God, and all my fallen squadmates, if you are listening in heaven or in hell, I would like to say sorry.

Sorry, Raphael. I am sorry for being an incompetent mess of a squad leader. Without you, your small farm is going to take on more and more debt and fall into the hands of the railroad corporations. I am sorry, for your family will struggle. Your sharp eyes should not have been used to spot humans a mile away but used to observe your children farming and "the distant mountain," as you would say. You should not have suffered the guilt of killing an ally. I should have stopped you. I should have stopped you from putting that gun to your head.

Sorry, Raghnall and Dave. Because of my incompetence, you followed my lead and order and went home with an injury. We could have survived without being crippled. We could have had a bright future.

Sorry, Marcus. You are the light in our squad. It was never the same after you were killed because of my incompetence. Your jokes gave us relief; your encouragement gave us grit; your words gave us hope. You should have spent your life giving speeches and preaching justice, not descending into the endless gunfire and spending the rest of eternity in the dirt.

Sorry, Carl. I should have ordered you into a place not exposed to artillery shrapnel. Please, let me go, and stop haunting me in my dreams. I apologize, I am sorry. I failed to live up to your rectitude; I lost all credibility to lead any squad whatsoever. People these days do not have the principles you do; you should have survived. You should have lived.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Sorry, Matthew. I should have looked out for you. I should have been more concerned about you, who did not fight, instead of discriminating against you. I should have made sure everyone had a gas mask on, so you do not have to spend the last moment of your life struggling to breathe.

Please forgive me, God, and if there is anyone listening to me. Forgive me. I am sorry, please forgive me. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. Sorry sorry sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am unfit. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I do not deserve this. I am sorry. I could not do this. I am sorry. I am not fit. I am sorry. I am sorry. Sorry for my incompetence. I am sorry. I am very sorry. I am incompetent. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. This could not be. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I am sorry. I am sorry. You do not deserve this. I am sorry. God, I am sorry. Please do not suffer. I am sorry. I am sorry. I have sinned. I am sorry. Please, let me atone. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I will put you back together. Please. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. This is not right. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. Sorry! Sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. It makes no sense. I am so sorry. I am very sorry. I am sorry. Forgive me, I am sorry.

EDITOR’S NOTE

This entry’s handwriting later became illegible. We assumed that the trend continued on. There are also water spots, presumably dried tears, in this journal entry. In addition, it is assumed that this entry is written on November 8th, not “October 39”.