Ghuria’s wastelands felt oddly familiar to Dorothea. Not long ago, this same scenery had filled her with fear. Just like when she had first gone to Sacer, it was shocking how easily and relentlessly things could change.
The first order of business was to revive Pearlie and Johanna. Once that was done and they got caught up, they all approached the settlement the four Ghurians shared. Wesley explained that it had been the army’s base but had been abandoned a year after the epidemic as operations had moved deeper into the territory. Gren’s squad was based there hiding in plain sight at a site the Sacerians had long assumed was abandoned.
A stone fence about twice Dorothea’s height had many crumbling areas, one of which the Ghurians used casually to slip into a dusty courtyard. The building was long, with three branches framing the back and sides of the fence. The middle and right side had many doors while the left had few. The building itself was also dappled, the places where repairs had been added quite evident.
The ragtag procession sat on the steps and expansive porch, Gren naturally taking the lead. “This is what we learned…” He summarized evenrything he and Dorothea had learned as well as what they intended to try with her magic now. “I understand it’s hard to accept, but our best plan of action is to pacify Sacer and let Dorothea do her work. We’re not exactly in a position to refuse, but you should all have your say. Thoughts?”
Pearlie spoke up. “You said it was my sister who let you both go?” When Gren nodded, she let out a scornful laugh. “Feeling sorry, is she? That’s rich.”
“Um…” Dorothea didn’t know if this would be helpful or make things worse. “When she freed us, Ariana asked us to protect you. She doesn’t think she has a right to come home, and I’m sorry I couldn’t convince her, but—”
“She doesn’t! I don’t want her back here!” Pearlie snapped, leaping to her feet and storming away towards a door in the right branch.
“Oh…” Dorothea, finding everyone else’s eyes on her, hung her head. “Sorry.”
“Johanna, stay put,” Gren ordered as she jumped up to chase Pearlie. “Catch her up later.”
“Fine…” She still tapped her feet impatiently.
“The message we sent declaring a ceasefire has held off the Sacerians long enough for Dorothea to recover,” Gren continued, “but we can expect an attack sooner or later. They’re not going to stop trying to kill us off just like that.”
“So what now?” Johanna asked.
“Dorothea heals our land. We take care of our people,” Gren stated. “And we convince Sacer to end this once we show them there’s no need for us to attack them ever again. We hold out until then.”
“And if they still don’t stop?” Wesley asked with a smirk.
Gren glanced at Dorothea, and she nodded. Neither of them were stupid enough to bank everything on Sacer being willing to play nice. She wanted it to be possible for both sides to reconcile, but to risk the fate of all of Ghuria in the process just couldn’t be done.
“Then we fight back with all we’ve got until they stop.” He looked down at his own hands. “And I mean that.”
Dorothea swallowed past a lump in her throat. Knowing he didn’t want to, she in turn didn’t want him to have to make use of that magic. She glanced at Rhys and found him looking at Gren with a quiet, pained empathy.
Wesley grinned. “Looking forward to it.” He snickered and eyed Dorothea. “So, who’s she staying with? Not exactly an empty room waiting around. Most of its either wrecked or storage.”
“Not Pearlie and I. There’s barely enough room for the two of us as is.” Johanna tossed hair from her face, and Dorothea glimpsed a scar beneath her bangs, a ragged, wide expanse running straight across her face, over her eyes and nose. This whole time, she hadn’t been able to see. “Is that all, Gren?
“Yeah. I’ll let you all know once we’ve charted our course.” Meaning what routes he and Dorothea would take and how long they’d be to travel through all of Ghuria healing the land while giving aid to all small settlements.
“Cool. Bye.” She sprinted to where Pearlie had gone.
“Excuse me,” Dorothea piped up, “but does Ghuria have a council?”
“No. We can make these decisions and act on them as we please,” Gren explained. “Since the four of us are all that remains of the army.”
“Huh?” Her dumb shock quickly turned into horror. “What?! But what about all those people at Izozkia, from before?”
“Those were raiders, not soldiers. Those are different things here.”
“Regardless, I’m sorry,” Rhys said quietly. “For what I did that day.”
“Too late for apologies now, pig,” Wesley said with a predatory grin. “They’ve long since rotted thanks to you.”
Rhys flinched. “Yes. That’s true.”
Wesley turned his leer back on Dorothea. “Since you’re curious, most of our ranks either got killed off or quit by now. Grenny here came out of hiding, hung around for a bit then stepped up as our new commander a few months ago. It was just us three idiots who stuck with him,” he laughed.
Came out of hiding? There was so much she didn’t know about Gren. “Okay. Sorry for the confusion.”
Gren shook his head. “You’re fine. Where would you like to stay? One of you with me and the other with Wes.”
“I promise to be most hospitable,” Wesley purred.
Dorothea barely suppressed a shiver. Something about him… It wasn’t like Iree, but he was frightening. He wanted violence. Craved it.
Rhys cut in. “I’d like to stay with you, then.” He offered Wesley a pleasant smile. “I promise to be a good guest in turn.”
“Sure, whatever.” Wesley hopped up, smirking. “Try not to look too relieved, sweetheart.”
Dorothea looked down in shame. She hated to do that to Rhys, but she was too scared of Wesley to try to change places. “I’m sorry. I know I have no right to barge in like this, especially after so much damage has already been done.” It was Ariana who Wesley reminded her more of, but there was so much threat behind his words and manner.
“Wes.” Gren stood and addressed him seriously. “I’m sorry. But this is for the best.”
Wesley’s smile dropped, and he regarded Gren with the same gravity. “I’ve been ready this entire time to give back what was dealt to me and then some. But you came here and I went along with what you said because you’re the one who saved my life that day. Gren… Way I see it, Ghuria gets a better future no matter which way this goes. But we can’t afford to waste time hoping for a miracle.”
Gren nodded, squeezing his shoulder. “I understand. Either way, this is where it ends. I promise you.”
“Yeah, I got it.” Wesley glanced at Dorothea. “You’re gonna help some people who really need it. But don’t you dare forget how many have fallen while you did nothing.”
“I won’t.” Dorothea watched as he turned his back and jogged away from them, Rhys dipping his head before he followed. “Are you okay?” she asked Gren. “Is he? Uh, are any of them really okay with all this, or in general?”
“As okay as we can be, I suppose.” He gestured for her to follow him to his room. She noticed initials or phrases carved into some of the doors. Pearlie and Johanna’s names were surrounded by a heart on one door, and she couldn’t help but laugh. Gren looked at her in question.
“There was this huge pine tree on the outskirts of Iluna… People would carve their initials into it all the time, just like that. Even Sharkie and I…” Her heart threatened to freeze and shatter at the mere reminder of what she had left behind and all she had left to face. “Never mind. Like it matters.”
Gren studied her for a few lengthy heartbeats, but he turned without saying anything. Wesley’s door read “Roast the Pigs!!!” in jagged script. Gren’s had a small carving of a bird. Inside was a minimalist space. There was a large, thin mattress on the floor and a table with a map spread out on it. Peering at it, Dorothea found the note covered in small wooden figurines and slanted writing. Several notebooks were open around the table, each page covered from top corner to bottom corner in that messy yet lovely handwriting.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
“We don’t have any extra mattresses or blankets. I’ll sleep in the corner.”
“No, I’ll take it, I’m the one intruding. Or we can share the bed. Honestly I’m behind the point of caring,” Dorothea laughed.
“Hm.” He kept looking at her as if there was something he was seeing through within her that she wasn’t even aware of. It make her feel choked up, somehow.
She cleared her throat. “Gren, there’s something else I want to ask you.”
“Yes?”
“You’re the one in charge here, so why was Sirpo attacked in the first place? The only reason I went to Sacer at all is because two Ghurian soldiers came to Iluna.”
He was nodding. “I’m sorry that happened. Well… It’s like this. A year ago, I came out of hiding, like Wes said.”
“Where were you all that time?” After losing his family and killing so many people with no idea why any of it had happened, how had he even been able to take a step forward?
“I had to learn to survive on my own. Kind of learned to keep to myself.”
“Oh…” She couldn’t imagine struggling like that, but she didn’t want to just throw unhelpful pity at him. “So why come to the army?”
“Word was that we would surrender to Sacer.”
“Seriously?” It was one shock after another.
“Yeah. Can you imagine what would have happened? If we weren’t all killed, what, we’d be inducted into Sacer as second-class citizens?”
Dorothea thought of Ariana. “So you came here to keep the fight going?”
“Yeah. I entered the army first… They were desperate enough to take me by that time. Then kind of inserted myself as the new leader a few months ago when the surrender was fully decided. Promised my strength to anyone who would come with me. Of course, I also said I wanted to take as few lives as possible, so you can imagine how well that went over. Pearlie stayed because she figured she’d meet her sister again if she kept fighting. Johanna stayed because Pearlie did, and Wes… Well, he’d take any chance to kill a Sacerian.”
That was certainly concerning. “Gren, do you think he’d…?”
“He’s not stupid. He won’t do anything that would get in the way of a permanent truce.
A lot of people in Ghuria still want revenge on Sacer, and on…” He shrugged. “It’s to be expected.”
“Gren, it wasn’t your fault.”
“That doesn’t take away their pain.” He shook his head as if to dismiss the issue. “That’s why Iluna was attacked. Remnants of the old army who weren’t okay with surrender but didn’t want to join me either. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” She paused. “But the attackers were killed. Should I…bring them back?”
“No. And don’t worry about the raiders from that Sacerian fort either.”
His lack of hesitation surprised her. “But… But why?”
He fixed her with a frown. “Why are offering that despite what your magic does to you?”
“That, well…” They hadn’t discussed this specifically, more going by a silent understanding until now. “I want to save everyone I can.”
“Meaning it’s not possible to save everyone. Some people make their bed and have to lie in it.”
“You’re right, I just…” She sighed helplessly. “I don’t know.”
“Speaking of,” he said carefully, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize your magic affected you like that until the second time we met at the fort city.”
She smiled. “Don’t worry, I’m fine.”
“Are you?”
“Of course!”
“You know…” He trailed off with a frown. “No, I’ll say it this time. You’ve been off since before that council meeting.”
“Well, a lot’s happened,” she laughed. “Seriously, I’m fine.”
He thought out his response for a bit. “I’d appreciate if you’d talk to me. We’re…partners in all this. Your well-being is vital. Physical and mental.”
She shook her head. “I’m fine.” There was a thread in her about to break. If he pushed any more, she wouldn’t be able to hold back.
His gaze was steady, lulling her into security. “We can take care of each other. It’s okay.”
For a few beats she couldn’t spit out the words, but then she whispered, “I’m scared.”
Gren nodded. “I am too.”
“Because everyone’s scared, I want to be strong and not pity myself. I don’t want to get in the way or hurt anyone, but when I think about what almost happened, what Iree was going to do to me and what she did to you and to Rhys, I don’t know what to do!” She covered her face with her hands and voiced her shame. “I want her dead for what she’s done to him.”
How could she claim to want peace when the truth was that she hated Iree Nobelis from the bottom of her heart? This feeling was eating her alive.
Gren tentatively touched her back, then her arm. She turned towards him when he tugged her sleeve. He’d pulled his own sleeve over his hand. “Is this okay?” The fabric brushed her cheek, blotting her tears.
“Yeah. I’m sorry,” she hiccuped. “Geez, I’m sorry I’m a crybaby!” She laughed, a small, pathetic noise. “And already a horrible tenant.”
Gren’s gaze was soft. “You don’t have to forgive everyone who hurts you in the name of peace. But back there… When I was in that house. You told me I had to choose a different road to preserve peace. You’re making that same choice now. And I’ll support you.” He paused. “It was a determination to put goodness into the world that brought us together. Don’t let this crush you.”
“Ugh…” Dorothea gulped in a breath. He was right. Just like he’d never forgive the people who had killed his family and turned him into a murderer, she had the right to not forgive Iree while still trying to make peace in the world. These contradictions were inevitable in life. “You know,” she sniffled, “you’ve got a real way with words!”
He let out a laugh that sounded like it surprised him. “First time for everything, I suppose.”
“Okay. I’m actually, really fine now, promise.”
His smile made her feel warm. “Good.”
Normally she’d be sharing concerns like this with Shark. “My friends over in Sacer. I’m really worried that… I don’t want to hurt them or watch them be hurt. But I won’t let that get in the way, promise. I know there’s a limit to how tolerant you can be of me and my bleeding heart.”
He chuckled. “You make a lot of promises.”
“I’ll do everything I can to keep them all.”
“I know.” He paused, thinking. “I’ll do what I can to keep them safe for you.”
But that would put such a burden on all of them. “Why would you say that so readily, knowing how hard it will be?”
“I don’t want a world where we kill each other thoughtlessly anymore.”
He was so strong-willed that it took her breath away. She also needed to be stronger for them, all of them. “I’m sorry, but will you help me with one other thing?”
“If you stop apologizing, yes.” He smiled when she let out a surprised laugh. “What is it?”
If she couldn’t commit to killing, she could at least learn to help them fight. “I have an idea for how my magic could be more useful on the battlefield, and I’d like to practice it with you all.”
He frowned. “How will that impact your health?”
“A negligible amount.”
“Okay. But please tell me if you’re reaching your limit. We have to be careful.”
“Got it.” She paused. “You’re really fine with me staying here?”
“Did you want to sleep outside?”
“No, I just don’t want to be a bother…”
He laughed his short breath of a laugh. “Wake me up every morning. That can be your form of rent, if it makes you more comfortable.”
“So you’re always that, uh…uncooperative?”
He pursed his lips and rubbed at his cheek. “Unfortunately. Immature, I know. I just can’t always… Er, never mind.”
Cute. He was just so…cute. “Okay. Every morning, I’ll give you a shove.”
“Mm.”
He’d really done a lot for her. From the moment they’d met, he’d inspired her to push beyond what she thought possible. “Thank you,” she said softly.
“Yeah.”
“I mean it. Thank you, Gren. You’ve done a lot for me. Now, and...before.”
This was the first time either of them had acknowledged out loud what had transpired in the Catacombs. Dorothea, now that she had brought it up, realized that she didn’t have the words to properly describe what she felt tied them together.
“Well,” she began, tugging on her hair, “if I’m remiss in feeling close to you and end up overstepping, please let me know. In my mind we’re already friends, so if that’s overly familiar…”
Gren seemed awkward now too, looking down at his hands. “No problem.”
Dorothea had a newfound sense that there was no point in wasting time. If she had something to convey, she needed to do it, and she had the right to. So she said, “You’re precious to me.” He was the person who had pulled her from the dark and stopped her from giving up.
“Mm.” He just nodded in response to her heartfelt words.
“Geez!” she laughed. “Really, tell me if I’m making you uncomfortable.”
“No.” His mouth twitched in a brief smile. “I’m just not used to this is all.” He paused for a few seconds. “Sharing the bed. I know you didn’t mean that.”
“I, uh… No.” Pearlie and Johanna would share a bed because they were a couple. Wesley and Rhys would share one for convenience and because closeness meant nothing to them. Dorothea simply couldn’t do the same with Gren. His closeness would be too much.
Still, that night, as he curled himself into the corner of the room and wrapped his arms around himself, it took her less than ten minutes to wave him over.
“It’s cold,” she whispered. “I’m not used to the cold anymore. I-Isn’t it cold? Don’t you think so…?” Never mind the fact that she’d lived in the coldest part of the country her entire life. Never mind that she was perfectly comfortable. But he was shivering. He hid it well, but it was there in the slight, intermittent changes to his breathing. The nights were cold here. And he was so thin, and…
She could barely make out his shape in the dark, but she could feel his gaze. Then his footsteps, so quiet, and his calm presence joining her space. Dorothea threw the blankets over him since she was already in sweatpants and a fluffy shirt and socks. He cuddled against the wall the bed was pushed against while she hovered near the opposite edge of the mattress.
“Thank you,” he said softly.
She hugged herself tightly, painfully, so she wouldn’t reach out.