not.
I decided then that I quite like the rain. It's when you combine rain with wind that you tend to get into trouble.
I turned to Kerrass. “Do you want to say anything yet?” I asked him.
“Hell yes.” He said, before taking a deep breath. He was still in that phase of his little episodes that I called “wobbly,” there was a slight tremble in his voice and in his hands. “Goddess but there is a lot I want to say.” He said after a few moments. “But not here. First I want to find the bastards that did this and then I want to kill them.” He said it through gritted teeth. “Then I will say the things that I want to say.”
We stood a bit longer in silence.
Kerrass turned away abruptly and without warning, from the sounds of it he had climbed up onto the back of his horse. Ariadne turned towards me. We had been standing with our arms round each other as we looked down at the three graves. It wasn't comfortable yet and there was still quite a bit of shifting around while we tried to stand together.
My arm over hers? Do I put my arm round her waist or her shoulders? How about the reverse? Both of us with our arms round each other's waists or shoulders or opposite.
Awkward? Yes. Also wonderful.
“It seems like we're heading off.” I told her. “You ok?”
“I am.” She said. “Be careful Frederick.”
“I will, you too.”
We stood facing each other for a moment through the rain. We were already parting again and I didn't want us to.
“I love you.” I told her.
She laughed.
“I had just opened my mouth to tell you the same thing.” She said before her face became subdued again. “I love you too Freddie.”
We looked at each other for a short while again before we turned away. Me to climb on my horse and for her to go back inside the cabin.
“You ready to go and kill some monsters?” I asked Kerrass.
“Goddesss yes.”
We rode away down the hill and I looked back.
I want to say that I saw the spirits of those three people, standing together. Pula and Saffron with their arms round each other in a way that spoke of much practice that Ariadne and I had not yet achieved, with Sally chasing after us waving and laughing.
But I didn't.
Instead I saw a ruined house and three graves, the earth already being beaten flat by the rain fall.
Last time I left here I was followed by Sally's laughter.
This time I was followed by the rain.
Time to go and kill some monsters.