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34 - Who You Are

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When the door opened and Uriel entered, their eyes met in silence with neither of them knowing exactly how to begin. The cinderen seemed more subdued than normal, which was saying something of the quietly stoic Mage. He continued to stay by the door, leaning his back against it for support and to keep as much distance between them as he could. He appeared a bit disheveled still, his silky black hair was messy, sticking up in odd directions, and barely being held in his usual ponytail.

Phoenix waited patiently, realizing that he seemed to be struggling internally much like she often found herself. Since she had first met the man by quite literally running into him in a hallway, she had found a steady companion in Uriel with both of them willing to follow Dazien’s lead and remain in the social shadows.

It had felt like they instinctively understood one another, which Phoenix only now realized was because they shared a lot of the same traits. They both enjoyed learning and were content with silence. They also had similar styles of humor and laughed at the same things, well, he softly chuckled while she laughed. Uriel had seemed to know her better than she did at times and she wondered now if he had simply recognized their similarities sooner.

When this fact clicked in her conscious mind and connected with what Saiya had said, she wondered just how many secrets he kept from her as well. She understood at that moment what Saiya had meant. As Uriel stood there, and the space between them seemed like an insurmountable cavern separating the two of them, she understood that it was the weight of his secrets keeping him from sitting beside her. Had she been unknowingly doing the same thing?

The Wayfarer asked her friend curiously, “Why won’t you sit?”

His ember eyes met hers for a moment before turning to the floor as his smooth voice said with more uncertainty than she had ever heard from him before, “I… don’t want to scare you… more than I already have.”

Phoenix contemplated that for a moment, thinking back to the earlier situation. She probably should have been terrified by the rampaging Mage but she hadn’t been. She had only been filled with worry for him. Not knowing how to help him had upset her more than his actions had.

She stood and walked over to the much taller cinderen and took his hand in hers. He followed compliantly as she led him to the bed and sat him down in the spot Saiya had previously occupied then sat herself down next to him, still clasping his large hand in hers as she said sincerely, “You don’t scare me, Uriel. I know you would never want to hurt me.”

He scrunched his face, causing the volcanic markings to highlight his expression, as the quiet man stared at the ground, unwilling to look at her while stating bitterly, “But I did hurt you. I lost control and you paid for my mistake.”

“You lost control because you cared about me,” she pointed out, “How can I be angry or afraid of you for that?”

The Mage didn’t seem to have an answer for that, instead asking her, “Can I show you something with your book? I… I probably should have shown you earlier…” he hesitated before admitting, “I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to stay with us if you knew the risk and Dazien… well, he doesn’t show real interest in that many people.”

Phoenix tilted her head in acknowledgment as she conjured her book to float in front of her friend. The cinderen seemed to concentrate for a moment before placing his hand on the book to make the information he wished to share appear.

Profile: Uriel Karislian

Species: Cinderen

Current Caste: Crystal 6

Natural Talents

Molten Attunement

* Increased resistance to negative Earth and Fire effects. Earth and Fire abilities have increased effects.

Ice Attunement

Cultivated from [Unknown Potential].

* Increased resistance to negative Ice effects. Ice abilities have increased effects.

Storm Attunement

Deviated from [Animal Friend].

* Increased resistance to negative Lightning and Wind effects. Lightning and Wind abilities have increased effects.

Spell Disposition

Deviated from [Utility Disposition].

* Increased likelihood of unlocking Spell abilities. Spells have increased effect and reduced cost.

Raging Inferno

Cultivated from [Flame Heart].

* Increased Fortitude and Elemental resistances when near Fire.

* When you become angered while using mana, Raging Inferno becomes active and you enter a state of uncontrollable rage.

* While Raging Inferno is active, you have greatly increased Agility, Fortitude, and Magic at the cost of decreased Mind and Strength.

* While Raging Inferno is active, your Spells have greatly decreased cost and cooldown and increased range and area of effect.

* While Raging Inferno is active, any creature that dies within your aura is instantly consumed and converted into instances of [Fuel for the Flames], the amount of instances depends on the Caste of the consumed target.

* While Raging Inferno is active, you attack any and all nearby creatures.

* Fuel for the Flames (boon, divine, void, stacking): Greatly increases resource regeneration for a short duration.

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“Talents can change?” was her first question, which seemed to surprise the young cinderen.

“Yes,” he said reactively before expounding further for her, “Most often, unlocking an Aspect or gaining a Class can trigger either a complimenting cultivation that adds effects onto a talent, like with my Ice Attunement, or a deviation where the original effects are replaced with something new, like with my Spell Disposition. Other times, like when someone finds themselves in an extreme situation, there’s a chance that their soul responds to adapt to it.”

Phoenix didn’t ask about the unspoken but implied extreme situation. She was all too aware of not wanting to be put in an uncomfortable situation where you had to choose between lying or reliving a painful memory. Instead, she remained quiet and let her friend decide how much he wanted to divulge.

“I–” he began but paused, obviously trying to collect his thoughts, and she noticed him absently rubbing at the remaining earrings on his right, “I didn’t exactly choose my Aspects… I never wanted to destroy things. I was most likely going to be a miner like my parents. I didn’t have grand dreams of becoming an Adventurer.”

Uriel took a few deep breaths as he continued to stare at the ground and she gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, “The day my parents died… that was the same day my talent deviated into [Raging Inferno]. We had been captured by bandits and sold off. The people that bought us belonged to a cult that was trying to create weapons… and they succeeded,” he stated bitterly.

“When they declared my parents as failures, the cult leader had them slaughtered in front of me. I–” he paused again, closing ember eyes at the unbidden memories, “I couldn’t handle it. I went berserk and the cultists that were there paid with their own lives.”

He fell silent once more, not wanting to go into further detail. Phoenix clarified something she remembered him saying earlier, “You were only fourteen?” At his nod, she stated firmly, “It wasn’t your fault. None of it.”

The ebony cinderen gave a weak smile, “That’s what Daze said,” he used his free hand to push back some of the stray locks of silky hair from his face, “That’s what he always says, every time. It’s something I know in my head,” he finally glanced up at her to meet her gaze, “Yet my soul can’t seem to believe it.”

Phoenix returned his pained smile with a sad one of her own as she confided in him, “Before I arrived here, I always felt a bit… incomplete; broken. I thought… For a moment, at least, I thought maybe in this world I could become whole.”

The Wayfarer glanced down at their hands, “But it looks like fate wants to keep me broken. It keeps shattering pieces of me that I didn’t even realize could break,” she said softly and met his eyes once more, vaguely noticing the wet droplet that had escaped down her cheek, and asked, “Perhaps we can both help with fixing each other?”

Uriel relaxed as his smile became more genuine and he gently lifted a hand to wipe her tears away as he agreed, “I’d like that.”

As she got an idea, she conjured an item from her inventory and had it appear on the floor in front of them, “Maybe this will help you? I know how much you like to cook, Dazien mentioned that you usually seem happiest when making meals and I’ve seen a little of that when we’ve camped out. Maybe we can cook with this together?”

“With a box?” he asked quizzically, taking in the smooth container seemingly made of green marble with a series of runes engraved where a key might have gone.

“A [Crystal Caster’s Complete Cooking Kit],” she clarified.

His eyes widened in surprise as he looked between her and the large chest, “You would just give this to me?”

“Of course,” she replied promptly, “You deserve it.”

He frowned at her, “I could have killed you yesterday. I deserve to be locked up or killed myself. Lord Wayland might even make that happen once he finds out… and make it look like an accident.”

Phoenix shook her head, “You might have been able to kill me but I don’t believe you would have.”

The Mage’s expression hardened, “I would have. If you and Daze hadn’t stopped me I–”

“But we did and nobody was hurt,” she cut in and tapped the chest, “I got this because you didn’t hurt anyone. It will help you feel better and you deserve it. You are courageous and compassionate and my friend.”

“I am calamity. I destroy everything around me. I almost destroyed you and you call me compassionate?” the cinderen said incredulously, standing to begin pacing as he argued, “I am a Cataclysm Mage, Phoenix. No matter how much I might want to change that, it’s now who I am.”

“Who you are is determined by your actions,” she retorted, standing up as well to block his path and take both of his hands in hers, “And the actions I remember most were of a person who didn’t abandon me when I was lost in paperwork. A mage who shielded me from harsh words. A man who sparred with me when I was upset and who hid my tears to preserve my dignity. A friend who defended me from monsters when I had fallen,” she said firmly.

Uriel didn’t respond right away so she decided to show him some more of her loot and pulled out the three spirit gems from her inventory to place them on the bed where the pair had been sitting a moment ago.

Phoenix pointed to the first two that were identical to one another, both glinting with shifting rainbow colors and cut in a trillion shape, as she identified them for Uriel, “I got these avatar ones for defending the city and saving the children. And this one…” she picked up the last one, a void black gem that was cut like a marquise jewel but seemed broken and cracked, and held it up for her friend to see closer and his eyes went wide in recognition, “I got this one for helping you.”

“You shouldn’t use it,” the mage said quickly, almost fearful of the [Cataclysm Spirit Gem], “The one I was forced to use gave me my [Eye of the Storm] ability but my Cataclysmic Class was what transformed my aura into a weapon. You can’t use that, Phoenix. You can’t become like me.”

She looked him dead in the eyes and said, “You’re someone worth becoming more like. Remember, it’s your actions, not your powers, that determine who you are,” then she absorbed the gem.

“No!” Uriel cried out as the gem seemed to shatter in her palm and the pieces swarmed into her, pelting her with the sensation of being burned, frozen, and stabbed at the same time. She forced herself to stay silent, gritting her teeth through the pain, as her soul was wrenched open and changed once more into the form of a new ability.

Fire-lit eyes narrowed at her in disapproval and worry, “It’s a restricted gem, Phoenix, and for good reason! That was reckless!”

“Maybe,” she shrugged once she felt like she could breathe again then grinned at him, “But I had you to help me if things went wrong.”

He glanced at her [Guide Book] which was still displaying his list of talents, both of them noticing that it wasn’t giving the information of the new power, then he looked towards the other gems waiting on the bed and asked, “Can you at least wait till we’re with the others before doing one of those? I don’t want Lord Wayland thinking I tried convincing you to become a monster like me.”

Phoenix shook her head, “You’re not a monster, Uriel,” then asked him, “Do you think Paul should kill me now just because I used a restricted Spirit Gem and got a new devastating power?”

The question took him by surprise, “Of course not, you haven’t even used it,” he countered then glanced at the still unchanging book and added pointedly, “Or even shared what it does.”

“So just having the power isn’t enough to warrant killing or locking me up?” she deflected.

The Mage shook his head, “I know what you’re trying to do. It’s not the same. We’re not the same. I’ve hurt people. I’ve killed them.”

Phoenix’s grin fell and she said softly, “So have I now. I killed a man, even if he was a monster. I made that choice because I saw the alternative as worse. Do you think I’m evil now that I chose to kill someone?”

“You know that I don’t. None of us do,” the cinderen answered in frustration.

“I don’t believe you ever chose to use your powers to hurt innocent people. You are a good person too, Uriel,” she said sincerely then surprised both of them when she leaned over to hug the larger man and suggested, “In addition to fixing the things that are already broken, we can help protect each other from breaking further. That’s what friends do, right?”

The Cataclysm Mage smiled softly again, despite his obvious worries, and reiterated, “I’d like that too.”