Entry 143

So that was my stag do.

Again, I am writing this down so that I won’t forget it all. So that there is a record of the things that I have seen and done… Mark possibly doesn’t want me to do this all because then there will be a record of everything that we did. But at the same time, I want to remember and if I have anything to do with the matter, then no one will ever read this.

It is now two days later as I write this and I may admit that I am still recovering from everything, much to the amusement of Emma, Laurelen and Ariadne. Despite there being two Sorceresses in that particular trio, they refused to do anything to alleviate my symptoms of having overindulged that day. Once upon a time, I would have considered myself an able partaker of alcohol but now, I ache in places that I’m not supposed to ache in and am sore in other, entirely pleasant places to feel sore in.

The first guests are leaving today having taken the time to recover. The Empress is heading off back to Vizima to make sure that no one has burnt the place down in the meantime (her words) and to put things in place to make sure that everything will be ok for when she comes back for Ariadne’s party. Hugh and Evran are also making noises and Helfdan, the only one of us that seems to be not too the worse for wear, is wanting to be back at his Queen’s side.

Strange sounds are coming from my digestive tract and my headache is now at the stage where I can see rather than wonder if I need to come up with some way of moving around.

Kerrass is also fine or pretending to be. He has a potion that means that he can get rid of the effects of alcohol but apparently, there is a price to be paid for this as well so he does look a bit green.

The day did start with a disappointment though. Mark is feeling a little weak at the moment and wanted to save himself for the actual wedding day itself. So although he couldn’t take part in some of the more physically active things that Kerrass had planned, he did agree to join us for dinner that evening.

Where the dinner was going to be taking place, had not been made clear to us.

But we all dressed and met together for breakfast that morning which almost had the feeling of a war council. The temporary friendships that had been formed the previous evening were still in full effect and it did my heart good that Hugh and Evran had been accepted by the greater whole and the Skelligans in particular given that Evran was a musical soul.

Chireadean was laughing and joking with the Toussaint Knights as I came down, discussing wine that he served in his tavern and surprising Gregoire in particular with his breadth of knowledge. Breakfast was a very carnivorous affair. Big meats with lots of bread as well as jugs of water that were only lightly mixed with wine. Kerrass wanted us to be good and hydrated as we set off doing whatever it was that we were going to do.

There was laughter and a relaxed atmosphere that made me feel… at home. Something about the presence of friends will do that.

Kerrass was making the last few arrangements before we were all due to meet in the courtyard outside the castle but he came in briefly, practically bouncing with glee before he came and whispered in my ear that he wanted to talk to me outside.

Some good-natured cheering and jeering followed me out of the room as Kerrass escorted me to the entranceway to the castle where I was surprised to see Ariadne there, dressed in what is called a “day dress”. Angral is in the middle of preparation for the harvest that they are expecting to be fairly bountiful this year and given that she is going to be away for part of it, Ariadne is trying to be particularly hands-on with this part of the preparations for everything that is happening at the moment. She wore a long grey, hard-wearing smock that wouldn’t be out of place worn by some village matron, although it was made at a slightly higher standard and was more hard-wearing. It was dirty and dusty. She had her hair tied up and well out of the way while there was a smudge of dirt on her cheek.

Not for the first time, I decided that although I loved her when she is wearing all of her court fineries, her hair done up and her make-up properly applied. I thought she looked just as beautiful to me as this, if not more so.

But then again, I have also thought the same when she has emerged from a day's work in her lab, or when she is dusty from work in the library. Or wearing a cream travelling dress, or a black one, or one of the light summery dresses that she had worn to greet and unnerve visitors in the summer. Or one of the dark and sinister ones when she is making a point.

I am a very lucky man. I approached her and she smiled, the glint of mischief behind her eyes and her smile. We hugged and shared a brief kiss before Kerrass teased the pair of us.

“Oh put him down,” he told her. “There is work to be done.”

“You are right.” She admitted, making a play of breaking away from me reluctantly. “Although, in a short while, you would need your silver sword to break us apart.”

“Or a bucket of water.” Kerrass mused.

“Having said that,” Ariadne turned to me, pushing me away as I tried to brush the smear of dirt away with my thumb. “There is indeed work to be done at home so I will make this brief.”

She grinned at me.

“I do believe that I am the only person assembled, other than Kerrass, who knows everything that is going to happen with you and your friends today. Indeed, I helped to arrange some of it.”

Kerrass cackled and Ariadne shared a smirk of conspiracy with him.

“So I want you to know, that not only am I alright with everything that has been arranged for this couple of days.”

“Because it will last a couple of days.” Kerrass put in with a giggle. Ariane glared at him.

“But that I actively encouraged it.” She continued. “There are other days of greater joy ahead of us, and although I know that you are a man of principle and that you have thoughts about this kind of thing when it comes to the activities that men have in store for their stag dos. I want you to know that you have my blessing for it. Indeed, I know what is coming and I am looking forward to discussing it with you, at length when you are done. And if I find that you have stinted yourself, then you should know that when my time comes, in a week, I will not.”

She grinned at me evilly before leering suggestively.

“Not only that, but I will require there to be tales of how you outperformed all of your friends.”

She looked sidelong at Kerrass before a sudden new burst of mischief crossed her face.

“In fact, on that regard and given that there is a book running amongst certain circled, I have absolutely no guilt at all regarding cheating.”

She pulled me close and muttered something in my ear. A dart of arousal shot through me and I felt my manhood twitch in much the same way that it had when I had first met a succubus.

“What the fuck was that?” Kerrass appeared slightly outraged, but I rather think it was mostly a pretence.

“A minor form of what I am saving for our wedding night.” She told us both. “I know that you have been concerned about too much alcohol, dancing and food being in place to properly enjoy our wedding night. So I have taken the matter into my own hands and… taken some steps.”

Something in the way she smiled then, with her only occasionally displayed filthy sense of humour, sent another jolt of arousal through me and I almost reached for her. She saw it and winked.

“Enjoy yourselves, gentlemen, I await the reports with interest.”

She turned away and waved her hands in the air until a gate formed and she stepped through with it.

“That was mean,” I said.

“What?” He asked, “Letting her know what was going on?”

“No…” I winced, “not you. What she did.”

Kerrass laughed. “The lady is certainly determined and she didn’t want your morals or opinions getting in the way of having the time of your life.”

“The time of my life would involve her,” I told him as I did my best to think of something non-sexual. Like cabbage.

“True,” Kerrass told me before sighing. “There are some times,” he admitted. “That I envy you.”

Then he laughed.

“Not often, but sometimes.”

“Says the man who is in love with, and loved by, literally Sleeping Beauty.”

He laughed, another hopeful sign for the future rather than getting angry at the joke.

“Now fuck off.” He said. “There are still some last-minute things that I need to sort out.”

I rejoined the company and my discomfort soon lessened at the sight of Thorvald telling the story of Kerrass, Ciri and I attacking a Nilfgaardian sea-going vessel, again. Ciri was melting with embarrassment while Hugh was declaring, loudly, that that couldn’t have been me because I was a well-known chicken. There were protests on both sides of the debate until Chireadean had the bright idea to ask Ciri herself what she remembered. She admitted that she had been climbing in front of me and hadn’t seen much of what I had been up to. She did admit that she did see me on deck eventually though which seemed to confirm both sides of the discussion.

Eventually, though, Midday came around and we were all summoned out to the courtyard where we found our horses lined up in front of us. Each of them had been saddled and prepared with various bags and bundles on the back. Emma, Laurelen and Mark were all out watching as we walked up and into the sunlight while Kerrass grinned, all but dancing from one foot to the other.

“Now then.” He told us. “Here begins the day of celebration and the day where we celebrate one of our numbers and commiserate his passing from the land of bachelorhood to the realms of the married.”

Svein, Hugh and the two Knights of Toussaint jeered.

“Some of you know small parts of what is to come.” He told us all. “And although none of you knows everything. I charge you again to not spread the word of what is to come to others, and especially to our guest of honour.”

There was more jeering, only now it was more addressed towards me.

“The only thing that you have been told to bring with you,” Kerrass went on, “Is your personal weapons. Should all go well, you won’t really need them but even so…”

He grinned evilly.

“But I invite you to go to your horses and inspect those goods that have been tied to the saddle.”

We all started to move forwards.

“Most prominently, you will find a large water skin that is full of purified water that I got Lady Laurelen to purify this morning. I encourage you all to remain hydrated as otherwise, we have a long day ahead of us and you might not make it to the end. Barring our industrious cardinal of course..?”

Mark got a cheer as he lifted a hand in benediction. The traditional two fingers lifted up with the pinkie and ring finger tucked into the palm and the thumb held wide. He did it with a very solemn face and although there was nothing in his posture and his expression that spoke of humour, I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

“But the first person to drop out of the proceedings will face forfeits.”

“What will the forfeits be?” Ciri asked with a grin.

“They are many and varied.” Kerrass did his best to intone it with dour vocal stylings.

“You haven’t decided have you.” Rickard grinned as he yelled it and people started to laugh.

“THERE ARE MANY DIRE CONS… There are many dire consequences.” Kerrass finished.

There were more jeers. I was already enjoying myself and the day was only just beginning.

“Now, Mount up.” Kerrass went towardsBaby, his old black horse.

We rode out in a single file. I was towards the back half of the group, sandwiched between Sam and Ciri. It made me think of the group of kids and students that always hang out at the back of the class to tease each other and mock the teacher or the professor at the front. Better-natured jests to be sure, but the jesting was there.

Ciri looked like a woman that was having the cares of the world lifted from her shoulders, she started the process yesterday, shedding her Imperial persona along with the severe dresses and the formal style of speech. She had already spent a whole bunch of time adjusting her language towards the swearing and profanity-laden style of speech that she generally prefers over the rest.

Sam had appointed himself my nursemaid. He was already checking that I was alright with everything and that I was bearing up alright with everything that was happening. We were about halfway out of the castle when I asked him if he had been put up to the role, causing Chireadean, who was riding behind Sam, to snigger. Sam tried to act aloof and admitted that it was Emma that had set him to the task to make sure that I was alright through everything.

I will admit to not being entirely sure what to make of that before I convinced myself to see it as the loving gesture that it was and to get over myself.

We rode out of the castle, at first we were all trying to maintain a false air of dignity and sombre duty but it wasn’t long before the competition restarted as to who could belch the loudest. It seemed that there were two sides to the matter, the side of the bastards, including Chireadean, Padraig and Rickard.

Also, Carys had attached herself to the party although I don’t think anyone invited her. And tellingly, no one told her off or told her to go elsewhere so…

And the other side was the Skelligans. Hugh and Evran were co-opted onto the side of the bastards and it seemed that the competition was fierce until Guillaume mockingly chided them taht this was behaviour reminiscent of children. To which there was some general sniggering, reminding me, again, of students attending a lecture by an unpopular lecturer. We were just passing the main gate when Gregoire held his hand up and let out a belch, the size and sound of which left me feeling as though there was some kind of earth-moving cataclysm that was taking place.

He raised his hand in the traditional gesture of acknowledging the victory.

Old Captain Froggart appeared with a parade and led the men in a salute and a cheer before the man himself stole up to my horse and tucked a bottle of something expensive looking underneath one of the straps. I don’t know what else is going to happen, but I rather suspect that I am going to be drinking the alcohol that I have been given from now until the day that I die.

We were halfway down the avenue outside the castle when Ciri suddenly held up a hand for attention and let out a belch which sounded as though her soul had left her body.

“No fair,” Rickard protested. “We have to declare you the winner because otherwise, you will have us all killed.”

“Not entirely innaccurate,” She mused before giggling and raced off to charge up and down the fields for a bit while Kerrass was still doing his best to maintain an attitude of careful dignity.

There were lots of moments like this. Some of which I try to hold onto desperately so that they don’t slip too far from my memory. I remember Sam trying to play the “pull my finger” prank on me to make me laugh. This worked until Guillaume, who I was pretty sure was feigning innocence, pulled Sam’s finger, only for Sam to let out a relatively feeble-sounding fart.

Evran started a song, leaning back in his saddle and plucking away at his harp while he sang this filthy song about a milkmaid and her efforts to do… something that I wasn’t entirely clear on. But the verses all told about the new problem that she had to overcome and the chorus was all about the lewd acts that she had to perform to overcome the problem.

In the oldest form of their game, Hugh was outraged at his friend's impropriety in singing such a song before the Empress of the continent before it was pointed out that not only was Ciri singing along but that she knew all the words.

Then Evran swapped to another filthy song about a pair of Nekkers and their similarly filthy exploits as we rode along.

I was embarrassed, amused and having a great time.

We rode out of the castle and started to head South along the road that led further away from Oxenfurt and I found the sense of mystery deepening. There was nothing in this direction, leastways, there was nothing that would fit with my normal perceptions of what would constitute a stag party. In that direction, there was only farmland, some of the industrial centres of our lands and the hunting reserves.

I could not imagine what was in our path until Kerrass turned us towards the hunting reserves. Hugh, Evran and the Bastards all knew where we were going then and started to crow in delight, filling in Gregoire and Guillaume as well as the men of Skellige who were equally delighted at the prospect of what was to come.

A little way further down the road, where Evran had run out of verses about the dirty nekkers and had started singing about the lusty troll instead. Odd that there are so many of these kinds of songs, we started to enter the trees and the bushes of the still carefully maintained hunting reserve. Emma is a falconer for preference but she still takes her guests hunting when the need arises which is not entirely rare. There is a couple of newer villages now where the hunting apparatus is maintained, the falcons, the dogs and where the woodsmen and the gamekeepers live.

But set up near the entrance of the hunting preserve was a large pavilion that Kerrass led us towards and gestured for everyone to enter where we found that a large lunch had been laid out for us.

“Kerrass,” Sam protested. “Not that I’m telling you that you’re doing it wrong or anything but… umm…. If we’re to hunt, surely something lighter would be more appropriate if we’re going to be running through the swamps to…”

Kerrass was laughing, and so was Chireadean who I guessed to be in on what was happening during this part of the situation.

“That is true,” Kerrass said. “But it also strikes me that some people have more of an advantage over others in what is to come. Therefore, there is a need for certain handicaps to… even the playing field as it were. We start by eating too much food for a proper hunt.”

He gestured to the grinning servants who started to serve up an increasing pile of stodgy, heavy, meaty foods but Kerrass held up his hands to forestall Kar’s obvious intention to begin a food fight.

“Seriously though folks, don’t make yourselves ill. We have a long way to go today and it is a long time before we are going to eat again, so do not stint yourself. You will need your strength.” As he said that, he walked over to where the Servants were arranging the food and picked himself up a large steak, placed it on one slice of bread, smeared it with mustard, added another slice of bread and then proceeded to eat it, with bloody juices running down his chin.

We didn’t wait any longer and attacked the spread with a vengeance, eating until we were stuffed.

It was good, soldiers food. By which I mean it was well cooked, simple and there was plenty of it. Sometimes, I have a taste for the finer things in life, well-seasoned and spiced cuts of meat in a spicy, savoury and sweet sauce but there are other times when I just want bread, butter, juicy meat, gravy, some hard cheese and maybe some fruit to clean my throat out if I am feeling particularly extravagant.

This was the second of those.

It is a taste that Kerrass has given me over the years, carefully cultivated with the same skill that I imagine he devotes to his herb gathering.

So it was a good gathering. Other than a couple of people there, all of us had been through hard times in the past. Either serving as soldiers or having remembered being poor and having to go without at one time or another, so there were no complaints as we sat down to eat. There was still some teasing though. Chireadean and Carys both got some teasing about the fact that they were Elves and as such was supposed to have a more refined palate.

That could have gone badly as Carys nearly took offence before her husband Padraig put his hand on her arm and Chireadean rose to the challenge, pointing out that they did indeed have a more refined palate than “you savages” but as they were eating to honour my company then they thought it a grave insult to point out that the food was plain and boring. He went on to suggest that we should blame Kerrass for choosing this particular menu.

He later admitted that he had been involved in sourcing some of this food so that the castle Kitchens didn’t have to be employed on the matter which he and Kerrass were aware that I would probably become aware of.

When we were done, Kerrass took us outside where, in the meantime, there had been a series of small tables laid out for each of us. On top of the table or leaning against the table, were a series of objects. As well as us, there were also a group of gamekeepers that were watching with amusement and excitement.

On each table was a large, heavy, hunting crossbow along with a quiver of ten bolts. A very sharp hunting knife and an empty jug. Propped next to the table was a large spear and a coil of rope was set up on the floor. As we examined our own, and each other’s tables, one of the gamekeepers was rolling a large barrel into place. Looking behind him I could see that more barrels were waiting.

“First of all,” Kerrass began, “I will say that I am pleased that each of you followed my instructions when it came to bringing some form of weaponry with you. However, those things are needed for later. As such, I would ask you to deposit your arms with these gentlemen who will guard them both against your enemies and each other so that there can be no accusations of interference.”

We all wondered but did as we were told. There was quite a considerable collection. Chireadean’s Elven Glaive lay next to Rickard’s broadsword. Gregoire’s huge sword was propped next to Cary’s daggers while Padraig’s huge, monstrously heavy sword lay next to Evran’s crossbow.

My spear and dagger were left next to Kerrass’ two swords and crossbow. I would have wondered at the symbolism but I was too busy wondering what we would all need weapons for later.

“Now,” Kerrass began. “If each of you could stand behind one table.”

We all did as we were told, some of us having arguments as to who would be standing next to whom and again, the comparison to a group of children was large in my mind.

“The lady Emma has given me some dire news.” Kerrass began with suggestively horrified expression. “She has informed me that some of the supplies have gone astray in preparation for the coming festivities and as such, she has asked me if I could do anything to help.”

That was a joke, I knew it, Kerrass knew it and I imagine that everyone else there knew it as well. But it was just as easy to see that Kerrass was going somewhere with this.

“Now, being short of funds,” he went on, “and knowing that I was to be joined by such excellent and noble company, I thought that we could all do something to help out the Coulthard family when it comes to this kind of thing.”

There was some generalised kind of murmuring and cheering.

“So…” Kerrass went on, unable to keep the humour out of his voice any longer. “Here is the game. The gamekeepers insist that there is a plentiful game inside the preserve, isn’t that right folks?”

The various gamekeepers made some affirmative noises. They were still grinning from ear to ear.

“And because it’s Freddie’s party, and the term “Stag do” keeps coming up, I thought I would make it appropriate. Therefore, you will take hold of the tools that have been provided in front of you and you will use them to fetch, either a boar or a deer from inside the preserve.”

Thorvald had picked up one of the spears with a certain amount of relish before he frowned.

“This spear is unbalanced,” the old man said.

“That’s funny,” Kerrass’ voice was dripping with sarcasm and amusement. “Because I remember being very specific regarding the instructions when it came to the manufacturing of these spears. Also the crossbows.”

Helfdan had taken a crossbow and was sighting down the line looking thoughtful.

Ciri was grinning.

I picked my spear up and gave it a test thrust. I didn’t think it was too bad.

A couple of people were picking up the implements and were starting to move towards the woodland but Kerrass wasn’t done.

“I’m still not finished, kindly return to your tables.”

He waited until they all came back. Kar slunk in, as he had gotten the furthest, to a chorus of jeers and catcalls.

“First of all though,” Kerrass went on, “You should all know that later, after the activities of the day and the early evening are concluded, we will be eating some of the finest food available in this part of the world and afterwards, we will be having a considerable, amount to drink. The person that comes in with the least game when the horn is sounded will be paying for Freddie’s meal this evening. And a person that doesn’t bring in anything at all, will be buying the first round for everyone.”

“Now it’s getting interesting,” Ciri called too much laughter.

“What happens if Freddie is the one with the least game?” Sam asked with a calculating tone.

“Or doesn’t bring in any game at all?” Rickard was doing his best to sound innocent.

“If you are thinking of any kind of measure to interfere in each other’s hunting.” Kerrass said, then you should know that this kind of thing is strictly encouraged.”

Just about everyone laughed.

“Also…” Kerrass went on. “In all seriousness. If it is Freddie, which I doubt by the way given who taught him to use a spear and things…”

Rickard jeered.

“And given the fact that Sam and I know these hunting grounds better than any of you.” I put in which, although it made Sam laugh, everyone else looked thoughtful.

Kerrass continued.

“It is Freddie’s party and he is the guest of honour. Therefore, he will be exempt and the next worst person will pay the forfeit.”

“Hardly seems fair,” Ervald grumbled.

“I assure you,” Kerrass was grinning. “We will have plenty of opportunity to amuse ourselves at Freddie’s expense in the times to come.”

There were general noises of anticipation. A kind of rising Oooohhhhhh noise.

“One last thing,” Kerrass said. “You might be wondering why there is a jug on the table in front of you. You will kindly come to the front here and fill up your jug from this ale barrel.” He picked up his own jug.

I winced, I began to see where this was going. While the others, including Kerrass, were queuing at the barrel of ale, which Svein tested and named it fantastic causing Chireadean to preen a little, I sidled over to Kerrass.

“Ale and sharp weapons?” I wondered. “You once told me never to fight or hunt while drunk.”

He chuckled. “I know but this is going to make it more fun.”

“Kerrass.” I tried to make my voice sound dire with overtones of warning.

He laughed at me.

“Ariadne and Laurelen are watching everything through a scrying spell. If anyone is hurt then they will be transported out instantly, but if everyone feels as though there is some real danger, then it will add a little bit more spice into proceedings.”

I laughed with him and went to collect my jug full.

“Return to your tables when you have your jug,” Kerrass shouted as people stood around.

The atmosphere had turned a bit giggly by then. People were chuckling with each other and there was a sense of people looking forward to having a great time.

“Right,” Kerrass said. “The rule is, that you can only enter the hunting ground after you have consumed your entire jug of ale, turning it upside down to demonstrate you completing this task. When you return with a piece of game, you must then consume another jug. The men hereabouts will ensure no cheating on that score, won’t you fellows?”

The gamekeepers grinned with the look of men that were entertained by the prospect of “punishing their societal betters.

“Before we start though, any more questions?”

“Can we use horses?” Hugh wanted to know.

“No, we must do this on foot,” Kerrass told him.

“Any other rules?” Svein wanted to know, he was grinning nastily and I wondered if he had already decided who he was going to sabotage and arrange the victory of.

“None.” Kerrass said.

I frowned as a thought occurred to me. “No other rules?” I checked.

“None,” Kerrass said, looking at me with a glint in his eye.

I looked around the little clearing that we were all standing in. Everything that was here was at Kerrass’ design and I wondered if there was a clue here.

“In which case?” Kerrass began. “On your marks.”

We had to stop to instruct Kar to refill his jug after he started early.

“On your marks,” Kerrass began, lifting his jug to his lips, “Get set.”

The bastard made us wait.

“GO,” he shouted.

I have certainly seen ale drunk tidier. The stuff fountained out of the jugs onto the faces of my closest friends and if I’m honest, I would suggest that although a good amount of the liquid ended up in the bellies of the assembly, there was more than a fair amount of it that ended up running down the faces and into the clothing of the people around me.

I took my time and watched as my friends darted into the woods.

Ciri had also noticed that there were no other rules and finished her ale in a quick, but contained way. Then she wiped her lips on the back of her sleeve and vanished in a green flash. She had only taken the rope and the dagger.

A couple of the others protested this but… I didn’t really think it mattered. I would have been genuinely astonished if the reason that some of us didn’t get any game to bring back was that Ciri had already brought most of it back for us.

I even had a sneaking suspicion that one of the reasons that I could expect to be alright was because Ciri would kill or injure something so that I could get an easy kill. It sounds like the sort of thing that she would do.

The first person to hit the tree line was Kar. The man moved like lightning. The second was Carys who, despite technically not being a friend, or male, and being my guard, had decided that she was taking part. The fact that Kerrass had no extra tools for her spoke volumes. She had simply stolen the long knife from her husband’s table and done it anyway.

There had been plenty of extra jugs though which I guessed, correctly, were there for the gamekeepers to enjoy with each other.

Helfdan had left the crossbow behind, taking only the spear and the knife. Kerrass had started off the drinking at a quick pace before slowing down. Hugh and Evran had left together to combine forces I assume. I could see other people doing similar things. Guillaume and Gregoire had protested the fact that they were supposed to drink the ale rather than a good wine for the purpose but they did it anyway, complaining all the time.

I waited until the end. Thorvald watched it all happen. He watched as Sam, Svein and the rest went into the woods before finishing his jug and then chose a footpath that seemed to him as being the path least travelled. I grinned and took my time finishing my ale, being careful not to waste even a small amount before I calmly and carefully place the jug back on the table, upside down as was the rules before I approached the gamekeepers and asked where I was most likely to find any kind of game.

They laughed and gave me some directions. I thanked them all and set off at a relatively calm jog.

I was not the first one back with a piece of the game, but nor was I the last by some margin. To no one at all’s surprise, the first person back with a large deer was Ciri, she had slit the deer’s throat with the dagger and the thing had just collapsed in front of her where she tied it together by the hooves and dragged it back with her deceptive strength. She was sitting on it while she consumed her second jug of ale at a more leisurely pace. I was more surprised to see that the second person back had been Helfdan having dragged a large boar back from wherever he had found it. He was standing, gossiping with Ciri about this or that.

Wealthot, one of the other Wave-Serpent crewmembers had been next and greeted me with a raised jug in a toast. Wealthot claimed that he had just been lucky, complimenting me on the state of the family’s hunting preserve stating that all he had to do was to stick out his spear and the game all but ran onto it. The boar in question was relatively small though so he was determined to go back into the trees to collect more so that he wasn’t letting everyone down.

I had found a boar too. There was no way I was going to get close enough to a deer to be able to take it down with a spear, but I knew how to use a spear and knew how to take down a boar with it and that was what I had dragged back, tying the feet with the rope. I sat with Ciri and Helfdan while we waited for the others to come back, which they did in ones and twos.

Kerrass arrived with a large stag across his shoulders which he dumped before downing a jug quickly and getting back into the trees. Padraig arrived with a boar across his shoulders shortly followed by Carys, who not only had killed a dear with the dagger, but carried it across her shoulders as well.

That woman baffles me. She’s tiny. Slight and skinny but she hefted that deer around without apparent effort. Not only that but she also had a pair of rabbits tied to her belt.

Sam arrived as well while I sat and gossiped with Ciri but Helfdan was climbing to his feet and I decided that I needed to make a better showing than that. Not only this, but I was having a lot of fun.

I took my time with the second entry into the hunting ground. I was two large jugs of ale down despite the masses of food that I had eaten and i was very very aware that things might go wrong. Somewhere I could hear Gregoire shouting about something. I headed in that direction until I could hear the frustration in his voice and decided that there was nothing to worry about.

I found Thorvald struggling to tie up his boar so I bent and helped him to tie the hooves together for better leverage.

Ervald was struggling with his crossbow to hit a group of deer and cause any real damage so I flushed a pair of them out towards him and he brought one of them down with a look of relief. I didn’t stay to help him tie it up though as that seemed a little bit too charitable.

Serve the bastard right for bagging the most desirable woman in Oxenfurt. I mean… I would say that Ariadne is more beautiful and far better suited to me, but those old bitternesses are the ones that die harder.

On the other hand though, he was the man that I was most concerned about coming back with nothing to show for it, so I was being generous really.

It’s all so…

I wish I could put into words, those memories of that day, and that moment in particular. There was further joy to come but I wish I could properly convey the sense of fun. I am writing this so that at some point in the future, I might be able to come back here and read what I have said so that I could relive, even in part, some of the memories that are from this time and place. Or in my more… arrogant moments, wonder if I could use this as a mounting block to be able to write some memoirs. Not that anyone would be interested in such things but in those moments when I imagine my portrait in the halls of the university I wonder if people might be interested in such a thing.

But now that I come to write about those moments, I struggle to convey the… the joy that was there that day. The sense of camaraderie that came out of it. At various stages I remember looking at the faces of the men, and the women because there were two women there, and thinking that these were my closest friends. That I loved each and every one of them. Even those men that I didn’t know as well as I would like among the bastards and Helfdan’s crew. Even them, I knew that if I had a need then those men, and women, would come if I called.

And that I would go if they called.

Even though i am perfectly aware of how easily friends can drift apart. How duty, circumstance and distance can all conspire to drive us further and further apart from each other. Even though I know that to be true from my own experiences, I cannot deny that as I crawled through the undergrowth while trying, vainly, to drunkenly sneak up on a deer, with Svein on side of me and Guillaume on the other. I became convinced that these people would be friends from now until the end of my life. We… all of us… would look back on this day and remember the party that Kerrass organised for me and remember it as a good day.

I wish that I could convey that. I wish that I could put those feelings and those memories into words but the truth is that there is just too much there.

I could tell you about how Hugh saved Helfdan from a charging boar. Hugh was drunk by this point, as were most of us except for maybe Helfdan himself, Kerrass and the two Elves, so being drunk, Hugh was determined to get a kill with the crossbow.

Like the spears that Kerrass had adjusted so that they were just slightly off, the crossbows had been modified as well meaning that the bolt would be sent just off target.

Someone else, we don’t know who had startled a boar out of a thicket. Helfdan was bent over a kill of his own so his spear was fouled in some entrails which he was struggling to free. As he is sometimes wont to do, he was becoming increasingly frustrated and as such, he didn’t see, or hear the boar until it was nearly on top of him and goring him. Hugh spun and driven purely by instinct, he aimed and fired his crossbow. The bolt struck the boar in the side of the head, killing it instantly.

The boar still ended up falling on top of Helfdan and pinning him to the ground. Although I knew that there was no one in any real danger, the rest of the partygoer's didn’t and as such, Svein and the other Skelliggans declared that Hugh was now one of them and embraced him as a brother.

I remember Guillaume and Gregoire, who had continued to disdain the ale despite consuming a truly heroic amount of the stuff, had chosen to work together in the hunt, same as they would on the road and they were doing really really well.

So Kar, Ciri and Evran between them conspired to keep stealing their kills. I don’t know how it worked, or how that particular trio managed to confer to the point that they managed to arrange this particular conspiracy. But arrange it they did and it was remarkably successful. Especially given that neither Gregoire nor Guillaume managed to figure out what was going on. They were complaining about it and demanded of Kerrass to know if there was some kind of… game stealing ghost in the woodland, all the while the unholy trio were sitting on their growing pile of carcasses and cackling at the two mystified knights.

That was not the only strange alliance that cropped up. Sigurd the fury was working with Sam and despite Sam’s drunkenness, they were communicating with grunts, whistles and hand gestures. They had it down as well with almost military-style precision. They would be completely out of sight of each other and one of them would perk up at a noise before giving instruction to whoever was near.

The Elves worked together and no one saw either of them in the trees except when they came back to dump off another kill, clean themselves up and have another beer. Padraig and Svein had decided they were related in some kind of distant way and as such, they were a team that I would be terrified to see on the battlefield. Rickard just worked steadily and alone while occasionally lending his aid to others. Everyone had tales about how he would just appear out of the undergrowth to help someone or to steer some game this way or that way.

Looking back, it is a little easy to remember that Rickard used to be a common soldier and was well used to living off the land. So it isn’t all that surprising that he was able to do so well in this particular venue. I teased him a bit about a misspent youth and he suddenly looked all defenceless before Ciri stood there and pardoned him formally and with all of the power of her Imperial rank. She made him kneel in front of her to his embarrassment and much hilarity before she took back her sword and knighted him again with Helfdan as a witness and declared that he was absolved of all past crimes.

Then shen finished it off by baptizing him with a jug of ale to Chireadean’s protesting screams.

It might have been the alcohol but he looked honestly moved by it before he started to tell stories about his ways as a common soldier and being sent out to forage. About tricks that he had learned from Dan the poacher and about times when he had lifted front eh royal Temerian forest.

Once he had started talking, it was honestly hard to get him to stop. It was like listening to him confess as though he was confessing to a priest. He looked so relieved about all of that.

Later, he admitted to me that it had been praying on his mind. He told me that it had been something that, even though Foltest was dead. Even though he knew that there was no one around that could prosecute him for his relatively minor crime of poaching. Even though he was technically a noble himself and with powerful friends of his own. It was one of those things where he still felt that urge to look over his shoulder. Was still worried about the falling hand of the guardsman and he was absurdly pleased that Ciri had pardoned him, even while he laughed at the acknowledged absurdity of it.

That Helfdan had seemed so serious when he witnessed it as a Jarl of Skellige, Ambassador to Nilfdaard from Skellige and Imperial Admiral which seemed to convey some kind of extra status that I didn’t entirely understand but that leant the entire thing a kind of extra weight which he appreciated.

In the end, no one person completely failed to bring home any kind of game at all which, I was honestly pleased to see. Given Sigurd’s status as only having one arm and some of the lack of experience in the hunt that some of the others had, I was honestly worried about that as I didn’t want anyone to be humiliated when it came to my party.

I needn’t have worried though.

In the end, Thorvald came back with the least game. He had gone into the hunting ground at a fairly sedate pace and had come out, after a while with a boar. Then he had taken the boar and just found a comfortable seat to sit on while he slowly, but steadily, drank his way through the ale stocks. He offered advice and feedback on various things but otherwise, sat there and drank.

The winner with the most game returned was Chireadean and Carys. In the event of people worked together, Kerrass decided that there would be a situation where we added up the entire haul between them and then divided that haul by the number of people in the group. So Carys and Chireadean were tied with her deferring to him as the winner. Again, there was cheering and things done but looking back, I am not as surprised by this as I was at the time. The long and short of the matter was that those two, Like Rickard, had had to survive on their wits and off the land. Sneaking food and supplies from people that were looking out for them.

So Carys stepped aside as she confessed that she shouldn’t have been there in the first place and Chireadean was made the winner.

Rickard came in at second place with Ciri coming in third. There was some jeering that Kerrass didn’t come in first, given all of his Witcher senses but given the good grace, he took all of that with, then I rather think that he had set some of those things aside to let someone else win.

I came in around the middle of the pack. I was pleased with that result and didn’t think that Father would be too ashamed of my efforts, wherever he was at the moment.

As we were done, we stood around for a while and had some of the small snacks that were laid out for us as we waited for whatever it was that Kerrass had in mind for us next.

We were not kept waiting that long as Kerrass walked up with a massive grin and was accompanied by a hooded figure who turned out to be Laurelen. She wandered over to a pair of trees and started doing magical things to them.

There were words, handwaving and all kinds of things. We watched for a while before we turned back to Kerrass.

“What have you done Kerrass?” I demanded and he laughed at me.

“Leave your hunting gear here please and if it would please you to arm and armour yourselves.”

“Kerrass,” I warned but he just cackled at me.

It took quite a while and the sun was sinking well towards the horizon as we worked. Guillaume and Gregoire took the longest, They were used to helping each other into and out of armour and it became clear that those of us that were dressed in lighter armour would just get in the way, we all settled back to watch. Sam and Rickardjust put a breastplate over a chain shirt and the Skelligans put on their raiding gear.

There were some more hearty drinks put out to take the edge of the buzz of the alcohol that we could all feel and there was a sense of pending excitement. Lauralen finished what she was doing and stood back with a nod to Kerrass.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

“What’s going on Kerrass?” Ciri asked.

“I will tell you.” He promised. “But first…”

He fled through the magic portal.

The rest of us milled around for a while after that before Sam stood up and walked towards the portal.

“Curiosity is going to be the death of me.” He declared loudly. “I want to find out what is going on and if that Witcher can answer me then…”

And he stepped through.

“I will admit that I too want to know what is going on,” Guillaume commented jumping up and down to settle his armour into place.

“And I refuse to allow all of these noble people to think that us mere civilians don’t have it in us.” Evran declared with a poke of Hugh in the ribs. He laughed and ran through the portal. I pretended not to notice the way he scrunched up his eyes in anticipation of the pain as he ran through. Hugh was close behind him.

After the first few people stepped through the portal it became more of a tide. Some of the alcohol effects had worn off with the exertions and the food but there was still enough of a buzz there to make us feel giggly and unruly as we stepped through the shimmering dark pool of nothingness.

”Good Luck” Laurelen whispered to me as I walked through.

I found myself in another woodland, not that dissimilar from the one that I had left. But what differences there were, were stark and pronounced. The woodland that we had left was carefully maintained and regulated for the purposes of hunting. This woodland was… I suspect that my memory of that time and that place is a little bit tainted by what was going on and who those woods belonged to but at the same time, I cannot deny that words like “Neglected” and abandoned sprung to mind. There was a wildness to it that only comes from people not really caring about the land and the trees. There were borse and thorn bushes everywhere which is often a telling sign. ivy and vines too which were climbing up the trees on their way towards strangling them.

We stepped out to find ourselves in a small, natural clearing. Across the top of the clearing there was a large tarpaulin that had been stretched to provide some form of shelter and the appearance of some kind of command tent. There was a table in the middle with a map spread out across the middle of it. There were also a couple of other trestle tables with the now recognisable signs of large jugs of liquid and several wooden cups. There was also several small platters of various cooked meats and pastries. Nothing too heavy.

I was not surprised to find Maleficent standing at the table, stuffing herself with all of the meats that she could find.

Kerrass called us all over and his attitude was a serious one but with just the edge of mocking to it.

“Alright,” He began. “Is everyone here? Good good. Gather round gentlemen,”

Ciri coughed loudly.

“And ladies.” Kerrass finished off.

“Thank you,” Ciri said to a certain amount of giggling.

“We have had the competitive part of the day under our belts. We have eaten and we have drank, and later there will be time for some debauchery.”

“I always enjoy that bit.” Svein declared with a laugh.

“Careful.” His brother chimed in. “Unless you want your wife to find out.”

There was more jeering as Svein visibly paled in terror.

“So now…” Kerrass gave a false glare to the giggling assembly who quietened down and did our best to look chastened. “Now is the time for the mischief.”

“This is a map of a manor house.” Sam had wandered over to the table and was inspecting the map that had been stretched out there.

“Why yes.” Kerrass tried to look innocent and failed. “Yes it is.”

“Who’s manor house is it?” I glared at Kerrass suspiciously.

“Gentlemen and Ladies.” Kerrass did his best to try and maintain an air of dignity. “I wonder if you would all like to join me on a raid. A pillaging even. That is a map of the Manor house of Sir Robart de Radford.”

Rickard gave an astonished bark of laughter before clapping his hand over his mouth. Sam looked as though a light of joy had been lit behind his eyes while Ciri’s shoulders quietly shook with the mirth inherent in that statement.

“Who’s Sir Robart de… whatsit?” Svein asked Padraig.

The Sergeant of the bastards looked appalled and began to answer before Kerrass did it for him.

“It is said that you can know the quality of a man by the quality of his enemies.” He began declaiming in an ostentatious voice. “And Freddie has had a few really good ones over the years. Sansum, Lennox, the one that we call Fuck-Face. But it might be said that there is one whose name sends a shiver of fear down Freddie's spine.”

“Yeah,” I said, “A fear of being unable to contain myself.”

“A man who,” Kerrass spoke over the growing hilarity, “Might even be properly and better labelled as Freddie’s nemesis.”

“Flame help me,” I muttered.

“A man who we are going to have some fun at the expense of tonight as the sun begins to set.”

“Tis is all very well.” Sam was frowning, looking suddenly sober. “But I didn’t think that murder or pillaging was going to be part of the days' festivities.”

“I too, will not be a party to that,” Guillaume said.

“That is not what is happening here,” Kerrass told them.

“Why not?’ Svein rumbled. “Such a thing is perfectly acceptable at a good wedding.” The Skelligans all laughed and I saw that even Guillaume cracked a smile at that. I think we had needed the humour in that moment.

“What is happening here is mischief,” Kerrass told them all. “No more than that.”

Guillaume nodded and seemed satisfied with that, but Sam was less convinced. “Then why did you tell us to bring weapons?”

“Because Robart has a habit of hiring mercenaries to do his bidding,” Kerrass said, there was a bit of an edge to his expression that suggested that he was beginning to be concerned that he had made a mistake. A concern that I was beginning to share if I was honest.

“Look,” Kerrass said. “I am not expecting any trouble. Robart is not anywhere near his home at the moment being in Ard Carreigh trying to make waves in court with his Father, trying to turn things towards his own thinking and away from the increasing popularity of the Coulthard family. The man spends all of his time there, or in Novigrad or wherever his duty might take him. This is his house though and he is duty-bound to keep it. There are some servants to be sure, but it might tell you what they think of him that I was able to get this map of the place by simple virtue of asking for it and promising mischief being done.

“But this is also where Robart keeps his less than savoury resources. Mercenaries he hires to cause mischief and attack Coulthard wagon trains tend to use this place as a base.”

“That’s true,” Rickard spoke up. “We’ve known about that for a while, but the proof is a problem and he works for the High Sheriff of Redania. So it is also hard to get someone to inspect it without warning Robart in advance.”

“He also keeps his ill-gotten gains here,” Kerrass said. “As well as any loot or cargo that those mercenaries have stolen. And occasionally, according to the servants, he keeps his mistresses here, or the women that the mercenaries have captured.”

It was at this point that the last of Guillaume’s doubts were visibly put to rest. Say what you like about the flower of Toussaint knighthood, but tell them that there is a damsel in distress and they will burn the world down in order to rescue them.

“The weapons are for the mercenaries,” Kerrass said. “Should there be any. They are also to make it look like it’s a genuine bandit raid and to cause a certain amount of damage. The servants know we’re coming and I trust them enough that they won’t have let anyone know or given us up for what we are about to do and I have no doubt that given that we are sticking it to an enemy…”

“I like this plan,” Ciri said. “Robart is a snake. He even tried to petition for my hand in marriage and sent a most insulting letter when a courtier of mine turned him down for me. I won’t repeat what he said but… I would take no small delight in his downfall.

“There is also another factor here.” Ciri went on. “Sir Robart is known to be massively corrupt. We have known this for a long time and there has, up until now, been no way to prove it. We know he has confiscated goods under the pretense of those goods being so-called “Contraband” but then those goods have gone missing. We believe among other things that those goods have been used to line Robart’s pockets. We also believe that Robart has taken steps to bribe people with these goods and do other, many and varied things to secure his place in life. Including extortion and blackmail.”

She paused and thought a bit.

“If you like, you could consider yourselves all drafted into Imperial service so that we can search the place, interrogate the people involved and then find any proof of his misdeeds.”

“I am excited by this plan and this new spin on things,” Rickard said. “I’m also excited about nailing the little fucker to the wall.”

“Will it work though?” Sam said, examining the map. “He’s wriggled out of this kind of thing before and he will, doubtlessly, do so again.”

“He could very easily throw his servants or any mercenaries that are here under the applecart,” Hugh told us all, his legal training coming to the fore. “He could easily argue that he had no awareness of what was going on in his manor house. My understanding is that he spends most of his time at court and that he can therefore suggest that he didn’t know what was happening here. He could blame the servants that are here or the mercenaries that have used the place as a base.”

“They will argue against it.” Helfdan mused and I had a little giggle to myself. Of course, Helfdan knew about the legal wranglings of the continental courts.

“And then he will point out that his words count better in the law.” Rickard finished. “I think it would make a good excuse for the High Sheriff to get rid of him though.” He made his voice posh and arrogant. “How can we expect you to protect our lands when you can’t even protect your own?”

“Also…” a slow smile of amusement spread across Ciri’s face as she moved back from being the Empress into being the mischievous woman again. “If there is any mischief done while we are in there, then that too can be blamed on any mercenaries that are there. I would prefer not to blame the servants but mercenaries that are willing to work for de Radford? They are fair game to my eyes.” She considered this matter a little further before she drew herself up to her full Imperial height.

This despite the mud, grass, spilt wine and grease stains that were smeared up and down her shirt.

“I am well pleased with this plan. Let us be about it.”

Just for a moment, the Empress had been in the little clearing and you could see the effect that that had on the group. Especially people like Hugh who had only met Ciri the previous day and had not had the chance to meet the Empress herself.

“I have no objection to this japery,” Gregoire grumbled. “My insides are beginning to complain at being subject to the Northern piss that you all seem to like to drink and I could do with taking a watery shit on a villain’s bed.”

“It’s true.” Guillaume agreed, seeming unsurprised with his companion’s coarseness and vivid imagery. “He does enjoy doing that.”

“However, some of us are quite… I’m going to say unique looking.” Gregoire grumbled. “I mean, Guillaume and I are wearing shiny metal armour and we did not exactly travel north discreetly. People will know… this Robart will know what has happened today and he will know who did it.”

“Will he be able to prove it though?” Rickard commented. “Speaking personally, I hope he accuses me. I would take great delight in calling him out for the liar that he is and spitting the bastard.”

Sam certainly seemed to agree with that.

“I also have experience with Sir Robart the fuckstick.” Evran said, looking a little pale. “He was most offended when my wife chose me instead of him and occasionally, she will tell stories of his offensive and awful advances that he made, and things that he did in the belief that he was entitled to do them. I have not challenged him to a duel because he would beat me and we both know it which is why… anyway.”

“I would gladly serve as your, or your wife’s champion.” Guillaume declared with a certain amount of relish.”

He was not the only one. This was certainly news to me that Evran and Robart had been romantic rivals even if that rivalry had been one-sided. I had not met, or even heard of Robart until he had turned up to accuse me of Fratricide.

Evran looked over at the Knight from Toussaint with a grateful eye. “That is not my concern although I am grateful for the offer. I defeated him a long time ago and although I don’t go out of my way to rub it in his face. I do enjoy the look he gets when he thinks that’s what I’m doing.”

There was some chuckling at that.

“My point is more this.” He went on. “Many of you are experienced fighters and leaving aside my horror that the man that I once had to protect from being beaten up by sperm…”

“They were street toughs.” I protested. “I was drunk and could barely stand.”

“And how old were they?” Hugh asked with a smile.

“They were fourteen.” I insisted. That was a lie, they were around twelve but I was so drunk that I could, in no way defend myself from the street kids going after my money pouch. My friends rescued me and have never stopped teasing me about it since.

“But…” Evran said. “I am not skilled at that line of work and I do not think I could fight a man.”

“It is no dishonour to admit when your strength lies elsewhere.” Helfdan declared to much affirmative nodding.

“I will be your shield.” Guillaume declared.

Evran was visibly moved by the effort.

“These things are not unfair,” Kerrass said. “However, first of all. Later, when we get to the debauchery part of the evening. I expect to be told the story about Freddie being beaten up by children.”

There was some general laughter.

“Secondly.” Kerrass went on. “Robart is a well-known coward and liar. He has told far more prosaic lies about the people in my hearing before now. Including that Rickard assaulted his mother and that Sam has leprosy so that his dick fell off. According to Robart, Freddie has already organised all the nations of the North to deliberately target him and his family.”

“Is that not what he’s done?” Ciri teased. “Cintra and Nilfgaard over here.”

“Skellige,” Svein shouted to which the other men roared.

“Temeria,” Rickard agreed.

“Ok that’s enough,” I said, waving them down.

“I think I’ve got a cousin from Kaedwen,” Hugh began. “Does that count?”

“I would say it does, looking at Freddie’s face.” Kar was laughing.

“So even if, he delivers physical proof that we did what we are going to do. Not only will no one believe him. But a large number of people will applaud our efforts.”

There was a pause as various people mulled this over.

“I’m on board with this,” Ciri told us all. “Consider yourselves all pardoned in advance.”

There was some laughter.

“Ok then,” Sam nodded. “So what’s the plan? I’m feeling a little too drunk to come up with anything clever.”

“Svein?” Kerrass said. “You are the only general amongst us.”

“Hardly that.” Svein protested.

“And yet you are the war chief of the Black Boar,” Helfdan told him. “Being called a General is about right.”

Svein unhappily stepped towards the map. “I need a drink.” He declared and his brother fetched him one.

“Right,” He began before belching and wiping his chin. “Right.” Then he nodded, before turning to Rickard.

“Pat tells me that your scouts are the best in the world.” He told the Temerian knight.

“I don’t know about the best in the world.” Rickrd started taking his shinier bits of armour off with a sigh. “And I don’t take sole credit for that. Padraig here owns a good amount of that responsibility. But they’re pretty fucking good.”

Svein nodded. “Scouts out then. Kar?”

“Boss?” Svein’s brother was grinning nastily as he took out a stone and applied it to the edge of his dagger.

“You report to this man now.” Svein pointed to Rickard before turning back to the Captain of my castle guard. “Kar knows the kind of thing I’m looking for and wants to know. So keep him near you, but check your money pouch afterwards.”

Rickard grinned. “I know the type. Right then lads.” He addressed the half a dozen of so of the bastards that he had brought with him. “We’ve got work to do. Chireadean? You wanna come with.”

“Oh undoubtedly,” Cireadean commented, transferring his sword so that it was strapped across his back. “It will be good working with you again.”

Carys looked at me plaintively and I laughed. “Ok, you can go play,” I told her. She gave a very un-Carys-like little squee of joy before bouncing off after her husband.”

“That means that you are going to have to keep me safe,” I told Kerrass.

“I’m sure I can manage.” Kerrass was pouring a drink. He looked relieved about something.

We were back to waiting for whatever it was that was going to happen. Guillaume, Sam and Gregoire all did some warm up exercises in their armour. I did some stretching and took the opportunity to take on some liquid that wasn’t too alcoholic. The Skelligans mostly did a whole bunch of weapons maintenance along with Evran and Hugh.

Rickard came back after about an hour.

He looked disgusted.

“Honestly speaking. “He told us. “We could probably walk up and just knock. There is almost absolutely nothing going on there that will prove a problem for the people standing around this pavilion. They have lookouts posted that are playing cards and another of who is asleep. The gates are open enough that your boy Kar was able to just walk in with a bundle of firewood and no one noticed. He said that someone was having sex out in the courtyard and didn’t even look up as he went past.”

There was some laughter at that.

“All told I think we’re facing about fifteen to twenty mercenaries and another… maybe half a dozen servants. The servants don’t need to be worried about. Those that we saw were old and beaten down looking. They know that their master isn’t going to turn up in the near future and it’s just as clear that they hate him and the people that are hanging around at the manor house.”

“Why don’t they just leave?” Sam asked.

“Where would they go?” Rickard replied quickly.

“What’s the terrain like?” Svein asked.

Rickard spent a little bit sketching out tree and bush cover on the approach and marking the points on the map where sentries and mercenaries had been seen. He had already put his men in various places where they could keep an eye on things in case stuff started to change. Svein was nodding and rubbing his chin while he looked at the map.

Then he slammed his hand on the table making us all jump. “Is this a trap? He demanded. “Are we being lured in?”

“No,” Rickard said. “For my money, he is just that arrogant and doesn’t believe that anyone would have the temerity to raid his home. Having said that, I have set lookouts and the Elves are doing a quick scout along the road to see if anyone is coming or waiting. I’ve told them to be back before nightfall.”

Svein nodded and examined the map again before shrugging.

“Fine then.” He said. “I’m very tempted to say that we just all walk in and let the thing play out. But given that I, for one, am looking forward to the promised debauchery later, then I suppose that we had better be careful.”

He turned back to Rickard. “Can your men get to the sentries?”

“Easily.” Rickard made a face as he spoke.

“Then your men take the sentries. Skellige takes the gate when the signal is given, until the heavies .” He pointed at Gregoire, Guillaume and Sam, “can arrive and move into the courtyard. Evran will stay as part of a lookout team along with Thorvald to report if anyone tries to escape.”

He looked around.

“When the courtyard is taken we will signal and then, apart from Evran and Thorvald and say one lookout Rickard?”

Rickard nodded.

The rest of us close in. Climbing over the walls or getting through the entrance. Once we’re in the courtyard we’ll reform from there. But it looks like a stable, a couple of outhouses and warehouses and then the manor itself. I don’t see this as being too difficult to clear out.”

We all nodded.

“Who do I go with?” Hugh asked. “I have only fought in anger to defend myself until a watchman could come and rescue me.”

“We could do with some legal advice in the compound,” Ciri said.

“Follow behind the heavies,” Svein told him, “And wait outside the gate until the all-clear signal is given.”

“Right. What will the signal be?” Hugh looked nervous and I don’t blame him.

“I don’t know.” Svein stroked his chin in thought. “I was going to go with something like screaming ‘ALL CLEAR’ myself. Keeps it simple.”

There was some laughter at Hugh’s sheepish face.

“Freddie and Kerrass, coming with the Skelligans I think. Scouts watching the walls for anyone who might be trying to escape. Swallow, as our most mobile, can I persuade you to troubleshoot?”

“Who’s Swallow?” Evran wondered.

“I am,” Ciri commented before nodding towards Svein.

Evran looked appalled. “Are we really going to risk the Empress of Nilfgaard on a prank?”

“The trick would be trying to stop her,” Svein told him.

Evran was… perturbed by this.

“Can we try and take them alive though?” Ciri asked. “I have no objection to this adventure but at the same time, it will be easier to deal with all of this if we have them alive to be able to testify and speak to all of the things that various people have been up to.”

There was some general nodding.

“Let’s not risk anyone’s lives though,” Kerrass added. “If it’s the choice between one of us and one of them then I say that the other one gets it for interfering with some people on official business.”

“I can go with that.”

“Ok then,” Svein said and started pointing at the map as to where wanted everyone to go.

We moved off to our deployments after one last toast.

Kerrass groaned after along moment as we moved through the woods.

“Are you alright?” I asked him.

“Honestly Freddie. There was a moment there where I thought that everyone was going to turn down the fun. I thought that was going to ruin your Stag party as I misread the entire…”

I clapped him on the shoulder.

“It’s alright now Kerrass,” I told him. “The hunting was fun and although I am a bit nervous about the debauchery, I can certainly enjoy some food and drinking.”

A sly smile spread across his face. “Oh Freddie, you have no idea what I have in mind for everyone.”

I laughed with him. I felt a rush of arousal through me and my manhood throbbed.

“That spell of Ariadne’s having an effect.” Kerrass grinned at me.

I took a few deep breaths before I nodded and we carried on to where we were heading.

It was not a complicated plan and there was very little to go wrong. It did not go perfectly, but it also did not go spectacularly wrong. No one was hurt. The only people that got injured really were the mercenaries that were supposedly going to be on the watch. The two men playing cards looked up and automatically went to draw weapons and had to be rendered useless. They weren’t knocked out or anything but there was a scuffle that could probably have gone better. There were some other cuts and bruises but nothing worse than that.

As for the courtyard. A couple of the mercenaries came out of the buildings drawing weapons and were expecting a fight to happen but then they kind of looked around to realise that the majority of their fellows were already either restrained or were in the process of surrendering.

Then Guillaume and Gregoire showed up with the armour crashing around.

And that was that. It was all over with astonishing speed. I didn’t even exchange blows with anyone.

It was oddly disappointing. I mean, the logical part of me was pleased given that I had had more than a little bit to drink and as such, it wouldn’t have been wise for us to fight, but even so.

There is something about Robart that just… sets me off. I don’t know what it is. More rational people than I have argued that he has done plenty to earn my enmity. And he has, but no more so than many of the other people that have annoyed me or aggravated me over the years. But there is something about Robart that just makes me want to plunge my thumbs into his eye-sockets and tear off his genitals.

I don’t like it. I rather think that I should be above such things. But there is something about him that just makes me want to smash his face in. The last time I saw him was when he was sitting on his horse outside the gates of Coulthard castle demanding that I turn myself in for summary execution for treason and murder.

I recall laughing at him.

But that has not been the end of his interactions with us and although I’ve seen him, less than a handful of times, his presence in the family… narrative I suppose, is pervasive. There is rarely a month that goes by when Emma doesn’t hear about some effort from Robart to undermine the family in some way. We have evaded his efforts so far on the grounds that nowadays he is… somewhat beneath us. But that doesn’t mean that he can’t make friends with other people that agree with him.

He will never be the mastermind of our downfall, but he might get together with the people that do. In the cold light of rational thought, he runs the risk of becoming a scapegoat himself. If the plot doesn’t work then he will be an easy and obvious person to use as a scapegoat. His enmity with us is well known.

But I hate that man. I remember wishing that he was there and was disappointed that he wasn’t. To this day, I have a standing challenge against him to a duel and if/when I finally clap eyes on him I will have no hesitation in calling him a cowardly piece of filth until he fights me.

But as soon as the mercenaries were rounded up, that was just about it. One of the Bastards, a young lad called Perkins who is no longer that young if I’m being honest with myself, headed off to the campsite to let Maleficent know that all was clear. The plan was that Maleficent could send messages to the authorities that things had happened and that they could then send some independent adjudicators to verify and catalogue all of the things that we find.

Because we did find an awful lot.

We found several crates that were labelled with the trading symbols of the Coulthard trading company as well as several others of those people that Emma refers to as “The noble competition”. We also found several pieces of artwork that were hidden away in dark corners of the cellar rather than being displayed in the open where anyone could look at it.

Which left us thinking that this almost certainly meant that they were stolen.

We also found a couple of young-looking Elven women that made Carys violent enough that her husband had to catch hold of her in order to prevent her from murdering the prisoners. He convinced her that she was the only one that could convince these women that nothing bad was going to happen to them and that they were rescued but… it was a close-run thing there. I am glad that he succeeded. I would not have been pleased if things had become a murder.

But after that, we started to have fun. The process of having fun began when Kar found Robart’s wine cellar.

I went to have a look at it later and it was by far the heaviest door in the place, with the largest lock. Which possibly says something about the man that we were dealing with.

Unfortunately, Kar was too drunk on the ale that the mercenaries had been drinking to be able to properly open the lock. So we opened it by virtue of a Large and aggravated Gregoire. He had taken a taste of the ale that we had already confiscated and loudly declared that he had only thought that he had disliked the ale that was provided for us before the hunt. But this stuff tasted like someone had not only pissed in it, but also shit in it as well.

I did confirm for myself that the ale was not brilliant.

But Gregoire, devoid of something to drink after being frustrated by his own desire for some violence was feeling sullen, angry and disappointed. So he was easily persuaded to apply his weight, strength and a blacksmith’s hammer that we found in the middle of the courtyard.

I do not often feel sorry for inanimate objects but that poor door never stood a chance.

I was unsurprised that the wine in the cellar was broken into two parts. One part was what Guillaume disgustedly referred to as cheap piss. While the other half was “exceedingly good vintage”. Needless to say, there was more than enough of the stuff there for us to enjoy ourselves on the better quality stuff…

Although Gregoire, Guillaume and Chireadean all winced at the way the Skelligans would hack the neck of the bottle off with an axe before lifting it to their lips and then drinking the entire thing at a swallow.

… and then we went out into the rest of the Manor house to explore, have fun and see what we could steal.

I was feeling vindictive and as a result, I went in search of Robart’s study. I had a bottle of wine in hand, opened for me by Sigurd in the Skelligan fashion, that I was taking relatively small swallows from in recognition of the quality of the vintage. I wanted to see if there would be any believable proof that would be there that we could use against Robart himself. I agreed with Hugh that it was extremely unlikely that we would find anything that could not easily be blamed, but Robart, on either the mercenaries or the servants, but a man can hope.

Sam had beaten me to it. He was already drunk and was sitting, crosslegged on the floor before a fire that he had built in the grate of the room where he was feeding papers into the fire after reading them.

“They’re his diaries,” Sam told me with an expression of disgusted glee. “I checked their spines for anything hidden and there’s nothing there. Just a lot of pretentious bullshit about how you ruined his life.”

“Me?”

“He is quite insistent,” Sam told me. “I saved you this one.” Passing me up a volume that he had left open next to me.

Holy Flame but it was self-pitying drivel of the worst kind. It would seem that everything, as Sam had claimed, was entirely my fault. Everything. I even flicked through the volume to see if this was an isolated chapter and it wasn’t. Oh my word it wasn’t. Apparently, it was my fault that the Empress had declined his most charming advances. As had the Queen Regent and a couple of other people.

Apparently, he had even proposed marriage to Emma at one point which was not something that I had known about before reading that particular entry. I found that I wasn’t entirely convinced of this and found myself wondering if part of the entire problem was all in Robart’s head.

Now that I am sober and less angry I am also left feeling a little bit… sorry for Rob…

No… What am I thinking. The man’s a snake and one day I hope to be there when he gets stepped on.

Sam and I had a grand old time checking the records before burning them. Sam got bored after a while and wandered off to see what kind of mischief others were causing but I have a fondness for paperwork and a hatred of Robart so I didn’t stop as I fed book after book into the flames.

Heh. Good times.

I normally work to preserve books when they are being damaged, but in this case, covered in Robart’s scribblings, it was like putting things out of their misery.

When I came out, the authorities had turned up and were interrogating the mercenaries while the terrified servants looked on. Svein had tried to ply them with drink but the matter wasn’t helped by the fact that the mercenaries kept threatening the servants with painful retribution should they tell the authorities anything.

The fact that all this was doing was digging the grave of the mercenaries for themselves was not lost on me, if nothing else.

We still found plenty of stuff. Ciri stole the weathervane by virtue of teleporting up to the roof and levering it free. Svein relieved himself in the roasting ovens. Gregoire toor the master bedroom apart as though he was looking for things that were hidden and came out with a necklace that he was going to present to Anne and a fairly decent quality rapier that he was going to give to his step-son.

Rickard, who has his own history with Robart was practising his archery on a portrait of Robart that he had found. He and Evran had set the thing up and put it onto an archery target and were taking turns in firing arrow and crossbow bolts into it along with Bones, the old Field medic of the Bastards. They had a scoring system going on and more and more people were being drawn into the contest. It was actually quite a central thing.

Kar found the strongbox full of money. Some sacks of various coin denominations as well as several deeds to various lands and properties throughout Novigrad and Ard Carraigh. Hugh got really excited about this particular load of paperwork and insisted on saving it from the fire. I argued that if we threw it on the fire then there would be little to prove that Robart actually owned any of that and then we could…

I didn’t get any further before Hugh gave me a withering stare.

“Freddie,” he said. “I love you like the little brother that I never had. And if I ever want to know about history, or travelling through the Empire, or geography or monsters, I would come and ask you all about it. But if it is something about legal matters, then I am the expert here and you need to keep those papers out of the fire. In fact…”

He snatched them from my hand and took them with him to the leader of those people that had come to clear things out. Who also got really excited.

I never found out who it was that defecated in Robart’s bed. Gregoire claimed innocence despite his earlier threat on the grounds that it actually took quite a long time to get out of all the armour in case he wanted a shit and he wouldn’t want to bother with it. Nor did I find out who pissed in the clothing chest. I do know that the Carys took a knife to all of the remaining portraits that were in the place. She was still angry at the recovery of those captives.

Helfdan did very little. He sat in the courtyard, He had found a book that he wanted to read in what laughingly passed for a library in Robart’s house. I think there was maybe a shelf of books but Helfdan had found something worth reading there and he sat with a bottle of the wine that someone had handed him and read while also watching the shooting competition.

It turned out that the highest point value was assigned to shooting Robart in the balls.

My favourite thing though, the one that I am intrigued by while also not wanting the answer. Was when Sigurd appeared from the depths of the manor house with a smile on his face and straightening his clothes.

“He’s not going to find that in a hurry.” He told me with a horrible smile. “And he will always wonder where the smell is coming from.” And then he walked off, chuckling to himself.

All of it was accompanied by laughter, singing and general frivolity. I walked from group to group, chatting, drinking and having a good time. I would have been happy if that was the end of the night but then the sun went down and Maleficent arrived in the courtyard and took Kerrass aside.

For his part, Kerrass had moved through all of the partying with the air of a benevolent host. He had spent time at the archery show with his crossbow and put two bolts into the painting. One into both eyes which, although it didn’t score very highly, was certainly enough to show off his talents. He went climbing over the place with Ciri, claimed the souvenir of one of Robart’s boots…

Why his boots? I have no idea but Kerrass found it amusing.

He drank from a bottle of wine that was offered to him and he also helped direct the authorities in the direction of those pieces of contraband that we had found. All the way through, he seemed to have the air of someone that was remarkably unsurprised by everything. As though he knew what was going to happen and what had happened. And for all I know, that is precisely the case. I began to wonder what he had been up to all of that time that he had been out and about in the lead-up to all of this.

But whatever it was, things here at the estate of Sir Robart de Radford were clearly about to come to a close.

Grinning like the cat that got the cream, Maleficent arrived and said something to Kerrass who nodded. He took one look around with the air of someone who was trying to imprint the memory into his brain so that it wouldn’t be lost elsewhere before he started moving around from one group to the other telling them that it was time to bring things to a halt and that we would soon need to be departing.

It took time and Kerrass certainly didn’t seem to be in any particular rush. The archery thing came to a close and there was a final tallying up of points. Ciri was not the only person that had taken a souvenir that is bound to cause Robart some annoyance. There was a brief discussion as to whether or not we should burn the entire complex down but in the end, we decided against that because…. How were the authorities going to be able to properly investigate the place if we had burnt it down? And also, why would the mercenaries, who would end up being blamed for this entire thing one way or another, burn down their home and their source of income?

So instead, we took it in turns to piss against the wall, and have a last mouthful of wine before we smashed the remains of the wine cellar…

At first, Gregoire and Guillaume were horrified about that until Sam pointed out that the vintage was either not worth keeping or too good to be left in the hands of one such as Robart. This mollified the pair of them a little

When we were finally done. Maleficent did the whole, magical handwaving thing and a portal appeared in the gatehouse of Robart’s estate and we walked through.

At first, I don’t mind admitting that I was a bit disappointed with what I saw. We came out in the backyard of the Rosemary and Thyme. I knew that there was a planned evening of food, drink and something nebulously referred to as “debauchery” but the thought of such an evening spent at the R&T with Professor Dandelion and Master Chibay was a bit underwhelming. I mean, we always stay at the R&T and the thought of spending my stag evening there was, to me, the equivalent of spending a midweek evening there.

And after the other activities of the day, the hunt and the mischief, I was rather disappointed to learn that this was all that there was to it. I shouldn’t have worried though.

We came out to find Professor Dandelion waiting for us and we were ussured into the building where there was a room set aside for each of us. There we found that there was already a hot bath, heated by virtue of one of the hot rocks that Kerrass gets so smug about sometimes. I assume that Professor Dandelion got someone else to do it or something. But we all bathed and found that our clothes had been removed to be replaced by more fancy clothing.

There was a bit more wine but it was heavily watered down by this point. After we were done, we all met in the main room where Professor Dandelion handed us a series of masks. He made a big show of it and also a big show of telling us that our weapons, armour and other gear would be kept in the R&T for us until we came to collect it.

Then he made a joke about how if we didn’t go and get it before the wedding, then he would have absolutely no guilt at all about selling the stuff.

It took us all a while to gather, after all, some people take longer to get dressed than others. We were all dressed formally and immaculately. Kar, for one, wondered whether or not he was allowed to keep his clothes and sell them given how much they must have cost to make.

Ciri told him that he looked very dashing. He did too which was even more distressing to my eyes.

More than one person was reluctant in setting aside our more traditional weapons for the night on the town. Novigrad does have something of a reputation after all. We were allowed to keep eating Knives and small daggers. I, for one, certainly kept my boot knife.

There were a couple of surprises in the assembly. I was left wondering how, whichever Tailor Kerrass had arranged this with, had gotten the measurements for Gregoire and Guillaume in particular as those men have a size and musculature that other men find intimidating, but their clothing fit them like gloves. And although I have never been attracted to the male, both of them looked amazing.

Kerrass was also, unsurprisingly dashing in his Dark Blue doublet and of all people, it turns out the Svein brushes up really really well. Unlike the two knights who have the huge frames necessary to be able to live and work in full plate and chain mail harness, Svein gives an impression of being larger than he actually is. To see him, you wouldn’t notice him really until he turns towards you and smiles so that the full force of his personality strikes you in the face.

Rickard looked a bit uncomfortable in all of the finery but after a while, as he became more used to it and more comfortable, that discomfort kind of went away and he seemed to grow into his clothing.

As for Helfdan? Helfdan looked comfortable in his clothing. He wore it moderately well and stood with his hands clasped behind his back which I began to take to mean that this was his traditional courtly attitude for when he was at the Imperial Court.

The others fell into the middle of this spectrum at various stages. Kar felt like a peacock and regularly said so, but I secretly think that he was enjoying himself. Hugh and Evran are both used to wearing suits like these but I rather got the impression that both of them were unused to wearing suits that were quite this expensive.

When Ciri came down from the room that she had vanished into she was, likewise, dressed as a young man. Her hair had been done up and tucked under a hat so that no-one could see what colour it was. She was wearing a jacket and a pair of tight trousers with ties down the side. The Empress is a slight woman at the best of times and I suppose that it

is true that at first glance, she could be mistaken for a boy or a young man. But if you looked closely, she was not really hiding her femininity and the juxtaposition of the traditionally male courtier attire, and the woman wearing it made the entire thing devastatingly attractive.

Ariadne’s spell triggered as I looked at her again and I had to turn away and breathe deeply to get myself back into control.

She saw my reaction though and smirked at me with a wink before she wandered over and stood next to Helfdan, who seemed to be the only person unaffected by her arrival.

“Where is Carys?” Padraig asked, plainly disappointed at not seeing the outfit that his wife had chosen.

“She had other duties,” Ciri told him without offering anything else.

Padraig opened his mouth to ask more before Kerrass cleared his throat.

“Gentlemen.” He said, ignoring the fact that Ciri was not such. “Now that we are all here and properly prepared for the evening I draw your attention. We will be departing from this place and attending the Passiflora where we have the run of the building. There, food and drink will be brought and we will eat, drink and make merry until the small hours of the morning, and long should the chance arrive.”

There was some more laughter although a couple of people, including Sam surprisingly, looked a little sheepish.

“However, there are some rules,” Kerrass said. “During the walk to the passiflora, please do not stop or separate yourselves from the group. Nighttime in Novigrad can be an interesting place and although it is not as terrifying as it was under the rule of Radovid, it is far from the nicest place to spend an evening. So I must insist that we all move together. I will lead and Sam has volunteered to be a rear guard to ensure that no one gets left behind.

“Other than an effort to look nice, the reason for our disguises are, I hope, self-explanatory but I will go over them here again anyway. Many of us have enemies and if word got out that the Empress of the continent, the Lord Kalayn, the Jarl of the Black Boar were wandering the streets…and they are not alone in their notoriety in the party. But if someone realised what was happening, then not only our lives would be in danger.

“Don’t get me wrong, It’s not that I don’t like our chances against a group of back street hoodlums. But things here could escalate and I don’t want Freddie’s big night to be spoiled.”

“I rather felt that there would be another bigger night coming up.” Someone quipped. I think it was Rickard.

“Yes, but this is the one that I am in charge of,” Kerrass replied. “And when we get to the Passiflora, kindly stay there, there is more than enough entertainment in that place so we don’t have to wander off looking for more. Come daybreak, my duty is done and I will divest myself of responsibility for the lot of you, but until then, caution is better. Am I clear?”

There was some generalised nodding.

“Any questions?” Kerrass asked.

“Ummm.” Rickard raised his hand, looking a little bit sheepish. “While I know that many of us are unmarried and that many more of us might not care. The Passiflora is famous for a reason and I, for one, might not wish to partake of all of their entertainments out of… you know… desire to remain…”

There was some good-natured mocking noises which caused the Temerian to redden.

“It is a valid point.” Guillaume snapped and people subsided. “Although I have repeatedly been told that I am welcome to look, but not touch, I can appreciate my Temerian friend’s concerns and applaud him for sharing them.”

The mocking subsided. At first I was concerned that, again, Kerrass had misjudged. But he was grinning slyly.

“Have no fear gentlemen.” He told us all. “I have taken steps and no one will be pressured into doing anything, with anyone, that they would not otherwise enjoy or find palatable.”

There was some kind of general amusement.

“Other than Freddie of course.” Kerrass finished. “It’s his stag party and I have every intention of amusing myself at his expense all night.”

There was some laughter then as Kerrass led us all out into the night. He beckoned me up to walk with him.

“You doing ok Freddie?” He checked. “Not too much?”

We shared a grin.

“I wish Mark was here,” I said, looking back at Sam who was trading dirty jokes with Hugh and Evran.

“He will be meeting us there,” Kerrass told me, clapping me on the shoulder. “Presuming his health hasn’t worsened of course. He won’t be partaking in the debauchery of course.”

“Of course.”

“Having a good day?” Kerrass checked, suddenly looking nervous.

“Better than I thought possible,” I told him.

He laughed and put his arm around me. We walked like that for a good couple of dozen metres, laughing and singing as we went.

We must have made a funny sight as we walked through the streets of Novigrad. Over one of the canals that allowed the river to flow through the city before passing the market square, up the main street and on past the main square, now devoid of the bonfires upon which so many people had lost their lives.

Some of us are giant in stature, some of us small. Some of our masks hid huge bushy and wiry beards but some of us were clean-shaven. From slight body types like Ciri up to huge, muscled men like Guillaume and Gregoire. We walked like we owned the street and in the right then and right there of the matter, we did. Jokes were traded, and songs were sung. Svein especially made some sounds that were akin to some kind of sea shanty that even Rickard and Sam joined in on.

The nightlife was doing me proud as we walked through the streets. I laughed when I saw Ciri being accosted by one of the many sex workers that were out on the street that night, promising her that she would be a man by the morning light.

We stopped at a street show for a short while as Helfdan was fascinated by the artistry that the puppets exhibited as a male puppet complained about the infidelity of his puppet wife. Thorvald insisted on buying us all a piece of street food that the seller described as “meat in a bun”. He and Gregoire were the only people that consumed the stuff down to the last crumb, the rest of us disposed of it in nearby refuse heaps or gave it to one of the many beggars that, unfortunately, still sit by the side of the road in the hope of getting some small money or scraps from the people that pass them by.

To me, it was greasy, overly flavoured nonsense that burnt my tongue with the spice blend, and yet, at the same time, it seemed oddly bland to my taste.

But eventually, we came out and onto the plaza that houses the Passiflora. Novigrad’s house of pleasure. You only go there if you can afford it and generally, you can only be let in if you have a specific invitation to do so. I have been here before. Kerrass has taken me there twice on various times that we were passing through Novigrad and I went once when I was a student. That first time I think the lady in question took pity on me and both of the other times, the ladies were astonished at these unwashed vagabonds on the invite list and then were even more astonished when they found out who we were.

I have good memories of the place though although I was nervous about what was going to happen tonight. The building was well lit and there were already sounds of music and laughter coming from within. There was a brief dangerous moment as we approached. There were a few, disgruntled-looking customers of the place that were disappointed that they weren’t being allowed in. One of them tried to warn us that the place was booked in advance for a private party and then those same disgruntled men started to get rowdy at the fact that Kerrass led us past the crowds and into the building itself.

Now I knew, in advance that the Passiflora is not just a brothel. I knew that the place catered for private pirates, Gwent tournaments and even, according to rumour, this was where the assassination of King Radovid was planned. But even so, I was surprised. The main hall was made up of one huge table which was set for all of us there. Some servants were standing along the sides of the wall, dressed as appropriate and amazing smells were coming from further into the building.

Kerrass had stopped after the entrance hall as we were all divested of our boots and had slippers placed upon our feet. Something that Svein teased us all for before his own feet were seen to and he was forced to admit that the slippers were particularly soft on his toes. But Kerrass stopped and ushered me to go before him

As I entered the room I was met by the ballistic catapulted hug of Brother Mark. He was still wearing a cassock but it was his dress-down cassock. One that I actually hadn’t seen him wearing for quite a while as normally he has to wear his full Cardinal’s finery so as not to upset the visitors that hang upon his every word, or the servants that follow him around and write down his thoughts in case they get turned into a new holy scripture.

He dreads that idea.

But at the same time, it was as though I was seeing my brother, my real brother, for the first time in ages. Some coincidence of alcohol and the heightened emotion that was running through the day left me feeling a little vulnerable to what was happening and it seemed as though Mark had come back to me. He still seemed frail and the strength in his arms was a false one as he soon released me and then had to lean on his cane to greet Sam and a couple of the others that he knew or recognised.

“You look well,” I told him when I finally got the chance to speak to him in a quieter moment.

“Not gonna lie, Freddie, feeling pretty good.”

“Is this alright though? I didn’t think you would be able to make it.”

He snorted at that. “Freddie, there is no way. None, that I was going to miss your second biggest day. And when your biggest day comes, if the Hierarch himself demands my presence he can excommunicate me for all I care. I will be there. I might be sitting in a chair with a blanket while I drool gently into the carpet, but I will not miss that for the world.”

Something in his words and the way he said them caught at me a little and I hugged him close again.

“Just so we’re clear though.” He told me. “Laurelen is coming to pick me up when it comes to be time for the “Debauchery” to start. There are lines that I would prefer not to cross, I hope you understand.”

I nodded.

“I’m staying for that bit though.” Came a booming voice as Father Jerome came to my side. “Always enjoy a good bit of debauchery myself. Never miss it.”

There was some generalised laughter.

We were served drinks by some of the servants and it was not lost on me that the servants in question were attractive young ladies. There was an edge lacking in them from the normal outlook of the ladies that normally work in the Passiflora, there was less overt sexuality in their dress or their actions. I didn’t pay any mind to it. They were just attractive enough to keep my mind on the fact that debauchery was coming , something that I was still a bit nervous about as to what Kerrass might have in mind, but I was not overwhelmed by it.

After a short while, an older lady that I recognised as being the Brothel Madame and manager came to us all and started gently pushing us towards the table where we were sat into specific places and dinner was served.

Pride tells me that I’ve had more pleasant dining experiences but right now, at the time of writing, I would struggle to tell you what they were.

The food was plentiful, full of flavour and they took their time to bring that food out to us. I can understand the occasional need to eat quickly and to get through all the courses and things when it comes to state occasions and family meals if there are other businesses that need the time of the diners. I can also understand the desire in those, more professional, establishments when they are trying to get people through as quickly as possible, so no sooner have you finished one course than you are getting the next course shoved into your face for you to get through as quickly as possible so that they can get you out and the next person in.

But here, they took their time. Sizzling platters of meat and vegetables were brought out to us in strange and wonderful sauces that tickled the taste buds. Roast platters dripping in gravy. Plentiful, freshly baked bread and pots of butter so that we could either smear the bread into the butter or dip it in the gravy. Fruits, Cheese and all of it came coming out so that we could savour each mouthful without feeling overwhelmed or overstuffed by it. It was a long and lovely meal.

And all the way through it, people were telling stories about me. Some of them were teasing. Some of them made me blush. But not one of them made me feel as though I was being bullied. They were all complimentary. And Kerrass directed the assembly with skill and finesse. Calling on one person if he felt that the mood needed skewering with a funny story or bringing the mood down with a serious and admiring story if people were getting too giddy and possibly heading towards offence.

Kerrass told the story, again, of our first meeting. But this time, he gave me the credit for lifting him from a state of depression so that he became determined to live again. Mark told the assembly about the first time that I had flummoxed him in a debate about holy scripture. Sam told about how he had watched as I humiliated Robart in the doors of our castle gate, about how the man had threatened me and I had, in turn, made the idiot Knight piss his trousers in fear.

Gregoire rose to his feet and gave me all of the credit for the fact that he was now married to the woman that he loved. Genuine tears of gratitude stood out in his eyes and I had to run around the table to hug the huge man before they spilt.

Guillaume repeated the story about how he and I, along with Ariadne, rescued Lady Caroline, and presumed heir to Toussaint’s ducal throne, from the Witch of Lynx Crag. Thorvald told of my heroism as I charged up the beach against the ice giants.

Rickard recounted the speech that I gave on the island of mists which put the steel into the surviving bastards and Elves that had made that last, desperate run while Ciri told how I had had the temerity to stand up to the Empress of the Continent and told her to get her head out of her arse.

Hugh told the story about how I had stepped aside when the woman I loved had chosen him instead. He spoke with tears in his eyes and a small amount of pride as he apologised to me again for breaking my heart but that he was just unable to deny how he felt for her. He told the assembly of how much he admired me for that choice and that decision and the grace with which I had dealt with the entire situation. He hoped that I forgave him after all this time. I told him to be silly and that of course I forgave him. That I had forgiven him a long time ago.

Jerome told a story that I could not remember. Apparently, I had prevented his little shrine from being robbed when he, Jerome, had been asleep and Kerrass had been out on some errand or another. Some robbers had come and I had seen them off.

Kerrass told about my embarrassment in the face of the Succubus which brought the conversation back around to amusement and laughter again, a much-needed diversion.

As we finished the food though, the chairs were moved back and the musicians came in. As did the girls. Again, there was a more subdued feeling to the ladies that were present and there weren’t as many of them as I was expecting. They came in and danced with those that wanted to dance and sat with those that just wanted to sit and drink. We talked, laughed and sang for a long time. Some people played dice, some people indulged in cards. And everywhere I looked there were my closest, dearest friends, laughing, joking and speaking with each other.

It was… magical. And the night still wasn’t over.

Things built slowly towards their… heh… climax.

I remember thinking that the feel of the room was changing when Ciri took her jacket and hat off and so allowed her longish hair to hang free. And with the bulky jacket no longer an obstacle, even though she was wearing a very male-cut shirt, there was no longer any hiding the fact that she was a woman.

After that, the feeling of the women and the servants that were coming into the room started to change. They were all wearing masks and although their clothing could still, at a pinch, be described as “servant wear” there was definitely an edge to what they were wearing that made it look a little closer to…

It was more sexual.

The laughter in the room started to shift and change. It was less innocent, more… raucous. Nothing too offensive and nothing that was going to worry anyone or offend anyone, but there was a new feeling to it that left me… heightened. I was more and more aware that the waves of feeling that were rushing through me were increasingly sexual. But I could almost hear Ariadne’s voice in my head telling me not to worry and to just enjoy what was happening to me.

Mark approached and took Kerrass and me aside.

“I think it’s time for me to go.” He told me with a smile that was warm, friendly, a little mocking and even less sad.

“Are you sure?” Kerrass said. “You will be missing out on some entertainment?”

Mark laughed. “I am sure.” He told us both. “It would not be a form of entertainment that I would enjoy and although I wish you all well of the evening, especially you Freddie, it has never been to my taste. And I am tired. Thank you for letting me share this with you, Freddie.” He told me and I saw the first formation of tears in the corner of his eye.

“No Mark.” I embraced him. “Thank you. It would not have been the same without you.”

We pulled away before we could embarrass each other even further.

“Make sure Sammy behaves,” he told me before he went with the Madame into the back room. I saw Kerrass’ medallion flicker a moment and I guessed that there was some kind of teleportation effect. Kerrass looked at me for a long time and I saw him give a signal towards the madame, something about delaying matters for a bit.