I had no idea what my abilities do. How to call them up, if they even function!

So, of course that's when some psychos in medieval gear decided to raid the Mall, and I'm standing in their path, like a dumbass.

Twenty hollering idiots charging like it's Agincourt all over again. Who the hell thought this was a good idea?

You know what, that's just fine. I started to grin. I'm a freaking miniature Giant, and I had a hand cannon to match. First, I'll test my hands, and then if I get in trouble the pistol.

My heart started to beat quicker. My second heart heart started beating a counterpoint.

Hold up! I had a second heart! Sweet!

I bellowed out a resounding laugh. "Come, get some baby!"

Time crawled to a stop.

The Dead Lord has just subscribed. You get 1 Guide Coin.

Chooser of the Slain has just subscribed. You get 1 Guide Coin.

Beast Bellow has just subscribed. You get 1 Guide Coin.

Chooser of the Slain has just donated 2 Meta Coins.

Do not disappoint me.

Well, that happened.

What's a Meta Coin and what's a Guide Coin? I bet you use those to buy answers. All part of this sick game.

Well at least the boxes weren't fucking blue. Witnessed indeed. Razzlefrassin' streamer metas. Why couldn't I get a nice clean reincarnation story.

Time reengaged.

The first screaming asshole reached me, swinging a flanged mace. His eyes darted about almost randomly. Drugs maybe. Still Slow, and small. It was like dealing with a child.

Step to the side and palmed his head. I threw him into the nearest brick wall. I heard the crunch of bones, and blood gushing out. Chainmail doesn't help with impact damage.

"I got plenty!" It was kind of fun, I not going to lie.

The next victim arrived, with a sword thrust. He hooted about killing me.

Slide step and I backhanded him in the face and his helm crumpled into his skull. Brains are on my hand. Everywhere else too.

Lovely. There isn't enough sarcasm in the world, for that to come out properly.

I take a knee and snatch the next guy by his calf. He drops his sword.

"Everybody gets some!" I howled.

He's taller and thin, so I used him like a flail to clobber the next three fools. They ended up like hamburger. After the third guy my improvised weapon's knee tore off. I chucked the calf away.

The smells were starting to hit me, foul stomach churning, and yet...

I'm still Laughing, resonant like a bell. From the Abyss.

Doomkiller would be proud. Maybe. Not really sure he feels anything, other than rage. Wait, fuck, he's probably real somewhere out in the verse. Nope not going there. Happy thoughts.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

There were about ten guys left, but they found a clue and started to run away. Drugged, but possessing a survival instinct. Strange. I let them go.

"That's right, there's enough for everyone."

Other than my hand, and a few spots on that sleeve, I was clean. Yeah, I'm blaming the Knife-ear DNA on that one. Would surprise me if they all had self cleaning auras.

You might be wondering why I was okay will killing those losers. I was as well. I gonna blame the Drogar DNA for that. The fact I was getting hungry again staring at the bodies seemed to agree on that point.

That's a problem for later. Now, though I rolled the corpses for their wallets, so I could figure out who the hell they were, and what the fuck was going on.

A beeping only I heard started going off, and a small blinking light appeared in my upper right hand vison. I focused on the light.

The Dead Lord : Not bad for a Squishy. (Skull emoji nodding)

Beast Bellow : Ah, the good ol'days when we could smash mortals right and left I miss them. ( A red fist emoji)

The Chooser of the Slain : I wanted to see the Gun go to work. However I was pleased by the slaughter. (A wing and a pistol)

A Chat, I had a fucking Chat. Shaking my head. Bemoaning my Fate. They started fighting over the best ways to kill. Maximum Blood Spatter seemed to be the deciding factor.

Earned some weird coins, grabbed some wallets. A good start! Maybe.

Sirens sound off in the distance, coming closer. Welp, no Mall today. Home it is.

Home was quiet, but a real motherfucker was lurking on my couch. Red headed Irish looking bastard. Mick Rage. Like the movies. Feet on my table like he had every right to scuff it up. Watching some Crazy Tunes type show.

How the fuck did he get here before me?

Right. Two options, one of those Quick guys, or teleportation. Needed to think ahead more, make more plans, so these Gotcha moments are few and far between.

"Dis is what ya might call, a plot development." He faces me and smirked like his shit doesn't stink. Asshole supreme. "Dis is a come ta Jesus moment, and I'm fookin' Jesus."

Patting his chest and acting like a Bantam Rooster.

"Ya dropped bodies and that ain't gunna go away. I'll make dis real simple, Ya come ta work fa me. I pay ya, and ya get some time to yaself here and there. If not, ya go in a hole, an ya end up workin' fa dis crazy bitch who likes ta blow peoples hearts out."

The smirk was now a shark's grin, ready to feed.

Another chat interruption.

Lightning Master has subscribed. You get 1 Guide Coin.

Rip'em Good has subscribed. You get 1 Guide Coin.

Lost Prince has subscribed. You get 1 Guide Coin.

Who where these guys? Metaphysical beings for sure, but which?

Rip'em Good has donated 1 Meta Coin.

Don't Worry Buddy. You're not a demon. Yet.

And that meant they had access to my thoughts. Fuck!

Beast Below : Boo! Get out Rip'em!

Lightning Lord : Has he found, a woman yet, I can wait to watch. (Lightning Bolt with popcorn emoji.)

Chooser of the Slain : (Emoji of a wing rolling it's eyes.)

Rip'em Good : (Battle Armor Helmet going pew, pew. Big Honking Gun emoji.) I'm coming for you Beast.

The Dead Lord : So noisy, I going back to my tomb. (Frustrated skull emoji.)

Lost Prince : (Crown lurking.)

Sanity points dropping.

You have received a private message from Lost Prince.

You need to start unlocking your options. Nothing can really start until you do.

Think Witnessed Options, Guided Options, and Purchase Options.

I will never understand why some idiots think it's fun to watch Guided run around aimlessly.

Back our regularly scheduled program.

I could hear people surrounding the house, so I did the smart thing. For now.

"Sure, I'm your guy." I shrugged. I didn't struggle when they bagged and cuffed me up.

I guess Rage had some for me.

They threw me into the back of something, whatever, it was it made a lot of noise.

I snapped the cuff chain, and pulled the bag off my head.

Back of an APC maybe, had to fold almost in half to get in. I snarled at at the two guards, daring them to do something about it. I guess they weren't paid enough to care. Waved it off.

So I closed my eyes and let my thoughts catch up. Sleep got me instead.