Because Rhys was such a predictable person, Iree knew exactly which pew he would be sitting in during Zeal’s Web. He liked to sit in the right corner of the back right pew to make his back feel less vulnerable. Small things like that reminded her what a scaredy-cat he actually was.

The month had ended with her plan of attack on the rats approved by the council. Before that, she’d make absolutely sure that Rhys was behind her. Without him, none of it would work. The war, her life, nothing. He was hers; that’s how it was meant to be.

“It’s only when it’s this crowded that you realize how big the place actually is, right?” she said by way of greeting as she sat beside him and crossed her arms. Most of the chapel's pews had been moved around to make room for the couples and groups milling about, so the room seemed to have at least tripled in size.

Rhys glanced at her. “Yeah.”

“You look creepy being here alone, you know. Unless you’re expecting someone?” Though, with no small amount of personal satisfaction, she knew there was no way that was the case.

“Nope.”

She waited for him to say more, but he just continued to people watch. There were elderly pairs and those far too young to know the hardships that love might bring them someday, all placing red roses on lapels, in pockets and in hair to bind them together and represent their taken status. They prayed, danced and sat close together, enjoying the peace of this celebration of love.

There had been a time when Iree was certain she and Rhys would be here together someday, and here they were, but it was the opposite of what she wanted. He felt so cold and distant and, for the first time, she had no idea what he was thinking.

When had things changed, she wondered. Definitely after Mom’s death, but something had been off between Rhys and Sharee even before that. Iree hated being out of the loop and she hated being apart from Rhys. Couldn’t he see he was the only one she had? Couldn’t he be stronger for her and let her in again?

“We used to be a lot closer than this, Rhys. No matter what happens, we’re still family. So will you tell me what’s on your mind?” She gave him her warmest, most inviting smile.

He glanced at her. “Iree. Just be honest with me, okay?”

“Of course.” If he was concerned with her honesty, then she was in trouble. She had to flip the conversation somehow.

He tugged on the ends of his hair in one of his typical nervous habits. “Do you think the ends always justify the means?”

This here was the problem. That bothersome conscience of his. Of course Iree had one as well, but she knew better than to let it get in the way of what needed to be done. “Well yeah, where war is concerned. How could I excuse not doing whatever it takes to protect Sacer?” She made sure to speak quietly.

“So everything you do is for that purpose?”

“Yeah. For Sacer and for Mom.”

He looked crestfallen. “Iree—”

“So I see you gave Mom’s pin to Atlin,” she interrupted, speaking lightly. “You don’t think that’s something you should have discussed with me first?” When she’d first spotted it on Atlin’s collar, she’d seen red. Of course she was going to push the issue with Rhys when she needed to use it on him.

He frowned, looking guarded. “It was mine to decide what to do with. It’s the only thing I asked to keep of hers, so I at least have that right.”

“But you should have talked to me. Do you have any idea what a slap in the face it was to see her wearing it and not be prepared for it at all? It was Mom’s, so what right does some random girl have to—”

“She’s my friend,” Rhys stated.

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

His assertiveness caught her off guard. “What?”

“She’s my friend,” he repeated. “And she’s done a lot for me, so I wanted her to have it. I’m sorry that hurts you, but it’s my decision. Please respect it.”

She’d fully expected him to apologize and offer to remedy the situation. It just hinted at how important Atlin was to him, and…

Jealousy lanced through her heart. She had claimed him once. Made him hers. But now someone else was trying to take her place.

The day they had been informed of Sharee’s death, she had pulled him in, kissed him with ravenous desperation. If grief could be transmitted, if she could force him to drink down the emotions that threatened to swallow her, then that’s what needed to happen.

He’d let out sounds of distress, had struggled and writhed against her constricting grip, asked her to stop, but they were still fully united in the end. He didn’t look at her for a week afterwards, but she was forgiven after a few tears and expression of her need for him. If she didn’t have him, she’d have no one, she’d said. Please don’t leave me alone in this. Words like that had bound them together for years now.

“What’s going on, Rhys? You’ve been different lately.”

He shook his head. “You’re just noticing that now?”

“Rhys—”

“Iree, you and Sharee saved me. You taught me what it was like to be happy and to want to do something for someone else, and that kept me going for a long time. But it’s not enough anymore. I… I’m not in a good place.” He smiled tremulously, staring down at his hands as they were clasped on his lap. “You really don’t know? You’ve never once guessed why I’ve become the way I am?”

“Rhys, I get it, I do. Mom’s death hit me hard too, but we have to move past it.”

“That’s not it,” he said softly. “That’s not it at all.”

“Then what?” Iree snapped, exasperated. “Don’t expect me to read your mind!”

“You’re the one who’s always going behind my back,” he retorted. “How can you expect me to be completely open with you?”

“When did I go behind your back?”

“I’m not stupid. Even when I was still your captain, I was the last one to learn about your plans. But part of me didn’t mind that, and you know why? I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t have that will, so I didn’t care.” He rubbed a hand over his face, slouching and looking exhausted. “Yeah. I don’t want to fight anymore, and I know that’s what you need from me. So maybe it’s better if—”

“Wait a second!” Salvage this. Get him back, no matter what it took. “And you said to me that Mom wouldn’t be proud of us? You’re the one spitting on her memory by saying all this crap! She gave everything for Sacer, and this is how you repay her? We took you in when you had no one else, and now you’re turning your back?”

He flinched, physically shrinking beneath the scathing burn of her words. “I explained it already. It’s not that I’m not grateful, it’s—”

“I can’t believe how selfish you’re being. What I do is for your sake too, you know. For you to throw that back in my face is just… I never thought you’d hurt me this way, Rhys. All this time I’ve been trying so hard, and now you’re saying that was all for nothing? I… How am I supposed to keep going after this, knowing you hate Mom and I?”

“I don’t…” He looked pitiful and small now, head hanging. Now, while he was so uncertain, she’d give him a bit of coddling.

“Rhys, I just need you to let me in,” she said softly. “I’ve been scared, and I took it out on you. I’m sorry. Please, talk to me.”

He met her eyes, looking like a scared child, and stated, “I want to die so badly I can’t even breathe, Iree.”

“Oh come on, don’t talk like that. Buck up.” He just needed to change his mindset and shrug this off.

He turned away from her, letting out a quiet, scornful chuckle. “They tell us to always be strong,” he said softly, “but they don’t prepare us for the times that strength fails us. I was strong, and I became a monster… What’s the point of someone like me in this world? I hurt Sharee, I hurt you, I hurt Dorothea…”

“Rhys? Hey, what are you saying? You’re not making any sense.”

He took in a shaky breath. “I know what you did to Sirpo. You and Ariana.”

A cold wave washed over Iree, making her ears ring. She couldn’t predict him, she realized in a panic. He’d become someone she couldn’t control and keep in a neat little box.

“Tell me there was some kind of reason,” Rhys pleaded. “Tell me we can make this right somehow.”

Yes. Yes, there was a way to make it right. A soldier was someone who was broken down and built back up, molded into the correct shape. By that logic, Rhys only needed to be broken again so she could reshape him as needed.

She faked a grateful smile, lulling him into a false sense of security. “Maybe a public area on a festival day isn’t the best place to talk about this? There’s a lot I want to tell you. I’m sorry for not being more honest before. I… I wanted to honor Mom so badly that I lost sight of some things…” She contorted her face as crocodile tears filled her eyes. “Please help me.”

“It’ll be okay. We can figure this out. Come on, I’ll take you home.”

“Thank you, Rhys…”

One way or another, she would regain the Rhys Tamlin she had known.