CHAPTER 79 – HELL’S KITCHEN NIGHTMARES PART ONE
KATE ZEPHYRUS
DAY ONE
For the inaugural day of our culinary journey, we unanimously elected Captain Hiraya as our chef, considering her charismatic leadership and reputed skills in the kitchen. Beyond her strategic prowess and melodic singing, rumors circulated that she could whip up both delectable and wholesome meals.
Now, at the dining table, we eagerly awaited Hiraya's culinary creations, plates and utensils at the ready.
"Um, Captain Hiraya seems to be a great chef," Gaeun remarked.
"If Cap's cooking is tasty, I'm fine with her handling the kitchen for the whole week," I added, stretching my arms and yawning.
"I can vouch for that," Lysander chimed in. "Hiraya once gave me a lunchbox, and it was delicious."
"Oh?" Charlotte teased with a smirk. "I can't believe Cap let you taste her cooking. The three of us have never had the privilege. Feels like you're trying hard to play the role of his husband."
"Fuck off, Charlotte," Lysander groaned with a blush.
Suddenly, Hiraya made a grand entrance, adorned in a cute pink apron and wielding a ladle. In her other hand, she pushed a serving cart laden with tantalizing dishes. The scene was reminiscent of a domestic goddess, making me consider vouching for Lysander's honorary "husband" status even more.
"Here's the meal. I'm not sure if it will suit your tastes, so feel free to give your honest opinions," Hiraya blushed, radiating an adorable charm that stirred my senses.
"Wow!" Gaeun gasped.
"Looks tasty!" Charlotte commented.
"Thanks for the mea... huh?" I halted mid-sentence, noticing something peculiar about all the dishes. My scrutiny shifted from the vegetable stir-fry to the caprese salad and then to the eggplant parmesan. "This is..."
"Only vegetables?" Charlotte inquired.
"Ahahaha," Hiraya shyly laughed, scratching her blushing cheek. "Back in Yggdra, elves like us don't really eat meat. So, this is all I know how to cook."
All four of us, the taste testers, looked at Hiraya from head to toe, realizing a common thread: the secret to elves' beauty seemed to be vegetables. Hiraya's sharp elven ears drooped slightly as she tilted her head, confused by our intense gaze.
"W-Well, as long as it's tasty, we'll be fine," I said, forcing a smile.
"R-Right," Charlotte nodded, sharing my sentiment.
And so, we indulged in Hiraya's delectable creations, turning our breakfast into a colorful feast of flavors.
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Come lunchtime, Hiraya presented us with ratatouille, vegetable curry, and spinach and feta stuffed mushrooms. As expected, her cooking was a delightful blend of tastiness and healthfulness.
For dinner, the menu featured vegetable spring rolls, vegetable gyoza, and vegetable shawarma. Despite the undeniable quality and nutrition of the dishes, the monotony of vegetables for an entire day began to take its toll. We were all yearning for something more substantial, and the vegetables alone failed to satisfy our stomachs.
"M-Meat... want meat... want meat..." Gaeun lamented, laying her face flat on the table in a manner that resembled possession.
"It's a lie that elves are vegans!" Charlotte protested, grabbing Hiraya's ample chest. "How can your breasts grow so big if you don't eat meat!?"
"H-Huh!?" Hiraya blushed and exclaimed, "W-Why, you brats! If someone went through the trouble of preparing a meal, you're supposed to say thank you!"
"But it's too grassy, Cap! It's tasty, but we can't eat leaves for the whole week! We're not goats!" I exclaimed.
"We need nutrients! Specifically, protein!" Charlotte chimed in, sassing like only she could.
Lysander raised his hand to support our cause, albeit with calmness. "I agree with them, Hiraya. Look at Charlotte. She's so thin that she might get blown away if she ever reaches the surface deck. Aren't you worried her boobs will stop growing?"
"What did you say, you hobo-looking-ass piece of time-traveler shit?" Charlotte raised her fists and voice.
Hiraya furrowed her eyebrows, now visibly enraged. She presented a bowl of another vegetable dish. "Here, chickpeas! They are proteins of the earth! Eat it!"
"I don't wanna!" I retorted.
"Meat! Want meat! Want meat!" Gaeun chanted.
And so, our first day aboard the Windwalker airship concluded in a comedic quarrel over the culinary offerings of vegetables and a longing for something heartier.
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DAY TWO
The second day arrived, and with Lysander being the oldest member of our squad due to his time-regressing abilities, we collectively decided he would be our cook for the day. If he proved himself as a great chef, he would assume the role for the remainder of the week until we reached the Land of Demons.
Anticipation filled the air as we sat at the dining table, awaiting Lysander's culinary debut. He revealed himself pushing a serving cart, placing a tray before us. The savory aroma that wafted into our noses hinted at steak or smoked beef.
"Since everybody asked for meat, I've prepared it," Lysander declared proudly. "And don't worry, Hiraya, the meat is not recognizable. I cooked it to perfection!"
"You're the man!" I cheered, offering him a fist bump.
"Bravo!" Charlotte clapped.
"Awesome!" Gaeun exclaimed with joy.
"Oh!" Hiraya clasped her hands, as if witnessing a prayer granted. "I guess I will swallow your meat."
Lysander ignored Hiraya's innuendo and proceeded to present the tray. Upon opening it, he revealed two types of meat—dried beef and dried pork strips, both drier than the driest desert.
"This is..." I started.
"Beef jerky and dried cured bacon," Lysander proudly announced. "A dish I learned from other skysoldiers, always included in our MREs in the future. It's easy to store for days and serves as a backup when the food supply is cut. With this and water, we can last for a week."
"Um, Lysander..." Hiraya nervously raised her hand. "We don't need to preserve our food supplies. We still have a lot in the pantry. But anyway, let's eat."
As we dug into Lysander's dried meats, the predominant taste was an overwhelming saltiness.
"Ack! This is saltier than the sea!" Charlotte exclaimed.
"Lysander, your meat is so stiff and so long. It won't fit in my mouth," Hiraya quipped, a subtle smirk playing on her face.
"Salt helps the preservation process of the meat, so it is customary to add lots of it. It becomes stiff in the process," Lysander defended. "And we never had any other condiments back in the future, so we could only live with salt as a seasoning. We also had less time to cut the strips because we were always in a hurry."
"I... I'm sorry to hear that," Gaeun said, a hint of sympathy in her voice.
"What kind of hellish life have you been through in the future?" I groaned.
And so, for the remainder of the day, we partook in the diet of the future skysoldiers. Our culinary adventures had just begun, and it seemed like there would be numerous challenges awaiting us in the kitchen in the days to come.