The second trip through the portal isn’t nearly as disorienting as the first. I still don’t land on my feet. While expecting to see the Hotel Looking Glass mirrors, I’m standing in the middle of Halfway Hill, the red pines leaning toward us as if curious of our arrival.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” Brody’s rage is dueling my fire fuel for dominance.

His chastising doesn’t interest me when he’s the reason I winded up there. “Your aim is off.”

“No, I meant for us to land here.”

I feel in my pockets for my phone. Only, I don’t have my phone. It was in the backpack I chucked in the garbage at the hotel. My bad. Just another thing Tally will have to freak out at me for, in addition to my trendy shower shoes and smoke-infused clothing. Maybe my problematic appearance will distract her from her not-boyfriend being held captive in my stead. Those things are of equal value, right? Heh, no. Obviously not.

“Sheyla, this is serious.”

I shrug. “It usually is.”

“What’s gotten into you?” He paces the hilltop, clearly in distress. “What did he say?”

“Oh, you know.” I keep my voice nonchalant, which is quite a feat considering the circumstances. “My choices are to transition and take his seat or transition and give up my powers.”

He stops pacing and stares at me. “Oh?” His tone has a dramatic flair I’m not used to hearing from him. “Is that all?”

“Apparently.”

“Sorry.” He resumes pacing. “I should’ve tried harder.”

“Tried harder to what?” I stand, wiping my hands on my shorts. “You were just doing your job.”

“You don’t understand.” His meaty paws cuff my upper arms. “They requested an update. I had to comply. What happened after…”

“That’s how it works?” I step out of his grasp. “They command, and you blindly follow?”

“That’s how we’re programmed.”

“That’s why you couldn’t talk?” Fire Supreme literally tied his tongue.

“Yes.” He seems embarrassed to admit it.

“What happens to Barry now?”

“Nothing good.”

“Will they keep their word?”

He shakes his head. “No, not now.”

“Because of what I said?”

“They likely wouldn’t have, anyway.” He picks up the landing stones and hands them to me. “Did they threaten you? Give you a timeline for your decision?”

“Nope.” They look like red, blue, green, and gray marbles mixed with white, like a Solathair using their elemental ability. Do my eyes take on a milky texture now? “Fire Supreme was very cryptically coercive.”

“What will you do?”

“I don’t want to transition, Brody. I can’t see how that will solve anything.”

If I have to transition, Sheelin is probably the best place to do it. The only people I’d hurt are people I don’t care if I do. Lie. That’s a bold-faced lie. I do care. I want to hurt those jerks. I’m having trouble looking at Brody the same just for being associated with them. Fire Supreme wasn’t mean to me. He was cold. Cold is manageable. Even the exit anger is manageable. It’s the manipulation I struggle to get past. Why pretend those two hot garbage options are my only options? Sure, they’re all he wants to offer, but they can’t be all I have.

They don’t want to put me on the throne without me wanting it. I’m definitely not ready for that sort of control. Nor will I ever want it, regardless of whether I’m ready for it. Problem is, short of Fire Supreme letting me see what he’s feeling, I don’t believe him. Not that I’d trust a complete stranger, or one I just found out I’m genetically linked to, but experiencing his feelings would’ve buffered my doubt of his legitimacy. He doesn’t care if I trust him. I matter to him as much as anyone else. Not at all.

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“Would it be the worst thing in the world?” he whispers. “Transitioning there? It’s a contained area. Things would be easier for you and Derry, yeah?”

I’d forgotten all about that little hiccup. I have even more reason now to resist my transition. My silly, impulsive boyfriend jumped on the vaccination bandwagon. The irony isn’t lost on me. He’s reverted, and I’ll become the one with forever ahead of me without him to share it. I deserve that. Karmic restitution for what I did to Ryan and Mel.

“Sheyla?” Brody catches me as I break down into an uncontrollable fit. Tears pour down my face and soak his shirt. He doesn’t seem to mind my ugly crying, so I carry on long enough to give myself a headache.

“I vaccinated him,” I sob.

“You vaccinated who?”

“D-D-Derry,” I stammer. Just saying his name brings on another round of tears. Brody pats me softly on the back, unsure what to say to help me. Bright side: he doesn’t ask me follow-up questions. Not why Derry made the request, why I agreed, when I did it, or why we didn’t tell anyone. His involuntarily flexed biceps indicate he isn’t impressed, though.

Likewise, my fire isn’t impressed. I’ll be giving the Tribunal exactly what they want if I don’t expel some energy soon, except it won’t be in the secure location of Sheelin. I’m full to max capacity and overflowing.

“I need to go see Mom. Maybe I won’t screw this up like I’ve screwed up the rest.”

He wipes at the tears pooling under my eyes. “You haven’t screwed anything up.”

I give him my most earnest you’re-an-idiot-and-you-know-it look.

“What should I do, Brody?” I’m more desperate than ever. I don’t handle being helpless well.

“Stop fighting.”

How can I stop fighting? I haven’t even started. The only way to officially remove me as a prospect is to have Fire Supreme yeet my powers. I need to transition for that, and I’m not convinced he’s trustworthy. He could hold me there, send me back to unwittingly release my fire on the world or the opposing force, or maybe, just maybe, he’ll take it all away so everything can go back to normal. Frankly, the more I reflect on it, the less I believe freedom is in my future. He won’t let me go. There’s no value in doing that.

“You fight everything.” He grunts. “We’ll all get caught in the crossfire if you keep fighting your flame. None of us will survive it.”

“Should I just let it control me?” I half-laugh, half-cry. “I swear I’ll do a purge right now and toastercake us both if you feed me some line about everything happening for a reason.”

“Hey, I’d be free.” His pockets eat his hands. “I wouldn’t have to take orders anymore.”

“Why do you?”

“I have to comply,” he reminds me. “They put a leash on us when they make us so they won’t ever doubt our loyalty. I’m free to think my own thoughts. Honestly, there isn’t even any rule against speaking out since there’s nothing we can physically do that’s not dictated by them.”

“Is getting you to embark on a Barry bailout off the menu?”

He frowns.

The people I love, the people grabbing hold of me for dear life, are no longer holding me down. Suddenly, they’re holding me back, and without the forward movement, without continuing the path that was plainly in view a short time ago, they’ll be consumed by my flame. To survive, for everyone’s survival, I need to bring out the scissors. What tethers can I afford to disengage?

My self-propelled shears make snipping a cinch. Too easy, as proven by the disconnect between Ryan and Mel, followed shortly by Derry and me. If I keep cutting blindly out of desperation, I’ll lose more than I bargained for, but if I take too long to unweave all the threads before cutting, I’ll lose hold of the single connective string, and everything will unravel. Letting go was an easy concept before I found things worth holding onto. How will I choose who to hold onto? How will I choose who to save?

He’s right. The solution is in my nature. I need to quit fighting it, work with instead of against it, and stop focusing on restraining it. What I need to focus on is controlling its flow. Perhaps then I can cut without severing the entire connection.

“Do you really want to be free?”

He backs away. “I don’t want your cure.”

“Not vaccination, but what if I could sever your link?”

He cracks his knuckles.

“What if I could burn through it?”

“Could it work?” His full-tilt smile dazzles me, the mere prospect countering any reservations.

“How long would it take them to realize you were off leash?”

“They wouldn’t unless I’m in beast mode. The human skin masks the connection. They’d reach out but have no idea the hit missed.”

“Could you tell if it worked?”

“Not until the time came,” he admits. “It’s worth a shot.”

“Would you help Barry if I could break you free?”

“Of course I would.”

“How would you get him out by yourself?”

“I wouldn’t have to. Pack order means we listen to anyone higher up the food chain. The only person higher than me is Phelan. I just have to get to Molly and Connor before Phelan figures out what’s going on, and once we’ve brought Barry back here, well, we’ll just have to hope everyone is back before that happens. I can’t take them all on myself.”

“We’ll be ready,” I assure him, clicking the landing stones in my palm. “You’ll come back wherever these are?”

“Yep.”

“I’ll keep them with me.” I eye him warily. “You know what has to happen now?”

He sighs. “Just get it over with.”

When I place my hands on his cheeks, allowing my warmth to seep into his pores, I’m confident Brody’s wrong. I don’t need to stop fighting. I just need to stop fighting for bad things. I have to trust my flame to make full restitution for what I’ve done. I can only move forward. While my back is buckling from the prolonged haul, I won’t stop until I’ve expended every last ounce of my fire or my fire extinguishes me. Either. Or.

The whole thing might come undone, but at least it’ll be on our terms. It won’t result from a pseudo-option set out by a supposed father who cares nothing about me. Snipping the energy thread binding Brody to the Tribunal drops an enormous weight from my load, and it’s only just the beginning. I have some major offloading to do. For the first time in a long time, possibly ever, I can’t wait to set my fire free. Burn, baby, burn.