Natalie only had time to leave a single mouse out for Percy before she rushed out the door the next day. Her lunch nearly fell out of her hands as she ran after Quinn. They were late for the bus, and it was mostly her fault. She'd been trying to calm Percy down, who really didn't enjoy being cooped up inside a tiny closet all day. Natalie had let him out at night, but come morning, she couldn't take the chance that the Kincaids find him.
They caught the bus just in time. Natalie hurried past the driver—who still hadn't stopped giving her the scar-stare—and made her way to the back of the bus as usual. To her surprise, the rear two seats weren't unoccupied. A few kids she didn't know had taken one side, playing some game on their phones. Natalie sat down across from them at the window in her usual spot, but it meant Quinn wouldn't be sitting across from her.
Nor would Quinn be able to sit anywhere near, she realized with a shock. The next five rows were already full. Apparently, the back of the bus was suddenly way more popular than she'd remembered. Quinn glanced around, trying to figure out where to sit, but none of the other kids noticed.
"Sit here," said Natalie finally, tapping the seat next to her.
"You sure?" he asked, glancing at her.
No, but I'd rather have you close than way up there. She nodded quickly, not meeting his eyes.
Quinn sat down, as close to the edge as he could, but between their bags and everything else, it wasn't that far away. Their driver was a real stickler for legs in the aisle and staying in his seat, and Natalie didn't want to draw any more attention to them. "Closer," she murmured. "You're sticking out."
Quinn scooted closer, and Natalie felt a shiver travel up through her spine. The darkness was back, slithering into her vision, her heart pounding harder than before. She bunched herself against the wall of the bus, putting her backpack between the two of them.
I just want to sit next to him! she shouted inside her skull. Why can't I just have that?
You must never let anyone near.
I hate you, she cried—and in fact, she did feel a tear in her eye. Natalie blinked furiously, trying to get rid of it without using her hand, so Quinn wouldn't notice. She stared pointedly out the window, away from him. I want to go back. Just let me go back.
"Natalie?" Quinn whispered, so quiet that she wouldn't have heard him without magic.
Hearing her name calmed her down, much more than he'd ever know. Natalie took a deep breath, and then another. She turned to Quinn and nodded. She knew who she was. She was here, with her boyfriend, on the bus to school, and she was going to be okay. Someday.
Right on cue, the bus grinded to a halt, and Blake Sinclair got on board.
Natalie didn't pay her much attention at first. After all, she usually sat toward the front, even though she was an eighth grader. She never came this far into the bus. Except today was different. Natalie knew it even before Blake had made it halfway back. Today was not going to be okay.
"Jenny!" she called, still a few rows out.
Natalie jerked around from staring out the window, locking eyes with her. "Hi, Blake."
"We were so worried about you."
Fat chance. "Why?"
Blake smirked, though to the rest of the bus it probably looked like an honest smile. "When you missed school yesterday, I thought you might have, you know, tried again."
What? What does that even mean? Natalie glanced away, not at all sure what Blake meant. "I had a family thing," she said, giving the excuse they'd all agreed on. "I was excused."
"Well, I'm glad you're back. I bet Quinn is too," she added, glancing at him. "You two are such a cute couple, you know?"
Quinn glanced up from his book. "What?"
"I was just saying, I don't think I've ever seen a couple like you. Quinn, you must be the nicest guy ever, with how close you two are."
Natalie flinched. She wondered if Quinn knew what Blake meant. She glanced over at him. It was only for a second, just a flash, but Natalie saw him wince. He got it…
Against every instinct in her body, with her brain screaming at her to stop, Natalie reached out and took Quinn's hand. She wrapped her fingers in between his, each one like it was scorching her skin, but she held on. She held on tight, and glared at Blake straight in the eyes, trying to express every ounce of hatred she felt churning in her stomach.
"Thanks."
Blake's eyebrows narrowed, but she didn't say another word. She turned in a huff and marched back down the bus to join her friend Lydia. Natalie turned back to the window, watching the sidewalk roll by, still clutching Quinn's hand as tight as she could. He felt warm and soft, but anything she might have liked was overwhelmed by the trembling, agonizing pain of being so close to another person.
Let go. You're only hurting yourself.
No.
Stolen novel; please report.
You're hurting him, too.
I'm not letting go.
Natalie kept her grip, and Quinn didn't say a word. All the way to school, right up until the bus thumped to a halt at the student exit, Natalie held on tight. Only once they stood up did she finally let go.
She didn't look at Quinn once the whole way inside. He murmured a question, but Natalie didn't hear it. Her ears were filled with a rushing sound, like a raging waterfall that wouldn't stop flowing, and her stomach churned like a whirlpool.
The moment she was inside, Natalie bolted for her bathroom. She locked the door and clambered into her stall, heaving. Breakfast erupted from her mouth, barely landing in the toilet. Her heart was still racing, and every inch of her skin buzzed with energy. Her mouth tasted like acid. Natalie fell back onto the tiled floor, coughing hard. She wiped her face with a scrap of toilet paper, then curled up against the stall door, head on her knees, and rocked back and forth, hands pressed to her face.
She'd done it. She'd held Quinn's hand, all the way to school. It hurt—it hurt so much more than she imagined it could—but she'd gotten through it.
----------------------------------------
Natalie made it back to class before the bell rang. She took her seat next to Quinn, trembling all gone. She was calm again. Quinn looked about to ask her a question, but the teacher started talking almost immediately, and he had to save it for later.
She couldn't avoid it forever though. Quinn was in all her classes until gym in fourth period. As soon as they split up for group work, which left Natalie and Quinn alone as usual, she took the initiative and cut him off before he could even open his mouth to speak. "Uhh… sorry."
"For what?"
For being me. For you being with me. For being so broken and screwed up that we can't even hold hands properly. "If I grabbed your hand too tight."
Quinn shook his head. "It was fine. But—"
"I can't." She couldn't bring herself to explain it further, but she knew he'd get the wrong idea, so she forced herself to get a few more details. "It's not a magic thing, it's… I…"
"It's okay, Jenny," he murmured, as another kid walked by passing out the assignment. "You don't have to sa—"
"I really like you, Quinn."
The kid snickered. "Jenny's got a boyfriend," he smirked, handing her a paper.
"Yeah, I do," Natalie snapped, glaring at him. "So what?"
He took an involuntary step back, cowering just from her cold gaze. "...Sorry," he mumbled. He thrust the paper at Quinn and hurried away.
"...Boyfriend?" Quinn asked, glancing at her.
Why's he asking me that? "...Yeah. I mean, isn't that what we are?" she mumbled, feeling her face grow red.
Quinn blushed too. "I guess so."
"Huh?" Natalie's embarrassment fell away, replaced with confusion. "But, didn't you call me that? Your parents—"
"My parents called you my girlfriend?"
When I was spying on them… "Yeah." Natalie shrugged. "Do you… you know. Do you want to be that?"
He smiled. "Yeah, I'll be your girlfriend," he said, without an ounce of sarcasm.
Natalie giggled. A wave of relief finally washed through her, cleaning out all the awful feelings from the morning. She didn't exactly feel great, but she felt a whole lot better than a few minutes ago. "Thanks, Quinn."
He smiled again, but the teacher came by a moment later, and they quickly buried themselves in the assignment before they got in trouble. Natalie had missed so many classes that she couldn't afford to fall behind another day, even with Quinn helping her out. Through English and then study hall in the next period, they sat close together, heads down, and worked non-stop. After study hall, Social Studies was pretty much the same, except that they didn't have a chance to talk at all as the teacher was giving a lecture the whole period.
Finally, gym rolled around. Natalie had to wave goodbye to Quinn as he headed off for tech class. To her relief, as soon as she walked into the locker room, Kelsey was right there waiting for her.
"Hey girlfriend," she said, smirking.
Natalie rolled her eyes. "You're just jealous."
"Of you? As if." Kelsey sighed dreamily. "I'm going for someone way cooler than Quinn."
Nobody's cooler than Quinn. She's hopeless.
You're happy.
Yeah, I kinda am.
Natalie hurried back to the corner of the locker room with Kelsey, who stood in the way while she changed clothes. Kelsey had started doing it without being asked, after noticing just how much Natalie shook even taking off her shirt in front of the rest of the girls. It still wasn't great—and Natalie hated herself a little more every time she remembered how it never used to bother her—but having a friend nearby helped a lot. After the first few times, she didn't even need Kelsey to be facing away, so they could actually hold a normal conversation while she changed.
It didn't stop the voices, though.
"She did?" asked Lydia in an exaggerated whisper.
Blake replied in just as loud a whisper. "Totally! I swear she was going to, like, tear his hand off or something. It was crazy."
"She's crazy."
I'm not crazy.
"Talking about you?" asked Kelsey, obviously seeing something in Natalie's expression.
Natalie nodded. She pulled on her shirt and tucked her clothes back in her bag—no way was she going to trust a locker today, with how Blake was going on. Kelsey looked about to turn around and confront them, but Natalie just shook her head. She hurried out into the gym, but Kelsey couldn't resist snapping one of Blake's bra straps as she walked past, bolting out of the room before Blake could retaliate.
"Did you really have to—"
"Yes," said Kelsey. "She's a bitch."
"It's just words." She's right though. Blake really is that.
Just words, as you said. You don't need to concern yourself with just words.
Right.
Natalie took a seat on the bleachers. The teacher came out after a couple minutes, just as the last couple stragglers from the lockers appeared. Blake and Lydia were still shooting her dirty looks, but they were quickly distracted by a chorus of groans.
The usual Friday Field Day was cancelled—it was snowing again—so they had to stay inside. Natalie groaned right along with the rest of the kids. She'd been looking forward to the fresh air and a chance to really get out and run. The teacher tried to play it off with a joke and a smile, but they all knew how much it sucked… until he rolled out a huge cage of rubber balls. Natalie's eyes widened.
"I thought it was banned," she whispered to Kelsey.
"It is." Kelsey shrugged. "Maybe they're for something else."
"All right," the teacher called out. "Today, we're going to be playing Spatial Awareness."
"What's that?" shouted a kid up in the back row.
"Well, it's simple. Everybody will split up until teams of six and take one of the courts. You'll have six balls in the center of the court, and when I blow the whistle, you grab a ball and try to tag out someone on the other side. You aren't allowed to cross the line, and if you get tagged, you're out. If somebody catches a ball you threw, you're out and one of their team is back in. Last team standing wins." He glanced around. "Any questions?"
Nobody spoke for a full minute. One kid giggled. Finally, one quivering hand went up, very slowly—Lydia Jennings' hand, in fact. Her voice trembled as she spoke. "But, isn't that just dodg—"
"No, Jennings. This is Spatial Awareness." He gave them all a very serious look. "Does everybody understand how to play?"
Natalie and Kelsey looked at each other, dumbfounded. Kelsey’s face twisted into a wicked grin. She was practically bouncing up and down in her seat.
"Thinking what I'm thinking?"