Onre, Arrjee, and I left the school after straightening up the grounds and some cordial conversation with the others there. Norrus thanked everyone for letting him train with us, then he left for home.
I asked, “Before the family meeting, do we want to stop at the baths? I’ve been sweating for hours.” Arrjee agreed, even though I don’t think he sweats as much as I do.
“I do too,” agreed Onre. “Fully human here, and I’m 100% designed as a sweater. I have to be quick, though, because I have to stop by home before going to your house. Rhonda and I will then probably come over together.”
All of us were quick. My undergarment was soaked to my fur, which both Arrjee and Onre teased me about. Compared to the pieces of my leather armor, I had to admit it was really gross. My leathers were a completely different story. With both Climate Comfort and Self-Cleaning, the inside of each piece was both fresh looking and had a fresh leather smell. I was the only one who had worn armor though, with both of the others having worn loincloths. We got dressed, but I obviously wasn’t going to put the undergarment back on. It had started the day clean coming out of the void, but between a run, a fire, and a three hour workout, it sure didn’t stay that way.
Onre left for the alchemy shop, and Arrjee and I went home. We got there at 14:21. Most everyone was there. Dad, Mom, Carrie, Uncle Ralf, and Rina had just been relaxing in the den. With Grandma and Onre still to come, Mom suggested, “It is going to be a nice evening. Instead of being crowded in here, why don’t we move to the back lawn? There will not be enough chairs for everyone, but if you are under 20, grass can be your chair.”
No one had any problem with that, and as we began moving to the back, Grandma and Onre arrived. We let them know what we had decided about seating, and they followed us out the back way. Grandma was carrying a small pouch, and Dad had a pen and notepad.
They’re prepared for something.
We got comfortable, and not surprisingly Grandma started us out. “We seem to have a discrepancy. This is a family meeting; what is Onre doing here?” He looked devastated and confused, but tried to hide it. He got up to go.
“Come here, son,” Grandma said. He approached her in confusion. “I meant that literally. Will you be my son?”
His whole demeanor changed. Gone was dignified defeat. He hadn’t let out any tears of disappointment, but the tears of happiness were now clear. Sounds came out of his mouth. I think they were, “Yes! Rhonda. Mom!”, but that was a guess. His throat did not seem to be working well. She stood, and they embraced in a tight hug.
Rina was the first to figure out the new dynamics. “Uncle Onre!” She jumped up and joined their hug. Soon the three broke their hug and Rina sat down.
I was happy, I really was. But now Onre was my uncle too. Still, I got up and hugged him and Grandma too. “Welcome to the family, Onre.”
I’m not ready to call him, “Uncle Onre”.
Everyone went through a series of hugs and congratulations. Grandma eventually had us sit back down. “The second point I would have liked to make is that Onre would be taking over my business. But we have talked about that, and his mind is fully set on becoming an adventurer and not on being an alchemist. So instead I’ll announce my retirement in one year. In the meantime, I’ll be looking for a new proprietor to take over the shop. With all the new people coming because of the school, I am sure there will be a qualified candidate before then.”
Dad asked, “Are you sure you want to retire, Rhonda? Almost everyone in town likes and respects you, and we depend on your shop.”
“Barrie, I am 66 years old. How much longer do you think I will be able to effectively run it? Onre’s help is priceless, but Cottages is going to need a talented alchemist to replace me, and it is better that we start looking now. Do not misunderstand; there is nothing wrong with my health. I plan on a good number of retirement years. I’m too stubborn to die any time soon.”
We got quiet for a moment. In a resolute tone, Onre spoke “Mother, I am willing to become an Alchemist and keep the family business. When we talked before, I did not realize you were so serious about it.”
“Don’t you dare, boy! If my only son wants to be an adventurer, an adventurer he shall be. Yes, it would have been great if you had wanted to become an alchemist. But you clearly don’t. I am simply proceeding to do what I would have done if Einvigi had not dropped you off here.” Then, with a smile. “You have another task now. Keep your nephews and nieces in line.”
Crap. She said it.
A quick moment later, and an almost wicked look of realization crossed his face. It was one thing for a 6-year old girl to call him “uncle”, but it was not until that moment that he realized the broader implications of being Rhonda’s son. “Well,” he started to say.
Arrjee interrupted, “Don’t say it. I’m not calling you ‘uncle’. You have a more important title to us anyway, ‘friend’.”
Wow. Arrjee just defused what could have seemed embarrassing for months. Onre can’t counter that.
“Ah, you’re no fun, nephew. However, I accept the validity of your argument. None of my friends need to call me ‘uncle’.
Rina asked in total seriousness, “Can you be my unca and my friend? I only have one unca, Uncle Barrie. I don’t usually call him my friend, but he really is.”
That earned her a hug from both Dad (“Uncle Barrie”) and Onre. “Can I be your friend, too?” asked Mom.
“Yes, Aunt Rhetta. You already are my friend, dummy.” Mom hugged Rina also.
Carrie continued the flow, “Your cousins are your friends, too, Rina.” We got up and hugged the happy girl.
When we were done, she sat for a moment in thought. Then she stood, walked over to Rhonda and hugged her. “You’re my friend too, Grandma.” Then she did the same with Ralf, “Daddy.”
My eyes had started to water.
This really is family.
Mom announced, “There are still several issues for the family to discuss. But when we are done, we will be heading over to Karzin’s Inn for dinner.” As if a cue, Uncle Ralf got up and went into the house.
I took that moment to ask something I had been wondering all afternoon. “Dad, who was that hydromancer at the fire? He was very talented and helpful, but he seemed like a jerk, too.”
Dad sighed. “That was Sterbian Morse, the former mayor. I was his protégé, and we were friends for a decade. I would still like to be his friend. After retirement, he slowly changed. In the last several years, his views about a lot of things have hardened, some in illogical ways. I get the impression he is imagining things wrong with the world, and his imagination has grown large. When I announced that we were getting the adventuring school, that was bad enough. In his way of thinking, it will attract scum from all over the kingdom. But when he realized the school would include Skolturi and Trichyans, he became impossible to speak with. Even with my Potentate skills fully active, he cannot be reasoned with, nor can I understand what drives him. He is trying to organize the village against the school and me. Fortunately not many people agree with him.”
I asked, “Does he realize that a goddess is behind this effort, and other gods too?”
“Yes. He has decided that the gods would not do that unless there were some hidden plot to destroy Cottages and the Fifth Duchy. There is just no logic to what he thinks.”
Yeah. We had too many people like that on Earth. At least Heere doesn’t have television and 24-hour “news”.
“Okay, Dad. Thank you for explaining it. Should I just avoid him, then?”
“That is what I am doing, son. Be polite if you do come in contact with him, but don’t expect anything rational.”
Onre added, “He was the main opposition guy I was speaking about this morning. It is like he thinks everything since the year 500 is bad.”
----------------------------------------
Uncle Ralf came back out carrying quite a few boxes. They looked like they had been gift-wrapped.
They have gift wrapping here?
“These are from a friend,” Ralf said. He had boxes for everyone except Onre, and passed them out. They were in a variety of sizes, and reminded me of the sort of boxes a department store would use for clothing and such.
I could not believe my box. The not surprising thing was that there was no actual wrapping paper; the box simply was covered in a print on all sides that looked like colorful gift wrapping. The top would lift right off. Although the season was late Spring, all of the boxes had outdoor scenes of snow, mountains, blue skies, and light clouds.
The top of mine included reindeer. Reined to a sled. Santa’s sled. Complete with Santa.
…
So. This is what cognitive dissonance feels like.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
I looked up in complete puzzlement. Big smiles answered my clueless gawk. Rina was giggling. Onre probably doesn’t know what is going on either, but with my facial expression and the others’ smiles, he had joined the smiling camp.
“Uhh, do we have a folktale concerning a happy fat man riding a flying sled to give out gifts once a year?”
Rina managed to get a “No” through intensified giggles. Three fingers of one hand were partially in her mouth, her palm cupped beneath her chin. Carrie and Arrjee had joined in laughter. Everyone’s huge smiles must be starting to literally hurt.
Dad asked, “Aren’t you going to open it, Son?”
I analyzed it. Helpful.
Decorative cardboard gift box. Degradable, light wear.
Open it, dumbass. I want to see.
I removed the lid from the damn box, and set it on the ground. Inside was a leather helmet, hard leather pauldrons, and semi-fingerless leather gloves. The pieces matched my current armor and included familiar charms.
Skawa! He had wanted to see my face, and I doubt I disappointed him.
Arrjee explained, “When Mom and I got back from the fort, we had new armor pieces waiting for us, just laying on our beds. No boxes, though; those came later. Yours was on my bed too, exactly the same pieces as mine and Moms, but charmed. Everyone else in the yard when we disappeared got something, but two days later. He lifted the lid from his box and showed the same armor pieces I got. Mom did the same.
He continued, seeming to have taken charge. “Onre and Forrest are the only ones who don’t know what the boxes contain. Maybe everyone else can open their box and show them. Rina, you start, and we’ll go up by age.”
Rina had a small, flat box. She took off the lid and pulled out a colorful, beaded bracelet. One section was a golden plate which read, “Skawa’s Friend”. When worn, the plate could be positioned to be either on the top or underside of her wrist.
If Skawa was trying to buy friends, well it would have worked on the six-year old me. I asked if I could Analyze the bracelet, and she said yes. I scooted over to be next to her.
Soul-bound beaded bracelet. Excellent quality, no wear. Enchanted for luck, vitality, toughness, and resizability.
The two untrainable “native” attributes. Nice. I cannot imagine Arrjee not helping her train the rest.
“That’s really pretty, Rina. And it bears the same two attributes Einvigi gave to Onre, vitality and luck.” They smiled at each other, and she handed it to him so he could see.
Carrie was next. She had the smallest box by circumference, but it was less flat than Rina’s. She opened it, pulled out something and carefully tossed it to me. I caught it.
A spool of thread?
Endless spool of gold thread. Soulbound. The thread is enchanted for near unbreakability.
Yep. If I ever become a tailor, I would want that.
I quickly informed Onre what it was. Then, “Carrie, is that as useful and awesome as I think it is?”
“Probably double that,” she answered happily. I tossed it over to Onre.
“Older brother, I’m next,” Dad said to Uncle Ralf.
“So what,” Ralf responded. “Let’s open them together.”
Their boxes were both the kind in which a sweater would be packaged upon sale. They opened them, and pulled out matching dark grey jackets with hoods and long sleeves. There was light grey text printed on them. Dad held out his to show the front, and Uncle Ralf did the same for the back.
I had to smile. A really wide smile!
The front read:
I GOT PRANKED
BY SKAWA
AND ALL I GOT
and the back:
WAS THIS STUPID
ENCHANTED JACKET
WITH A HOOD
I finally cracked up laughing. Hoodies!! Printed Hoodies! I couldn’t help it. Pretty soon everyone was laughing with or at me. I did not care which. After a minute, I was the only one, though, with snot, and tears, and an aching jaw and belly.
I wiped my nose and calmed down. There was a voice in my head.
“Unfortunately ‘hoodie’ is not a Covargh word. Pity.”
“You know English words?”
“I didn’t, but I know a few now.”
“How?”
“I’ll tell you later. Anyway, when I saw pictures of those printed shirts at malls, I just knew that would be what would get you.”
“Santa got me first.”
“Yes, but the hoodies are real and made you laugh.”
I got up and analyzed both hoodies. They were the same.
Hooded cotton jacket. Excellent quality, no wear. Enchanted for self-cleaning, self-repair, climate comfort, and text color.
“Onre, they have the same enchantments as on our leather armor, with an extra one.” He remembered what those were, and repeated them back to me as sort of a question. I told him yes and that he had a good memory, and he asked what the extra one was.
Uncle Ralf replied, “‘Text color’. We can make the letters any color we want, even dark grey. In that case, the words become invisible.” Dad added that for more formal occasions, funny jackets would not be appropriate, but extra warmth could be.
“It is about time, slowpokes.” Grandma opened her box, which was just a little bigger than Carrie’s had been. She pulled out an empty glass vial with a silver lid. A piece of paper fell out, but she may not have noticed. The vial did not appear impressive except that the lid was different from the wooden caps she usually used. She reached over and handed it to me. I analyzed it.
Glass vial with silver lid. Enchanted for unbreakability and self-filling to a gallon capacity.
I reported to Onre what it said. Grandma explained. “I can fill the vial with whatever liquid I want. That is a little over an ounce of whatever. But it remains full until a gallon comes out of it. It’s ideal for me to store and access an expensive reagent, providing me with about 50 times more than what went in. An adventurer or warrior could use it to hold a year’s supply of Greater Heal.”
“Awesome,” Onre said, and we all agreed.
Sha had noticed the note, and picked it up. She read it aloud, smiling and facing her son. “It says, ‘Have the new kid check behind him.’”
He had been seated in such a position that none of us could see his back. He turned partially around and grabbed something. Tan and black leather boots. “I can see that these look amazing, are of excellent quality, no wear, and that they are charmed. What else?” He handed them to me. I read what my Analyze said, pausing at a certain point.
Leather boots. Excellent quality, no wear. Charmed for resizability, self-cleaning, self-repair, climate comfort,
He was very happy at that and started to grab them back.
With a big grin, “Let me finish.”
and silent locomotion.
“Dude! Skawa knows you want to be a Ki Prestidigitator and eventually have stealth. Now foes won’t just not see you, they won’t hear you either!”
I handed them back to him. He was wearing probably the same smile I first had when I first saw the hoodies. “Skawa, sir, if you are here, thank you very much for the boots!”
A reply came in god-voice from near Rina.
“You are welcome, young Onre Litman. At least someone has manners.”
Rina was staring at her bracelet, surprised and puzzled.
Is he using the gold plate as a speaker? It could have come from there.
Grandma spoke to the bracelet, so I guess it was. “We thanked you over a week ago!”
“I think he means me,” I told Grandma. Then I started talking to Rina’s bracelet. “I am sorry, Skawa. I have been too whelmed with one unexpected, brilliant craziness after another. Thank you. Really!”
The reply definitely came from the bracelet. God-voice was abandoned, replaced by what could have been an FM radio voice on Earth. Except in Covargh, “I was joking with you, young Forrest Rhodes. Rhonda Silverstone, would you like to explain to Forrest and your son what all this was about?”
“Skawa, perhaps I can only explain this evening. It is all your doing, and I do not know what was behind it all.” Then to me, “Forrest, in summary, you have been pranked. We were planning to do this last Sixthday, but with Einvigi showing up, and discussions about the school and all, we held off.”
I both thought and almost shouted, “The. Best. Prank. Ever!”
I’ll call it ‘immortal-voice’.
“Thank you, everyone. Thank you.”
I agree. It ranks quite highly.
“Thank you, Rhonda,” said the bracelet. “For me, the ‘why’ of all this comes down to Rina, and her reaction when I used god-voice in front of this house.“ He repeated those words:
You dare think I would act unfairly? I prank whom and when I desire. Who are you, honorable wolf? Let us find out.
“I hoped to give Forrest his first adventure and allow Arrjee and the honorable wolf Rhetta to begin bonding with their brother and son. That worked well, as I had planned. But back here, Rina heard very scary words and saw part of her family disappear.”
Rina spoke up with words of innocent comfort. Staring at her bracelet, “That’s okay Sir Skawa. I was really ascared but then you told us in the good voice that Aunt Rhetta and my cousins would be okay and they were. I’m glad they adventureded. And they gots to help some kids, too.”
I’m not sure, but the bracelet may have sighed. “Thank you, Rina. I had not intended to scare you and your family like that. According to the rules I expect others to follow, I needed to fix what I hurt. I did not know right away how. I eventually decided on restitution, the various gifts you received. Since I could not think of a good reason that the adventurers had not received full sets of armor, the missing pieces became gifts also.”
“A few days passed. Forrest was still away, and I had another idea. ‘Let’s finish off the original prank with another one, one that won’t scare anyone.’ So I made boxes which would be oddly familiar to Forrest, dropped them off in Rhonda’s den, and suggested to her this sort of gift-giving. Once she understood the boxes themselves would have special relevance to Forrest, she loved the idea of a fun prank. Here we are. It is seven days later than we planned, but it worked better than I had hoped.”
“Forrest,” the bracelet continued, “there is still a detail you overlooked. Think about your armor.”
My armor? The set has three more pieces now, which I suppose is a full warrior’s outfitting. It is not charmed for protection, but the charms it has are extremely useful. …
I was slowly realizing I was about to realize something.
“Resizability! It didn’t originally have that charm, did it?”
“Nor mine the enchantment,” said Arrjee. “Mom’s didn’t need it, but you and I are not done growing.”
The ‘Skawa’s Friend’ bracelet said, “That quality should have been there from the beginning. I did not think of it right away. You won’t need the full set all the time, but if you expect to face a large number of foes, it may prove quite useful.”
After a short moment of silence, Rhonda asked, “Skawa, is there anything else? We have one more topic to cover in this family meeting.”
----------------------------------------
[elsewhere, late fall]
warm, lonely, full
Me nomads trade.
Tent children’s I use.
alone
Me nomads distrust, fear.
sad
Children I hurt not.
mad, sad
Children I protect!
safe
Here children safe.
safe
Tears.
safe!