You know, buffets are playing a dangerous game. Sure, they typically mean you can eat all you want, but that’s only because they know most people can’t actually eat all that much. It also seems to be true here in the Pokémon world. Most Trainers aren’t doing intense training with their Pokémon. From what I’ve gathered, most just have their teams practice moves and get stronger with a shit ton of battles. They’re also the most likely to splurge on places like buffets when celebrating a particularly difficult Gym battle or tournament win. Those that do implement physical training are a step above most and will get farther in tournaments than the average teen. They’ll also be more likely to have a sponsor of some sort, typically a clothing or food brand that wants to piggyback on the Trainer’s success. They’ll occasionally stop at a buffet, especially if there’s some event nearby that will give them, and their sponsor, some attention.

Now, I might not be considered the cream of the crop, but I’m sure I would only start having trouble in the quarter-finals of any tournament. I’ve come to realize my training goes far beyond what most people do. My Pokémon work themselves harder than the average, meaning they need to take care of themselves better than most. And great self-care involves plenty of food, in my definition.

We kept ordering plate after plate, with Hawlucha and Kippie scarfing down their food so quickly that they needed their own waiters. We had been eating non-stop for about 40 minutes before we began slowing down. I could see the workers sigh in relief, probably thinking that we were going to stop soon. Hehe, this poor establishment is going to be losing money today.

It cost 600$ for each one of us. From what I could gauge, each dish probably came out to about 20$ or 22$. From personal experience, I knew that the actual cost of the food was most likely around 12$ or 13$, giving quite a bit of profit overall. However, we were all on our 15th dish and hungry for more. While we didn’t focus on the more expensive options, which would definitely get the attention of the management here, we were going to get our money’s worth. After all, we did pay for all-you-can-eat. And they advertised that we could eat as much as we wanted.

While we ate, I got a text from Araceli asking me where I was. I sent her the name and address of the buffet before munching down on the Unfezant and Scovillain fajitas that were placed in front of me. Ah, buffets are great. They’re even better here in the Pokémon world. Something about truly being able to eat anything you wanted with all types of meat was just, great. There were many people who refused to eat Pokémon because they were sentient, intelligent creatures that did not deserve to die just so we could eat. That was all fine and dandy, but if I’m willing to keep the sentient creatures I call family in a ball and force them to battle, then I had no problem eating the ones I didn’t know. Just like in my old world. I never ate pets, but everything else was free game.

Araceli arrived not too long after her initial text. She paid for herself and her team since there was still plenty of room at the table. The collective shudder that went through the staff when she joined us did not escape her.

“Arceus, did you threaten them to allow your entire team to eat?” she hounded me. I laughed at that notion.

“C’mon, you don’t think I would actually do that, do you?” I said with a chuckle.

“I wouldn’t be surprised, to be honest. Especially if Tetsu and Nautilus here were the ones not allowed in,” she said with a shrug.

…

I wouldn’t threaten the restaurant… At least, not at first…

“There you go. Finally realizing I’m right,” she said with a large grin.

“Ah, whatever. Each one of us is already on our 20th plate of food. Damn delicious food at that,” I grumbled. Her eyes widened at my revelation, inspecting each one of us.

“Damn, where does all of that food go?”

“To our gains,” I said nonchalantly. It was true.

“Well, anyway. Professor Sycamore asked me to fill you in on what you’ve missed the last three months. I also want to ask about Doublade. Where is she?” Araceli informed me.

“She’s out hunting in the forest somewhere. She’ll be back in like… 10 or 15 minutes,” I said. The stronger she gets, the longer she spends eating. I wonder if she’s taking time to find stronger Pokémon to absorb higher quality souls or if she’s just eating more Pokémon. I should ask her. “Also, she’s an Aegislash now.”

Araceli’s eyes widened. “That’s great! I’m sure she’ll be even more likely to terastallize now!”

“How? I don’t even have a Tera Orb,” I tell her. I saw her tense a bit at that.

“How do you know about Tera Orbs?” she asked, looking me straight in the eyes.

“What do you mean?” I ask in return, confused a bit until I remember that Paldea was still limiting the information coming out of the region. Shit.

“How do you know about Paldea’s Terastal phenomenon?”

“Well, apart from you’ve told me about the study,” I start before thinking of the perfect excuse, “I’ve seen a few of Iono’s streams before. Her streams and comments section provide so much information that there might as well not be any restrictions. Like seriously, the fact that she leaves her streams open for anyone around the world to watch and donate should be Paldea’s focus.”

I wonder how many League Trainers actually know about my situation. It would make sense if it’s a need-to-know thing, like the Professors and Champions, but the people who interviewed me obviously knew about my otherworldly status. I wonder if it’s status in the League or specific jobs, like this world’s CIA, that know. Hmm, a Pokémon CIA… Scary stuff.

Araceli had now adopted an exasperated look. “Arceus, you made me think you were some sort of spy!”

“Hey, I’m not the one who made the assumption,” I told her with a shrug. “Besides, haven’t you seen any of her streams?”

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Yes, I have. And that’s why it didn’t occur to me. She’s such a wild card that any useful information gets lost quickly with her e-girl status among the internet simps that gleefully give her money,” she said with a sour note.

“Oh, do I detect a hint of jealousy in that statement?” I tease her, trying my best and failing to wiggle my eyebrows.

“Shut up. And to answer your question, no I don’t have a Tera Orb. At least not for you,” she said.

“Wow, that’s petty,” I told her.

“I don’t have one for you ‘cause the lab doesn’t have any. I guess we forgot to mention that we are trying to get Pokémon to Terastallize naturally, similar to how Paldea has mentioned that some Pokémon can be found already Terastallized in the wild,” she explained.

“They told your lab that?”

“No,” she shook her head, “they told Prof. Sycamore that. And he told us when Pam said she wanted to study Terastal Energy.”

“Ah, that makes sense. Has any new information been exchanged? I’ve missed out on three months, ya know,” I asked. As much as the PokéNet contains, there’s so much that gets vetted by the League. And the only way to find out what’s missing is by knowing the right people.

*sigh*

“Yeah, a lot has happened actually,” she responded. She waited a moment to continue as the waiters and waitresses brought our food. It took a bit since there were so many of us.

“The Paldea region issued a national emergency a few months ago, but didn’t share any details until about two. They’ve got what they call Paradox Pokémon running rampant, though mostly in the Asado Desert. A few regions have sent support via Trainers and supplies, but it’s slowly getting worse. They’re thinking about sending some of the newer Champions out to test their mettle. Gloria has been out there for months, with Dawn, May, and Hilda going through the process of flying over.”

There was a distant thudding sound, followed by a chef loudly cursing.

“In Alola, Elio has been dealing with whatever creatures have been coming out of the portals. They appeared in the middle of Malie City about two months ago, around the same time things got worse in Paldea and Calem began to get personally involved in the portals appearing around Kalos. Honestly, things have been going to shit around the time you disappeared. Professor Sycamore didn’t tell me anything, so spill. What have you been doing?”

I felt a faint rumbling go through the table, as well as a flock of bird Pokémon moving away from the forest. I hope Colada wasn’t starting any trouble out there.

“Hmm, if Augustine didn’t tell you I’m not sure I can give out any information,” I said, receiving a frown in response. “But I can say I did a lot of intense training. Might have had lunch with a cannibalistic psychopath, but I can’t confirm that first adjective.”

Araceli’s eyes practically popped out of her head at that statement. “A cannibal? Arceus, how the hell did you survive that?”

“By feeding him.”

“...”

“I didn’t feed him my body parts, you sicko?”

“Just others?”

“No! I made some curry.”

“Corpse Curry?”

“Why the fu-? Forget it, it doesn’t matter. Point is I had lunch with a psycho and learned a lot about how to better train my team. Anyway, Augustine said he wants me to join Calem. We should probably start leaving soon,” I said, hoping to steer the conversation away from the hidden accusations.

“I still can’t get over how close you two are. I hope you don’t eat him, he’s a great professor,” she mumbled.

“Dumbasssayswhat,” I spat out as quickly as I could.

“What?” she said, some of her Pidgey noodle soup rolling down her chin.

“Dumbass,” I said, rolling my eyes. “How are things in Kalos? Augustine said he was busy, which is a bit surprising since he normally ensures to make time for his family.”

“He has a family?”

“Yep, but back to the topic please.”

“Fine, fine,” she said, finishing the last of her soup. “From what I’ve heard…”

Araceli looked around, bringing herself closer to me so she didn’t have to speak too loudly.

“The politicians and business owners that make up a majority of the League’s top officials have been starting to go against Calem, the Elite 4, and the Professor. They’re planning on replacing them so that no one can properly oppose them in the future,” she said, her solemn expression hardening nearly instantly.

“These assholes have been pinning the blame on Calem and Prof. Sycamore for a while. They’re using the portals’ tendencies to open closer to cities as a way to show ‘Calem’s incompetence.’ They’re gladly dismissing the fact that they won’t give Calem the Trainers or resources he needs in the constant vigilance and fight against whatever the fuck comes out of them.”

I sat in silence for a few minutes, taking my time to think through what she said.

“I’ve only heard all of this through the grapevine, but with the way the League has been silent on just about everything… It make-.”

*BOOM*

The ceiling of the buffet blew in, sending dust and debris all over. Three figures dropped down, landing in a crouch before standing up. Two of them went for their belts, grabbing four Pokéballs each and releasing the Pokémon encapsulated inside. A Crobat, two Houndooms, a Seviper, a Liepard, a Magneton, a Poliwrath, and a Jolteon appeared, encircling their Trainers. The third, the woman that had been chatting me up outside, also grabbed her Pokéballs.

“Oho, look what we have here. My friend is actually working with the Kalos League. And to think we were going to have fun once we got back to Kalos,” she said. “No matter, I, Ariana, will just kill you here before you can ruin anything else.”

My eyes widened slightly at the name, barely connecting her appearance to the 8-bit game’s gen three remakes. Ariana’s nonchalant demeanor turned cold and callous. She released her Pokémon, a Vileplume, Arbok, and Honchkrow materializing and releasing an oppressive aura. My eyes widened slightly at the name, barely connecting her appearance to the 8-bit game’s gen three remakes.

At least, it should’ve been oppressing based on their snarls and vicious looks. Araceli and I looked at each other. I could see that she also figured they weren’t much of a threat. At least, not to us. The rest of the staff and patrons were probably not used to going against anyone strong enough to earn three, maybe four Gym badges.

I looked over to Hawlucha, who had been disturbed from her feast of steaks and just about everything spicy.

“Hey, they’re interrupting your meal. Why don’t you show them how rude they’re being?” I said, a smirk growing on my face. She huffed at me before glaring at the intruders.

“Hawlucha!” she cried out before flying over the table and delivering several oras to the Houndooms. I looked over to the rest, seeing Nautilus, Kippie, and Ra getting ready to join the fray.

“Don’t break anything,” I said, staring right at Kippie as I did so. “I don’t want more trouble after this.”

They gave me nods, though Kippie definitely looked embarrassed. They jumped out and delivered the fastest ass whooping I’d ever had the good graces of Giratina to witness. Nautilus alone took down four of the eleven Pokémon with a single round of Psybeam. Kippie and Ra similarly took their opponents down with a single move, making the trio gape at the single-sided thrashing. Hawlucha, bless her heart, went all out against the two Houndoom. Brick Break, Low Sweep, Headbutt, Revenge, she really took her frustrations out on them. They were left a bloody mess, much to the villains’ chagrin.

The three tried to run away, but Nautilus used Psychic to pin them against the wall. Araceli and I both walked over, patting them down and checking their IDs.

“Damn, what a way to ruin a perfectly good buffet,” I said, sadly looking at the damage done to the building.

“You get attacked, and that’s what you’re concerned about?” she asked, her deadpan expression reminding me of Saitama.

“Well, yeah. We weren’t even close to finishing,” I said. As we waited for the police to arrive, Colada finally came back, a confused hum originating from the blade and shield.

“Oh yeah, how nice of you to finally show up, Colada,” I scolded her. She looked down, another hum reverberating throughout the building. “It could’ve been bad and you wouldn’t have known a damn thing. But, luckily they were just a bunch of Rattatas. Next time I’m giving you a timer. I hope you had your fill.”

I didn’t want to make her feel too bad. The eye on the sword looked so distressed when she saw the damage to the restaurant. Ah, damn. Now I feel bad. But still, she was gone for a while and needs a timer for these types of things. I’ll have to ask her whether she goes for quantity or quality when she eats so I know how much time to give her. That’s a task for tomorrow. Once the police got there, they took our statements and I told them that at least Ariana was previously associated with Team Rocket. I didn’t say anything about the Santalune Forest event, advising Araceli to do the same.

We needed to tell a League agent we trusted for that, or an Officer Jenny. With that dealt with, we went out to the airport, located right next to the city’s dock. It was a small port, with flights out to Unova, Johto, and Sinnoh. We booked the next flight for Unova, with an hour delay before a connecting flight to Lumiose City. As soon as we landed, Aracelis was going to try to meet with Augustine. If not, she’d talk with Officer Jenny. I planned to head straight to Calem’s last known location, which happened to be Santalune Forest.

Ah, shit. That’s definitely connected with Ariana, isn’t it? Fuck, it probably isn’t as simple as Team Rocket then. Fan-fucking-tastic.