We have to get far away from any prospective backdraft. That means leaving Hotel Looking Glass. I put my friends and family in a horrible position, further proving I don’t deserve to feel the love they feel for me. I’m a burden, and soon, I’ll remove them from any further flame-induced misfortunes. Permanently. No more incendiary intrusions.
Primary problem? Location. Where to go. No going home. The closest respite? Easy answer. Amazonia.
The Amazon Coterie isn’t interested in choosing sides in a war. I hate to bring it directly to their doorstep, but we have to go with what we know. That’s assuming we can find them. Their makeshift camps are made for moving, and they rarely stay in a single place too long.
The rainforest has an expanse of nearly three million square miles. That part soothes my nerves. It should discourage me, right? Wrong. It means if they show themselves, it’s willingly. If they don’t want to be found, they won’t be found. We aren’t forcing their involvement.
“Spill it,” Ryan demands, swashing me upside my rickety thought train. We’re waiting for our charter plane pilot on a flight to Manaus.
I kick at the ground. I don’t want to answer as if keeping the words from slipping out somehow stops the murder I committed. I can’t lie to them, either. They need to be alerted to the danger I’ve put them in. Getting them away from Buenos Aires was one thing. The very real panic I felt helped in the short-term. My clipped, I torched the welcome wagon isn’t cutting it in the long-term. “Tayte’s dead,” I blurt. “I killed him.”
Declan whistles low.
“Good riddance,” Tally remarks.
I balk.
“Details would be helpful,” Kiley suggests.
“Tayte was trying to force a reversion. It was Alexandria or Cathain. I had to choose.”
Ryan places his arm around me. “He had no right to put you in that position.”
I push him away, but I can’t push away the emotions trickling their way from my eyes.
“He’s not worth your tears,” Tally insists.
“That’s not all I did.” I blow out an unsteady breath. “His death isn’t the only one I’m responsible for.”
“What’s been going on?” Kiley chirps. “We’ve been here the whole time. What did we miss?”
“I reverted two Sumairs,” I admit.
“So?” Tally prompts. “I was there for Gundy, remember? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“They’re dead because of me.”
Ryan frowns. “They didn’t survive the reversion?”
“No, they did.” I grimace. “They didn’t survive Tayte. He…he wasn’t letting them leave his army.”
Ryan pats me softly on the back. “I’m sorry we allowed this to happen.”
I look up at him through tear-fuzzy eyes. “You didn’t allow this to happen. I caused it to happen.”
“But we brought you here,” he argues.
“You aren’t responsible for this!” I roar. “You had to bring me here. What was the alternative? You couldn’t keep me in a drug-induced coma for the rest of my life. Bringing me here was the only option.” They didn’t make the agreement with Tayte. I did.
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“We wanted to give you the space you needed, but we shouldn’t have let you stray so far.”
“If some of us hadn’t pushed you farther than you needed to be pushed, you might’ve felt more comfortable confiding in us.” Declan glares at Tally, no shame in his blame-laying.
“Hey!” Tally dodges. “Don’t drag me into this. I didn’t make her do what she did. If she’d given me her humanity, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“That’s right,” Barry fumes. “We’d all be dead like Tayte!”
Ryan sighs. “What exactly happened to Tayte?”
“I wouldn’t decide between them, so he tried to force my hand.” I wipe at my eyes. “He pushed my power back into me as a warning.”
“Provisions,” Declan notes. “He was using your power against you to get what he wanted.”
“Right.” I frown. “Well, his warning sort of backfired. He left his barn door open. When he went to take my fire fuel back, I really let him have it. All of it. All at once.”
“Serves him right,” Tally tuts.
I shake my head. “He didn’t deserve what I did to him. No one deserves that.”
“It wasn’t deliberate,” Kiley pacifies me. “There’s no way you could’ve known what would happen.”
“I should have.”
“We’ve put all this effort into hoping we could stop the transition,” Ryan says quietly. “We’ve failed you. We should’ve spent more time explaining your powers so you could better embrace them. Tayte offered you that. He gave you insight into who you are and what you can do while we’ve spent our time trying to douse the flame.”
“I’ve failed me, and I would’ve bombed long ago if not for you. I didn’t want this. Not the powers. Certainly not taking the powers in the reversion. Tayte wanted that. He wanted to study me, and that’s what he did. He wrote everything in his notebook.”
“Where’s the notebook now?” Ryan pushes. “It could still be useful to you. Maybe that can be the good coming from this.”
“I burned it,” I whisper. “Nothing good can come from this. Nothing good is left in me.”
“That’s not true, Sheyla. You have the potential for such greatness. I only wish you could see it.”
“The potential.” I scoff. “I’m not good. I’ve done nothing good, and I’m tired. So incredibly tired.”
“You haven’t transitioned,” he reminds me. “There’s still hope.”
“Our only hope at this point is to contain the explosion.”
My fire is idling, content to be back, but that doesn’t mean it’ll stay settled for long. It seldom does.
“I’m glad you’re with us.” Ryan holds his arm firm when I try to shake it off again. “We’re stronger together.”
Tally bats long lashes over sparkling emerald eyes. “Also, it’s nice having you around. With your constant screw ups, even I look virtuous.”
I glower at her.
“You’re right,” she agrees. “I’m virtuous all the time.”
In her own Tally way, she’s trying to help give me a sense of normal. What she doesn’t realize is nothing will ever be normal again. Things are beyond serious. I want to rewind back to when my biggest concern was jumping out of my father’s Buick on my way to that first bonfire at the Keanes. Why can’t road rash be my biggest concern?
What would Brody think of me? I murdered someone. Would he look at me the same way? Will my Dad? It’s for the best I sent him off with Derry and Mel. They didn’t have to witness the incendiary destruction I’m capable of. I’ve spared them that, at least.
I’ll go with Ryan, Tally, Barry, Kiley, and Declan to the Amazon rainforest and make sure they’re safe. Then, I’ll use the departure stones to complete my final mission. I’ll die saving my mom. My death for her life. That’s the ultimate price, and the cumulative fee is long overdue payment.
“Sheyla, before we go any further, we need to tell you something.” Ryan’s worried. “I’m not sure how you’ll react.”
“What?”
I honestly can’t imagine him telling me anything that makes our situation any grimmer than it already is.
“Just spill it,” Tally demands. “We have a long trip ahead of us. I’d like to be in the sky before dark. If she kicks up a fuss, just knock her out.”
“Tally! We’ll do no such thing,” Ryan scolds.
Molly and Seán appear with the pilot.
“Not enough seats,” Tally grouses. “Right, Sheyla?”
Robot engaged. Oh, hey old friend. How ya been? Good. Great. Excellent. I say nothing. Tally snaps her fingers in front of my eyes. I don’t even blink.
Ryan presses on my fingernail. “She’s in shock.”
“Ugh. Shove her in the cargo hold,” Tally unhelpfully recommends.
I’m shoved, but not in the cargo hold. Someone shoves me onto the plane. My head falls hard against the cool glass window. When we land, we’ll rent a boat and travel south half a day in the unseasonable weather with one hope. The hope? That the Amazon Coterie doesn’t send us straight on down the river. We’re coming uninvited, knowing our intrusion will bring a battle to their front door. We’re epically bad guests.
That’s why I don’t say anything to Molly or Seán. Bad guest solidarity. Maybe it doesn’t matter whether they’re here to help or hurt us. They can’t make things worse. Who am I to tell them not to if they want to put themselves in the hot seat? We aren’t in a position to turn away any assistance, and as the eye of the storm, I absolutely don’t deserve an opinion.