The show was hot. Not quite as hot as Derry, but definitely a contender. Tally disappeared with Barry for her own sort of intermission, and while there was no stage rush, it was still a bold move.
“You completely bailed on Declan,” I scold her as we head for them to drop me off.
“You act like he noticed,” Tally clips. “Did you notice, Declan?”
He finger-drums his thighs. “Not at all.”
“You were both made for the stage,” I offer. “I couldn’t perform in front of all those people. No way.”
“Thankfully, it’s a small venue, or I would’ve been more nervous. Besides, you were giving a grand performance of your own, and you didn’t seem to have any stage fright over it.”
My cheeks heat. “I wasn’t on stage.”
“You still had an audience.” He whistles approvingly.
“Ah, our overachiever,” Tally muses.
“She’s going places,” he claims, his eyes trailing from mine. He isn’t talking about me anymore. Kiley’s commandeered his thoughts.
“You’re both going places.”
He seems saddened by that. “I forget how young you are.”
“Oh no, don’t play that card. There are times I’m far more mature than you and Tally combined. Most times, actually.”
“You’re young on this topic,” he self-corrects.
“Aren’t you happy?”
“I’m ecstatic, truly,” he assures me. “I’ll have no regrets when we part ways.”
The hope bubbling up in my chest falls like a rock to the pit of my stomach. “You won’t hold her back.”
“Never.” He half-smiles. “The public eye isn’t the place for me. Too hard to keep our secret a secret.”
“Oh.” I frown. “What’s the plan?”
“Enjoy it while it lasts.”
“That doesn’t upset you?”
“Not even remotely.” He grins. “I waited the largest portion of my life to find her, and I did. Knowing she exists is worth my brief time with her.”
“You mean just knowing you aren’t crazy.” Tally makes circling motions around her head.
“Will you tell her about us?” If he tells her the truth, perhaps he can extend the timeframe. We’re supposed to keep our existence a secret, but how can we experience life and love if we can’t be honest with our partners? I’m telling Derry the truth. It’s the new hill I’ll die on. Whether I tell my friends I’m telling the truth is yet to be determined.
“She can’t know,” Tally answers for him. “Just like Barry can’t know, and you can’t tell Derry. It’s far too dangerous for them.”
Way too dangerous, Superego agrees. Epically bad business.
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“Dangerous for them?”
“If the Tribunal found out, they’d have to convert them. That’s not totally accurate, I guess. They can either become a Sumair or be recycled. Neither is a solid option.”
I’m not ready to surrender this hill, even though it’s bigger than anticipated. If we trust the person we’re telling, no one would be the wiser, right? That’s probably wrong. If the freaky Writers told the Readers who told the Archives, there’d be spankings. Recycling would equal death, so that option is right out to lunch. Turning them into Sumairs has its own pitfalls, hence the hill expansion, but would that fate really be so terrible? If it meant spending eternity with the person you love, wouldn’t that make it worth the risk?
“I have a pretty good idea what that contemplative look on your face is, Nukinator,” Tally derails my thought train. “It wouldn’t be right.”
I doubt she has the depth to seriously consider what I just did. If they’re converted into Sumairs, could we not offer them energy? We wouldn’t have to give them up. Maybe I’m the teensiest bit biased because of what I feel for Derry. He’s meant for me. He’s my spark suppressor. How can I maintain my humanity without him? Even if I transition, I can’t see myself not changing him, too. We’re meant to be together, and they obviously have strong feelings for Barry and Kiley. I’m not alone here. Fate’s taken the reins, charging us toward our destiny. Why aren’t they on this hill with me?
“You asked me earlier if I believe in love at first sight…not in those exact words,” Tally gets my attention on her again.
“You have a point?”
Her eyes are deadly determined. “Would you wish that life on them?”
What’s wrong with a Sumair’s life? Brody seems to fare just fine. He might even offer Derry pointers to control the cravings if I can’t keep from transitioning. Of course, there’s still the slight issue of a Sumair draining a Solathair dry, but there has to be a way to resolve that.
“I believe in love at first sight,” Declan murmurs. “I loved Kiley before I ever met her, and I fell in love with her the second I saw her on that stage.”
My hope lights up. He’s going to side with me. While I didn’t dream of Derry prior to meeting him, my whole life converted the instant I met him.
Declan smashes that hope sardonically. “I love her, and I’ll continue to love her for her entire human life and beyond it, but I wouldn’t wish the Sumair fate on her.”
“The cravings,” Tally reminds me. “Some Sumairs aren’t as functional as the ones you’ve met. In fact, most of them aren’t as civilized as the Sentry. Brody is a rarity with his ability to maintain composure as much as he does for someone so recently changed. Your stunted emotions have helped him.”
“Do you remember when you woke up to Brody holding you captive in his lap?” Declan wants me to see reason.
“Yes,” I agree cautiously. It did seem weird, and I’ve noted his protectiveness exhibits itself in other possessive ways. I assumed it was a side effect of his mandate to make sure nothing bad happened to me.
“You’re like a banana to a monkey,” Tally persists. “If you didn’t have your gift to curb people’s emotions, you’d already be dead. Even subconsciously, you’ve been reducing their craving, giving you a natural immunity to being thought of as food. Normally, they don’t behave rationally when hunger sets in. They’re getting that banana no matter what.”
I don’t believe her. The Sumairs I’ve met seem perfectly human to me. In some ways, they seem closer to their humanity than Tally or Declan. They sleep, eat, and connect with humans in a non-threatening way.
“We also think your ability is why we haven’t had similar urges to—” Declan stops himself short of reminding me their instinctual food preference is humans. As if I’d ever forget that.
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with your four-legged friend,” Tally states. “What have you learned?”
“A lot of stuff,” I take the immediate defensive.
“Does he sincerely want to be what he is?” she challenges.
I furrow my brow. “He’s fine with it.”
Declan shifts uncomfortably in the back seat. “Did he mention to you what happens if they fight the craving?”
“He said they submit to a withdrawal process.” He’s set on dragging me off this hill, kicking and screaming. “Sometimes, they even die from it.”
“Okay, did he tell you what happens before they die?” he pushes.
“Well, I imagine it isn’t a pleasant experience.”
“By the time the dying part comes, they’re begging for it,” Tally whispers. “It’s torture. They lose any semblance of what you’d class a human. They become monsters. Most live that way perpetually until the Sentry puts them out of their misery. Why do you think there’s a Sentry in the first place?”
“For law enforcement, to serve and protect.”
“For mass extermination,” she volleys. “Some Sumairs turn into crazed monsters having to be contained while others, like our mothers...”
I suck in a breath. “What about our mothers?”
“They don’t survive our births.”