Dorothea woke with a start. Her body was coated in sweat, a hot layer that spoke to a fever now weathered as her body had recovered. It was disorienting, and she couldn’t be sure how long she had slept or what had happened in her absence.
Dreading that another attack and more death had befallen the Sacerians, she sat up and looked around wildly, throwing the blankets off and getting ready to run, though to where she wasn’t sure.
Shark and Cerid were there with a deck of cards spread between them on the floor, the former grinning with relief and the latter waving his hands wildly as if to tell her everything was fine.
“Thea!” Shark tackled her in a hug. “You haven’t missed anything. We’re all good.”
She relaxed, giving them a squeeze. “Good…” She smiled at Cerid over Shark’s shoulder. “Hi, Cerid.”
“Good morning. Afternoon, rather. Uh, early evening.”
Gods, she’d been out for a while. “What’s happened since we got back?”
Shark sat next to her with an arm around her shoulders. “Rhys brought you back here and reported to Iree. Everyone’s been moved back to their homes at Izozkia. It’s all good.”
Not really, but she forced a smile. “All right…”
“There is a celebration tonight,” Cerid informed her. “I believe your presence will be expected.” He frowned. “You still do not look well… I shall inform Commander Nobelis that you cannot attend, if you wish.”
“Hold on. A celebration?”
Cerid nodded, not looking all that excited either. “I believe it is an effort on Commander Nobelis’ part to increase morale.”
Shark laughed. “Yeah, I’m not going to that shitshow. We can all sit here and chill out.”
“No, I…” Rhys. She got the sense he’d try to stomach it. She wanted to be there to help if he ended up needing it. “I’ll go. This whole thing has been about proving myself to Iree, so I need to follow through.”
Shark scoffed. “Bullshit. Of course you’re on our side. You want those Ghurians dealt with the same as all of us, the sooner the better.”
Their words struck her as strange, but she opted not to press in that moment. Best to just get through tonight. “You two have a good chance here,” she noted. “Go have some quality time while everyone else is busy.”
Cerid blushed, and Shark grinned. “Fine idea!” they said. “Whatcha think, buddy?”
Cerid’s blush spread to his ears and neck as he nodded.
Shark stood and bent over Dorothea, searching her face. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I promise.” She was as good as she was going to get. “You’ve already spent enough time fawning over me, now go have fun.”
Shark kissed her forehead. “Well…fine, you win. We’ll be in the library if you need us, okay? That work for you, Cerid?”
“Of course.” He tilted his head at Dorothea. “Truly. If you need or desire anything at all, come to us. Do not hesitate.”
She smiled. “Thank you.” The library, huh? She wondered what kind of information she might find there. Maybe… Would there be anything about the Ghurians?
She’d have to follow that thread later. After Cerid and Shark told her what time the party started in the repurposed gargantuan basement of Cerid’s home, she had just enough time to get cleaned up and head down as the crowd gathered.
The thrumming noise wafting up the stairs gave her pause. She was an outsider here, definitely. But it’d be fine, right? She’d say a few hellos, fake some smiles, raid the inevitable snack table and hightail it out of there, easy as pie.
She almost ran away the second her feet hit the floor. The space was aching with the heat of body against body as the soldiers leaned against one another, talking and laughing with their tall wine glasses sloshing about. Dorothea could barely think straight through the swelling hum. Soldiers gambled over cards, played music and tipped the players, and in the corners and along walls, multiple pairs and trios were… Yep, she wanted to leave.
She was trapped the moment she was noticed.
Iree bounded up to her, eyes shining. “Good, you’re here. Come with me.” She was pulled to a long table, and a glass of deep-purple wine was pushed into her hand.
“Um, Iree…”
The commander followed her gaze to the sidelines. “Geez, calm down. They’re just making out.” She laughed. “You should try it out. Loosening up would do you some good.”
“Wha—” Iree dragged her off again. They stepped between legs and over heads to the opposite side of the room, where Iree climbed on top of a couch, playfully nudging other soldiers out of the way. “Iree, I don’t—” Dorothea stumbled as she was dragged up with her, and a few tipsy soldiers below her laughed and crowed as they saw up her skirt. “Iree please, let me down…!” she whispered desperately as her cheeks burned with humiliation.
“Hey, listen up!” Iree boomed, and all got quiet. “It’s been a while since we’ve celebrated like this, and we’ve got some people to thank before you all go back to what you were doing.” A few whoops rose up, and she grinned. “Rhys, come here.”
He was already halfway across the room, scowling, but her words made him freeze up. Then he shook his head and finished his approach, receiving a hard clap on the back from the commander when he got close enough, also being pulled up to stand next to her on the couch cushions.
“As you know, these two singlehandedly reclaimed Izozkia for us,” Iree announced. “To keep it short… Rhys, we’re glad to have you back, and we’ll keep being inspired by your strength and bravery. Dorothea, you’ve lived up to the hope you were meant to be in coming here. Our eyes are on you to help lead us into a new age of peace. Take a drink to them everyone, and then get back to your fun.” A roar rose up, and heads tilted back as glasses were downed. “And if any of you get wild ideas, take it somewhere else! I’m not going to have a repeat of last time’s incident!” Iree concluded, and with much laughter, the party resumed.
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“Incident…” Dorothea echoed, winded.
“Best not to think about it,” Rhys muttered.
“Just relax, both of you. This is a night of celebration.” Iree slapped both of their backs once more for good measure before leaping off the couch and making rounds through the mill.
Relax? Dorothea wasn’t so sure. Now that they had supposedly proven themselves loyal, Iree wouldn’t just let go of their leashes. Nervous, she dared a small peek at Rhys.
He was avoiding her gaze. Then he muttered, “Screw it,” and held out his hand. “Come on.”
She took it, accepting his help getting down. He guided her towards the stairs, dodging through the crowd. They got called out a few times, but he ignored it and so did she. Emboldened by a sense of seething anger, Dorothea seized an entire cake from the snack table. The wine, she left behind.
She let out a long, exasperated sigh once they were back in the foyer. “Well. Hated that.”
Rhys tucked both hands into his pockets. “Want to go for a walk?” he asked. “Being down there makes me want to scream.”
“Me too. Let’s go.” She took a deep breath of night air, thick with heat, once they escaped outside.
Rhys hesitated before speaking carefully. “I saw what happened. Sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” She smiled as they stepped outside and started ambling down the city’s wide main road. “At least we have cake!”
He laughed, a small one that she was still glad to hear. “Glad you’re feeling better.”
Not entirely. “Rhys… How much trouble are we in? About Iree.”
“There’s not much we can do. Iree’s set the standard. Besides, it’s no secret to anyone that I’m not as good as I used to be. She’s not alone in feeling I can’t be trusted.” He glanced at her. “But how are you really? Your condition, I mean.”
“Please don’t worry. I’m fine.” At his doubtful frown, she smiled and gave him a thumbs up. “I promise!”
“If you say so.” He noticed that she’d started to stare at him. “What?”
“You look…different.” She’d noticed that many of the soldiers had dressed up for the occasion. Rhys, by contrast, had dialed down and was clad in a simple tank top and baggy shorts. Strands of his hair were sticking out in all directions; it clearly hadn’t been brushed. In all, he was bedraggled.
He snorted. “I’ll pretend that’s a compliment.”
“Sorry.”
“I figured if I had to come, it’s enough just to be somewhat presentable.”
“You don’t like parties?”
He frowned. “Huh. I used to love them. I’d usually… Never mind. Didn’t really feel like it this time, though.”
“Me either…” Dorothea tried to rub the warmth from her cheeks. “I-If I’d known what kind of big lascivious celebration Iree was throwing, I wouldn’t have come.”
Rhys smiled, trying not to laugh. “Lascivious?”
“You saw what those people were doing!”
“Yeah. Pretty normal stuff, you prude,” he teased.
Normal, huh? Well yes, for other people it would be. Still, Dorothea shook her head and shoved his arm. “I’m not a prude,” she laughed. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to… “But, uh, more importantly, what should we do now? About Iree, about Ghuria and Gren Fall, about everything?”
“Can I ask you something about that?”
“Of course.”
“Are you at this point fully convinced that the Ghurians didn’t destroy Sirpo? That’s the only way I can make sense of how you’ve been acting.”
Well if that wasn’t the question of the century. “I don’t know. I’m trying to figure that out. Truth be told, Gren Fall told me they didn’t do it during that first fight at Izozkia. That’s mainly why I had us all back down. I don’t know if it’s true, but… What do you think?” In other words, was Iree capable of telling a lie like that?
Rhys understood her implication. “I don’t know. Iree is… She’s still my family, even if I can’t understand her sometimes.” He paused, looking blankly up at the sky before continuing. “Iree wants to create a world without war, one that will honor Mom. Sharee. I don’t know if anything is above her in pursuit of that goal. But I want to believe in her.”
“Rhys…” He was going through enough. “Leave it to me. I’m going to think of a way to get to the bottom of this. Until then, will you hold tight?”
“I… Yeah.”
She didn’t know what to do for him. Despite being beside her, he felt far away. “By the way,” she asked in too bright a voice, “where are we going?”
“My place,” he said simply. “I’ll just cook something to go with your spoils”—he glanced at her with a slight smile—“and maybe we can relax.”
“Oh, okay. Can I help?” She loved to cook. After taking care of herself all these years, she liked to think she was pretty good at it. Shark certainly had no complaints when it was her turn to bring dinner over.
“Sure.”
Rhys lived on the outskirts of Udara’s business district in a small apartment complex. The front door opened straight to the kitchen area, the bathroom and bedroom visible down a short hallway. It felt comfortable, a lot like going over to Shark’s had. Those cozy days almost felt permanently behind them now.
Rhys’ shoulders slumped as if he’d been making a conscious effort to stand straight in public. “Been a long few days.”
“Are you okay?” She took a step closer to him, uncertain.
He turned to her with a smile. “I’m fine. Good, really.”
That smile didn’t reach his eyes, and the feeling of wanting to reach out to him more than anything came rushing back. “Rhys,” she said quietly. “Can I hug you? It’s okay if not, I just feel like you need one.”
“Wha… Huh?” He looked taken aback.
“You don’t like to be touched, right? So if I was going to do it at all, I figured I should ask. Um, but I understand you not wanting to. Sorry to make things awkward.”
“No, I…” Hesitantly, he put his arms out. “It’s fine.”
“Okay.” She hugged him gingerly, resting her forehead against his chest. He stiffened for a second before relaxing. “It’s okay to say you’re not okay,” Dorothea said. His heartbeat was sluggish, as if it was running out of will to sustain him.
“That’s easier said than done.” His voice cracked, and he shuddered. His hands grasped at the back of her dress, clamping her to him, and he buried his face in her hair. “I’m weak,” he said quietly. “I know… I tried, I know I need to stay away from you, I just… The second I saw you in any sort of trouble at all, my resolve crumbled. Please just tell me to stay away from you so I’ll be strong enough.”
“Rhys, where did you get that idea? That’s not what I want at all.”
It was almost like he didn’t hear her. “All I do is weigh you all down… I’ll drag you with me, if that happened, if anything else happened to you because of me, if you have to give up any more because of how weak I am, I…” His voice was as small and fragile as a butterfly’s wing. Something beautiful torn and crushed so easily. Even by those who would admire it while trying to capture it so violently. “I deserve to be alone. I need to be alone.”
The two of them were so similar, and it made Dorothea want to cry. “Rhys. No. That’s not true. There’s…” She hesitated. Would this help? The words coming to her lips had only ever been spoken to one other person. But Rhys needed to understand, she needed him to understand how valuable his presence was, just how much she had changed in part because of meeting him. “Rhys. There’s something…a story I’d like to tell you. Is that okay?”
He withdrew from her, hands grasping the edge of the table for support. “Yeah.”
She pulled out a chair and guided him into it first off, and he slumped down, looking up at her tiredly but attentively. Once she sat across from him, the recounting began.
“I watched when my mother died.”