Journal [https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/pw/AP1GczN3DScPE4k836D6QO0Ht94ZdeVy29CE0GJUmg-kZ3ZJvAX5jwUdua9SZ5cF7EFxkexImAUFwGTWAwa_oNFcHmqhRlJCfeQOp-7ZCZCpmJ8KzhDWKIHAcVAGKGIOMccjFq9uIGe5ZGz9m-6yC7SOxFfr=w639-h959-s-no-gm?authuser=0]
Phoenix shot up in bed, dagger in hand, as she readied a strike at her foe, which wasn’t there. The remnants of her nightmare began to fade as she slowed her shallow breathing and felt her heart rate fall back down to a more normal pace.
Her room was dimmed for her to sleep, the miniature sun that served as a fireplace reduced to little more than a night light. She finally noticed a small voxen sitting curled up in her tails on a nebula cloud seat that had been moved near her bed.
At the foot of the bed, Snowbelle and Tala were snuggled together. The larger Seagull practically wrapped around the tiny poof-ball of silver-speckled feathers. They both peeked open an eye to look at her but didn’t move, obviously not wanting to ruin their comfortable positions.
Phoenix dismissed her dagger and brushed the hair from her face. She was about to apologize to Saiya for blasting her dark dream through her aura again when she realized that it was still restrained.
“That was much better but still a little wobbly,” Saiya said with slitted amber eyes watching her carefully, “Another minute and I would have woken you up, but it’s really impressive that you kept your aura restrained even in a nightmare.”
Phoenix gave a sour expression as she muttered, “Thanks, but next time, I think I’d rather you wake me earlier…” She rubbed her eyes, “I’m getting real tired of these nightmares. I should really look into finding some sleeping potions at some point, but the blood moon and war have been making it difficult to get any supplies, let alone the less critical niche items.”
“You probably shouldn’t rely on things like that,” the brunette said with gentle concern.
“You’re probably right but I also need to sleep,” Phoenix pointed out, “Like actual restful sleep. Even if it is only like three hours I need now. We still have a job to do and my nightmares won’t wait for the blood moon to end.”
“There will always be more to do, and there will always be more monsters to cause nightmares, Phoenix.”
Phoenix sighed, “Again, you’re probably right. I’m not sure what else to do about them though,” she paused for a moment as her mind started becoming more aware and finally asked, “Wait, if my aura didn’t wake you, why are you here?”
Saiya shifted in the chair looking more awkward than Phoenix had ever seen before and whispered, “I had a nightmare earlier too and didn’t want to be alone but also didn’t want to wake you.”
In an uncharacteristic show of vulnerability that made Phoenix’s heart crack a little, the small Healer asked, “Can– Do you mind if I borrow Sky back for a bit?”
The light blue kitsune plush appeared in Phoenix’s hands as she said, “Of course. You want to lay down in here for a bit till you fall back to sleep?”
Saiya nodded, already crawling into the malleable nebula bed. Tails wrapped around Phoenix as Saiya hugged her and took the plush to begin immediately petting it.
Phoenix smiled at the self-soothing action and teased, “Explain how this is different from a sleeping potion?”
She blushed slightly and said, “Shush you. It’s different.”
Phoenix gave an indulgent hum of agreement, “Ah, of course, it must have been the sleep deprivation talking. Ignore me.”
As she lay back down to relax and gave a few pets to the enchanted plushie, she thought about the odd way Saiya was behaving and asked, “Do you want to talk about your nightmare?”
Saiya hesitated, and Phoenix decided to go first, “Mine was miserlings again, but it always seems to change up in some way. This time, a swarm of them were attacking a Storm Dragon, and no matter how many I was killing, they kept trying to hurt it.”
“A Storm Dragon?”
She blushed slightly and hoped it was hidden in the darkness as she explained, “Uriel showed me his statue of one, and I think it just kinda got mixed in. There’s not like anything extra to it…”
Saiya hummed much the same way she had when not believing the response but also not wanting to argue the point, and Phoenix added, “Not every weird thing in a dream has hidden meanings like some teens at the hospital used to tell me all the time.”
“No, of course not,” Saiya agreed, “Just our minds processing thoughts in a random manner.”
“Right,” she said firmly.
“Speaking of Uriel, though,” Saiya unfortunately continued, “He seemed much happier when I said good night earlier. I’m assuming you two worked out whatever awkwardness happened?”
She nodded, glancing over at the book she had set near her bed that had details about Jin’s Jade Dragon Familiar, “Yeah. It was a good talk. I think I was just being a bit irrational about Padma…” she paused, trying to think of the right way to explain, “Like, if Uriel had a new girlfriend then he wouldn’t have time to spend with us anymore? Which I realize is dumb now.”
“It’s not,” Saiya said, “That’s not a completely irrational fear. We only have so much time and energy to give to others. We don’t want to feel neglected or forgotten because others take some of that.”
“Somehow, that’s not making me feel better,” Phoenix grumbled.
Saiya chuckled, “Sorry, I just meant that you shouldn’t dismiss your feelings so easily. We should always reflect on why we feel a certain way. Once you understand them, it helps to mend them and move forward .”
She raised a brow as she looked at her friend, “Is that why you always seem so calm and collected… well, most of the time. We won’t talk about the Uriel argument,” she added in a slight tease.
“I think that proves I’m not always like you seem to think,” Saiya said in little more than a whisper, “I have my own struggles… my own nightmares.”
“You don’t have to tell me them,” Phoenix said, “But I’m here to listen if you want.”
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
“My nightmares aren’t as vividly visual as yours seem to be,” Saiya tried to explain, “I don’t really remember anything specific that happens in them; they’re just… feelings. Fear, panic, anger, despair, pain… I’ll wake up terrified and won’t know why.”
“That sounds terrible. I’m sorry you have to go through that,” she replied in sympathy.
“I think I ruined the sheets in my room,” Saiya added in embarrassment, “Like you conjuring your dagger, my claws kind of shredded the bed.”
Phoenix’s eyes went wide in surprise as she glanced at the tiny little claws that were basically just nails in her mind and said, “I’m sure it’s not that bad. These aren’t that long.”
Saiya chuckled and lifted a hand for her to see better and flexed, causing the claws to elongate like a cat’s, and looking much more deadly.
“Ah,” she said as eloquently as she could, which was not at all, “Poor bed.”
The voxen retracted the claws to pet the plushie again, and Phoenix tried to console her friend by admitting, “Did I ever tell you that I almost stabbed Paul a few times because he woke me up from a nightmare?”
Saiya chuckled again, “I’m definitely not waking you up next time then.”
“Hey, I could heal it after.”
“I still don’t want to get stabbed.”
She gave a little huff, “It’s not like I actually managed to stab him… He was always stronger and faster than me.”
“Speaking of Paul,” Saiya segued, “Since you weren’t there at lunch, Pati let us know that everything of note had been relocated from the Wayland Estate to the World Tree here, including Paul’s stuff.”
“What are they doing with the estate?” she asked in mild concern.
“I think a few rooms on the upper floors are remaining residential for any Waylands staying in the city, but Pati was talking about converting the lower floors into a shop to sell resources from the World Tree. It produces things that can’t be found anywhere else in the world, after all.”
“What did they do with Paul’s stuff?” she asked, her nose wrinkling at the idea of moving –or worse, destroying– his things, “They didn’t throw it all in boxes to collect dust, did they?”
Saiya smiled at her and sat up, “Want to go see?”
“Well, I doubt I’m getting more sleep without drugging myself with plush pets,” she replied, sitting up as well.
It wasn’t a long journey to the floor below theirs where Paul’s stasis room was. Apparently, the room next to it had been converted into almost an exact replica of the lord’s bedroom, and she raised a brow at Saiya in question.
“Patricia said they didn’t want Paul to feel too disoriented upon awakening,” Saiya explained, “They’re not sure exactly what kind of mental state he’ll be in after years of magical stasis and want it to go as smoothly as possible.”
Phoenix was surprisingly pleased by the thoughtfulness her aunt was putting into this, not to mention the silent assumption that she would succeed in hitting Ruby and awakening him someday. Then Saiya led her to the next door down the hall, and this recreated room brought back a flood of memories that the bedroom had lacked.
Paul’s study was usually where she had talks with her mentor if he hadn’t come to her own room. Everything looked exactly as he had left it, and she found herself gawking as she walked through it. She hadn’t brought herself to revisit the room after Paul had fallen into his cursed sleep… It was both painful and soothing to be here now.
Her fingers brushed along the rows of books that were completely filling the left-hand wall. Books she had never really explored herself but had always enjoyed the sight of when she had been here. It made the room feel cozier to her.
Then she noticed something odd about the books. It took a moment for her to figure out what was throwing her off about them until she realized that the writing on the spines weren’t book titles; they were dates.
She walked to the end nearer the large wood desk and pulled the most recently dated book off the shelf and opened it up to find Paul’s neat handwriting filling in the pages. Realizing what it must have been, she went to the last page where the writing stopped and read that journal entry.
I’ll likely hit Ruby Caste tomorrow. It only took about 48 years. I know that must be slow for some but others never make it this far, so I’m excited and proud nonetheless. I think Father would have been, too, though he’d never admit it.
I wonder how fast Phoenix will reach where I am? I know she’s been going non-stop since arriving and becoming a Caster but it still astounds me how fast a person can go when they’re that focused and dedicated to becoming stronger. If I hadn’t been so carefree as a kid, could I have achieved the same? I look forward to seeing how fast she catches up.
I’m worried about the soul exhaustion I’ll be fighting from the ascension but I hope the Rule of Caste can help make up for not being at my best against these Emerald invaders. Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about the kids getting caught in the crossfire.
I know Phoenix would survive but Dazien almost died twice protecting her. Despite his talents and skill, I doubt he’d make it through this alive. I’ve grown too attached to the others as well, and none of them have her talent for surviving. She would be devastated to lose a party member, and I want to do my best to protect her heart from having to go through that. I know it almost broke me when I lost some of my own.
I hope she’ll forgive me for playing the overprotective father card after all this is done with. I realize now that I shouldn’t have hidden my fears by lying to them. Maybe I can do something to make it up to her and the others? I’ll have to think on that a bit more, maybe ask Pati.
I’m ready for this never-ending moon to be done with, let Pati take over the House, and finally let Phoenix know that this world is more than just fighting monsters. There is wonder and beauty here that I think will help her learn to smile more, and I can’t wait to show her.
Phoenix couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her cheeks as she read Paul’s thoughts and knew the sad truth: that he wouldn’t be back to continue his story or show her the world the way he had planned.
She looked up from the pages, trying to be extra careful about keeping the salt water leaking down her face from ruining the paper, as she surveyed the dozens of shelves filled with journals. Saiya began rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her, and she knew her sorrow was likely causing the empath to worry.
Phoenix carefully placed the journal back on the shelf and made her way down the wall again, going back to the very first book that was dated almost fifty years ago and opened it up to the first page, tilting it slightly so Saiya could read as well.
Mom said now that I’m a “big brother,” she won’t have as much time to spend with me, and I should write in this book when I need to talk things out. I don’t really see how getting a little sister means I need to start doing this, but what’s more annoying is that she thinks I need her to spend time with me all the time. I’m almost 15! Hopefully, I’ll get my Aspects soon and then I won’t have time to talk with her anyway.
Not sure if I’ll keep doing this writing every day thing but it seems to make her happy when she sees me doing it, so maybe I’ll just keep it up for a while till she stops worrying so much about me.
Phoenix couldn’t help the laugh that escaped from her lips as she looked from the messy scrawl up to the hundreds of books lining the walls. It truly was the story of a lifetime.
“Why don’t I leave you to read them?” Saiya suggested with a soft smile, “I’m going to take Sky to get some sleep, but I think you might find more comfort here for now.”
She nodded gratefully, “I’ll try not to be here too long.”
“There’s no rush or anything. I’m sure Dazien will come get you when it’s time to get ready to leave for our shift on the wall tonight.”
Phoenix thanked her again and once Saiya left her in the study alone, she took the journal back to the desk to curl up in Paul’s chair again and continued to read. She froze as she sat down and realized that the plush seat smelled of smokey cedar and warm sunlight… just like Paul did.
As she leaned back, pulled her knees up to her chest, and closed her eyes, it was almost as if Paul was holding her again. Relaxing in the feeling of her kindred spirit, she lost herself in the memories of him hugging away her nightmares.