Memory transcription subject: Slanek, Venlil Space Corps
Date [standardized human time]: September 3, 2136
Nursing the human back to health became my obsession. The doctors were optimistic that Marcel would make a full recovery, but I was determined not to vacate his side. There was no way I was leaving his well-being to chance, ever again.
My claws tightened around the fork, stabbing into a block of tofu. The spongy protein folded into the prongs, and I brought it up toward the human’s mouth. My gaze lingered on the pointy canines beside his incisors, which looked perfect for tearing flesh.
It felt unnatural, placing my paw so near to a predator’s teeth, while offering it food. A pins and needles sensation danced at the base of my toes, which I promptly ignored.
“Slanek, I can do this myself,” Marcel protested.
The predator was lounging in a hospital bed, propped up against some pillows. After a fresh shave and some washing up, my human looked more like his old self. A nose splint concealed the deformed appendage, and stitches mended the gashes on his cheek. Fluids and medication were distributed intravenously, which brought life back into his complexion.
I glared at him. “But I’m not going to let you. And that’s that.”
Marcel rolled his eyes, but allowed me to insert the protein between his lips. I scrutinized him as he chewed. It was wonderful to see him eating real food after his long hunger, but I didn’t want to lose sight of the big picture.
Human medicine was primitive compared to ours, a school of medievalism. My vigilance was the only hope at preventing complications. All I knew was that Marcel’s diet was essential to his recovery; it was my intention for him to consume every calorie the medical staff gave us.
I prepared a forkful of greens, which looked scrumptious and herby, and shoved it at him. The red-haired primate sighed. He tugged the plate from my stubborn paws, and set it on the bedside table.
“You gotta stop babying me. I’m fine, buddy, really.” The human began to sit up, and grimaced as pain scorched across his ribs. “See? Good as new.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “No, you’re not!”
“I’m on the mend. This is the new normal, and that’s okay. I’m tougher than you think I am.”
“You’re very strong, and resilient, and brave…but…”
“What?”
“I almost lost you, Marc. And it scares me how much that hurts.”
“Aw. It’s over now, Slanek. I’m never going to let anyone hurt us again, okay? Come here.”
I curled up on the bed, and placed my chin on the predator’s thigh. Marcel reached out with his nimble fingers. The same hesitancy that always flashed on his face, when he was worried about spooking me, surfaced. His hand hovered over the back of my neck for several seconds, and my heartrate skyrocketed. What was he doing?
My instincts despised the location of his paw, and the way his nails were aimed at my head. It was a slash away from my throat. Everything about that body language mirrored a predator about to pounce; no amount of trust could alter those ominous cues. My eyes blinked shut, and I summoned all of my willpower to remain still.
I felt a light touch on my ear. The human palmed the right one gently, then moved to the other. The breath I didn’t realize I had been holding in escaped.
Marcel beamed when he saw me relax, and took that as encouragement to continue. His fingers darted beneath my chin, and ruffled the fur by my throat. The human’s claws nicked my skin; they were rather dull, for a predator’s offensive weapons. Oddly enough, it was more gratifying than painful.
A happy mewl emanated from my chest. I nuzzled against his side, and flipped onto my back.
“You’re so cute!” he whispered.
Without thinking, I had exposed the most soft and vulnerable organ; my stomach. Marcel tickled my belly with vigor, which was quite the overwhelming sensation. I was embarrassed by my undignified squeals and laughs, but my control was slipping. I rolled around in delirium, thrashing and kicking.
The human had to catch me when I almost tumbled off the bed. He winced from the abdominal strain, but refused to drop me. Affection and warmth shined in his eyes.
“Am I interrupting something?” Sara stood in the doorway, amusement on her face. She stared at me, the blankets on the floor, then back at me.
“Actually, you were, but not what you think,” Marcel chuckled. “What can I do for you?”
“You look better. We’re all happy to see it,” she replied. “But I just wanted a quick word with Slanek. Alone.”
I tilted my head at the scientist, confused. Had the humans decided to blame me for my inability to prevent Marcel’s injuries? Did they think he would be better off with someone stronger, and more competent at their civic duties? I couldn’t fault them if that were the case.
My human released his grip, and gave me an encouraging wave. A paralyzing reluctance made me slow to follow Sara, so I dragged my feet to a secluded spot in the hallway. A mature individual would accept the consequences of their own failure; especially when that failure landed their best friend in critical condition, a whisker away from death. I can’t let him go, though.
I slumped my shoulders. “Look, Sara…I am so sorry for what happened to Marc. My best friend was terrorized by a madman, and I was nothing more than a liability. I take full responsibility for everything, and accept whatever the UN has decided. If there is anything that I can do to make it right—”
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“Slow down.” The scientist raised a pale hand. “Nobody blames you, least of all Marcel. I think having you around is helping him immensely.”
“You do?”
“It’s obvious. He’s trying to hide it, but I figure he’s in a lot of pain.”
“That’s what I was worried about. So then, um, what is it you needed to speak to me about? Oh stars, is there bad news about Marc?”
“Perhaps. It’s not clear yet. If I remember correctly, he was frightened of torture by aliens before this, yeah?” Sara waited for my nod. She seemed concerned about how to phrase her next words. “I think you need to be warned about how humans react to trauma. Our brains often have… difficulty processing it.”
I studied her expression closely. “What are you trying to say? Is Marcel going to go insane?”
“That’s not a polite word, Slanek. Everyone reacts differently. Marcel could be fine…and I hope he is,” she said. “But after what he’s been through, you must be prepared for drastic changes in mood and personality. He could become depressed, forgetful, irritable, or even hostile.”
“Hostile?”
“Nightmares and flashbacks are common in these cases. That can incite all sorts of negative reactions.”
My eyes widened in surprise. It had never occurred to me that humans relived their worst experiences as vividly as we did. When I imagined how their brains worked, I always assumed it was different. No wonder Marcel was in a prolonged fog, after watching the Arxur torture clips on the first day.
Why would a predator have such an overblown fear response, and cling to memories of prior threats? They were on the other side of that equation in nature. Even if humans descended from prey animals, they hadn’t been that for millions of years.
I guess it proves humans are just people, like us. That their emotions resemble ours.
“You didn’t say negative. You said hostile,” I pointed out.
Sara shuffled on her feet. “Well, the memories trigger our ‘fight-or-flight’ response. Some people lash out with physical violence, though they don’t mean to. I think that unlikely here, but it needs to be stated as a possibility.”
My breath hitched in my throat, though I tried not to show my fright to the scientist. Physical violence? Being assaulted by a predator wasn’t exactly on my bucket list. If a human lunged at me, without warning, I doubted I could keep my composure. It would be tough to brush that off.
The thought of Marcel, with his meaty hands clenched around my windpipe, stirred all of my subconscious fears. But I knew that wasn’t him. My human hadn’t tried to eat me, even when he was starving. This ‘mindless killer’ preserved my welfare, to his own detriment, and never displayed anything but kindness toward me.
As long as it was unintentional, I decided I could forgive him for spontaneous violence. Sara deemed it improbable, so in all likelihood, it wouldn’t happen. The prospect of mental torture, that would drive Marcel to violate his principles, was more concerning to me.
“Why are you telling me this?” I questioned.
Maybe Sara thinks I wasn’t being supportive enough. Or she’ll teach me which signs to watch for. Human mannerisms are as alien as alien gets.
“I don’t want you to fault Marcel, or to think it’s proof that humans are evil. I know how frightened you Venlil are of us. If any of those symptoms would be too much to deal with, it may be best that we find you a more suitable partner.”
My ears flattened against my head. Is that what the Terran scientific community believed we thought of them? That we saw them as interchangeable demons, and volunteered just to vindicate that conclusion?
That’s right. We risked our lives, waiting for them to slip up, so we could say ‘Gotcha!’ I thought sarcastically.
There was nobody in the galaxy: human, Venlil, or otherwise, more suitable than Marcel. Being around him was pleasant and easy. I wasn’t going to discard him the second a challenge presented itself.
“You want me to leave him, because he might be ill?” I hissed. “I don’t want another ‘partner.’ I want Marcel, and I’ll deal with whatever happens.”
“No, no, we don’t want you to leave. That’s the opposite of what we want.” Sara took a step back, trying to appear non-threatening. “But your feelings and well-being are important too, Slanek. You must not discount yourself, out of some sense of guilt or obligation.”
“Obligation?! I love him! Did you consider Marcel’s feelings at all? To even suggest that I should abandon him, right when he needs me the most…it’s cruel! Heartless!”
“We are thinking of Marcel. Listen, he is in a fragile state right now. You are the main thing reminding him he is human. That someone cares for him. What would hurt him the most is to hear you call him a monster.”
A furious growl rumbled in my throat. “I would never! Short of him eating my family in front of me, anyway. I hate that anyone would suggest otherwise.”
“Then I’ll leave you be.” Sara’s voice was measured, but there was pleasure in her eyes at my response. “If you need anything, you know where to find me.”
I flicked my ears in acknowledgement, and scampered back toward my human’s chamber without hesitation. After the mention of being pried away from Marcel, all I wanted was to have him back in my sight. What if he had an episode while I was gone? Once he was in my periphery, I could rest assured that he was okay.
Marcel had cleaned his plate during my absence, and was seated on the edge of the bed. His predatory eyes were staring into space, unblinking. There was the hint of a twitch by his lip, as if he were biting his cheek.
The human jumped a little when I leapt onto the mattress. I coiled my tail around his wrist, and noted how he slowly unclenched his fist.
“Slanek,” he sighed. “I missed you.”
Before, I had attributed his aloof moments to the primitive narcotics in the IVs. But in light of Sara’s words, it was apparent that a different culprit was to blame. I felt ashamed of myself, for not picking up on the cues sooner. My preoccupation with his physical injuries caused me to overlook the obvious.
“What were you thinking about? Just now?” I blurted.
The human forced a smile. “You don’t want to know.”
“I do. You can tell me anything, Marc.”
“Not this.”
“Try me.”
His gaze darkened. “I’m thinking I want to kill Sovlin.”
“Get in line.”
“I’m quite serious. I was fantasizing about it. Does that make me a bad person? A ‘bloodthirsty’ predator?”
“I’d shed no tears over his death. It’s not fair that he got away scot-free. You’re a good person, who is trying to process something terrible…and yes, has more aggressive instincts. You didn’t deserve any of what he did to you.”
“Thanks, buddy.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I should’ve asked about your mental health sooner. How do those memories make you feel? Are you able to talk about it?"
“I don’t know. When Sovlin was about to shoot me, I felt…relief that it was over. Profound relief. I was ready for him to pull the trigger. I was only sorry that you had to see it. And that Zarn was kidnapping you because of me.”
“Don’t worry about me. All that matters to me is that you’re here, and you recover.”
“That’s why I need you to let me push myself, Slanek. I heard we’re going to war with the Gojids…and I want to join. Even if it’s just to fly a ship or run logistics, I need to be cleared for action.”
“But you’re safer here. Why would you want to risk your life again, so soon?”
“To go after Sovlin, to deal with my anger, all of it. I have to do something, and I didn’t know how to tell you. It’s being idle that drives me mad.”
“Fine. When are we leaving?”
The human blinked. “We?”
“I’m coming with you, if I have to stow away in your duffel bag. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
Moisture glistened in Marcel’s hazel eyes, and a low chuckle rumbled from his vocal cords. A silent vow formed in my mind, that I would protect him better this time around. Even if it meant shipping off to an active warzone, surrounded by trained predators with guns.
Something told me that I wouldn’t be the only Venlil tagging along for the humans’ war efforts. Though there was no formal declaration from the governor yet, I think we had chosen a side.
The fates of our species were intertwined, for better or for worse.