Memory transcription subject: Captain Sovlin, United Nations Fleet Command

Date [standardized human time]: December 7, 2136

It was tough to cope with my proximity to this predator and his Venlil pal. I was standing just within the room’s threshold, and resisting the urge to flee. Binocular eyes were trained on my skull; it felt like they were burning holes in my head.

My eyes wandered, attempting to look anywhere but at the human’s scarred face. Marcel had placed a photograph of Slanek and himself, alongside a female Terran I didn’t recognize. The curious aspect was a young Gojid, riding on the redhead’s back with bright eyes. My victim was tickling her wrists, twisting his hands over his shoulders. Even in a still photograph, I could tell the child was squealing with happiness.

Why were Marcel and Slanek taking pictures with a young Gojid? Didn’t the red-haired human despise our species? Just looking at that child must remind him of my likeness; I wasn’t sure why he’d volunteer with our refugees. Perhaps it was an attempt at coping for him, but the fact he kept it as his selected photo…

Marcel thinks of his time with that Gojid kid as a happy memory. How can that be?

My throat felt like it was made of sandpaper. “T-the G-gojid. Who is she?”

“That’s Nulia. My adopted daughter,” Marcel replied in an even voice. “Slanek and I rescued her on the cradle, after she was abandoned in a stampede. She’s back at home with my fiancé now.”

I recoiled, unable to process why the human would adopt a Gojid child. Peering into his eyes in the photograph, the scarred predator was radiating affection. His teeth were bared in a full snarl, and Slanek was cozied up against his side too. Protector, why couldn’t I have tortured an asshole Terran? Not that it would’ve made it more moral, but Marcel was too kind. I could not have harmed someone less deserving of cruelty.

My eyes burned, as images of Marcel in a collar flooded my mind. Staring at his heartfelt smile, I could still picture his strained smile when Slanek came to visit. It had been my claw that pressed the shock trigger, while staring at him with absolute reproach. The cold, starving predator had seized on the floor, and struggled just to breathe. I could still hear his screams as I kicked him in the ribs…

Slanek snapped the television show off, and fixed a withering glower on me. The Venlil eyed me with murderous intent, flexing his wounded arm as if to test it. Marcel’s best friend remembered the exact details I had; I could remember how desperate he was to plead the human’s case. My response was to try to get him preyed upon. I would’ve intervened before the predator could eat the Venlil, but at best, it was an attempt to traumatize him.

Besides, there was no guarantee I could react quicker than a hunter could lunge. Poor Marcel must’ve resisted such terrible thoughts, just looking at Slanek.

It felt immoral to sympathize with a predator’s bloodlust, but I knew he couldn’t help basic, biological urges. Marcel chose to die rather than to eat his friend, and that was a remarkable show of willpower. The fact that he hadn’t enacted revenge upon me showed that he was a good person; his love extended even to Gojid children.

The red-haired human shot Slanek a pointed look. “Tell Sovlin what you wanted to tell him. This hatred is poisoning your heart, and you need to let it out.”

“I fucking hate you! If Recel hadn’t intervened, you would’ve killed Marcel. You meant to put him down like a fucking animal,” the Venlil screeched. “Do you know how it felt, to feel like I’d lose him? To know his last moments were agony? You deprived him of every basic need…I suppose he was lucky you gave him filthy water in a filthy bucket.”

“I’m sorry,” I offered meekly.

“What good does that do? You’re out living a respected life with the Terran military, and the trauma can never be undone. My government never even got to prosecute you for how you tossed me around. Then, I was helpless as he clung to life, on the day-long trip to Venlil Prime. I sat beside his hospital bed, watching them put wires in his face.”

“S-saw the p-pictures. T-terrible to look at.”

“It was terrible. I don’t know how you got Tyler to feel sorry for you, but he was never the brightest bulb in the box! You can keep your fucking apologies, because they aren’t worth shit!”

The Venlil started to sit up, but Marcel held him back with an arm. Slanek wriggled against the restraint, yet for some reason, the human wouldn’t let him charge at me. The prey alien reached for his IV line, and the predator intercepted his paw with nimble reflexes. I’d never seen a Venlil bare their teeth, or act with such aggression.

There was no question I deserved special animosity. Even the galaxy’s weakest race wanted to bash my face in, and I couldn’t blame him. Everything Slanek just stated was true, down to the fact that I would’ve murdered an innocent creature without Recel. The tears poured out from my eyes, and that only enraged the Venlil further. I pressed my face into my paws, wishing I could fall into non-existence.

“Relax, buddy. It’s okay,” Marcel whispered.

Slanek pinned his ears back. “STOP! I should be comforting you; he did it to you. You’re the one who has to live with the trauma. You’re the one who’s permanently disfigured!”

“Yes, and I don’t want you harming him.”

“You told me in the hospital you wanted Sovlin dead. You were fantasizing about it.”

“It wouldn’t make anything better, Slanek. I’ve been trying to make peace with what happened to me, since I learned that his family was eaten in front of him. Sovlin saved both of our lives, and I don’t wish harm upon him.”

“You said you didn’t want to see him. You were pissed he was there on Sillis.”

“I was pissed! I’m angry, I’m hurting, I’m hounded by memories when I look at his face, and…I forgive him.”

What was left of my spines bristled, and the world collapsed in on me. All I wanted was for Marcel to take those words back; they stabbed at me like daggers to the chest. I couldn’t breathe, and every part of me screamed against that forgiveness. Everyone in the galaxy knew that Slanek’s interpretation was the correct one.

I didn’t deserve mercy, and my life should be forfeit for my actions. How could the predator just forgive what I had done to him?

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“N-no. You can’t do that,” I croaked, fighting for air amid the narrowing of my vision.

His hazel eyes stared directly at me. “Oh, I can. I won’t forget what you did, but it’s time to let it go. I choose to feel compassion for you. I choose not to be a victim…and not to let hatred control me.”

Marcel’s stated compassion packed the force of a sledgehammer. Those simplistic words echoed in my mind, warring against concrete certainty that I must never find peace. Without self-loathing as my purpose, there was no guiding star to light my dark path. Forgiveness stripped my life of all meaning; there was no reason to persist another day.

Why should I get to live, when I couldn’t protect my family?

“You just said you were angry.” Speech spilled from my vocal cords, as if borne of their own volition. “You wanted me d-dead; that was good! Why would you just forgive me?”

“Simple. I was playing with Nulia, and she’d overheard me talking with Lucy. She said, ‘Mawsle, you’re mean when you talk about Sahwin.’ Kid was right. It was consuming me, ‘cause I hadn’t let it go.”

The thought lanced me. It couldn’t be that simple, for a predator to cast aside his vitriol. The words of a child, who peered into his heart, caused him to forgive old wounds.

Slanek slapped his tail against Marcel’s earlobe. “Listen to yourself! You’re letting him get away with sadism, again!”

“I don’t control his actions. I control mine, and there’s power in not clinging to resentment. I won’t be free from this until I set my heart free.”

“You have to stand up for yourself, Marc. It’s not about being the bigger person! Justice matters too, and your life has enough value to me that he deserves my disgust.”

“Do you believe people can change, buddy? Because I do, and it’s wrong to deny a truly repentant person a second chance. Please, for my sake, respect the fact that Sovlin is trying to do better today. That is all he can do.”

No…Marcel is insufferable. Tyler also said I deserved a second chance, and it wasn’t true then. It doesn’t matter that I’m doing right by them, after what I’ve already done.

I fell to my knees, sobbing as I had when I first realized humans had empathy. A second chance was not what I was seeking; there was no reason why my unforgivable deeds deserved a do-over. My continued existence was meant as inadequate penance for my treatment of humanity. What aid I’d given them wasn’t nearly enough, though I hoped I’d made a minute difference in their war efforts.

It was tempting to believe that my reparations were sufficient. I knew my die was cast and my story was written, yet I yearned to pretend that wasn’t the truth. My eyes blinked open, turning to the Venlil. Surely he would slap Marcel’s folly down without hesitation.

“Fine,” Slanek spat the word, as if it were a sour taste in his mouth.

Marcel smiled with satisfaction. “Good. Now, thank him for saving your life.”

“What?! How did you—”

“Tyler told me. He explained everything, rather apologetically. We would both be dead without Sovlin, so a little thanks is in order.”

“Please don’t.” Snot bubbled in my nose. I shook my head, desperate to rebuff any praise. “That’s…n-not necessary.”

“I agree.” Slanek contorted his facial features into a mask of disgust. “You’re taking this way too far, Marc. The concussion got to your head.”

“Well then, humor a poor, sick human!” the red-haired predator chuckled. “I’ll watch the new episode of that god-awful The Exterminators show with you, if you say thanks sincerely.”

“Th…th…thanks, Sovlin. Bleh, that was vile.”

“I said sincerely.”

“I’m glad Marcel is alive.” Slanek spoke through gritted teeth. “Er, thanks for not trying to slice and dice him again.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s the best you can do?!”

“That…it was sincere,” I sniffled, buying time to regain composure. “Technically meets your criteria.”

Marcel heaved a sigh. “I guess so. Let me walk you back to your room, Sovlin.”

I raised surrendering paws, stammering, “N-no, you don’t—”

“I insist. I need to be sure I didn’t kickstart a full-blown mental crisis.”

The human maneuvered onto his legs, and stretched out his body with bloodcurdling pops. His strong hands tugged at my shoulder. The extended contact made me nauseous to my stomach, and my heavy limbs were sluggish to obey. I reminded myself not to think of him as my victim. Marcel didn’t want to be regarded in that fashion, so I shouldn’t do him that disservice in my perception.

The red-haired Terran wrapped an arm around my neck, which felt as heavy as a rock. How did every interaction with Marcel increase my guilt to chest-bursting levels? He led me out of Slanek’s quarters, and asked in a low rumble where I was heading. All I could do was point a few doors down, still a teary-eyed, snot-stained mess.

I noticed the predator drawing deep breaths, to quell his own anxiety. My self-centered concerns turned to him, and I withdrew from his grasp. Marcel blinked his eyes shut, his scars scrunching up with his grimace. I wanted to comfort him, even though I knew it was my presence ratcheting up his anxiety.

“D-do…you want a hug?” My voice was hardly more than a whisper, and I watched his eyes pop open with surprise. “No, I g-get that, of course you don’t want one from me—”

Marcel threw his arms around me, burying his face in my fur. The Terran finally let the tears spill over, which soaked my shoulder. I mirrored the way I’d seen Tyler comfort Onso, and pressed my paw onto his back. This was the first time I’d ever been this close to a human; not even my “friends” had embraced me. It was shocking how warm this predator was, like a heated blanket.

No wonder Slanek always curls up next to him. This is oddly disarming.

My heart ached, as the human continued to bawl his eyes out. I moved my claws into his hair, and ruffled the strands in the silly way I’d do with my daughter. It wasn’t clear how Terran years translated, but Marcel was probably about her age. He jerked his head back, and fear flashed in his eyes briefly. The poor guy mistook my playful gesture for an attack.

“Sorry, shouldn’t have used the claws. It must feel like I was slicing at you; I wasn’t thinking,” I mumbled.

Marcel patted his mane back down. “It’s just…never mind. This here is where you’re heading, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool beans. Hey, listen…I wish you only the best. I don’t want you to be depressed on my account.”

It’s not on his account. It’s because of me and knowing what I am.

“T-the last thing I want is you worrying about me.” I wasn’t going to spill my emotional turmoil on this human, who could keep his own trauma contained. “I wish you hated me.”

“Well, I don’t. You hate you, Sovlin.”

“…yeah.”

“I don’t have to be a therapist to tell you where it all stems from. You blame yourself for what happened to your family. If you want to do something for me, get help.”

“Tyler told me about someone. I didn’t think—”

“That you deserved help. It’s okay to be happy and live your life. You’re not going to pay off some self-imposed debt to me by being miserable.”

I averted my gaze. “T-thank you. Whatever anyone says about you…you’re the strongest person I’ve ever known. How much you care for others is astounding, and it speaks wonders of your species.”

“Nobody’s perfect. I just hope when it’s all said and done, I leave the universe a better place,” Marcel said. “It’s not too late for the sum of your actions, you know.”

“I promise I’ll try. From now on, I’ll try to be like you.”

“I’m not the worst role model…in my humble opinion. If only I could smack the same lesson into Slanek’s skull. But it seems like we’ve settled our issues, and that’s that.”

“That’s that.”

“Good. Well, I think I’d best be going. Rest up!”

As the predator turned away, I wondered how I ever could’ve believed his species was incapable of empathy. The truth was, Terrans had to be one of the most empathetic species to cobble together anything bordering normalcy. It took a great deal of emotion to repress their hunting instincts with such thoroughness. Perhaps that was why they’d bonded with the Venlil; they both were sensitive species with ample feelings.

As Carlos told me, the issue was when empathy wasn’t extended to a particular individual. Marcel chose to grant it even to me, after what I’d done; that was the sign of a good human. I couldn’t believe how openly he was conversing with me, and how he had wiped the slate clean. The catch was that I could not - would not - forgive myself.

I laid down on the floor of my room, and thought about the legacy I would leave behind. Marcel did have a point though. The torture would always be in my ledger, but I could surround it with other deeds. Suffering was my idea of a fair punishment, not any request of the scarred primate. It wasn’t going to make things right between us; if anything, it seemed like it would worsen his recovery.

Maybe it was time to get my head straight, as the humans so often suggested. I could become a better version of my despicable self, with the predators’ guidance.