Chapter 27 — A Voice In Her Head

  "Three women are put before the jury of the court, having each committed grave crimes. The first of these is asked her motivation. She replies simply, money. Thus, she is taken away and sentenced. The second of these declares passion—and again, she is taken away and sentenced. But the third—the third woman claims insanity. What happens to this third woman? The jury cannot understand insanity. After all, the normal people who run such a court are perfectly sane.

  The court believes they are somehow qualified to judge us, we on the fringes of society, we mad multitudes who dance on the cliff's edge every day, daring gravity to cast us down. A court of my true peers would consist of a single empty chair, lugged out of some trash dump—scuffed, beaten and with only three legs left, which should crumble under the slightest pressure, but still bears the load of an entire life upon its tired feet."

  ~Cinza, the Rallsburg Diaries

  Natalie hadn't taken a step outside the Kincaid home since Friday.

  She'd finally started paying attention to the news again on Sunday, after Quinn's parents been so kind to her — inviting someone they'd just met to live with them. She knew she couldn't just stay at their home forever, especially since Tuesday would mark the day where Cinza's book was made public. On Monday night, Natalie made sure everything was packed and ready to go, and she didn't sleep a wink.

  It didn't matter, though. Come Tuesday morning, the news was all over the world. Kendra had stopped it. Or at least, she'd delayed it.

  Natalie didn't know what she was supposed to do with that. Could she just go back to school? But what if it came out while she was there? What if she couldn't get away in time, since her phone wouldn't work inside the building?

  Natalie was so scared of the possibilities, she hardly even left her room all day. Most of the week was spent cooped up in her new room, reading every single comment thread and news analysis of the Diaries. She only came out for meals, and to play Conquest with Quinn in a futile attempt to get her mind off of things. The Kincaids didn't bring up her skipping school, to her relief. She got a few sidelong looks at dinner that they did their best to hide, but not a single question. Quinn, of course, asked her tons of questions, but those were all strictly out of earshot of his parents.

  "I don't know," she answered, as Quinn asked why it hadn't come out on Tuesday. She'd told him that she was probably in the book, and that she might have to go into hiding when it came out. "I guess Kendra did something to stop it."

  "I don't know," she answered, when Quinn asked her on Wednesday when she was coming back to school. "It might not be safe yet. I don't know how long this whole injunction thing works. Legal stuff is really hard to read."

  "I don't know!" she shouted, after Quinn asked if she wanted to hang out with the rest of the gang on Thursday. "I don't know, okay? I just don't! Sorry!"

  He retreated after the last one. She felt bad, but she couldn't just go after him. What she said was true—she didn't know. She felt like she didn't know anything, and she was too scared to be seen by anyone she knew. Only Quinn had seen her new look: her eyes, her ears, her new body and everything. What would everyone else think about it?

  Kelsey would probably say it was awesome. No surprises there. Natalie knew that girl, knew Kelsey approve of what she'd done. There was a reason they got along so well.

  Mitch would think it was weird, but would get over it pretty quick. Pretty much as soon as Kelsey said a single word, so they could start arguing about it. Natalie laughed, imagining an argument between the two of them about whether pointy ears or round ears were cooler. She knew where she stood, having enjoyed the benefits for a while, but watching Kelsey and Mitch argue it out would be fun. They got really inventive with their insults.

  Steven probably wouldn't say anything until she pressed him to talk. If she did, he'd say he thought it was a huge risk, but that it was up to her. He was the mature one in the group, after all. Always responsible and thinking about the bigger picture.

  Tyler?

  Natalie had no clue about Tyler. He was the one she didn't really get. He seemed to have a total hero worship for Quinn, and stuck to him like glue whenever he could. Half of the time, he ignored Natalie entirely, unless they were playing Conquest — and then he wiped the floor with her, just he did like everyone else. The rest of the time, he acted weird, like he was always annoyed with her for something. She didn't get it, especially with how quickly he seemed to switch between the two.

  He was the first one to be nice to you, though. Without any reason to be.

  Yeah, but if he finds out more about me, and he spills to the wrong person… it could get really bad.

  You should call them back. You need supporters. You need your friends.

  She shook her head, trying to clear away the hypotheticals. Making up conversations with her friends wasn't going to do her any good. She reminded herself of her promise to herself — she was never going without friends again. She chased after Quinn, who'd walked away from her bedroom door looking confused and hurt. "Hey, Quinn!"

  "What?" he asked, sounding a little sullen.

  "...Tell Kelsey we're having pizza tonight. That'll get her to come over."

  He grinned. "Won't work on Mitch, he hates pizza."

  Natalie rolled her eyes. "Of course he does, if she likes it."

  Quinn laughed. "Don't worry. I'll get them all here."

  "...Sorry," she added, as he turned away. "For, you know. Yelling at you."

  "It's cool."

  Natalie waited in her room for them to arrive. Quinn greeted them one by one, making sure they knew she was going to look different and not to freak out, so they didn't alert his parents. She looked around her little space — the books she'd unloaded from her bag onto the nightstand, her laptop on the desk, her phone plugged into the charger, her clothes filling the racks (and the floor) of the closet. The bedroom had become something of a nest for her, and it felt way more her own than the perfectly neat and tidy room back at the Laushire house.

  I miss Percy…

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  Natalie gazed out the window at the sky, imagining that the tiny bird in the distance was Percy. She could tell it wasn't though, with her improved eyes. The colors were all wrong, and it wasn't even a hawk. Looked more like a seagull.

  "Hey Jenny! Pizza's ready!" Quinn called from down the hall.

  "No shouting, Q!" shouted Damian at the other end.

  "Got it, Dad!"

  "Thanks!"

  "Knock it off, you two!" called Annette.

  "Sorry, honey!"

  As Natalie emerged into the main room, six pairs of eyes locked onto her. Annette and Quinn glanced away a second later, back to the pizza she was serving up with hungry looks on their faces. The rest of the Gang… weren't so quick.

  Kelsey, true to form, just grinned and gave her a thumbs up. She mouthed something Natalie didn't catch, too distracted by the rest of the group.

  Mitch's mouth just fell open, and stayed that way for a while until Steven finally elbowed him in the side. Steven, for his part, didn't look surprised — but he didn't seem happy either. He only glanced away once it was his turn to grab a slice.

  Tyler… looked like… something. Natalie wasn't sure what. He couldn't take his eyes off her ears. She'd assumed at first he was looking at her scar again, but no, he kept bouncing between both sides of her head. She tried to ignore him, digging into the pizza.

  Kelsey was the first to speak. "That's a sweet haircut, Jenny," she said with a wink.

  Natalie, of course, hadn't changed her hair at all — just everything else. She grinned, scarfing down her slice with gusto.

  "That's so coooooool," said Mitch, sounding hypnotized. He reached out slightly toward the sharp tip of her ear, poking out through her hair, but Steven pulled him away before he got close, rolling his eyes.

  "Cut it out," said Quinn, though he too couldn't help from grinning. Annette had retreated from the room to deliver a slice to her husband — a quick bite before he headed off to work for the night — but she was definitely still in earshot.

  "Does your mom know?" asked Tyler.

  "Do I know what?" asked Annette, who happened to return to the room at the same time.

  "That Jenny's been missing school," said Steven without missing a beat. He even managed to look uncomfortable — which probably wasn't hard, Natalie realized with a pang of dismay. He'd already looked uncomfortable the moment she turned up.

  Annette nodded. "We know. Don't any of you go thinking you can start skipping school too. Jenny's a special case."

  "Mrs. Kincaid, I—" Natalie started.

  "Shh shh shh, it's all right. You don't have to explain." Annette smiled at the group. "Have fun. I'll be in my study all night with loud music on, so I can't hear a word you're saying about anything."

  The moment her door closed and Damian left for work, Tyler turned to Natalie. "I'm sorry. That was so close."

  "Yeah, we need a new way to ask that," said Quinn, helping himself to another slice of pizza.

  "Dude… you're an elf," said Mitch, still staring at her.

  Natalie shrugged. She reached up and moved her hair a little, deliberately making her ear more visible. Mitch's mouth fell open even wider.

  Kelsey laughed. "Dude, you're a nerd."

  He snapped out of it, rounding on her instead. "Excuse me for liking good fantasy games, unlike your poser crap MMOs."

  "I really like your eyes," said Tyler, while Mitch and Kelsey got into another argument.

  Natalie was surprised. Tyler hadn't ever really said much to her before, not like the other guys. She smiled. "...Thanks, guys. But this isn't why we wanted to get together tonight."

  "Yeah," Quinn said, and nodded at Steven, who bodily pulled Mitch back down to his seat. "We gotta talk about why Jenny's been missing class."

  "Is it safe?" asked Steven, glancing down the hall towards Annette's study. "What if she was just joking about the music?"

  "She was, but it's okay," reported Natalie. "I can make us quiet so she can't hear."

  "You can?" asked Mitch. "How?"

  "Already did," she said. "You guys can't tell, but she'd have to walk back down the hall to be able to hear us. We're good." She didn't mention that she'd spent practically every evening all week trying to figure out how to do that, practicing with Quinn in his room until they could shout without Annette ever hearing.

  "What can't you do…" said Mitch, awed.

  "A lot," said Natalie quietly.

  "Which is why this is important," said Quinn, bringing them back on topic. "She might be in big trouble."

  "You guys know about the book, right?" Natalie asked hesitantly.

  "What book?" said Tyler.

  "The magic one," said Mitch. "The diary everybody's talking about."

  "Oh. Yeah, guess so." Tyler used his inhaler before talking again. "What's that got to do with you?"

  "It's about magic, so… oh," said Steven. Natalie wasn't surprised he'd already figured out it.

  "Oh what?" asked Mitch.

  "What's going on… ohhh." Kelsey had it too. She stared at Natalie with a strange mix of sympathy and awe. "You were there?" she whispered.

  "You what?" asked Mitch, a little louder. "Somebody explain to me what's going on."

  "Me too, please," said Tyler, looking between them rapidly.

  "Rallsburg, moron," said Kelsey, punching Mitch in the arm. "She was there."

  "There when?"

  "When it blew up," said Natalie, looking down at the table. When everybody died and I couldn't save them…

  You did everything you could.

  "This is why she's been hiding," said Quinn. "Nobody can know she was there. Ever."

  "Yeah, no kidding," said Steven, looking even more concerned than when she'd walked out looking like she did. "Is that why you… did this?"

  "Not exactly," she said, feeling embarrassed. "This was… something else."

  "Nobody knows who she really is though besides us, so we should be okay," Quinn went on. "It's just us five and Lily, and obviously Lily's never gonna tell anyone."

  "Oh man, what did Lily say about the whole new look?" asked Kelsey. "I bet she was pissed."

  "...She hasn't seen it," said Natalie. "I've been living here since Friday."

  "You what?" asked Mitch, Tyler and Kelsey in unison. Mitch looked shocked, Tyler angry. On the other hand, Kelsey's face lit up like a Christmas tree. She glanced between Natalie and Quinn, beaming like she'd gone insane.

  "Another thing we're not telling anybody," added Quinn, glaring at them. "If people figure out who she is, they at least won't have a clue where she's living."

  "The address on my permanent record at school is fake anyway," added Natalie. "There's basically nothing there."

  "Whoah," said Mitch. "So where do you live? That's not here, I mean."

  "There's a magic door I usually go through to get home, but when I went there Friday… it wouldn't open." Natalie shrugged. She'd gotten over it by now, though she still hadn't heard from the Laushires since Friday. Truth be told, she didn't really want to anymore, especially since Kendra was in the public eye again. Natalie was way happier now than she had been. Everything at that house reminded her of what she'd done… who she'd become.

  If she could just get Percy back, she'd have no reason to go to the Laushire house ever again. Everything else she cared about, she always kept in her bag or her backpack, and she had both of those here at Quinn's.

  "A magic door? Awesome."

  "So when are you coming back to school?" asked Steven, folding his hands under his chin. "People are already talking. I mean, they're talking way more about the book and Hailey Winscombe and that crazy stuff, but you're being noticed."

  "Tomorrow," she answered firmly, before Quinn could speak. He glanced at her, surprised, but she just nodded. "I'll be back tomorrow."

  "It's about time," said Mitch. "Lunch sucks without you there."

  "It's true," added Kelsey. "He's been whining about it all week."

  "Shut up!" said Mitch, elbowing her. She dodged it and elbowed back, harder. Mitch fell off his chair onto the floor, cursing.

  "Hey, do you know Hailey?" asked Kelsey, turning back to her.

  Natalie hesitated. "Yeah, I do."

  "I met her too," added Quinn, grinning.

  "Wait-wait-wait, when was that?" asked Kelsey, looking between the two of them. "You got to meet my hero without telling me?"

  "Back in October," said Quinn. "When she uhh…"

  "When I knocked him out," finished Natalie, grimacing.

  "I didn't know it was her at the time. Her boyfriend carried me to the hospital."

  "That's so badass," said Kelsey. "I bet she flew all the way there."

  "She did." Natalie grinned. "She said she flew past a jet when she passed over the airport and had to dodge it."

  "Oh my god." Kelsey beamed at her. "You have to help me meet her someday. Promise."

  "Sure." Though she and I aren't really talking much anymore… and I'm still mad at her… "It probably won't be for a while though, you know."

  "Yeah, totally, I got it." Kelsey nodded. "We gotta worry about you first."

  "...Yeah," she agreed, looking down at the table.

  "Don't worry, Jenny," said Steven. "We got this. It's what we do."

  "...So are we done now?" asked Tyler. "Can we play some Conquest?"

  They all looked at him like he was crazy.

  "What?"