(Warning: Some cultural sexism in evidence as well as some derogatory terms used about women by an unpleasant man. There are some crude jokes made of a sexual nature but meant, by the characters, in fun and finally, the beginning of a scene that contains bullying. Believe me when I say that I am looking forward to writing some revengeancing for that.There is also a brief conversation regarding the size of male genitalia that is taken, almost word for word, from a conversation that I once heard between two women in a pub. I was much younger and more naive at the time and I remember being astonished.)

Of course I didn't know that Lady Vivienne had been attacked at the time. I only found out about it much later. People were expressily forbidden from telling me.

My understanding of events was that she had ridden down to the docks to meet with a merchant's factor. Emma would be able to tell you more about this sort of thing but it happens a lot where relatively minor nobles travel with Merchants in order to give introductions and things like that. So the noble will meet with another noble and there will be some kind of extended conversation, exchange of gifts and introductions while the real merchants are off in the background doing the actual negotiations away from all of that polite society. I myself have performed this kind of thing when introducing people to Emma, or early on when Emma had taken over the company. I'm thinking specifically of that period of time after Sleeping Beauty had been woken up and I was at home in the castle over the back end of Autumn while we waited for the coronation to take place. There were regularly people that would come round wanting to speak to the head of Coulthard trading company and they would be shown into the receiving area and they would assume that I was in charge while Emma was there to sit and look decorative.

We used to find it really funny.

But Lady Vivienne had gone down to the dock to meet someone coming off the boat on the evening tide. She had gone down at that time of night in order to get the Duchess' business conducted straight away before any other people could get there and drive the price up before the Duchess could have her say.

Just one of the many things that Courtiers do for their masters.

She was incognito, so as to not draw any attention and as it was inside the city limits, she went with a guardsman in disguise. She met the merchant off the boat and took them to one of the better nearby inns where they had dinner, discussed some business and then the merchants and nobles went to bed. Lady Vivienne then left the inn with her hood up and started to head to where her horse was waiting with the guardsman next to her.

What happened then is a little more sketchy. We know that a number of masked men in dark clothing jumped out and grabbed Lady Vivienne. The guardsman was shot with a single crossbow bolt in the chest and although it failed to pierce his armour, it stunned him enough that he staggered and fell backwards to be jumped on by another assailant who rammed a dagger up and under his chin causing him to bleed to death.

Then at least two men grabbed at Lady Vivienne and started to pull her towards a nearby covered cart. She would later say that one of them had been trying to pull a cudgel in order to knock her into unconsciousness.

Fortunately for her and unfortunately for her kidnappers. Lady Vivienne's husband is one of the foremost Knights of the continent and when they had been travelling together after their wedding, Lady Vivienne had seen some of the horrors that were committed against her gender on the continent. As a result, she had demanded that Sir Guillaume teach her how to defend herself.

Being a wise man and therefore being able to see her point as well as longing for marital harmony, Sir Guillaume had complied.

As a result of this education in the arts of defending herself, Lady Vivienne had taken up the habit of carrying several very sharp knives about her person and practiced being able to draw them and wield them within seconds. With both hands.

So no sooner had a hand clamped on her wrist to restrain her than a blade was out and flashed in the torchlight. The man at her wrist let go out of reflex and she sprinted for her horse.

One of the other things that Sir Guillaume had taught her was that, unless absolutly necessary, you should not engage more than one opponent for protracted conflict. Especially if taken by surprise. Lady Vivienne had taken this to heart.

Reaching her horse she vaulted into the saddle where the knightly trained horse reared, lashing out at Lady Vivienne's assailants before bolting down the road. A matter of moments later, a furious Lady Vivienne turned out the Watch Commander from the nearest Watch-house and the alarm was raised. While Lady Vivienne was secured and escorted to the palace, another squad led by Captain De La Tour went down to the inn where they found the body of the dead guardsman, signs of a scuffle and tracks of horses that led off into the Toussaint night.

But as I say, I knew none of this at the time and as it was happening. Because I was getting ill again.

After Sam had left through the transport portal I had wanted to go for a walk. I wanted to enjoy the fresh air and see if I could see some of the Knights of Saint Francesca on their inaugeral patrols. Wandering down to the market that always seems to be active in Central Beauclair, I bought a lump of cheese and a length of Garlic sausage as well as a skin of wine and went out into the gardens. There was a spot that I rather thought that I could spend an enjoyable time watching the world go by and starting to relax after the stresses of the last few days as well as reflect on everything that had happened.

There are any number of beautiful spots all over the city that are perfect for precisely this kind of thing and had resolved to enjoy one or two of them.

I sat, this will have been about midday and I took a deep breath trying to calm myself a little bit and listen to the wind in the leaves. In the distance, I could hear people shouting at the docks and there was still the clattering and chattering of what was going on at the market place.

I was thinking about Sam. I was worried about him as he had seemed desperately unhappy, almost feverishly unhappy with whatever it was that he was doing off in the north. I worried that he was making himself sick and wondered if what had happened to me was the same thing that was happening to him.

I was also left reflecting on what life must have been like for Ariadne, Kerrass, Emma and Mark as they had watched me succumb to my obsessions. As they had watched me drift away until all I was left with was my mission of trying to find out what had happened to Francesca.

I opened my eyes, suddenly realising that I had closed them and the sunlight stabbed into my vision. I dismissed it as a symptom of my hangover. I am finding that as I begin to get a bit older, it takes me longer and longer to get over a night's drinking. This had been made worse by the fact that I had also taken a small amount of my medicine to help me deal with Sir Raoul the White and his compatriots. I remembered doing this as my thought process went down that road, the road of wondering why my head was throbbing and I was feeling a little bit ill.

I told myself to eat something and I picked up the sausage and bit into the juicy, tasty meat and washed it down with a bit of the watered wine.

It really was a beautiful day.

A lot had happened over the last few weeks and I tried to take a moment to take it all in and really think about what had happened and what was happening. There was a small lead regarding something that happened in Angral. It was a small lead and I had to really work hard at making sure that I didn't blow it up out of all proportions. It would have been so easy to do that. To think that the mage, Phineas, must have had something to do with Francesca's disappearance.

I could feel my brain trying to tug itself down a much travelled thought pattern. Thinking that it was too much of a coincidence that the man that had been one of the root architects of the problems in the North had been seen somewhere else. A somewhere else that had also seen strange magical rituals and uses that had not been previously discussed. It was easy to start asking myself questions about these things that could not possibly be answered. Questions like, what did it mean that Phineas had been seen in Angral? Why was he there? Was he alone? Did he go to Angral before or after he had made contact with the cult in the north?

These questions had gouged channels through my brain in patterns of fire and pain for days and weeks after Kerrass had first told me about what had happened and now, after Sam had gone, I found it all too easy to feel my thoughts going down the same way.

So I took a deep breath and forced my head onto a new pathway by virtue of another bite of sausage and a swig of wine. I was not yet concerned that my headache did not seem to be getting any better.

It had gone well with Sam coming back into the family unit. He had apologised without being forced to. Emma had apologised without being forced to and, as far as I was aware, both of them were aware that they could not do anything for their lands without the input from the other and both of them realised that they had work to do in order to repair what remained of the family unit.

I was pleased. There had been laughter, there had been jokes and teasing and other family interactions and we were all looking forward to our next gathering. There had been some tentative movement towards some kind of effort between all of us to make Marks last weeks and months after the wedding, as fun and as filled with love as we could manage.

I was still struggling to think of that if we're honest so I took the time to try. I could easily picture the lead up to the wedding. I could imagine the gentle rest and recovery in Toussaint in the company of Ariadne, Kerrass and some of the new friends that I had made on this visit. At some point there would need to be a decision made about what was going to happen after, whatever it was that Ariadne had in mind had happened. But I had started to think that I wanted to just tag along with Kerrass.

I rather thought that I needed some kind of break from it all. The Jack book was done and in the hands of the publishers, as I had said to Syanna, there was just some Errata to be done for the second printing....

The fact that there was going to be a second printing was prestigious enough.

… And then I rather thought that I wanted to give myself some space for the next project to turn up easily. I needed some time to get my head out of the headspace of thinking about Jack. But also, now that I had resolved to stop thinking about Francesca, I had to take the time to properly stop thinking about her as well. I was relatively confident that something would occur, something would happen that would trigger the lightening bold of inspiration that would drive me towards a new project.

Flame, there were plenty of projects on my horizon anyway. Including, but not limited to, working with everyone on a pathway to reintroduce Witchers into the World. And also, thinking of all the ways that I could make my wife as happy as I could possibly manage.

I diverted myself, not unwillingly, into imagining Ariadne naked and in various erotic scenarios. I couldn't wait to start exploring that side of our relationship with her. As it was, we had to be careful with getting too physical with each other in case we got to a point of no return. My illnesses not withstanding.

Clothing as a barrier was essential when it came to that kind of thing.

But I was sure that something would come up. I had not been lying when I had said that I meant to discuss the possibilities of future projects with Lady Yennefer on the grounds that I had really enjoyed working with her. We seemed to draw the best out of each other on a scholarly level.

My headache was not getting better. In fact, it was getting worse. And also, I was starting to feel sick.

My eyes had closed themselves again, probably while I had imagined a naked vampire rising above me in passion, I felt my mouth grin at the thought but forced my eyes open again.

The sun was really bright now.

There was a tingling in my legs and I realised that I felt short of breath.

For reasons known only to myself, I thought it would be good to stand up and start moving around, taking several large deep breaths as I went.

Which was when I discovered that one of my legs had cramped and I had to half stagger and hop as I tried to move around.

Lights danced in front of my eyes and I sat down heavily. My breathing was becoming more laboured and I finally realised that I was in trouble. I forced my eyes to stay open as I just did my best to focus on breathing in and out while my leg muscles proceeded to ripple with agony.

I had a moment, just a moment, of thinking that I had faced down an angry dragon and an Ice Giant. I had made an Elder Vampire love me and seen the Ghost ship to end all ghost ships. I had boarded an enemy vessel in anger and fought off a coup attempt. I had shivered in ditches waiting for a Griffin to fly overhead, I had stood between a family and a charging Alghoul. I have fought Earth Elementals and Cockatrices.

And I'm going to die in a quiet corner of the rose gardens of Beauclair.

Then I woke up, the side of my head hurting where it had bounced off the stone ground.

The strange thing was that I felt better almost instantly. The whistling in my ears had vanished and the grayness on the edges of my vision had also dissipated and I found that I could breath easily. I was cold but despite this, a sweat broke out and I shivered. But I found, not for the first time, that it was remarkably comfortable there on the cold ground.

I felt dazed and decided that it would be better if I just stayed where I was for the time being and tried to figure out how long I had been unconscious. Not long if I was any judge but that didn't change the fact that I had definitely fainted.

A joke occurred to me and I felt myself grin. The best of my judgement had caused me to go for a walk to get some peace and quiet by myself and look where I had ended up as a result.

I lay there for a while longer as I focused on breathing in and out. It was actually rather pleasant. Part of the problem was that I wasn't looking forward to hauling myself to my feet and having to force myself back up the hill towards the palace. The alternative that was slightly worse, was that I would have to find a guardsman or a knight or a servant and get them to help me back to my rooms. I knew that it needed to be done, but I was not looking forward to explaining to Emma and Ariadne what had happened.

But the decision was taken out of my hands by my escort. Of course I was escorted. I was still a visiting... heh.... dignitary and as a result, I warranted an escort. They had taken up a discrete distance from myself and had watched as I had sat on a quiet bench out of the way and had merely taken certain steps to make sure that no-one was able to sneak up on me without, first, me being able to see them and hear them, or my escort being able to see them.

But they had finally come to alarm when they realised that they had lost sight of me. They called, shouted really, as they tried to find me. I am prepared to swear that I desperately wanted to call out to them. I wanted to attract their attention, but shouting just seemed like it would need to much energy. “They'll find me,” I reasoned and stayed where I was.

They did indeed find me.

“Fuck,” the woman swore as they rushed over to me in a clatter of metal, “Lord Frederick, can you hear me?”

“I can hear you.” I told her as she peered into my eyes through her visor. “You have pretty eyes.” I don't know why I said it, but she did.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Her male counterpart demanded as she checked my pulse and patted me down looking for injuries.

“I fell.” I told him stupidly and rather redundantly.

“Stretcher.” She said. “We need a stretcher. He's not hurt, no blood or anything. But we would be better getting him back to his rooms. Send for Sir Walther as well and get him to meet us in his rooms.”

I was glad to see that she seemed to be in charge as she seemed to have a certain amount more common sense than her counterpart. This opinion was confirmed even more as he stormed off muttering to himself about “stupid fucking northern Lords.”

“I don't need a stretcher.” I told her. “I just need to lie here for a bit.”

“And catch your death of cold?” She said, “Like fuck, begging your lordship's pardon. Can you stand?”

“Course I can...” I tried and wobbled so she caught me.

“So that's a no then.” She commented, trying for a joke despite the obvious nervousness in her voice. “Let's just get you over to the bench where we can at least wrap you up.” She was trying for joking while also, presumably, wondering what happens to knights who lose their charge on their first official full day on the job.

I sat on the stone bench and leant my head back. My eyelids felt really heavy and I longed to close my eyes and go to sleep. But enough of my old medical training remained for me to understand just how bad an idea that was. Especially with my head being hurt.

There was more clattering and a pair of guardsmen turned up.

“Ok Lord Frederick. Onto the stretcher.”

“I can walk, I can walk.”

The woman stared at me. Even though her face was covered with a full faceplate and I had only seen part of her eyes. I suddenly had a distinct image of exactly what her facial expression was going to look like.

“Lord Frederick.” She said in that way that women everywhere seem to be able to manage. It's the big sister voice for when they are speaking to the male of the species, who is suffering from potentially fatal levels of stupidity. “You might be able to walk but can you answer for all the times that you will have to stop on the way back up to the palace?”

I could not and she knew it.

“Further to that. You have struck your head and that means that we need to get you treated sooner rather than later by someone with more than battlefield medicine in her expertise. Can you argue with that?”

I couldn't do that either.

“And finally, even if you could do all of those things Lord Frederick. Even if you argued that you could make my life difficult, that you were offended and insulted and demanded an apology, which you can have after you're safe in your quarters again. Even if all of those things were true, you should also know that there are a number of people who I am more scared of than you. Would you like the list?”

“The Duchess?” I guessed.

“Your betrothed, your sister, your brother, your Witcher, the Captain of the guard, Lady Yennefer, Lord Geralt, Lords de Launfal, you understant I'm talking about both of them here. Lady de Launfal and her companions of the Duchess' chamber, Lady Vigo, Lady Laurelen, the rest of the Lodge of Sorceresses on the whole,”

While she spoke, she and her companion were helping me onto a stretcher. In the distance, towards where the road was wide enough, a couple of other guardsmen were manhandling a horse and a small wagon into place.

“But most of all,” She finished. “If I don't get you back to your rooms and into the waiting arms of the healers, there are two people who would pull out my ovaries and grind them beneath their heels. That being Sir Walther, the Duchess' physician and the Knight Commander. Who would not only extract my reproductive organs before stamping on them until they were a smear on the underneath of her armoured shoe, but then she would continue to pull out my insides with hooks, red hot ones.”

I was on the stretcher now and being carried towards the wagon. People had started to look now and the male of my escort shouted at the guards to close up around me to hopefully prevent my identity from getting out.

“And all the time that she was pulling out my entrails,” the woman went on. “She would be explaining to me, in detail, exactly why it was my fault that she was doing these horrible horrible things to me. Do you understand all of that Lord Frederick?”

“Yes.” I answered meekly.

“Do you want me to be horribly killed in a horrible way by a horrible woman?”

“No,” I answered.

“Then lay the fuck down and try not to move. We'll have you back at the palace in a while.”

I was pushed into the Wagon's depths and the two knights climbed in beside me and with a lurch we were underway.

The bouncing around did not do anything for my stomach as a roll of nausea rushed over me. I broke out in another sweat and gritted my teeth as I waited for the discomfort to pass.

“Keep your eyes open Lord Frederick and focus on the breathing.” The female knight insisted.

We weren't very far up the road when word must have reached the family who were still taking it easy in our quarters. I know this because a red and black smoke showed up inside the wagon and coalesced into the paniced form of my fiance.

Not nearly as panicked as the knights were though who nearly leapt to their feet with their swords drawn. He was quicker to react but she was the first to realise what was going on.

“That fiancee that I was telling you about.” She told the other knight who subsided a little more gradually.

“Some warning would have been nice.” He rumbled. “I nearly cut your head off.”

“There was never any danger. “Ariadne told him absently as she shuffled over to sit next to me. The knight bridled at that a bit before subsiding.

“No, I suppose not,” He admitted and sat down.

I had them pegged then. He was the fighter and, possibly, the military mind. She was the more knowledgable people person. The one to figure things out. The other to protect and fight if necessary.

Ariadne knelt next to my head. She had been concerned when she had first appeared but had calmed almost straight away when she had seen me. She stroked some hair out of my eyes.

“I'm sorry.” She told me after a while where I will freely admit to being lost in my fiancee's eyes.

“Why are you sorry?” I wondered, a little dismayed at the fact that I was sluring my words. “I'm the idiot that went and passed out.”

Both of the knights snorted at that.

Ariadne smiled gently. “Yes you did, but those of us that know a little bit more about medicine should have seen this coming.”

“Seen what coming? You're being deliberately cryptic again.”

Her smile broadened. “You've been under a lot of pressure over the last few days.” She said. “The festivities, Sam's arrival and the constant public scrutiny. You forced yourself to calm down and keep going through all of that but now that things are calm again, your body has decided that it has time to be ill again. I suspect that you have been ignoring some symptoms over yesterday and the morning.”

I considered this.

“You know what though?” I said. “I really haven't. I won't lie. Last night with Sir Raoul and Sir Alain...”Again, both of the knights of Saint Francesca snorted to show what they thought of that. “... was less than pleasant and I took some medicine to deal with that. But other than that. No, not really.”

“That doesn't surprise me.” She told me, stroking my forehead and hair back. A gesture that I had always found sickeningly twee when I had seen it done by other couples. But I would be lying if I tried to claim that it wasn't also extremely pleasant.

We got up to the palace where I lost a brief argument on the subject of whether or not I should be allowed to walk into the palace unaided. Fortunately, court was not in session so all the guardsmen were either palace Guardsmen or Knights of Saint Francesca. It would get out that I had been ill sooner or later but for the right her and right now of it, I rather hoped that I could get this done relatively easily.

Sir Walther was waiting for me when I got to the family suite, along with a terrified looking Emma and Mark along with a wry, and calm looking Kerrass, Laurelen and Anne. My understanding was that Ariadne and Laurelen had been in communication to tell everyone that I was ok and I was just having a small relapse.

I won't go into it in too much detail. Suffice to say that everyone, including Sir Walther berated me for longer than I care to mention about trying to do too much when I was still recovering from a lot of physical and mental hardship over the last year.

Then, when he had judged it prudent, Sir Walther switched tacks and started berating everyone else and telling them that they should have been keeping a closer eye on me.

Emma didn't take that particularly well, but I would give her the benefit of the doubt and tell everyone that this was due to her worry rather than anything else.

The long and short of it was that Sir Walther insisted that I need rest, relaxation, peace and quiet. He would permit gentle socialisation when the headache had gone and maybe a party or two for after that if I wasn't feeling any nausea or dizziness. But everyone else was admonished that they should keep a close eye on me in case I should start appearing bleary or tired and then I should be rushed straight back to the quarters to rest. And that in the mean time, I shouldn't be bothered with anything that might upset or worry me overtly.

Which is why no-one thought to tell me about the attack on Lady Vivienne when it happened that evening.

I was ordered to bathe again but, much to my surprise, I was told not to return to bed until my headache had calmed down. My apologies were sent regarding dinner that evening which was due to be attended by Lord De Launfal and his... I suppose “consort” is the correct term. I felt really bad about that. I had been looking forward to talking with Lord de Launfal a bit longer. So I spent the rest of that afternoon talking with Ariadne and Emma about nothing that I can particularly remember. I tried to play cards with Mark but my eyes couldn't quite focus on the cards in my hand. I couldn't read or write for the same reason and I spent the rest of the day in abject boredom.

It was a very strange day really. I felt... old before my time. I could move around and do things but I did all fo them incredibly slowly. I found myself planning my routes to the chamberpot, the food table and the chairs by way of places that I could lean and catch my breath. I checked, when I put my mind to it, I could move with a purpose and with some speed. I just found that I didn't want to. I wanted to take my time.

And that's why I didn't hear about the attack on Lady Vivienne that night. I was in our rooms, pleasantly medicated, bored out of my skull and waiting to go to bed and to sleep so that I could move on with my life. I'm told that there was a bit of a furor that night and there was some stomping around. Sir Guillaume was called for at one point and he had to leave, but I was too busy trying to stay awake.

Which is, apparently, really important when you have been hit on the head. No-one knows why but... there it is. Something to remember the next time you get punched in the face.

So I didn't know about it. I literally had no idea. Some people have tried to portray me as being aloof and uncaring about the attack on my friend who was also the wife of another friend. That is a lie and I want to say that here and now and in print where everyone can know about it. Lady Vivienne and Sir Guillaume were both aware of exactly why the news had been kept from me and they agreed with the matter and would later tell me not to feel guilty. So you can forget about that as well.

But for the there and then, I didn't know. That night I was finally allowed to go to bed when Ariadne declared it so. This time, she was in the room while Anne put me to bed and the two women stayed up gossiping for a while. I know this because I couldn't sleep. The same thoughts that had occupied my mind while I had been moving through the gardens of Toussaint were still going round and round. Thinking about who I was, where I was going, what I was going to do, who I was going to become.

You know, the small and unimportant questions.

But I couldn't let go. I was neither awake enough to properly examine any of the questions and work towards coming up with any of the answers, but nor was I sleepy enough to be able to set the thing aside. I felt beaten up more than anything.

At some point in what must have been the early hours of the morning, Ariadne finally left, pointing out to Anne that I was still awake as she went. Anne, as was her habit, changed into her night clothes and climbed in beside me, the added weight of a warm woman across my chest had been helpful in the past.

But this time it wasn't. Something had shifted in my head. The guess that I had spent the last few days tamping everything down so that I could deal with the ends of the tournament, the family crisis as well as all of the politics and nightmares that come with those, seemed to be quite accurate as everything started to come out in a torrent.

I know this because Anne started to snore gently. Normally I could even find that kind of thing restful. The gentle breathing of a beautiful woman in your ear is something that I have always found fairly peaceful after all. But now it was a saw grinding out against my skull.

But I was medicated, exhausted, a little injured and I couldn't move.

I finally managed to sleep as the sun was just climbing in order to mean that there was enough light in the room to make out the chamber pot without having to unshutter the lantern. That place where the outlines of furniture start to be highlighted but detail still escapes you.

They woke me up for breakfast. By they, I mean Sir Walther and Ariadne who insisted that I get up, eat something and then take some more medicine. Anne had gone off on one of her occasionaly visits into town to deal with whatever business she had that had been interrupted. I felt better but I was dismayed by how little energy that I had. I was absolutely exhausted and I was more than a little horrified by that.

“Try to stay awake.” Sir Walther told me. “You need to regulate your sleeping patterns properly.”

“I was sleeping fine and then you insisted on waking me up.”

“You were, but you were restive and you were moaning about something.”

“Who says?”

He gave me a flat stare. “Look me in the eyes and ask me that again.”

Kerrass chuckled at me from the corner.

I had been having nightmares. I had forgotten that until Sir Walther asked me the question and I was forced to answer in the affirmative. I had forgotten.

Yes, I had forgotten. It is perfectly possible to wake up, covered in sweat with the scream still echoing in your throat from when you were screaming in your dream as you tried to wake yourself up and then to have forgotten what you were dreaming about not two heartbeats later.

I felt wretched. Emma looked confused by what was happening with me but she accepted Sir Walther's word for it. Kerrass looked unsurprised and Mark was sat at one of the desks in the room as he was taking care of some correspondence. I looked around at them all as they all got on with the various activities of the day. They were aware of my problems, concerned about me, but they weren't worried. It was that strange mixture of being aware of what was going on with me and making suitable adjustments, but there was none of the worry and fear that I had seen in their eyes when I had been recuperating in Angral. This was...

Then it hit me. My illness and periods of sickness had become routine.

The horror of that moment kicked me square in the balls and I burst into tears. Ariadne was at my side in an instant but other than that, Mark looked up and over to see what was happening but his expression was blank and still, obviously, lost in the letters that he was writing. Emma was still concerned and Laurelen seemed unsurprised. Only Kerrass looked uncomfortable. All of this drove the point home again and hard.

“What's wrong love?” Ariadne asked as she stroked my hair and otherwise mumbled soothing noises.

“Is this my life now?” I whimpered. “Is this how I spend the rest of my ife. Working towards stressful moments, building myself up and then falling down with a thump.”

Anger came shortly after it.

“Then I burst into tears and rage against it all. Is this my life now?”

Just as suddenly as it was on my, the rage, the fear and the pain left me and I slumped backwards, drained to the point of exhaustiong. “Flame.” I swore.

Sir Walther said nothing while Ariadne fetched a square piece of cloth handkerchief to wipe my eyes.

“The truth is that I don't know.” He told me. “Line up the ten smartest doctors in the world, along with the ten smartest magic users in the world and we couldn't tell you what was going on in your head and body. There would be some special words thrown around to try and convince you that we know what we're talking about. Words like “Adrenaline, Hormones” and the like.”

“Also Seratonin.” Ariadne put in. “Neural pathways are other words that have been used in this kind of discussion”

“See what I mean?” Sir Walther glared at Ariadne. “I haven't even heard of Neural Pathways, whatever the hell they are.”

“They are technical terms for basically telling people that the brain is a creature of habit.” Ariadne told him.

“Oh.” He said and considered this. “Then answer me this. Why do people invent increasingly complicated words and terms in order to describe something that is fairly obvious. For which we have perfectly adequate terms already in existence.”

Ariade said nothing although I rather thought she had correctly interpreted Sir Walther's diatribe as being an effort to lighten the mood.

“We don't know why your brain is doing this to you.” He told me a little more seriously. “To me, it feels like a lot of things in your life have come to a head. My instincts tell me that you have not been looked after properly, probably since the day you were born. Don't be too angry at the people that did the looking after about that. They weren't to know and like most parents and elder siblings, they were making things up as they went along.”

He sniffed.

“But also, bear in mind that because of this, you had no idea how to look after yourself and now it has gotten too much and your brain and body is deciding that it's had enough and is making you listen to it for a change. But all of that is guess work based on experience. I have no idea if that's true or if I'm making it up.”

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

I nodded my acceptance of that. I was not happy but what else could they do?

“Listen.” Sir Walther went on. “The trick to this, over and over again, is this. Do not give up. There are going to be times, probably like now, where you want to get up and dance around and go off and do things, but something has brought you down. There are going to be other times when you should be down and then you are running around like a lunatic. Knowing you, probably whenever you are trying to save the world. The highs are going to be very high but the lows are going to be equally as low. That is the part of all of this that you need to make peace with. So when you are in the deepest and darkest pit of despair, when you are half dead with the exhaustion brought on by it all and all you want to do is weep, get angry or cuse everyone close to you, or worse.”

He sighed.

“Then you must wait for it to pass. It might be a few hours, it might be a day, it might be days, plural, or even weeks. But in those times, be gentle with yourself, listen to your body a bit and trust the opinions of other people. Even while your brain and body are trying to convince you that they are trying to kill you. Dr Shani is a skilled physician and her opinion can be trusted implicitly. I have met her many times at Oxenfurt and her opinions on these matters are exemplory and she knows more about these things than I do. My specialty tends towards jousting injuries or hysteria in the courtly ladies brought on by lack of air.”

“Lack of air?” Ariadne wondered.

“Yeah. The current fashion for corsetry means that women force themselves into those horrific contraptions, do them up too tight and then struggling to breath. Then, as they stand there gasping for breath after some nitwit insults their honour, weeping with the frustration and weakness as well as mild euphoria that it brings about. As all of that is happening, men, who do not have to wear those instruments of modern torture, stand around and call women weak and tell them that they're getting overly emotional and.... heh.... hysterical.”

He snorted at that.

“But Dr Shani works with the army and as a result has had to deal with more than one case of helmet shock as well as the problems that returnning veterans can face. She will know more about this sort of thing.”

“I will see to it that Dr Shani is consulted.” Ariadne told him.

“Excellent. In the mean time. I recommend rest and a format of routine. Sleep at the proper times, eat at the proper times. Let your body know that everything is normal and it will soon calm it's shit down. Gentle exercise tomorrow I think.”

“Thank you Sir Walther.” Ariadne told him. I was still fighting back tears.

“Yes well.” He took out a snuff box and took a huge sniff, before giving a sneeze akin to a hurricane and stomping back out the door.

Ariadne pushed me over on the couch and wrapped her arms round me as I wept gently. It took a long time for the tears to go away. It was not the wracking sobs that I had given before, I didn't bawl my eyes out or any of that kind of thing. I just lay there for a long time, staring at nothing as the tears ran down my cheeks. I lost most of the day to that kind of state. I just lay there, propped up on the cushions and on Ariadne's chest and lap as she held me and we waited for the tears to pass.

It was like waves crashing against the beach. Nothing that Sir Walther had told me was new to me but the way that Mark, Emma and the rest treated it, was.... chilling. I had known that this would be something that I would have to deal with for the rest of my life, but I had not understood it until I had seen Mark look up from his letters to check that I was in no immediate danger, checking to make sure that Ariadne was nearby and had matters in hand, before then returning to his letters.

I had not understood it before I had seen Emma listen carefully to Sir Walther's declarations about what needed to be done and in what order before carefully, and clearly, setting those things aside and getting on with the rest of her business.

I make it sound colder than it actually was. They still cared. But as I say, it was a routine thing now. They expected it. They were used to it and they were absolutely confident that that was the way of things and that they would be moving forward accordingly.

But I could see it in the way that Emma checked with Ariadne as to whether or not she, or I, needed anything before returning to her own appointements and letters. I have a hazy recollection that dinner would be served to me in the rooms that night so that I didn't have to worry about anything. I remember Emma telling Ariadne that she would be back later if Ariadne wanted to do anything and Ariadne telling my sister that she would be fine. Kerrass came and tried to talk to me. I'm told that I responded in the negative and that I didn't need anything and that I was fine with him going off and spending time on his amorous adventures.

Apparently, he had “found” a contract which meant that he would be visible on the lands where Lady Moineau was staying at the moment so that she could see him as he rode around the place looking all masculine and heroic. He promised to tell us all about his amorous adventures later as a way to cheer us up.

I didn't want to tell him this, but right then and right there, I didn't want to hear them. I didn't want to hear tales of passion while my own passions were so frustrated. I was sharing a bed with an exceptionally beautiful courtesan and I was lying in the arms of my, even more beautiful, fiancee. I wanted to be horny. I wanted to have an erection that could knock down a door. But even though I wanted these things and I was telling myself that I should be able to do those things. My body was just not interested.

So I lay there. I dimly remember being made to eat something. I remember it being salty and sweet. Some kind of roast pork and apple pie. But damned if I can remember it now.

I remember stirring once.

“So is this it?” I asked Ariadne. “Is this our life from now on?”

“Is “what” our life?” She asked gently.

“Me lying here or on some couch in Angral. Not being able to think, barely able to move for fear of getting sick. Becoming a recluse so that no-one can upset me or “tire me out”. Is this the life I'm going to lead?”

“Maybe.” She admitted, “but I doubt it. I know that this is a black spot Freddie. Not helped by the fact that you are feeling ill after hitting your head yesterday and the left over grogginess and sickness from passing out. I know that it's hard to see from this position. But you need to know that you are getting better. You are.”

I snorted at that.

“Compare how you are doing now to how you were doing back at the estate in Angral. Imagine the person who you were then walking your brother to the transport gate, or standing up to all those execrable excuses for Knights. I can't.”

“I don't want to live like that.” I wailed. Utterly failing to acknowledge the things that she had said or to take them in on any level. I would like to claim that I was doing something other than wallowing in Self-Pity but I think we all know that that would be a lie.

“And we won't.” She told me. “But I will also be honest. There are going to be times where you get sick. There are going to be times where you get overly sad and overly angry at people that don't deserve it. We know that you are going to lash out. We know that you are going to sink into a pit of despair that we are going to struggle to pull you out of. You are going to yell, scream, cry and rage at everyone and everything and everyone, including me. We are not going to know what is going to cause those times. We won't know when they will start or when they will stop.

“But as the man said, we.... both of us, need to understand that they will stop. I will need to learn that you are not angry with me and you will need to learn to keep careful track of your own behaviour in order to be able to tell the difference between being genuinely angry or sad, and when you are angry or sad because you are sick. And we won't know until we spend the time to learn the differences.

“It's going to take work. It's going to be hard and it's going to take effort from both of us. We are going to need signals between us. Something to say, or a gesure or something that we can show each other. You to tell me that you are not quite right and that I need to rescue you from whatever situation you find yourself in and for me to tell you that I am worried that your illness is getting the best of your intelligent and emotional state.

“But the other thing, as well as work, is that will take time. We need the experience with your illness until we get used to it. That might happen quickly, I hope that Dr Shani will be able to give us some pointers. But it might take a long time, years even, before we get to the bottom of it.”

I had nothing to say to that.

“But in the meantime.” She said as she nuzzled the side of my head gently. “In the meantime, I can imagine far worse fates than wrapping you in a blanket, and my arms, and holding you in times of weakness. Just as I hope that you would comfort me when that non-human haters come after me because I have the temerity to be born with fangs rather than teeth.”

“Of course I will.” I was a little appalled at the suggestion that I wouldn't.

“Then do not expect any the less of me.” She said gently. “I will protect you, no matter what happens and I will love you, no matter what happens. That is not to say that I might not get angry. That is not to say that I might not... get annoyed if I feel as though you are being unfair or have confused an emotional outburst with an illness and injury based one. But know, here and now, that I will always love you. Even while we are yelling at each other.”

I was reassured. But also, I wasn't reassured at the same time.

I surfaced from my malaise later in the early evening. My body was still not entirely doing what it was supposed to do, or what I told it to do so I was ambling around, frowning at everything in sight. It took an immense amount of concentration to transport the food from my plate and into my mouth without dropping anything. I am enormously grateful for everyone that was there that they didn't laugh at my efforts. From the outside of the thing, it is very easy for me to imagine how utterly comedic and humourous that must have looked but in the right then and right there of the situation. It was excruciating.

But I did have my excuse ready. I didn't want to waste any of the food.

That night, I slept like a log. Emma and Laurelen spent the evening with Ariadne and I and the four of us just sat and chattered. Mark was off somewhere talking to some priests of this or that. Probably people that were complaining about some of his politics again which seems to be what happens whenever people decide that they need to talk to my brother. Kerrass was off enjoying his storybook forbidden romance.

That night, Ariadne handed me off to Anne with the gesture and care that women pass newborn babies around the room for everyone to have a fuss with. I would be offended by the gesture if I thought that it wasn't entirely deserved.

I remember the bath. I remember standing to change into my bed clothes on the grounds that if I sat on the bed, or laid down on the bed, then I very much doubted that I would be able to take the clothes off. But I remember sitting on the edge of the bed and I remember nothing after that until I was woken up by an urgent need to piss in the early hours of the morning.

After that adventure, I was woken again by Kerrass hammering on the door to demand that I hurry up and get some breakfast so that we could hit the training fields and get some proper training done.

“You're getting soft Freddie.” He told my bewildered safe as he stood over me while I ate some porridge. “Too much time lying in the arms of beautiful women and feeling sorry for yourself.” He grinned as he said it.

I gave him a long look as the porridge, a delicious mix with added pears and honey, slowly slopped off my spoon. “Your haste is nothing to do with the fact that you want to get back to a certain married woman is it Kerrass?”

“Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.” He told me with glee.

“I don't want to know.” I bent to the bowl.

“Yes you do. You want to know how she called out to me and pleaded with me to stay with her.” He told me with relish. “You want to know how she clung on to my sleeve and how her dress nearly tore open and spilled her....”

“Ok, I'm done.” I told him and pushed myself away from the table. “If you're going to torture me with this kind of thing then you might as well combine the tortures and do it over some training.”

Despite my fears and Kerrass' rather clumsy joking. The training was actually really gentle. Which was good because I was stiff and slow. Kerrass said nothing but he also refused to allow me to wallow in self pity.

“Fear will make you fast Freddie.” He told me. “Fear and the presence of actual danger. You're tired, sore, saddened and upset. You will find your energy again soon enough. Don't get me wrong, your skills are in quite a state and we need to work hard to get you back up to your former strength. But I remember what Sir Walther told you. Routine is good for you. So I'm going to insist that no matter how long we stay in Toussaint, or how long you stay in Toussaint, or how long we all stay in Toussaint. We are going to rise in the morning and train for several hours at least. Until I am satisfied or until we have other things to do.”

“And how long will that take?”

He shrugged. “Not that long today. I'm going to seal the deal tonight and I need to work her up into a passionate frenzy.”

“Who is chasing who in this scenario?” I wondered, mostly as a way to put off the return to work rather than because I was actually wondering about the answer to the question. “How much does she know about what you are doing?”

He laughed. “As I said, she knows what's happening and is getting as much fun out of the chase as I am. But enough is enough now and we need to cut to the chase. What with everything that's happened. We need to coordinate our rendezvous a bit more carefully to make sure that she isn't disgraced or worse.”

Yes. The comment about “What with everything that's happened” went completely over my head.

He sighed and the more familiar look of romantic melancholy settled over his face. The same look that he wore when he was talking about the Princess or any of the other women that he has known and loved over his years spent on the path.

“She's a good woman Freddie.” He said. “She deserves better than what she's getting from her husband. I would never take her with us, nor would she leave her comforts for me. But for the here and now, I have no objection to being her... whatever the male equivalent of a mistress is, for a few weeks and add some excitement into her life.”

“The term is “Paramour” Kerrass.” I told him and considered. “It doesn't hurt that she's also really really hot as well.”

“It does not.” He grinned happily, before feinting at my head and forcing me to block.

When we were done with all of that, Kerrass walked me back to the rooms. “How are you doing Freddie? Really I mean.”

“Flame Kerrass I don't know.” I told him. I was stiff. Days of inaction and improper exercise had left me feeling uncomfortable and the exercise that we had just done was far harder than I had thought it was going to be. “Is it bad of me that I'm just existing on a day to day basis at the moment.”

“No,” Kerrass told me. “it's not bad at all. But I do need you to know that I've been thinking.”

“Uh oh.”

“No, it's not that bad.” He grinned at me. “I will stay by your side until Ariadne can take over properly. By which I mean, until she can marry you and then I don't really want to be around while the two of you are going to spend all day in bed with each other testing out each others “erogenous zones.”

“That's lovely Kerrass. And now that's an image that's going to fester.”

“Well, that's what friends are for. But I want it to be known that I will do that, if you want me to.”

“What do you mean? Why would I not want you to?”

“Freddie, I heard what Sir Walther told you yesterday. You need routine and regularity to your schedule. I am a Witcher, that's not how we work. You have plenty of work to do, plenty of people that need your help in a way that I'm neither good at or want to be involved with. Also, my money is beginning to run out.”

“Kerrass, you know that...”

“We talked about this kind of thing remember? But also,” he looked at me and sighed. “I do feel a little responsible for the way things have turned out with you. I should have sent you home months ago. I keep going backwards in time and thinking about it. I wanted to tell you to stay in Oxenfurt when we got back from Skellige. But then I remembered the thing with the Unicorn and how despondant you were after that adventure finished and I thought to myself that you should go home after that. I came closest to telling you to go home after the cult of the First-Born and after we killed Sansum and the other knights of the Flaming sword.

“But the truth is... Ok... right.... here it is.”

He looked around and pulled me over to a bench. “The truth is this. I didn't think that you would go home, even if I ordered you to do it.”

“Not an unfair comment.”

“But that's not what I meant. I rather thought that you would go off around the place and commit to your own hunt for Francesca and I thought that you needed a guide.”

He watched me carefully as I thought about that.

“Again,” I decided after a moment. “Not an unfair comment.”

“The second truth that I have had to confront is that you should not have been allowed to come with me after the Empress' coronation. I was setting out to find your sister and I should have gone alone. Especially with that thing with the tower and the ghost of the kid underneath it.”

“The forsaken child.”

“Yeah. I should have seen it then that you were not really in any shape to go tromping through the world but I refused to see it because I'm an ignorant and selfish fucker. But then there is the last truth.”

“Which is what?”

“That I didn't want you to go. I've had good times on the path Freddie. Very good times. There have been bad times too, sometimes I think it's almost more than my fair share. Times that I didn't think that I would be able to make it past. I've known love and friendship and acceptance and all of those things. But I was not having fun until I met you. I know I've said that before but it bears repeating. Freddie, I want you to look me in the eye.”

I did as I was told.

“These last few years since I met you have been the best few years of my life.”

I stared at him open mouthed and he smiled at me. Not the false grin that he sometimes remembers that he has to use in order to tell everyone that he was happy. But a genuine smile.

“Kerrass, are you saying good bye to me?”

“No.” He laughed. “No I'm not. I intend for the two of us to be friends for many years yet. But I wanted to say it. I wanted you to have that going through your mind when you hit the darkest slumps that you are going through. You have made a lonely Witcher's life worth living. You helped me rescue the love of my life. You have saved my life and soul more than I care to think about.

“So later today, when the exhaustion washes over you and you can barely keep your eyes open through the tears and the self-loathing I want you to remember that I told you that. I want you to remember that it is not just Ariadne that you saved. And it is not just your family that would mourn your passing. I would be genuinly heart-broken if anything happened to you.”

I stared at him. “Thank you Kerrass. I will cherish that.”

He nodded and rose to his feet.

“But hang on.” I told him, catching his arm as he went to move off. “Did you just admit that Princess Dorne is the love of your life.”

“I did. I've always known it Freddie. You are right in that she and I need to talk at some point. But I am not there yet. If she wept, I do not think I could stand before such a thing.”

“Those big cornflower blue eyes staring at you like this Kerrass.” I did my best puppy dog eyes. “But why won't you love me Kerrass?” I pleaded.

He hit me. He was probably justified in his displays of violence.

“But here's the thing.” He said after I had fled from his onslaught. “If you want me to stay, I will stay. But if not... Then I need to get on the path for a bit. And I think you would do quite well if I went on my merry way for a while. Just for a few months or so and I will meet you in Redania so that we can get your Bacherlor's party done properly. I certainly want to be there when Helfdan's new flagship turns up to port in Oxenfurt so that Svein and Helfdan can get the party started. That is an image that I want to cherish in the future.”

I laughed. It was all too easy to imagine the burghers and the waterfront merchants running for cover as the fearsome band of misfits that were the survivors of the Wave-Serpent arrive in Oxenfurt.

“When are you thinking of leaving?” I asked.

“I know that Ariadne wants us to meet someone, or go to some party or something. So I told her that I would stay for that. But after that, I want to go to the Black Forest and see if I can learn anything about the kind of magic that might be using. It's the oldest, most primal, untamed place on the continent, I don't care what the Elves of Dol Blathanna claim. You haven't felt truly insignificant until you've stood beneath the boughs of the Black Forest.

“But I do think that there is a threat here somewhere. I do think that it's real. That Phineas was trying to contact something. That the Cult of the First-Born had contacted something. The thing in the woods at Amber's Crossing. Jack's renewed interest and fame in the world. I think that these things are building to something and we need to know more. I was going to take you there anyway to see if we could find anything that might point us in the direction of your sister. But now, I intend to go there anyway and see what else I can find.”

“You really think there's something to this, extra-planar creatures?”

“There is Freddie and you know it. The mages call it Goetia. But practitioners of that are trying to summon and bind. That's not what Phineas or the cult was trying to do. They were trying to draw the gaze and empower the forces that were beyond the gates. There is danger there, terrifying, horrific danger in that and I want to find out how much truth there is to it.”

“A big task.”

“It is.” He shrugged. “Fortunately, there are others investigating as well so it's not just me. Now...” He clapped me on the shoulder. “I need to get you back to your quarters or Emma will glare at me.”

“Truly a fate worse than death.”

“You see, you joke. But you're just as terrified of your elder sister as I am.”

“And with more reason than you Kerrass. More reason than you.”

We came back to the family rooms again. There were still all of the old knightly check points in place as people still needed to be signed in and out of the various corridors so that things could happen. But other than that there was actually far fewer Knights of Saint Francesca around. I didn't really think about it really. I remembered someone telling me that there was a chance that people would take advantage of the changeover between the Knights and the Nilfgaardian peacekeepers in order to get up to various shenanigans. So I just assumed that that was what was going on. It was for similar reasons that I absolutely paid no attention at all to the fact that Syanna was in her full armour and having a conversation with Emma and Ariadne in the rooms when I walked in. I looked straight past them, returned Syanna's nod of greeting and headed off to the room to take advantage of the bath that was already being run for me by Anne.

It is easy, looking back, to reinterpret the looks of concern that were flying around and being directed at me in particular. But at the time, I thought nothing of it. I had enough on my plate to worry about and I was far too used to people looking at me with a bit of worry in their eyes.

It is also true that in the right there and right then of the situation, I was feeling pretty good. I had had a good amount of exercise that morning, the unpleasant lethargy and stiffness that had been affecting my limbs for some time had been replaced with the, not entirely unpleasant burn of recently exercised musculature. I was looking forward to a bath and a massage where I would snooze before going off to get some lunch inside me.

Was this a mood swing from where I had been yesterday? Absolutely. But I had also been told that when I was feeling good, then I should enjoy that moment of feeling pretty good.

I came back into the main room, feeling refreshed and ready to take on some food and greet the Knight Commander to find that Syanna had gone.

“Where is Syanna?” I wondered as a servant put a bowl in front of me and ladled some soup. “I was going to ask how they're all getting on.”

“She had to go.” Ariadne said. Emma had turned away for a moment. There was an odd twist to Ariadne's face. She was frowning about something and Emma was staring at the wall in what I took to be a “Lost in Thought” Pose. “She is really busy at the moment and just wanted to keep us in the loop about a couple of things. She wanted to let us know that we have been invited to a ball the day after tomorrow.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. It's called an Artiste's ball where people bring a personal piece of artwork that they have been working on. A skill that they can do and that no-one else can.”

“It sounds awful.” I commented.

“And it undoubtedly will be.” Emma said finally turning around. “But one of the themes of art that has been put forward for this is Francesca so we have to go and be humiliated in turn.”

“What possible artform could I offer?” I wanted to know.

“I dunno.” Kerrass said from the corner where he was putting his Witcher costume on. “Boring people to death.”

“I always thought you had a very pleasant singing voice.” Emma told me.

“Fuck that.” I said after mopping up the soup that I had sprayed across the room at her words.

“I didn't know you could sing.” Ariadne exclaimed, her eyes shining.

“That's because I can't.” I told her, glaring at Emma who smiled at me smugly.

And for anyone that's wondering. That is how you distract your sick brother from noticing the mood of the room. Kerrass left, slinging his swords onto his back and a certain spring in his step. Emma and Ariadne were watching me eat.

“Where's Laurelen?” I wondered.

“She's working with Lady Vigo on something.” Emma told me. “One of those projects that the Lodge of Sorceresses occasionally come up with and Laurelen wants to talk to her about something. Possibly to do with the project about how she and I might be able to have children one day.”

“Or you and I for that matter.” Ariadne put in. “Now finish your food.”

I did as I was told. Nothing quite like the sight of your older sister and the woman you love frowning at you to make you finish your plate.

“What did you have planned for the rest of the day?” Ariadne asked Emma while neither of them took their eyes off me.

“Oh, this and that. There's a few people that I need to see about sending some herbalists up to Kalayn lands along with some farming experts that might be able to help him out with making his village farms more efficient. I need to vet them though. I didn't get enough time to talk to Sam about it but I get the feeling that if any of them go in there with the hard sell, then Sam is almost certainly going to tell them to fuck off and then he will write me and tell me to fuck off as well.”

“For my tuppance worth.” I said, between mouthfulls. “The hard sell might be appropriate, if you warn him about the hard sell. Write him in advance telling him about the various merchants that will be meeting with him, what they are like. If you can sell him on the merchant before the merchant has to sell his expertise to Sam. Then that might go a long way. Also merchants with a martial background that can talk to Sam on an equal level.”

Both women glared at me.

“Ok, ok. I'll eat... Flame.”

“It's not a bad idea.” Ariadne agreed. “Your brother strikes me as the kind of man that will automatically take the opposite view if challenged because he thinks like a soldier. If he is attacked then he will automatically take the opposite viewpoint. Other knights and soldiers would recognise that.”

“You're thinking of that fellow that says he fought at the line. Velles.”

I nodded. Reaching for the cup of watered wine.

“Hmmm.” Emma pulled at her lower lip as she thought. A habit that she had when she was a child and has never quite managed to get rid of. She only does it when she's actually quite stressed which, like many things in that time and place, completely passed over my head. I thought she was stressed about Sam and the merchantile problems that she faced.

“It's not a bad idea.” She agreed. “Velles does not have the best of reputations though. There have been rumours of him smuggling for years.”

I shrugged. “I don't think any of us can properly claim that we are not aware of the problems with rumours being thrown around. What do the rumours say about you after all?”

She glared at me. “Eat your soup.” She said without too much force as she acknowledged my point. “I'll talk to him.”

She summoned a page while she wrote a quick message to Lord Velles enquiring if he had a moment to spare her.

She and Ariadne shared a look. “I need to be here in case Velles responds.”

Ariadne nodded and turned to me.

“Take your fiancee for a walk Freddie?”

Emma frowned. “Is that entirely a good idea?” She looked at me significantly.

“We will be escorted.” Ariande replied quickly, also glancing in my direction. “And I am a Sorceress. If anything happens then I can teleport us both back here in an instant.”

“I'm feeling much better as well by the way.” I put in before both women turned on me. “Just, you know, reminding you both that I am here and in the room.”

Ariadne turned back to Emma. “Also, I am an Elder Vampire and am easily able to render Freddie unconscious, sling him over my shoulder and be back here so fast that the air will scream with my passing.”

“Now that's a pleasant thought.” I said aloud.

“Get changed Freddie.”

So Ariadne and I went for a walk. Arm in arm as we toured some of the significant places around Beauclair. Especially those places that were significant to the two of us. We went down into the town and visited the fish market which was also, now, the site of a large monument that listed all the men and women that died there. Both as part of the Knights Errant and the Imperial Guard.

It was missing the name of the Witcher that had died there though which made me angry and I made a note of mentioning that to someone.

We spent some time walking around until we found the place where Sir Thomas of the Guard had died and again, there was no plaque or rememberance state there that would tell people that a brave man had died there. Lots of people had died that night, lots of men and women and, so I'm told, more than one Elf as the Imperial Guard has less problems including non-humans into their military than some of the nations of the North.

Lots of people died and it would be impossible to put plaques down for everyone that had died that night. But I rather thought that if there had been a monument for what had happened at the fish market that night, to commemorate some of the people that had died that night, then everyone should be remembered. Not just the people of the Fish market.

“Did you not see who had paid for the monument in the Fish Market?” Ariadne asked me when I commented on this.

“What?”

“There was a small plaque at the base of the monument. One of those small things that tries to pretend that it is being unobtrusive and out of the way while also drawing the eye so everyone could see how generous the people were.”

I grunted.

“The plaqure read. “Paid for by Lord Raoul Le Blanc. Count de Camnau, Lord and Lady Tonlaire and friends.”

I nodded as things fell into place. “The heads of the old guard of Knights Errant. The hater and the traditionalist.”

“And friends.” Ariadne reminded me. “Don't forget that bit.”

“You and I both know that they could have just made that bit up in an effort to appear magnanimous.” My mind spun into action. Automatically looking for the meanings behind the words. “They wanted to commemorate the fallen Knights Errant and remind everyone about the men that died in service to the Duchy. But they can't just remember them so they wanted to appear magnanimous in remembering the other fallen soldiers.”

“While ignoring the filthy non-human mutant that was part of it all as well.”

“Yes. But if they include all the other people that died that night on the same plaque, then the relatively small numbers of Knights Errant that fell would be belittled and their sacrifice would not appear as magnificent to future generations.”

I just want to say. Those knights Errant that fell at the fish market at the hands of the man called Laughing Jack. Those men were good and noble Knights and it was not their fault that they were pushed to the extremes that they were. The fact that they were good and noble men was precisely what led to their downfall in that time and place. But I also find that I think that they would be appalled if their names and memories would be given precedence over all of the other, good and brave soldiers that gave their lives that night. So if anyone thinks that a way to my heart and good graces is to insult the Knights Errant in my presence then you are going to have a nasty surprise.

The problem was not with the people, but what the office of Knights Errant had become. Just as there were people like Sir Crawthorne in their midst, there were also good, noble and honest people as well and they deserve to be remembered.

At the time of my conversation with Ariadne, I was angry with the people that had paid for the monument, not the people that had fought and died. Please don't ever think that.

The monument was there to elevate themselves and their agenda, rather than to remember the people that gave their lives. Few things make me quite as angry as that kind of hypocrisy.

I stood in that small alleyway in Beauclair for quite a long time, staring at the patch of ground where a young man, younger than Francesca even, had died in my arms. I stood there for along time before, I swear that this is true, much like I would be prepared to believe that I had heard Francesca laugh at some of my silliness, I swear I heard Sir Thomas snorting with amusement.

I shook myself and shuddered, as though hot water had just been poured down my spine and we headed back onto our little tour. I bought Ariadne a cake and a small skin of mulled wine in order to keep us warm now that the afternoon was beginning to get on and the sun was going down.

We walked off to the graveyard where Laughing Jack...

Notice that I do not simply call him Jack.

… Had finally been taken down by the Witchers. I didn't want to spend too much time here. This was not a good place for me. I had been really foolish and it had nearly cost me my life. In many ways, it could even be argued, that I deserved to lose my life here.

Then we moved out and round. We visited the waterfall with the Statue to the Saint. I spent a bit of time just stood there staring up into the blank, marble eyes of the piece, kind of hoping that it would come to life so that I could take my sister in my arms again.

Eventually some tears came. If there is a difference, I rather thought that these tears were healthy tears that had needed to be shed and Ariadne held me close before we turned away and moved on.

We visited the bench upon which I had proposed and spent a little bit of time there, reminiscing about the moment and about the knight who had been determined in making sure that I wasn't going to assault her. We even wondered who he was and what had happened to him. No-one had ever come up to me and remembered themselves to me or said that this was who they were. I rather wondered if he had been one of the people that had lost their lives in the disaster of the Fish Market.

A light rain began to fall as the sun went down. It was not unpleasant, after all, this is Toussaint, but it meant that there was a new freshness in the air. Ariadne sniffed the air and told me that it wouldn't last long and that the air would clear in the morning and into another cold period with bright sun during the day. We wrapped ourselves up in our cloaks and huddled together for warmth and shelter as we left the city grounds and walked up the path, through the undergrowth and to that place where I had realised that I had been neglecting her and where she had realised that she could have done more to support me in that difficult time.

We both claim that we did things wrong there so I will leave who has the greatest fault to the reader to judge. It took us a while to find the spot as the weather, in the intervenining year, meant that the area was quite overgrown and even now, I am not quite as sure that we found the right place.

When we did, we both spent a lot of time holding each other. It was fitting that it was raining now, the same as it had been then. I looked down at the woman in my arms then and she smiled up at me. Not the first time that I have noticed that she is actually a little shorter than I am and I hope that it is not the last. The previous year had been a dark one, but looking down into her shining eyes I rather thought that it had all brought Ariadne and I closer. We were a long way from the couple that had stood here a little under a year ago and didn't know how to talk to each other. Or how to behave in each other's company. I was comfortable holding her now and we were not far away from the point where we no longer had to ask in order to kiss the other person.

My heart thudded at doing anything further than that though. The prospect of touching her bare skin still caused me to shiver and the thought of seeing her naked again left me a bit of a wreck to the point that I had to focus.

She smiled at me and pulled me down for a tender kiss before burrowing into a closer embrace.

“We've come a long way.” I said after a moment.

“Yes we have.” She replied, almost surprised by it. “A very long way. I hope it's been for the positive. It's all happened so fast that it's a little bewildering.”

“Hey you fell in love with, and decided to marry a human.”

“Yes I did.” She said with no small amount of relish. “Yes I did.”

I looked up at the sky and a huge splash of water took that opportunity to run out of the leaves and straight onto my nose. Ariade saw it and giggled.

“Time to head back?” I wondered.

She nodded. “I don't want your sister to yell at me for getting you a cold.”

“You could take her.” I teased.

“I'm not so sure. Your sister is cunning and ruthless.”

We walked down the path, arms round each other for a way.

“What happens next?” I wondered. “I know that we are staying in Toussaint until some kind of appointment that you have made, but what happens after that?”

“What brought this on?”

“I was talking to Kerrass about it earlier and it just left me thinking. I like Toussaint. I sometimes have problems with the people but I like it here. I think that the world as a whole would be better if people believed and thought the way the people of Toussaint do. Where good is good and bad is bad. Where nobles are noble and knights are just.”

She just grunted at that.

“It's rather let down by the people though.” I went on. “Syanna, De la Tour, Sir Guillaume and his wife Lady Vivienne, even the Duchess are all doing their best. But the number of people that, I think, know about all of the prejudices and in built feelings about the world of the common person born in Toussaint. I think they know it and find more and more ways to take advantage of that.”

“What do you mean?”

I had not noticed that she winced when I mentioned Lady Vivienne. I really was walking around with my head in the clouds. I hope it's for understandable reasons but rest assured that I am absolutely mortified that so much passed me by.

“It's like Pacifism.” I said. “I like the idea of Pacifism. Not doing any harm to anyone. The idea that we could all live in peace and harmony. With understanding and wonder in each other's cultures as we work to defend ourselves from the hardships of the world. I would love to live in that world. But there will always be people that can take advantage of that. There will always be people that will turn up and slap us down. Who will look at a group of Pacifists and walk up and demand everything that the Pacifists have before killing them if they say no. I think Toussaint is like that. I think people, especially that waste of skin Sir Raoul, see the vulnerabilities and play up on it. Sir Alain is similar except he is less intelligent and he preys, specifically, on vulnerable women. Flame but I would slap the pair of them.”

Ariadne chuckled. “But not Sir Morgan?”

“Don't get me wrong, he also needs a slap. But I kind of see where he's coming from. He's an older man who is seeing the world that he lived in and lives for, move away and into the past. All the time he is unwilling, or unable to do any different. I don't like him, I disagree with everything that he thinks and says. But him, I almost feel sorry for. I can't remember who said it but I agree that sooner or later, someone is going to come along that is better than Sir Raoul and Sir Alain. Alain will be killed on the duelling field. Raoul will see it coming and retire I think. Or he will go down in flames, or fake his own death in some way before running off somewhere with all his wealth and settle down to a life of luxury. His life is going to end dark when he runs out of money would be my guess.”

“You are probably right. But we have got off topic. You were talking about future plans.”

“Yeah. So what is this appointment that you've made for us and when is it going to happen?”

Ariadne harrumphed and grimaced unhappily. “I don't know, a month or so away I think, at most six weeks.”

“You don't look happy.”

“I'm not. I made the appointment so that you could talk to him about old and alien magic. I want you to see the Elder of my people, the oldest known, living Vampire. So old that he remembers coming through the rifts when the Conjunction occurred.”

“Wow.” I said as I took in the implications of all of that. “Wow...” I said again. “Flame but imagine the things he could tell us.”

“He could,” she admitted. “But he won't. He is.... He despises visitors and hates having his time waisted even more. He could kill you, Kerrass and I all together in the space of a heart beat. Possibly the most physically and magically powerful being on the face of the continent as we speak.”

“What, more than Maleficent?”

“There is a reason that Maleficent doesn't come to Toussaint.”

“Wow, more powerful than Jack?”

“I don't know. You can ask him if you like. But I had hoped that he would be able to give you some information about Francesca.”

I shuddered as the old hunger washed over me as I thought about all of the things that I could ask him. I closed my eyes and shuddered as the desperation to know. To find out, came over me again and I gasped with it.

“Freddie?” Ariadne asked quietly.

“I'm alright.” I told her, breathing heavily.

I realised what was happening and did as I had been taught. I took a deep breath and held it for a few heartbeats before blowing that held breath out hard. I repeated the process before opening my eyes and looking at Ariadne who stood there calmly.

Except she wasn't calm. She was worried. I am getting much better at reading her emotions.

“I am not.” I began before having to stop as another shudder rushed through me. “Going to ask about Francesca.”

“I know Freddie and I'm proud of you.”

“Is there any point in my going?”

“I did suggest that we could forgo the visit if he preferred. But he actually got quite angry. It seems that as well as people, interruptioins and questions, he also rather hates having plans changed. So I'm afraid we're going. There's going to be quite a few people there, or so I'm told anyway.”

“It sounds like a conversation that I am going to struggle to enjoy, let alone survive.”

“Do not worry. I have arranged hospitality. You are guarenteed to come to no harm, either by himself or others. He seems honestly keen to meet both you and Kerrass.”

“I'm sure that Kerrass will be delighted. Hold on though, how did you secure that?”

“I made him a promise.”

“What promise.”

“I told him that I would obey him for the evening.”

We walked along for a while. “That doesn't sound too bad.”

“No it doesn't. That's why I'm worried.”

“So I need to think of some things to ask him then. So it doesn't just look as though we're wasting his time.”

“Pretty much.”

We walked on for a while. The path and gate into the palace was coming into sight.

“What about after that though?” I wondered. “Lets assume, just for a moment that it all goes well. What are we going to do after that. Between now and the... wedding?”

“What did Kerrass say?”

“He told me that if I wanted him to, he would stay with me throughout until the wedding itself. But I get the feeling that he is beginning to get itchy feet.”

She nodded.

“I feel much the same. I have work to be getting on with. Obviously, or at least I hope that it's obvious, but if you want to come back to Angral and spend the time with me then you would be more than welcome. I think that this would not be the best though. I want some time to look forward to the wedding. I will be going up to Coulthard castle around midsummer anyway in order to help organise things.”

“Emma said something similar. There will be a three month, or so, window of just getting everything set up. Meeting those people that can't come or that we don't have room to receive. Things like that.”

“And I am a little wary of the two of us spending too much time in each other's pockets. At least, not when I can't tear all your clothes off when I want to.”

I shuddered for an entirely different reason and Ariadne laughed.

“I still don't feel too well Ariadne.” I warned. “What if I get sick again?”

“Then you will be at your home castle, surrounded by friends and family and if you really need me, I can be at your side in a thought. And there is a long time between now and when the Elder wants to see us. In the terms of your recovery so far. It is only a little longer than the time, in total, since you came to my gate and tried to break off the engagement.”

I considered this. “It seems longer.” I said.

She smiled at me.

That night was another quiet one. We dined with the Duchess a few of her ladies in waiting and some other notable people. It was a “quiet” dinner or, I suppose, a quiet dinner by Toussaint standards. It was pleasant enough and I enquired of the Duchess as to how things were going with the Knights of Saint Francesca.She told me that there had been a few efforts to subvert the will of the Knights but they had made their presences felt.”