I was born into a lower middle class family. A family that had no interest in me, they literally wanted nothing for or from me. I never did find out why they even bothered to have me, or how I survived their lack of attention as an infant.

This never got better, and other than throwing some money at me now and then, we barely interacted. I can count the number of conversation of more than three words on one hand.

I basically taught myself to read, and became a little hermit at the local library. I even got locked in a few times, no one noticed.

I loved movies, and was particularly fond of The War of the Stars series. I loved cartoons and the American adaptations of various Animes in the 1980s. Ah if you don't know what I'm talking about well look it up. Anime had been around since the 1960s. It just didn't become anything other than a pure nerd hobby, in America, till the early 2000s. (AN: You young whippersnappers with your Narutos, and your Attack on Titans, and Demon Slayers. In my day we got Record of the Lodoss War and we liked it. Pfft, As if I hadn't watched them too.)

An older cousin of mine who felt bad about how my 'rents treated me, introduced me to Comics, which I was meh about, but that lead to Dragons & Doritos. (AN: If you get this joke, you've probably seen some shit, at the gaming table. Respect.)

Now that lead to other TTRPGS, like Thorium's Breach, or Metalpunk, or Gloomrunners. Well you get the Idea. A thousand different Victors living different lives in different Worlds, all seeking a purpose, a meaning, a way to truly matter, to someone, anyone. To not feel so utterly...

ALONE.

Thankfully, I managed to avoid cardboard crack. The real stuff too. (AN: Ignore that Black Lotus over there, and no that isn't a full set of Moxes over there. No, I don't have a full set of Alphas, I'm missing a...Whistling. Seriously though no, I sold them all. Ended up funding a different hobby.)

I found my own isolation from my parents, led me to a very, "live and let live," attitude. Something that kept me from going through a lot of the awkward lessons of being a nerd.

I did non nerdy things as well. I ran cross country, I played a bit of Football ('Murica) and even, when I could, snuck in to Martial Arts lessons. Always easy to get along with but never really noticeable.

I had a lot of emotions to get out, but never could seem to find a way to express them.

I tried Art, and while a decent draftsman, I couldn't capture the essences of a subject. My painting was a miserable failure. My sculpture a joke.

I tried Music, and I admit I secretly wanted to touch peoples lives with music.

My singing voice sounded like two frogs humping, badly. (AN: Don't, I already know.) And while I developed a excellent technical proficiency with several instruments, I couldn't convey emotion through them. "Might as well have been played by a robot." If you don't understand this, I don't know how to explain it better.

I tried writing, Victor Simmons poetry is still reviled to this day.

I tried acting, which I wasn't bad at, but I couldn't touch people's hearts.

My emotions couldn't get out, I began to question whether they were real at all. Maybe, I was a Psychopath and all this pent up frustration was something else. Terrible thing by the way, thinking you are something you are not.

No, I had empathy and sympathy, even if my ability to express them was poor. Seriously, I was known as Stoneface for a while.

If I had any talent at all it was the ability to take and learn the lessons of others. The Stories of Old, the tales of adults, the books I read, had lessons. I put myself in their shoes and I learned, I didn't have to make those mistakes, they did it for me.

I could also learn through Observation, I only needed to be shown something once, and I would be able to roughly imitated it. Sure I needed practice to smooth it out and make it mine, but I only required that first spark to catch fire.

There were only a few lessons I had to learn for myself. But they were always the most important ones.

I met a girl freshman year of high school, and we clicked. We helped each other get through classes, bad events, and social awkwardness. We both came from similar backgrounds and share a few common interests. We got into and out of trouble together. We shared our hopes and dreams. She loved to play the games I introduced to her.

We went the the same College. She went into Pre-Law, I went into History. Yeah, I know. No you don't have to say it.

I had to get a job to pay the last bit of my tuition. No help from the parents, as far as they were concerned they had done their job, and I didn't exist to them anymore. Never saw or spoke to them again. Don't even know if they were still alive before the incident that led here.

Through a bizarre and frankly insane series of events, I went from being a Overnight Rent a Cop, to being a Private Security Contractor in the span of my Freshman year. I loved it. I loved shooting, I loved training, I loved the feeling of comradery, all without getting yelled at quite as much as in the military. I dropped out of school. Who needed it? Waste of money.

A year later we got married and soon I had paid off the loans I took out that first year. By the end of her Junior year, I paid off hers as well. Things seemed great.

She finished her undergrad work and went into Law school. I started getting more work overseas. I was rarely gone for more than a month at a time, but it was every few months.

She passed her Bar Exam early. So smart. I wished I was as book smart as her.

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

She started working at a major Law Firm. I got a promotion, almost got killed a couple of times to get it.

At the end of my twenty sixth year of life, I learned a lesson. She taught it to me.

I came home, from a shitshow of an assignment, to her banging a Senior Partner at the firm she was working at. I'd never even met the guy before. For the best really.

You know, I didn't get mad, I just stopped caring, snap, like that. I play that moment over in my head some times. Not the them part, don't care, the me part. My reaction was so abnormal it bothers me.

One moment I loved her with everything in me, the next nothing, just a empty space where she used to be. How did that happen? No clue.

I even laughed cause he was out of shape and his equipment was shall we say lacking. Even by my standards then. Must of shocked them. I'm sure they were expecting violence or at least ranting. Nah. Not worth it.

I just turned, still laughing and walked out.

Other then in court I never saw or talked to her again. I won't repeat her lies there, here.

There was one thing she told me though, as almost an aside, "I never loved you, being with you was just easy and comfortable. You took care of things. But I lost my freedom, I felt like I was your pet."

I didn't understand, but I believed it. I to this day have no greater insight on that.

I had though we were doing so well. What did she mean by her freedom, I never made demands of her or tried to control her activities. I just don't get it.

She was on the path to being a great Lawyer. Her Firm made sure, I wasn't going to escape unscathed. Alimony, half my salary until she got married, or I died. She already was making more than me, what kind of bullshit is that?

Eh, what can you do. The Law is rarely fair. Especially when people spend years learning how to twist it.

See I had absorbed the wrong lesson, from those stories, be they from books or people. I thought Love had power, I believed it could actually win through anything. Wrong lesson.

For love to have any power, make damn sure the other person loves you back. Corollary: Love is a bad basis for marriage. Further Corollary: People will deceive you, using everything of themselves, to get what they want.

Trust no one, not even yourself.

To say I lost faith in humanity is incorrect. I just stopped caring about people. Oh, I still liked to watch them, pretend that maybe someone out there found love, or meaning, or something, but it was vague and empty. A sliver of what it had been in the past.

Like me.

No, it was more accurate to say I stopped putting up with people's bullshit altogether. I didn't try to "get back on that horse", because fuck them and fuck the horse too. I was thoroughly over it.

Shitty way to live, by the way, I have twenty four years of it to prove it. Nope, never touched another woman again, barely ever looked at them.

Now you might ask, "Victor, why the fuck are you wasting my time, with your fucking sob story."

To which I reply, "Because I'm in the process of learning a different lesson, and I should have, Gods be damned, already learned it."

My eyes opened. I could tell it hadn't been long. I took stock

My Kraken's handle was still gripped with my right hand.

I was on my back, so I must have bounced off the back of the Battlewagon.

I'm still a thinkin' so whatever hit the back of my head, couldn't have gone through. Head rang like a bitch though.

I could hear footsteps approaching, at least two.

There were two ways to play this.

I could jump up gun a blazing trusting my armor to get me through.

I could play possum and see if they say anything important. Downside they might try to put bullets in me until something sticks, to make sure. It's what I would do.

Eh, my hand was already on the Kraken, I'm fast as a freak, I'd take the chance, to let then speak.

They start shooting so will I, then I'd null these Slagged out prongsuckers (Prong, males and male parts.)

Hmm, mmm, muuuu waiting in my mind...come on say something you rustwaffles. I ain't got all day.

"Whoa look how big this fulm is. Glad I cracked him, wouldn't want ta deal with a slagger that big." A high pitched but slightly modulated voice.

"The way he took out the Wagon." A whistle, "Like it was the easiest thing in the Biz." Deeper voice also modulated.

"That's a Rusting Kraken, that's Arbiter Gear. The right load and it can null anything, short of a 'Ship. I claim it, I canned him it's my Fire now." She seemed so sure.

Oh, is it now?

"Don't crack about, we confirm he finished the rest, then we report back to Lenny." Hmm, leader, or at least herder.

So we have two Shades, who popped me to get the pay day. Maybe put up to it by their Spider, maybe on their own. Yeah, okay.

Enough.

I opened my eyes. I'd kept them closed to better concentrate on these fuckers. They were right over me.

I leapt up, spinning, Alfaren grace was upon me. I pulled the trigger. CLICK.

Wouldn't you know it, jammed.

Hand already going for the New Avenger.

"What the Slag!?" The very short, pissy looking woman who shot me. Bringing up her Slugthrower.

"Ah, the Rust is this?!" The large Tinkered up man, trying to bring his leadspitter around.

Nope, I got there first. I put two rounds through the Port's shoulder, screwing her aim. swept straight across and fired two into Prong's crotch, and well, it was highly effective.

"AAAAAAAAAA!" He screamed, sadly not in falsetto.

"Rusty Slagbucket!" She cried, trying to lift her shotty up. Failing.

I put up the Avenger and pulled out the axe. I also made sure my ICBD was was recording still, yup, I got all that, time to get this next part over with.

"No, Chaser you don't gotta do that." The big guy wheezed. shaking his head. A little late to try to invoke professionalism, don't you think?

I delimbed them both. The sound is familiar. Their screams were full of, well less pain by the end and more anger. Must of had some kind of pain manager that didn't show up on GIPS, and getting new limbs is pretty easy after all.

"I know. You tried to can me. Thought you did. Were gonna take my baby," I patted the Kraken. "I take that personal." Truth.

I reached up to the back of my head. Oh yeah that's a dent alright. Have to get some repair kits when I get back to the apartment. That slugthrower was a beast though. If it had been an actual armor piecing slug. Well, yall'd be hearing someone else tell this story.

"The only reason you are still sucking air, I have questions. One, did your Spider put you up to trying to null me, or did you make that call."

"Lenny told us you'd be here, said you was a Gleam up and comer. We should catch you off guard. Take the paid day. Now we are slagged." Allie was the girls name, or so GIPs told me.

"It was nothing personal, just a crank of the gear. (crank, crank of the gear - just business.)" Reggie according to GIPs.

"Yeah, that doesn't spin for me. I don't like folk who kill me. I get a touch heated." I thought about how to proceed.

If I let them go, they'd do it again if not to me, then to someone else. No better then Scrappers.

"The Gear Turns and We but Dance to the Whims of the Machine." I raise the axe.

(AN: I don't expect anyone to get this, and I'm not going to explain it, it is a quote, though I don't think you are going to find it by googling.)

"Reggie!" Allie screamed, as if he could save her.

"Allie!" Reggie cried as if sound alone could stop me.

I sank the axe into the road by Allie's head. She went dead still. She might have leaked a bit. From Reggie's angle it musta looked as if I'd split her noggin down the middle.

"I'll can you if it's the last thing I do!" The big rusted prong howled. Trite, but he meant it, so I'd give him props.

Huh. Reggie really did care about her. Maybe, I should have done it the other way, oh well, too late now.

"Relax, Reggie, she'll live, and so will you. For now. You two get someone out here to patch you up. Leave this part of the City, go to another Sector, another City, don't care. I see you again, I'm going to keep throwing rounds into you until no Tinker can put you back together. Understand." Cold entered my voice, the utter lack of concern, for myself or anyone else.

Their Tinkered up faces told me all I needed to know. They'd run as fast as they could.

I rang Saul, and when he opened the line I sent him everything.

"Slagging Lenny. We'll figure something out about him." Saul actually seemed upset. Guess I wasn't just a crank to him.

"Sure. But first Salvage. Home for me."

20000 more NBs

Lesson, I had to have someone(s) to watch my six. Best have it figured out quick. Before the next time, and the round does go through.