Bath [https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/pw/AP1GczPCYXJQAsh75VK73axFHAZaGU_4fdz7FUsYSRFkxJL3YgHQ-GDtClL38PSdrQnNXvhYsd4UVZLhrw5IEErU5p28QTl_PPQeGw4qJZcx9Ky7TIRp1Kel-K_17Nu47XjzoL4CSn9IDPu8aBj5xqrq1dfk=w639-h958-s-no-gm?authuser=0]
Uriel found himself nervously pacing in the temporary room at the Wayland Estate in Tulimeir, where he was meant to get some rest. Instead, he was waiting and worrying for the moment Dazien would return to him. After not hearing anything for quite a while, they had reached out over the Defender’s communication network, only to be told they were busy giving testimonials and filling out the paperwork for everything.
He felt like it was taking much longer than usual as the evening began to stretch on. He wondered if he should question Dazien on it. Would he answer, though? Would he be honest?
Dazien had a strong hatred for lying that stemmed from his constant struggles since childhood when people kept trying to deceive him. He couldn’t remember a single time outside of obvious jesting when Dazien had ever knowingly lied to him or the people around him.
Perhaps more recently, Daze had tread the line when he tried to comfort Priest Barrett, but Uriel had noticed that the way his partner worded things was more of a lie of omission rather than a blatant deception. He personally wasn’t sure he would count that, but he had his own issues surrounding lies hidden by half-truths. Dazien was usually open and honest about everything to him, though.
That consistent honesty, care towards others, and confidence in spite of the constant hardships they faced was what initially drew him in. Allowed him to trust and kneel.
He needed to talk to Daze and understand why then —after all this time and everything they had been through together… why did he use that trust against him?
Uriel almost reached out over the chat ability again to see what was taking so long to return, but he didn’t want to sound like he was nagging… they had a handful of arguments over the years, and the little spats usually boiled down to passive-aggressive nagging. The bigger arguments had been over their conflicting positions about his own lack of honesty and adamancy to keep things secret.
When they finally had their own talk about personal boundaries within their relationship, though, Dazien had backed off more, reiterating his stance if the topic came up but not pushing as much. It had been a relief.
Now, he was the one about to suggest revealing those secrets to the entire world. Would Dazien be relieved or annoyed that it took him so long? He thought he had a better reason to do so this time rather than simply a teenager’s desire to scare off the bullies or try and raise his social status as one of the Chosen. This time, it was to help protect someone.
He froze in his pacing as the door opened, and an exhausted-looking gemite walked through it. Dazien gave him a weak smile, and he looked even worse than when he had left through the portal with dulled eyes missing any humor that normally sparkled in them. His clothes seemed more disheveled, too, and… was that dried blood on his boots?
“Did you get in a fight?” he couldn’t help but ask.
The smile dropped, and Dazien replied sourly, “I wouldn’t call it that, exactly. Can we talk about it tomorrow, though? I feel dead on my feet and just want a bath and bed.”
Uriel frowned in return. He had needed to talk with his partner for hours now, trying to build up his courage to confront his king, and the thought of trying to sleep with these thoughts keeping him up all night didn’t sound pleasant. “We really need to talk about some things, though… you know, another Heart Check.”
Dazien looked at the ground, running a hand through his hair only to get an annoyed look, and pulled at the strap that was tying it back in order to release it, “Can it at least wait till after I’m clean? I need to…”
The Defender trailed off as he looked down into his hands, and Uriel noticed red on those as he finished the statement for him, “Wash the blood off your hands?”
His partner’s face twisted at the words into something he rarely saw. A mixture of anger, sadness, and disgust.
“Hey, I get it,” Uriel replied when he thought he saw tears threatening to fall. He knew Daze hated that, so he closed the distance between them to take those dirty hands in his and said softly, “You don’t need to talk about that right now. I’m sure whatever happened was because you had to do it. Let’s just get you clean, then see if you’re up for the Heart Check after, okay?”
Dazien nodded and made his way to the bathroom, where they washed in rare silence.
The fact that Dazien wasn’t talking was what clued Uriel into the fact that his partner was struggling to process whatever had happened to him. He had only ever seen his king like this a handful of times over their years together.
The first time was when Dazien came home after gaining his Slayer title for killing Jennica’s abusive father. The second was shortly after that when his lover at the time, Martin, had inexplicably died in an accident. The third was when he came home after getting assaulted by a higher Caste stranger and rescued by Priest Jacob. The fourth was when Dazien’s girlfriend and Uriel’s last metamour, Xera, died in front of them during a Hunting job gone wrong last year.
Those had all been silent nights with hidden faces and ignored tears.
Tonight became that kind of night as well.
As they had washed, he realized that his king needed the time. Questions and confessions could wait for the dawn. For tonight, they could pretend that nothing was wrong and that all the horribleness of the world outside ceased to exist as they held onto each other.
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Dazien awoke feeling empty.
He had tried to wash away the memories along with the blood.
He had clung to Uriel as though the warmth the man exuded would burn away his pain and evaporate his tears.
The echoes of his mother’s voice and Ramir’s screams had plagued his nightmares. He had hoped he would be too exhausted to dream, but he had not been granted that mercy. He was grateful for the mercy Uriel had given him, though. Not asking for that talk again and instead silently escaping to the bed they now lay tangled in.
As he became more aware, he realized that Uriel was already awake and quietly playing with his hair again, running warm fingers through it. He glanced up at his partner and said in a tired voice, “Hi.”
Uriel’s gentle smile was a balm on his soul as he replied, “Good morning.”
“Can we just tell the day to go away and leave us alone?” he pleaded.
His partner chuckled, “I don’t think the day will obey your command, my king.”
Dazien frowned at the reminder of his commands, and he slowly pushed himself up. He couldn’t avoid explaining what happened the previous day any longer. He needed to tell his partner what he had done in the Avenger’s name and reassure both of them that he wouldn’t accept the god’s follow-up offer of becoming a Paladin.
With a sigh of resignation, he asked, “Heart Check time?”
Uriel sat up as well and began getting clothes back on as his own materialized in a shimmer of golden glitter around him. They moved to the sofa where they normally had these kinds of talks, and Dazien asked, “You first or me?”
“I can go with a lighter topic since I get the feeling yours is heavier,” Uriel stated, then took a breath and said, “I offered to go public as the Chosen of the Destroyer to help support Phoenix better in her new position as a Saint, which she’s finally decided to fully accept.”
His brows likely disappeared into his hair, with how surprised he was by that. That wasn’t at all what he had expected to hear come from Uriel’s mouth in a thousand years. He tried to focus on the most pertinent questions he had, “This is something you decided on without extortion?”
“Yes. I want to help her.”
“You’re certain about this? There’s no taking the knowledge back from the people.”
“I’m not certain about the outcome, but if it helps her… I’m willing to risk the extra attention now.”
Dazien frowned, and after a moment of thinking through it all, he asked the harder, uglier question nagging his mind, “Why would you reveal that for her but not me?”
“You didn’t really need it like she does,” his partner answered, “You just wanted me not to feel ashamed about it, but she needs to know that she’s not alone in this world.”
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
Dazien sighed. He could accept that answer. He had long come to realize that Uriel would usually only become a shield for others instead of himself, a trait Phoenix so obviously shared.
After another moment, he refocused on the purpose of their Heart Check and asked, “My turn?”
“You’re okay with the risk too?” Uriel asked as a follow-up question to his responses.
Dazien chuckled, “I’ve been telling you to be more accepting of who you are for years, Senesh. Being Chosen is part of that along with your Class, Talent, Transfiguration, and past. I’ve learned to accept every part of you, whether it changes in the future or not, and have only wanted you to do the same. If this is a step towards that, then I will support it.”
Uriel slowly nodded and said, “I guess it’s your turn then.”
He took a breath to collect his thoughts before bluntly stating, “I tracked down Ramir Mirimel to capture him and got a quest from the Avenger to kill him instead. Which I accepted and fulfilled.”
“That blood belonged to him then?”
“Yes.”
“Do you regret it?” Uriel softly asked.
“No,” he firmly replied, “Especially not after some of the items I found on him. He—” Dazien paused as his voice caught, but he pushed on, “He had a piece of my mom with him.”
His partner went silent for a moment, and he prodded, “If you have more questions bothering you, now’s the time to ask. You know that’s how this works.”
“Is that really why you took Rayna?”
“What?” He hadn’t been expecting that question, and it caught him off guard.
“Because you knew she would help hunt down the man that betrayed us. Is that why you took her and not the rest of us? Why you didn’t say anything over the network to us?”
“I… I didn’t plan on that originally. The plans changed when we realized the AOA wasn’t going to act immediately, then changed again when Avenger showed up.”
“That’s not what I asked,” Uriel clarified, “I asked why you didn’t tell us before you went to confront the blood cultist that had us captured. Why keep us in the dark? Why not have us there to help—”
“I didn’t want all of you to have to deal with—”
“Why didn’t you let me stand beside you, King?” Uriel interrupted his excuse with a pointed look, “We’re supposed to be completely honest during this. Did you leave us behind —not say anything— because you were hoping to kill him and didn’t want us to try to stop you?”
Dazien felt his whole body tense at the accusation. Was Uriel trying to say he was a bloodthirsty murderer who had actually enjoyed what he had done?
“I didn’t leave hoping for that,” he retorted, “But I wasn’t going to turn down the opportunity. Ramir was only Crystal. I had planned to simply question and silence him. That was until Avenger arrived to give the quest and attempt to recruit me. He offered to make me a Paladin if I succeeded.”
“Are you hoping to become an avenger, as well, then? Is that why you accepted the quest? Are you truly contemplating throwing away your conviction to never bow before a god because of these cultists?”
“No, I—”
“Because of Paul, then?”
“No. I’m not becoming a Paladin,” he replied, starting to feel defensive against the accusations, “Do you really think I would do that or go on some sort of vengeful killing spree just because I got angry? Just because a Talent cultivated doesn’t mean I changed that much.”
“Really? Because I didn’t even learn about you cultivating a Talent from seeing your own mum’s bones until Phoenix mentioned it while you were apparently off on a vengeful killing spree,” Uriel loudly retorted before reaching up to rub at the broken earrings he still wore.
He was slightly surprised when his partner stood then and began to pace.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” Uriel clarified, “I’m not mad that you killed him, Daze. I’m upset that you didn’t seem to trust us enough to include us. Just like you reprimanded me earlier when I tried to leave for your own good, you got mad at me for not getting your input. Then you turned around and went off saying you weren’t looking for trouble, but when you found some, you decided not to talk to us! Since when do you choose not to talk?!”
Dazien was getting frustrated that Uriel was acting like he had planned it all or meant to deceive them, but that just wasn’t true. He hadn’t gone behind their backs and started packing up his things with plenty of time to explain beforehand like Uriel had. It’s not like Dazien wanted to keep it hidden or leave them out. In his growing annoyance, he replied, “You don’t understand—”
“I don’t understand?!” Uriel said as he stopped suddenly to turn and stare at him incredulously, “Are you joking right now? What possible reason would you have to think I wouldn’t understand what you’re going through right now?”
That made his anger spike, and he rose to his feet so Uriel wasn’t looking down on him as he repeated, “You don’t understand! You can’t know what I’m feeling right now! They stole my parents—”
“They stole mine!”
He almost growled as his voice rose, and he clarified, “Harvested them. They slaughtered my family!”
“I annihilated my family!” his partner shouted, slamming a fist to his own chest, “I understand, Daze! Gods within, I, of all people, understand.” Uriel moved to hold his shoulders and look him in the eyes as he said in a gentler tone, “I understand their actions, their goals, their greed… What I don’t understand is every choice you’ve made since we walked into that trap.”
“What do you mean? If you understand all of that, then you should understand why I—”
“Why didn’t you tell us about the quest before accepting? Why did you leave me behind in the first place? Why did you order me to kill you?”
Dazien shrugged out of his grasp to put some distance between them as the accusations slammed into him one after the other. He didn’t want to admit that he didn’t have a good answer to any of those questions. Didn’t want to admit that his thoughts had been so tangled and emotions so far out of his control that he hadn’t thought through those choices before making them.
He didn’t want to admit that he might have actually been hoping to avenge his mother, didn’t want to be held back, and might have been wishing for death when he asked for it…
Instead of giving those answers, he said, “I already told you why I made those choices. What more do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie until you’re happy with whatever answer I give?”
Uriel frowned, “Of course not.”
“I’m not sure what your issue is then,” he replied flatly, crossing his arms over his chest.
“It’s a matter of trust, Daze,” his partner stressed before turning a hurt gaze on him that sent an echo of that pain through his heart, “How can I trust that you won’t order me like that again? That you won’t betray the trust I’ve placed in you.”
Those words felt like Uriel had struck him, and he angrily began to say, “I would never betray—”
“You used my pain to inflict more!” his partner yelled, matching his anger and pointing an accusatory finger at him, “You tried to force me to kill my family again!”
He felt his own features twist as he tried to argue, “Your family was already—”
“YOU are my family!” Uriel shouted.
“You were going to leave!” Dazien finally snapped, his voice rising to overpower his partner’s. He pointed his own finger in accusation, “You told me how you fought for your family! You always fought for their sake! Just like I said that you would when we were caged up.”
As Dazien’s own pain surged up, tired of being contained for so long, he kept yelling, “You never abandoned your family, but you were going to abandon me!”
His control broke as Dazien finally found those buried words, “How can I believe you think of me as your family when you tried to flee from my side?”
Uriel got a hurt look as he tried to counter, “I explained that was for your own good—”
“And I ordered you for yours,” he retorted, “I knew you wouldn’t listen if I didn’t. You would have murdered Patricia’s daughter, and that woman would have ripped you from my side and torn you to pieces.”
“Better than you being dead, by my hand no less!” Uriel bit back, “You cannot expect me to believe that the man who confronted a god for my sake wouldn’t be able to stand up to a single noble. I know you’re not being honest with me! You would never have given me an order like that before, even to save someone else. You would never have commanded me against my will and broken our boundaries.”
Both of them were mere inches from each other now as they had been arguing, and they both realized they were seething at this point.
Uriel was the one to take a step back, bowing his head in submission, but asked in a broken, pleading whisper, “Why did you order me to kill you and destroy my heart? Why would you betray me like that?”
“I—” Dazien wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t know how to take back what had happened or what answer might mend the divide that had been slowly forming between them since Uriel had tried to run. He didn’t know what truth he could give except for, “I don’t know.”
Uriel’s face looked up at him and scrunched in hurt at the non-answer. A molten tear escaped down his cheek, which he quickly wiped away as he turned towards the room’s door and managed to say, “Well, come find me when you figure it out.”
“Where are you going?”
“To rejoin the others,” Uriel retorted as he opened the door.
“And what about until I give you a better answer? Are you seriously going to just walk away? Not talk to me at all?”
His partner paused at the threshold and said, “I’m still your Senechal, but I think we need to take a step back until you can answer my question honestly. I’ll stay in my own room until you’re ready.”
“You’re not… Are you breaking up with me?” he asked incredulously.
“I think we both just need some space to breathe,” Uriel softly answered and walked out the door.