Novels2Search
The Fire Saga
SPARK 26 - ATRIAL FIBRILLATION

SPARK 26 - ATRIAL FIBRILLATION

“How’s your temperature?” Ryan cocks his head to the side and surveys me. “Have you been eating?”

I went to town on the grapes Tally brought me. Sadly, the sweetness was short-lasted. My father? Increasingly more like licorice candy. If I transition, he won’t be safe from me. No human will, including and especially Derry.

“Eating continues to be problematic. Right now, I’m more hangdog than hungry.” I shove my hands inside my jean pockets, the heat from my fingertips warming my thighs through the material.

“Over what?”

“Over all the what-ifs and can’t-haves,” I complain.

“Your opportunities aren’t limited by what you are. If anything, you have more. More than you had before you knew what was happening and definitely more than we could’ve had. You’ve had a positive effect on our family.”

“By distracting Tally to allow you some much-needed peace?”

He laughs. “No, I mean the changes in her and Declan. I’ve never seen them this happy, particularly the last week. It’s thanks to you.”

“Because I disappeared for a week?”

“No, because the hope you represent has allowed them to experience something I didn’t think was possible for them. A future. Joy. Love.”

My brow slams down. “Love?”

“It’s tracking that way for Barry and Kiley.”

“I thought we were working on safety measures.”

“It’s safe. Declan has impeccable restraint. He says Kiley doesn’t hold that appeal. Tally’s constantly displaced. She lets her clone sit in for her. There’s no danger.”

“Sorry, did you not just tell me how you killed the only woman you ever loved?” I pull my hands out of my pockets, the heat from my fingers on my thighs becoming unbearable. “Hello, History. Prepare to repeat yourself.”

“I felt love. I feel love thinking of her. I wouldn’t change a moment I spent with her. Not a moment. I regret nothing except not making the most of what time was available. The love I have for her still consumes me. It’s the closest I’ll ever come to being human. I can’t change what happened, but I’d fight to the ends of the earth to keep from losing that feeling, no matter how much it scared me. If you want to hold onto your humanity, you need to find something worth holding onto it for. You can’t give up your feelings. If you do, you’ve already lost this battle.”

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

“It’s wrong.” I clench my fists, trying to smother the growing flame.

“I’ve met Derry, Sheyla. He’s a nice boy and unexpectedly level-headed. He’s a good fit. Even Brody likes him, though he’s wary of his affections for you.”

“Affections for me?” I balk. “Him feeling anything for me is ludicrous. It’s an all-around bad idea. Horrible idea...bad. Bad. BAD. There’s no way you’re being so cool about this. Look at what happened to you! Please tell me you aren’t seriously encouraging this for me or them.”

“I haven’t seen them this content in a long time, probably ever.” He shrugs. “That makes me happy. Declan’s searched for Kiley since he transitioned. Who am I to forbid that? Tally’s being safe, and I genuinely enjoy Derry.”

“They respect you, Ryan. You need to stop this before it gets out of hand.”

“You should call Derry. He’s precisely what you need.”

Derry’s precisely what I don’t need. There’s a distinct line between need and want where he’s concerned.

“You’ve all completely lost your minds.”

“Maybe so.” He surprises me by pulling me into a warm embrace. I’m oddly compelled to reciprocate, yet I refrain. Barely.

He leaves me alone with my thoughts. Not hot news: they’re very, very dark. I stare at my motionless mother, wanting her to be here, needing her to be here, but she’s absolutely vacant.

“What do you think, Mom? Should I take a chance and call Derry?” I roll my eyes at her lack of response. “No, tell me what you really think.”

Sighing, I take hold of her virtually mechanical hand. “How about I ask you a question, and you answer by moving something if you can hear me. Are you in there somewhere?”

The heart monitor blips, and I grip her hand more firmly. Coincident or not, I embrace the possibility she’s found a way to respond. I’m desperate for some type of connection, even if one doesn’t exist. “I’m so sorry, Mom, for everything I caused to happen to you, for everything I caused to happen to everyone who has ever gotten close to me, and most of all, for everything that will happen if I don’t get this under control.”

As teardrops splash onto my arm, the monitor blips again. “I’ll do this for you. I’ll fight to survive, but it won’t be enough. I can’t reconcile the pain I’ve caused you, the pain I’ve caused Dad in taking you from him.”

I fall forward on the bed and sob, my stoic dam bursting with the strength of my sadness, my regret for everything I’ve taken from her, my father, and myself.

“You shouldn’t be in here, Sheyla,” says a familiar voice, edgier than I’ve ever heard.

Turning to face him, I wipe my eyes. My presence is clearly causing him discomfort. He’s likely worried I’ve compromised her. Oh, she’s compromised, for sure, but not the way he’s thinking. I’m not contagious. I’m just a hot mess. Can’t exactly set him straight on that, can I?

“I’m sorry, Dad.”

Okay, I’ve grossly under-exaggerated. This isn’t discomfort. He’s furious. I’ve never seen this raw emotion from him before. As his jaw flexes and cheekbones jut out, I’m awestruck by the intensity. It’s beautifully horrific.

“You’re not the one who should be apologizing, Sheyla,” he says through gritted teeth. “You didn’t take her away. She left.”

With that, he grabs my arm and pulls me from the room, ignoring my shock at his uncharacteristic response. We’re home before it registers that he doesn’t blame me. He blames her. While his anger has dissipated, it leaves in its wake the same expressionless visual I’ve witnessed daily for the last eighteen years, yet I can’t forget the fury I saw there in the hospital room. Is he waking up?