Lumeia

-17 (L.D.)

The year following Aeryn's capture was the true calm before the storm. Every day, Jace felt the charge in the air, could see the clouds swirling on the horizon, drawing closer.

That was the thing about life changing forever. Even when he could see it coming, there was no preparing for when it actually hit, whether it came swift as lightning, or built over time.

Nothing about what happened to Aeryn sat right with Jace even after all the time he had to think about it. Not only had Vehru let them keep their memories about what Petrin said–part of her denial that she took memories–but her refutation of the allegations, while just fine by the standards of normal humans, seemed entirely unimpressive for a seven-hundred year old world-conquering commander.

Couldn't Vehru have done a better job of convincing them? At twenty years old, they were kids by many people's standards. To someone as old as Vehru, they must have seemed like babies. And this was the best she could do with them?

Jace didn't buy any of it. Not anything Vehru said, not even that Petrin's people had managed to kidnap the Witnesses in the first place. The rebels had access to an Aerolux–something that made zero sense still–but shit soldiers that Jace could mow down so easily? The entire thing seemed like a suicide mission for Petrin and everyone involved, despite the fact that the rebel had seemed genuinely saddened to set off the explosive.

The unsettling feeling had never gone away.

Back then, when Jace went after Aeryn, he had known he was walking into a setup. He just hadn't cared as long as it meant finding her. After she'd first gone missing, he'd returned to the battlefield in the city where they'd just been fighting and ended up finding the corpse of a rebel who he now knew to be Joon. The rebel's dead hand had clutched the distinctly smaller disc of a bioengineer's hand mod. Trin had asked him over the earpiece to wait before he investigated Joon's home, but Jace wasn't waiting for anyone or anything. Not even supplies. He'd gotten his hands on plenty while in town and also went through just as much trying to make it out of the chaotic city alive.

The real trouble had started at Joon's house, because Jace's communications went down. He'd figured an SOS must have been sent like it had been for Aeryn, except no captors came for him. Instead, he found an address on Joon's desk that had led him to Aeryn.

Commander Vehru had been furious that Jace went to Aeryn without returning to the nearest base or town to report his findings. She'd said that if he'd called for help, they could have taken survivors and Jace and Aeryn wouldn't have nearly died. While Jace had told her that it had taken him less time to make it to Aeryn than it would have to get help, that hadn't been the entire story. Jace just didn't trust Vehru. He couldn't take chances with Aeryn.

It had been enough to nearly get himself sent home, which, thanks to Aeryn, he now knew meant he'd lose his memories. Which, of course, meant he'd lose her too. So, no. Jace was not going home.

Over the next year, he'd been a perfect soldier for Vehru. He doubted she would forget that he'd gone rogue. No matter how good of a show he put on, he'd revealed himself to her that day. Strangely, Jace had the feeling it only piqued Vehru's interest in him more. She, too, was not entirely what she seemed. He just had no fucking idea what she actually was. Maybe even more evil than she appeared? There was no telling.

It had been a hard year. After everything happened, he'd sat down with Aeryn to talk about what Petrin had said. She'd surprised him by opening up honestly about all she'd learned and about how she felt about their mission to liberate Earth.

In truth, Jace had always expected for them to end up having this conversation. He'd watched the violence eat away at her day after day.

"How long have you known?" she'd asked him while sitting on a bench at the park. They'd earned a few weeks off once they healed and it was fortunate because they'd needed it. The full treatment had taken three weeks for Jace and he'd hurt for weeks more.

"A while," Jace had said. "Liberation always sounded coded for something else. I'm more jaded than you."

"Or maybe not so stupid."

He shook his head. "It takes being able to see hope to make it happen. You see the world in a way not everyone can. That's a good thing."

"Why did you fight so hard to stay in the program if you didn't believe in it?"

"What could I do about it back home? I wanted to find the truth and see what I could do about it. I figured I'd be pretty useless if I didn't rise to the top and get good." He shrugged. "Besides, you know I love training."

"What do you want now?"

Jace didn't have an answer to give. For once, Aeryn let him avoid it.

They had looked at one another then with the quiet between them feeling anything but quiet.

He figured he'd said plenty when he secretly gave her minerals for over a year, and that he'd said entirely too much by rushing to save her without any of his weapons. That Aeryn had chosen silence then said enough, as well.

It seemed best to simply watch their star, Helios, sink into a bed of green and blue swirls. So that's what they did.

Finally, when the dim of dusk had ushered in a slight chill, Aeryn cupped her smaller hand with his and squeezed him softly. "We have to fight."

He was quiet a while longer before he turned to press his lips against her temple and kiss her there. The words sounded so simple now. One day, they might cost them the world. "Okay."

And that was all they had said about it for the past year. Out loud, at least. Jace had thought about it every day since and he was sure she did too.

When the time came, they would discuss it more. They both knew the game they played. While sometimes he worried Aeryn would talk to the rest of the squad about it, because she was too optimistic, he ignored the instinct to caution her not to. She was more careful than he was. That would balance out her naivety. Not that Jace did not trust his squad. In fact, he was counting on them to join him. Everyone had their own journey, though. This could not be forced.

He could only hope the rest of the squad would make it to the place he and Aeryn had already.

These were the thoughts Jace wrestled with month after month, haunting him as he tried to make plans for a future he didn't fully understand.

"Hello." Alix shoved Jace so hard he hit the wall. "Wake up."

The swell of music blaring around him came back to Jace. "What?" He looked down the beer that had sloshed over onto his hand. A handful of squads had gotten together for a house party and one thing had led to another. The place was crammed with people.

"You're in your head again."

Yeah. Jace had been doing that too much lately. He needed to save the thinking for training when he had the excuse to be alone.

It had taken Jace a long time to genuinely like Alix. As much of an asshole as the other man could be, he'd noticed things ever since Aeryn's capture that couldn't help but make Jace soften up to him. His friend could still make a room cringe and never knew when to be serious, but he was the first one to make soup for someone when they were sick, and Jace caught him tracking everyone in the squad when they were out. Alix had their backs and Jace appreciated that.

To think he'd end up actually liking this guy.

That was why Alix had pushed him. Because he was worried and Jace didn't want to be the cause of any concern. So he finished off his beer and challenged the other man to a quick game of Flash while the others were too distracted to stop them. Nikka called it out an outdated and disgusting show of masculinity that proved nothing, even though there were plenty of women who played it too. Something she attributed to the need to appeal to the old, primitive side of humanity leftover from days before they'd socially evolved–whatever. Jace was annoyed just thinking about it. He still swore there was much to tell about a person by how they handled a game of Flash. Great game, no matter what anyone else said.

They'd managed to draw a crowd, which meant the rest of the squad probably had noticed them and were already rolling their eyes.

"One more," Alix said.

"Wait." Their friend from another squad adjusted the stick he was using to measure the placement of Alix's feet. "Okay."

Jace aimed his hand mod at the center of his friend's chest and blasted him with a controlled burst of energy. Alix's torso ripped backward from the force of it and his heels dragged back into the dirt. But he didn't topple. Knocking Alix over would have given him double the points.

"Damn," Jace said.

The other man roared and shook off the pain.

The game was a balancing act that required the perfect amount of force because too much could actually be worse than not enough. Causing as much as the smallest hairline fracture meant losing the entire match. It was not simply a matter of might but precision.

Their friend measured how far back Jace had pushed Alix and raised up the handheld scanner to check for fractures.

"We don't need it," Alix said. "Jace hits like a baby."

Maybe he'd forfeit the match after all just to knock his friend on his ass and bust a few ribs. That hit hurt more than Alix let on.

"Ready?" Alix rubbed his hands together.

"This is the dumbest game." Aeryn's voice. He looked over to see the rest of the squad standing together.

"Men," Nikka said like a curse. "It's a waste of resources when they break their bones and go crying to the medic for a healing treatment."

Alix and Jace just looked at each other with more determination. Their complaints wouldn't ruin it for them. "Ready."

His friend raised his palm and hit Jace in the chest with a blast hard enough to knock the air from him. Sharp pain snapped in his chest. He dug his heels into the ground to keep from flying back. Jace grunted and stayed standing but his ribs screamed in pain.

"Ah, fuck," Alix said. "It was too hard, wasn't it?"

Jace sucked in a breath through his nostrils, already sure by how badly it hurt to breathe that Alix had cracked something. Trin ripped the handheld scanner from the man on the other squad and ran it down Jace's chest.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

"Right there," she said. "Hairline fracture. Alix loses."

Jace pumped his fist and roared, immediately regretting it because of the sharp stab in his chest, but he would never let a victory–especially against Alix–go uncelebrated.

Though Alix wanted a rematch, Nikka promised to break all of his ribs if he even thought about it, and two others stepped up to try their hand at the game.

While everyone talked about grabbing drinks and dancing, he realized Trin had left without saying anything. Inside, he found her by herself on the couch, staring at the drink in her hand.

Jace sat down next to her. "Did that thing happen again?"

Trin sat back without answering. "How's your chest?"

"Fine. Aeryn gave me medicine. You should get checked out," Jace said. "The last tour we did was rough. Maybe a hacker did some damage and you didn't notice at the time."

"I got checked out. Everything is fine." The worry hadn't faded from her voice and Trin never worried for nothing. "It happens so briefly. If I didn't have the chip and I wasn't so aware of my own perception and the passing of time, I might not notice."

"How much time did you lose?"

"Eleven seconds. Don't tell the others, especially not Aeryn. She'll freak out."

Analysts lived with a constant danger the rest of them couldn't truly understand. Integrating with the AI and living with it every moment of her life took its toll. Even great analysts burned away under the pressure. Trin was the best, though. Sure, they were all young still and needed more time to hone their skills. But take the greatest Analysts in the world and compare them to Trin at her age and Jace guaranteed she was at the top.

Still, it worried him.

"You'll be okay," Jace said.

Trin smiled stiffly, clearly trying to reassure him when she didn't feel settled. He slid his arm around her shoulders and hugged her.

"We don't let people go without a fight," Jace said. "You know that."

Her eyes were softer when she looked at him, the stress on her face finally easing. "I don't want to fail."

"No. You don't fail. The rest of us? Yeah. Not you. You're as close to perfect as a human can get."

"Thanks, Jace."

"Tell me if it happens again. At least one person needs to know."

Trin nodded and glanced down at where their sides touched. "You can stop hugging me now."

Jace pulled away and chuckled. "Okay." Truthfully, he'd forgotten he still leaned an arm around her. "Don't stay over here by yourself. Get your mind off it."

"I can get my mind off it very well over here. There's plenty to observe. When I get bored I calculate all kinds of things you'd never imagine someone calculating."

He'd stood but hung back at the couch, worried more than he had been before coming over. Trin was serious, but not moody.

"I've calculated how much more chocolate Alix eats compared to the rest of the squad. The average number of times per day Nikka yells at him. How many drinks it'll take Lyon to start flirting with you." Trin wrapped her fingers around her glass even though he knew she didn't plan to take another drink. Her eyes settled on Jace. "Do you want to know how often you touch Aeryn compared to everyone else?"

Trin could have shot him with an electric blast from her hand mod and it probably would have shocked him less.

Her voice remained monotone. "I could give you the ratio for each person or the average of the rest of the squad as a whole."

Jace expected mockery from Alix. Nikka and Lyon got in their fair share of teasing. Never from Trin, though. It bewildered him so much that he had no idea what to say. He managed to only utter one word. "Ouch."

"Maybe you would prefer comparisons on how often you look at her, or ignore her, or inquire into her general health and wellbeing."

"What the hell, Trin?"

She slammed her drink back down. "If I am losing my mind and I die without telling you how obnoxious and stupid you're being then I'll have one too many regrets. Aeryn is a slow-mover. She's much too cautious. There's no telling how long you'll wait if you leave it up to her."

He looked over to where Aeryn danced with Lyon, her hair even shorter now that Nikka had fixed it for her after the impulsive cut during training.

"I touch her a lot?" he asked, horrified before even getting the answer.

"You avoid touching her because of all your feelings. Which is the point. It can fluster someone to be touched. So you can hug me, but then let go."

Jace blinked. "I flustered you? That's what this is about?"

"Oh, don't worry. I'm not in love with you. I just find it embarrassing for our bodies to touch. You can hug me." She lifted her hand. "Briefly."

He nodded, studying Trin. After three years she finally told him this. Such an interesting person. "My bad. You know you're not dying, right?"

Her eyes looked much too serious. "It's just a little glitch."

"It is. It's not close to the warning signs you've been taught to watch for."

Trin smiled reassuringly. "Yeah."

Jace started to walk away before twisting back for her. "Oh, and Trin. Stop collecting data points on me and Aeryn."

"Fine." She shrugged. "It's only fair since I told you not to touch me."

He snorted.

Those eyes were too serious again. He couldn't hover over her, though. She didn't want the others to know for a reason, so Jace had to respect her distance and keep an eye on her without stressing her out.

After talking with a few friends from other squads, Jace wandered over to where his friends were.

"Are you coming to dance?" Nikka reached out an arm for him. "Lyon has already had too much."

"I'm drunk and single and have no one to kiss." Lyon sighed, turning to Jace.

He was tempted to ask Trin how many drinks it had taken this time. "Next time."

"He's no fun anymore," Lyon grumbled.

Aeryn's face was flushed red and her hair messy. Arms raised above her head, she swayed to the music with her shirt riding up her narrow waist. Twisting around, she plastered her lips against Lyon's cheek and gave him what looked like a very sloppy kiss. "I'll kiss you, my beautiful friend."

"Thank you. So sweet." Lyon returned the kiss to her cheek and patted her back. "It's not the same, but thank you."

Jace rubbed his sore ribs. "Stop ditching all your boyfriends once they get too close and you won't need to find men you have no interest in to drunk kiss at parties."

"First off, I need no interest to take advantage. Second, as if I'd take love advice from you, big guy." His friend muttered it with a skeptical, or more likely judging, glance down Jace. "You're a mess if I've ever seen one."

"I've been mocked enough for one night. Let's just do this." Jace raised up his arms. "Come one, come fucking all." He caught Nikka's arm and she laughed loudly before leaning in to give him a chaste peck on the mouth.

"Glad you came out tonight," she said.

Lyon bumped her out of the way. "Me–"

Jace tilted his head and kissed Lyon fully, which he could confidently say the other man had not been ready for with how he reacted. After pulling back, though, Jace thought better of it, because it'd been a while and he'd forgotten how nice it was. So he locked lips with Lyon one more time.

He smacked Lyon on the back as he turned. "Alright. Who's next?"

Alix pointed a finger at Jace. "No way."

"Yeah, don't worry, I wasn't coming for you." But then he grabbed Alix by the back of the neck and smashed a kiss on the crown of his head like it was a sneak punch.

The other man shoved him but laughed. "Fuck off."

That left Aeryn standing there, way more drunk than she normally ever got, which made her even more adorable than usual, because hard liquor always made her look like she'd wandered around some place unfamiliar and gotten lost.

Despite that lost look, there was something else in her eyes. Not nerves, not excitement, not rejection. Something more like hurt. Aeryn didn't need an AI built into her mind to understand what Trin had already calculated. Jace never touched her and he didn't even consciously realize it.

"Where's mine?" Aeryn asked with no expectation and more than a hint of sarcasm.

Jace walked closer to her, letting himself forget about everyone else for a moment, even himself. Yeah, he'd run from her again later. He knew himself. Tonight, though, he was done with the squad poking at him. Trin had out done them all.

Aeryn didn't have enough hair to push behind her ears right now but Jace wanted the excuse to hold her face, so he brushed the little tufts back and smiled down at her. She wasn't brooding anymore. Instead, she looked as shocked as he had felt by what Trin said earlier.

He spoke quietly for only her to hear. "You told me once that you and Lyon wouldn't kiss the same man in one night."

She cleared her throat. Nodded.

Jace kissed her temple like he had a year ago, slow and purposeful this time, so he could savor the feel of her so close. "Go dance," he whispered. "You look happy when you dance."

When he pulled back, Aeryn was just staring with her cheeks still flushed red from the drinking and her eyes looking even more lost.

"Wow." From the corner of his eye, he could see Lyon lean to whisper to Nikka. "I'd like to make an exchange, actually. Surprisingly looks much better than what I got."

"Shut up, Lyon." Nikka knocked him in the ribs.

Jace walked away from the group, grabbed a beer off the table, and settled onto his back on the couch across from Trin.

Their analyst could have fun with that data point.

----------------------------------------

It turned out that Jace only had so many more days of getting away with hiding out by training. There was nothing particularly different about the morning as he worked by himself in one of his favorite places on the Iyla training grounds. Some trees blocked line of sight so it was more private and there was a shed here where he could store equipment. He'd been doing his morning warm-up when he noticed movement to his right.

As usual, Jace knew it was her before he saw her. Aeryn didn't say anything to him as she approached. She simply watched and waited for him to give her his full attention. He wiped his face and turned.

"You look like you have something to say," he said.

"You've been looking like you're ready to listen for once."

There was no longer any avoiding it. He hastened the day by having a weak moment with her at the party, though it was hard to shrug it off as just that.

"Do you think ignoring me all the time will make you forget how you feel?" she asked.

Jace stuck his hand in his pocket and looked out at the morning light shining off the dewy grass. "I used to." He looked back at her, knowing there was nowhere left to hide. "It's been a while since I figured out that doesn't work."

"Have you been waiting for me?"

"No. I just kept thinking the same thing since I first saw you on the airbus. We could really mess things up for each other." He looked at the little curl she had to her hair and how bright her eyes looked. Couldn't help but smirk. "Your hair is so short, Aerie."

She touched it, self-conscious now. "I didn't think we'd be talking like this when I cut it off."

"You didn't think about anything except mastering what you were doing. I do love your hair long. But one of my favorite things is how you'd always pull it over one shoulder when you're studying and leave all this bare." His knuckles grazed her jaw and feathered down her neck to the curve of her shoulder. "I can see more of you when it's short. I'm not complaining about that."

Pink warmed her cheeks but her gaze didn't leave him. "You'll talk like this now. I let you run, then you'll pull further away than ever."

Jace started to speak, only Aeryn drew her arms around his neck and stole the words from his mouth. She ran her fingers up the back of his head, her body drawing close to his. Back on the airbus that first day when he recognized her, one look at the light shining against her bronze eyes was all it took for him to know she could cause serious trouble for him. This was something he'd wanted to do every day since and tried so hard not to even think about.

Jace considered slipping away. Thought about it and felt totally helpless. To say he'd resisted Aeryn all this time simply because he couldn't afford the distraction would be a lie. Already she was too much to lose. Getting closer would kill him. These days of training weren't for sport or even honor. They'd leave Lumiea to war on Earth. There wasn't a peaceful future ahead of them, so they shouldn't do this to themselves. That was what Jace could never get out of his mind.

The look in Aeryn's eye, the quiet that came over her made none of that matter for the moment.

She rose to meet him and melted her lips against his. The taste of her mouth and the feel of her against him did him in. He caught her hips, slid his hands up her waist, and worked his tongue over hers.

"I've been scared too," Aeryn said. "We've already left people we love behind." Another kiss. Soft hands wandered down his neck and along his shoulders. "It's hard enough already every time I see you in danger or hurting."

"Should we stop?" He searched her eyes, seeing every home he'd ever known in them. That of his childhood and now as a man.

"No." Her nails nipped his skin. "We should never stop, no matter what happens." Her cheek eased alongside his. "I love you and I know you love me too, even if you're too scared to say it."

The only time Jace had ever felt like a coward was around Aeryn.

He didn't move as she kissed the side of his face softly. When he finally did speak, it was with words even more dangerous than what they'd said a year ago when they agreed to one day fight. Words that might cost him something worse than the world. "Okay." Jace drew a giggle from her when he suddenly picked her up. Her legs came around him as he turned with her to press her back against the wall. She quieted when he looked at her the way he'd been dying to every day for the last three years. "It's true." His lips nudged hers as he spoke. He could feel that she didn't even breathe. "I fucking love you, Aeryn."

It turned out that Jace had been wrong about one thing, and it wasn't that he shouldn't be afraid. Though it didn't seem possible, Jace should have been even more terrified than he was. No, what he'd been wrong about was something else entirely. He shouldn't have waited, because he'd wasted three years of having her just to run from the inevitable. Aeryn already owned him then, and she always would.