Memory Transcription Subject: Taylor Trench, Human Colonist

Date [standardized human time]: February 11, 2161

It was a relief that I didn’t have to make a decision about which world—and which people I loved—that I wanted to stay with on a permanent basis. The time at home with my biological family had been an absolute treat, learning about my immediate relatives and what life in sunny Nevada was like; it would be moving from one desert to the next, so ultimately, there was some familiarity in that. I had so much to think about, and my heart was torn in so many directions. Either way, I knew it would be a painful decision, since I couldn’t bear to lose the childhood I’d missed out on all over again, or Gress.

The traveling the UN had been kind enough to permit came to a close after they got word that civil war had broken out in the Krev Consortium, which did push me to at least a temporary decision. I wasn’t going to forsake Gress when he was trying to ascertain whether his family was safe, and his home planet was in a state of unrest. I knew the green-scaled alien wouldn’t hold much sympathy for the KC, as he hadn’t since learning how sinister they were in setting him up with the Jaslip incident. Part of him seemed happy when the terrorists blew up Delegates Tower, though everything he voiced was to the opposite—the prim and proper. He thought he should be repulsed by the expression of violence.

Sometimes, I see that glint that I know all too well from looking at my own reflection, on those dark mornings where I couldn’t bear to go up and appease the Krev’s rent collection policy. Bitterness, a thirst for revenge after his life was ruined, which he knows to be wrong; he advised me against lashing out, with that sage wisdom. Yet now, he looks at the Consortium and thinks them uncaring, wicked beyond reproach. Just like the Tellish once did.

“I would rather spend this time on Earth, but we made a deal to be liaisons for our people. There’s no one else from our homes to physically stand in. Governor Laisa is the one who sent me a message,” I told Gress, finally having a chance to explain the situation as the spaceship took off for the SC’s station. “She said the person who kicked off the civil war was Radai. Radai, the freaking champion of hierarchy and order. He must’ve seen something investigating your files of misapplied justice, and found damning faults of corruption in the whole system.”

Gress blinked in surprise. “Radai was a tortured and paranoid man when we last saw him. He knows what I know in my heart—but he doesn’t know how deep it goes. I suppose this is his final battle to fight, before he turns himself in or…worse, for the shame of his crimes. What does the SC think about a top general turning on his organization?”

“The SC wants no part in it, and that was Laisa’s immediate concern. At my urging, General Radai was the primary point of contact. If the Consortium suspects that humanity put Radai up to this, the peace would be revoked. It couldn’t come at a worse time, after the Federation just pulled a few hundred thousand ships out of their ass and are looking like a real threat again; you know that news has me worked up.”

The Krev placed a comforting paw on my thigh. “I can imagine. Know that your species is strong—strong enough to push away our attack with a fraction of their force and allies. They only lost at Aafa because of in-fighting. The Consortium is beyond repair, so I have to agree with Radai. I hope humanity will have enough political will left to vanquish the Listeners and the Underscales. To give us the freedom they gave to their ex-Federation friends.”

“None want freedom more than the Jaslips. They sure got shafted, and I heard it was the Reskets themselves who were putting them down. I worry about them, especially if there’s a clamp-down for power. What do you think Quana is up to?”

“That Jaslip hates the Krev, and hated me until she realized that I was merely set up the same as the kits: ruined by an entity well above my paygrade. When she and Cherise were passing out pamphlets, they looked like criminals caught in the act, and sounded more conspiratorial than even myself. She’s fighting with the rebels. She knows the KC won’t ever care for her interests.”

“I guess that makes sense. I don’t blame the Jaslips for their anger, especially after seeing firsthand the racist comments they get, but the UN has a point about the Federation being a greater threat. The Remnants jeopardize the future for us all.”

“Yeah, but Radai knew the Jaslips would be done for if he didn’t act now. Is only caring about the war with the Federation Tellus’ position?” Gress asked.

“Probably. Tellus, as far as I’m aware, is much too eager to staple ourselves back to mainstream mankind’s government. They’ll do whatever the UN does or asks of them, apart from leaving. But that’s not an issue, since we negotiated that…bizarre deal with Loxsel.”

“You know, I’m actually looking forward to that play, Taylor! Whatever happens with our future, we have that together. Rehearsing, having the UN set up the production; I couldn’t believe that was all Loxsel wanted for a peaceful settlement.”

“Me neither. I would’ve cried happy tears if we had one performing arts event back in the caverns. I just question how it will go once the Sivkits try to reintegrate, and neither side likes sharing our world. The Grand Herd won’t find vegetation to consume like they’re used to; I wouldn’t be shocked if they pour in our streets like pests.”

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“Maybe it won’t be so bad. The Sivkits weren’t always like that, and now, they have a fighting chance. I’m glad we were able to share that video we found of General Anxsel. Perhaps…the Tellish can help them reclaim the Grand Farmhood. Restore their intellect, and make it into a paradise that both sides can enjoy: not a long-dead, sweltering world.”

I snorted. “Nothing reverses time. If it did, I’d turn back the clock twenty-five years.”

“Taylor? If that’s what you’d do, then you know your wish is still to be on Earth. You can be honest with me.”

This line of conversation was beginning to grate on me, though I knew Gress was trying to do the noble thing and not chain me down. The family feeling that I’d had with the homemade lasagne scent wafting through the air, with all of us gathered around one table swapping stories and wolfing down the food, had told me I wanted that. Maybe I was beyond seeking it out for myself, rather wanting to foster a family of my own…or have someone to settle down with every night, rain or shine. I wanted the easy understanding Mom and Dad had with each other, a love that lasted through thirty years of marriage.

Earth is delightful, a cultural center unparalleled by anything else, and Gress was right; it’s not scary or foreign. I could get used to being taken care of and spoiled, after clawing, crying, and sweating for every scrap in the caverns. I could still have my parents in my life, with FTL communication; a relationship won’t work on FTL comms.

There were all of the little things on Earth, though, which made it feel okay to be human; there was a sense of normalcy and belonging that life in Tellus would never have. I’d felt like an alien when my parents took me to a barber shop, and I sat in a chair to get a few inches trimmed off of my long hair. It was so civilized, such a luxury to visit a professional to groom myself and care about my appearance at all. Gress watched, ensuring that he complimented my new look. There was a safety in the Sol system that Tellus wouldn’t have, especially since the Krev Consortium was embroiled in a civil war.

“There’s a part of me on Tellus with you, and a part of me here on Earth, the home I thought I lost. That’s the truth,” I sighed. “They’re too far apart to have both, but I don’t know if I can choose. I wish I didn’t have to. I have two good things in my life now, and I’d regret losing either.”

Gress hugged me tightly. “I would never stop loving you. Nothing would take away what we have. And there might be a temporary solution.”

“Oh? I’m listening.”

“I don’t want Lecca on Avor if there’s a war going on. I can’t be here worrying about the government cracking down on our own populace—martial law—or an invasion causing collateral. I need to get my daughter out of harm’s way while that’s still possible. The UN owes me no favors to facilitate this, but I can send the request through Loxsel.”

“Why do you want that unhinged Sivkit to plead for your daughter’s rescue? What stake does he have in it?”

“I suspect if I tell him it will distract from my performance, Loxsel will be willing to demand a diplomatic shuttle ferries Lecca and Nevi here—and send a message for why. I may not like my cira of an ex-wife, but it wouldn’t be good for my daughter to lose her mother. It’s never good for a child to grow up without a parent.”

Bitterness filled my heart. “Don’t I know it. It’s been great to be back with my family, but I needed them growing up. I could’ve used them twenty years ago when I was figuring myself out. If you can get your kid out of harm’s way, do it; I’d never wish for Lecca to grow up with a proverbial executioner’s blade looming over her head. She’s a brat, but she’s a cute brat. And yours.”

“I’ve never been good about not doting on people I love. The fault is my own. Lecca will love being around the ‘big obors’ though; and it means Juvre can be around to bother you!”

“On second thought, I’m leaving you.”

“Whatever you say, dear. I’ll talk to Loxsel and see what I can do. As long as the Consortium is at war, we don’t have to make any decisions about the future.”

But some day, we will. “Okay.”

Gress raised his paws in the happy claws gesture. “Excellent! Let’s start planning together how we’re going to deal with the Consortium contacts, because you know the UN wants us to smooth things over with them. We won’t have the luxury of dealing with friendly old Radai anymore. I guess it’s worth it, to keep Tellus out of this fight. They’ve been through enough.”

“Everyone in this whole fucking galaxy has been through enough. I hope there comes a day soon where this all can end, and where I’ll choose to live out a fun, joyful existence is the worst problem I face.”

“The worst problem you face is how much of your hair to cut-off. You know I love you, but I was worried you were going to go back to the buzzcut when we went to a barber’s shop. I mean, it was cute and stubbly, but I like you with those silky locks. It looks…regal.”

I laughed, doing a joking hair flip and modeling pose. “Regal, huh? I’ve never heard that word to describe me. It’s a shame I wasn’t like, a long lost British royal—find out I’ve got a title, and it’s the Duke of Lasagne. That would’ve been a homecoming I stayed for.”

“I may or may not have taken it upon myself to ask your mom for the lasagne recipe. Now that I know it’s your favorite, I accept the challenge of cooking human food. Anything to see your binocular eyes light up.”

“A predatory gaze lighting up at the thought of its meal. You should’ve run for the hills like a good herbivore, after you saw that.”

“Yes, well,” Gress gestured to his short legs. “Krev aren’t into footraces. It’s death, or curling up into a ball. Two choices.”

“You forgot your third option. Spray the predator with the stink gland on your tail!”

“I suspect doing that to a human would make it much more likely that they do kill me.”

I laughed to myself at the light-hearted conversation, relieved to not have to make an immediate decision about which commitment I wanted to choose for the future of my life. Maybe I could find a way to have Nevi and Lecca stay here, or at least close to Earth, especially if conditions on Avor deteriorated because of the war. Frankly, even Gress’ nasty-hearted ex-wife had to understand, much like her husband did, that it was best for the child to have both parents in their life; she might work with us on this. Either way, I would have the Krev by my side to grapple with Sapient Coalition diplomacy, and we could form more amazing memories on the homeworld of my people.

As distraught as I had been over wasting my life on a falsehood, being captured had led to me getting a taste of everything I ever wanted. Earth was a beacon of pride in my memories now, one that would never be taken away or overridden by loss again. There was a possible future out there where I could have total happiness, without sacrificing anything at all.