“You can sleep on the other side of my bed, I tend to stick to the right side of it anyways. I…” Ingrid trailed off, standing in the doorway. In her room was Malori, wearing a borrowed pair of too-big pajamas. Even so, she seemed to love them. She was practically radiating joy as she hugged herself, looking like she was going to start giddy laughing any second. Ingrid figured she had enough clothes, giving her one pair of pajamas would be fine. She cleared her throat, then took a deep breath. “I should probably tell my sister what I’m going to be doing, and that I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

Malori gave her a concerned look, but nodded nonetheless. “O-Okay, I hope it goes w-well!” she said encouragingly as she looked at the huge bed.

Ingrid smiled, then began heading to her sister’s room. She hoped that it would at least be a mundane talk, but given the subject, she could already feel the dread pooling in her gut. She took another shaky breath. If she got through this, she could make it to morning. All she had to do was keep it together for one more conversation.

She knocked on the door, then stood outside, waiting for a span of seconds that felt like hours. The familiar sound of shuffling from behind it was her response, followed by it slowly creaking open. “Dervla, it's good to see you. I'm sorry I didn’t come by sooner, it’s been a busy day,” she sighed, a weak smile on her face.

“It’s perfectly fine, Lady Ingrid. Lady Cecilia hasn’t left her room since this morning. I’m sure you noticed her absence at dinner,” the maid said politely, “Would you like to come in? She hasn’t been talkative, but you may make her day better.”

Ingrid winced a little bit. She’d give anything to not have to do this now. There wasn’t exactly another time that she’d be able to do this, though. She nodded, thanking Dervla, and entered.

Cecilia was facing away from the door, staring out the window from her chair. The drapes were fully open, letting the moonlight pour in and wash over her. Ingrid glanced at her sister, noticing the barely touched meal that Dervla had brought up to her. It was almost certainly cold, and Dervla was probably only leaving it out of some hope that Cecilia might take a bite or two more before she went to sleep.

Ingrid approached her sister, standing next to her at the window. “Hey, sis,” she said in a quiet greeting, “I was hoping I could talk to you about something.”

Dervla returned from the door, taking her place near Cecilia’s shoulder. She stood with her hands clasped together, waiting to answer any commands at a moment’s notice. She appeared to be trying her best to hide an ever-growing worry for her charge. Ingrid knew she cared deeply for Cecilia, beyond that of a normal servant. It was the slightest bit comforting knowing that she was there.

Cecilia absentmindedly stared out the window like no one was in her room. Her gaze was pointed upwards, looking at the stars. Ingrid felt a pang of sadness in her chest as she remembered her sister excitedly talking about the wonderful man she had met, and how they would look at the stars together. She remembered the constellations he pointed out to Cecilia, that she in turn pointed out to Ingrid and an infant Mattias.

After an uncomfortably long silence, Cecilia looked down at the stumps of her legs. “What do you want?” her voice was barely a whisper.

Ingrid felt her chest tighten. She looked at the ground, unable to keep looking at her sister. “I’m going on a trip tomorrow. I don’t know when I’ll be back,” she said flatly.

“Are you asking me to take care of Mattias? I barely see him outside of dinner. He wasn’t even there today according to Dervla,” she scoffed.

“Mattias is gone. He left a note saying he was going to Reach.”

Cecilia’s head whirled to look at Ingrid. Ingrid felt her hands starting to shake. Not right now not right now not right now.

“And you let him?” her voice sounded calm, but it was a tone that Ingrid had heard many times before. She recognized the venom behind the words.

“I didn’t even know he was gone until a few hours ago,” she said shakily, “He left without me knowing, and you know he can teleport, how was I-”

“Stop making excuses!” she shouted, “You’re the head of the family, you are supposed to take care of these things!”

“M-My Lady, please,” Dervla tried to step forward, concern clear on her face, “Maybe it’s time to go to bed?”

Cecilia ignored her. “How can you be so useless!” she was screaming now, “Our brother might be dead because of your negligence!”

Ingrid felt her breath starting to get uneven. Her hands were still shaking, and her mind felt like it was trying to grasp thirty different thoughts at once and failing to hold any of them. She stared at the ground like her life depended on it. “I-I know, that’s why I’m going after him. I need to find him and bring him home. That way we-”

“You? Bring him home? Don’t make me laugh,” she spat, “You can barely take care of yourself, let alone someone else!”

“Cecilia, please stop,” Ingrid’s voice was desperate as she begged, “I-I’m taking this hard too. I’m doing everything I can, just, please stop?”

“Why should I stop?” she demanded, ignoring Dervla trying to pull her away. “Why should I stop for a waste of a sister?”

Ingrid felt tears starting to form. It had been a long time since she had heard Cecilia call her that. “I’m trying my best,” she choked out, “I don’t want to be a waste, I just want to-”

“If you weren’t a waste then you wouldn’t have gotten my husband and daughter killed!” she screamed it so loud that Ingrid felt her own throat choke up from it, “And you have the gall to forget about the anniversary of that day! You should have been the one to di-!”

“Well maybe I wish I did!” Ingrid screamed, finally looking her sister in the eyes. There was so much there. All the different emotions swirling behind them, but only one wanted to be seen. Sheer, unadulterated rage.

Ingrid couldn’t take it anymore. She sprinted out of the room as fast as she could, not even waiting to hear Dervla’s inevitable apologies. She didn’t go to her own room either. As nice as it would be if Malori didn’t hear any of it, it was likely she heard at least the shouting, even if she couldn’t make out specific words. Ingrid just wanted to be alone.

She ran to the garden.

Malori was shaking. She wished she hadn’t heard that. Her heart pointed and her mouth felt dry as she looked at the door of Ingrid’s room. What would she say if Ingrid came in? She hadn’t been able to tell exactly what was said, but the shouting was more than audible. She recognized the tone of desperation from the one time Ingrid yelled. It was one she was unfortunately familiar with coming from herself.

Why are you so useless? Your first friend and she’s already suffering. You can’t do a damn thing to help.

She tried to shake off the familiar voice, but to no avail. Even if it wasn’t her fault, surprisingly, it didn’t change the fact that Ingrid was alone. There still wasn’t a single thought about what to do if or when Ingrid came in. What would she be like if she did? It sounded like she was crying, but would she still be? Would she have calmed down? She mentally kicked herself. Useless.

Maybe she had said some fancy words earlier, but that wasn’t real. It wasn’t her. It was just a scene she had read in a book. The heroine of the book was breaking down, and her friend held her as an attempt to comfort her. There was only one genuine original thought from her, and it was telling Ingrid that she wished someone would do that for her. Why would anyone though?

The lingering feelings of anxiety and fear were almost enough to drive her insane. She hoped she’d learn to block them out when she got older. That morning had been difficult enough. The desperation and agony from Ingrid's sister made her head feel like it was being pummeled so hard that she could barely move.

She took a shaky breath, clutching the hem of her new pajama shirt. They were fairly plain, just a light blue shirt with long sleeves and a matching pair of pants. The sleeves were too long, and hung over her hands. She had almost tripped a few times over the legs, and she had to pull the straps tight to prevent them from falling down. They were the best pajamas she had ever had.

Her heart fluttered as she thought about it in some attempt to calm herself. They were a sign that she wasn’t as alone. She had a friend. Throwing away her place at the church to go searching for Ingrid’s brother was a terrifying thought on its own, but through the lens of making sure she didn’t lose Ingrid, it was a choice she was more than happy with. She looked over at the bed, then at the door that still remained untouched. It wouldn’t hurt to at least lie down while she tried to think of what to say or do.

She placed a hand on the covers, marveling at how soft they were. Managing to ease herself under them and fix her clothes, which had become a folded mess around her, she closed her eyes. It was hard to even realize that she was crying until she heard the soft pat of a tear hitting the pillow. Crying herself to sleep wasn’t exactly an oddity, but it usually came in a different context. There wasn’t any attempt to stop the tears either, she knew that that was a fool's errand. So she let them come as she closed her eyes, letting out a few quiet sobs as well. Before long, she was crying harder than she usually did at night. The emotion was enough to make her curl up into a ball as she struggled to process it. It wasn’t the desperation to feel someone beside her or holding her, or to feel cared about. After nineteen years crying over that every night, it wasn’t as intense. As she felt herself start drifting off into the nightmares she knew would come, the intensity came from one, singular thought.

I’m not alone, and she’s just as miserable as I am.

Ingrid rushed through the bushes and flowers, desperately searching for a hiding place. She needed to calm down. She had been getting better for a while. The panic attacks were becoming fewer and further between, in no small part thanks to Alice’s help. Whatever she did to deserve that woman in her life, it was the best thing she had ever done. Having two in one day though had her mind reeling.

Cecilia’s words echoed back in her head on repeat, taunting her, mixing with her own thoughts about Mattias, compounding into something that suffocated rational thought. It made it hard to breathe, and her head began to swim as she started getting dizzy.

Eventually, she came to a stop in a circular portion of the tiled paths that went through the garden. She fell to her knees, then over on her side. She felt completely unable to move. The thought of getting up made her want to cry even harder than she already was. So on the ground she stayed. She rested her head against the tiles, not minding how hard they were. Gently closing her eyes, she cried.

Crying was good when she felt like this. It was cathartic. Her own little way of letting out all the confusing and overpowering emotions until she was in a better headspace to address them properly. Whenever she did it, she could never tell how long she was there. It could have been a minute, or it could have been hours. Either way, she would take as long as she needed. If she didn’t, then she was going to start breaking down during the day, and that was a worst case scenario in her eyes.

Normally she’d go to her room, but Malori was there. She had just met the girl, and yet she was willing to accompany her on a journey of unknown length and danger on a whim. She had already broken down in front of the esper once, if she did it again she didn’t know if she’d be able to face her again.

She started letting her mind drift, trying to picture each passing thought as a leaf on a river. They were just passing. They wouldn’t stay. It was a trick that Alice had recommended when she started getting stuck on the idea of not screwing up the day that Ealadha and Binne died. Cecilia was right, it had been her fault.

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She could still remember it vividly. Ealadha and Cecilia shouting to stay put as they ran into the burning building. The way she refused to listen, running in to try and find Binne. How thick and suffocating the smoke was, and how it burned her throat and eyes. When the flames started licking at her legs and burning her skin. When one of the dark fey monsters attacked her. It was a small, yellow, bug-like creature with two large pincers, and mandibles that chittered horrifically. The way it backed her into a corner, about to tear her to-

Ingrid took a deep breath, trying to let the thought pass. It would pass. It wouldn’t stay. After a few breaths, she managed to shunt out those memories and try to think about anything else. For all the practice she had done on this, it was still hard. She didn’t want to think about the situation with Mattias, or Cecilia. Either one of those would just make her start to panic and spiral out of control. After crying so much, she could feel herself starting to get a headache. She was definitely going to need to drink a lot of water after this.

Opening her eyes and letting some of the tears wash themselves away, she looked at the first flower in front of her; a white lily, just like the ones she had pointed out to Malori. She tried to think of and categorize every single detail about it. It had exactly six leaves, though none of them were symmetrical. The first four were about halfway up the stem, but there was an inch or so between the first four and the last two. The stem split about three quarters of the way up, forming into two of the pure, white flowers. Both of the flowers had six petals. Lilies tended to represent purity and transformation. At least, those were the first two meanings that came to her mind.

She continued to do that with all of the flowers she could see, categorizing them, describing the most minute details to herself, refusing to focus on any thought other than the flowers. Something mundane, easy to understand. Something calm.

It was hard to tell how long she did it, but eventually, she had managed to stop crying. Her breathing was still ragged, and her eyes and cheeks hurt from the exertion, but she had stopped crying. She closed her eyes again, taking another moment to let her breathing steady, evening itself out.

She looked up at the moon to see how much it moved. Her neck was stiff, and she felt some of her bones crack as she got up. It had likely been around an hour and a half since her conversation with her sister. All things considered, that wasn’t that long. It wasn’t the first time her sister had exploded on her with that much intensity, and sometimes the subsequent breakdowns lasted multiple hours. She made a mental note to tell Alice about this. The dark elf had told her that any progress should be taken with pride, no matter how small. She was a good friend.

Grunting from the effort, Ingrid slowly lifted herself from the ground. It was a bit of a struggle, not having anything to use as support, but she had to make sure not to do it too quickly. Now would have been a bad time to get up too fast, get dizzy, and pass out, letting herself fall face first into hard stone tiles. She wished she had brought her staff, so she could have something to steady herself as she began taking her wobbly steps towards the front of the manor. There was no reason to bring it whatsoever, so it made sense not to have it, but it would have been nice.

Once she approached the front, she practically fell onto the wall to support herself. Having a breakdown like this was probably one of the most exhausting things in her life. It was far beyond what any day of training, no matter how intensive, with Labhras could do to her. She just wanted to crawl up to her room, fall face first onto her bed, and fall asleep.

It was probably some level of concerning how long it took her to go the few yards to the door, but she didn’t think about it. She opened the door, stepped in, and closed it, leaning her back against it and taking a breath. She made her way up the stairs and tried to ignore her heart starting to speed up again at the thought of Malori seeing her. She had never read anything about espers being able to see better in the dark, hell most people didn’t even know they existed. It wouldn’t be hard to hide the fact that she had been crying. It wasn’t like it was the first time she had to come up with a quick excuse about something like this either.

When she opened the door though, she was greeted with the sounds of gentle, rhythmic breathing. Malori was definitely asleep. With a sigh of relief, she made her way over to the bed and under the covers. She was thankful that she had already been in pajamas. Even the thought of having to change clothes was enough to make her exhausted.

Despite the large bed, Malori appeared to have gravitated more towards the middle. Ingrid smiled, scooting herself close to the smaller girl. Then she heard a sniffle. She squinted, trying to make out Malori’s face in the dark. Elves had some ability to see in it, but it was nothing compared to how well dark elves, or even her brother, could. With Malori sleeping on her side, facing Ingrid, she was able to make out tears in the corners of her eyes. A look of worry crossed Ingrid’s face. Inching closer, it became clearer that despite her even breath, she was crying.

Ever so gently, as to not wake her up, Ingrid pulled Malori close to her, closing her own eyes. Even in her slumber, the little esper seemed to instinctively wrap her hands around Ingrid. She couldn’t help but feel bad for the girl. Ingrid took a deep breath, calming her nerves. Gradually, she let herself fall into a deep sleep, with Malori in her embrace.

Ingrid groaned and slowly opened her eyes, roused by the beams of sunshine piercing through the drapes. She winced at the pounding headache she had. It was definitely dehydration. After crying that hard, she should have made sure to drink a lot, but the stress apparently made her forget. Even as she tried to justify it in her head, it didn’t make the throbbing subside whatsoever. She looked down at Malori, unable to keep a smile from creeping across her face. The esper was still fast asleep, but had apparently grown much more comfortable with the position of being held, and had pulled Ingrid even closer than before. It was cute to see how the inhibitions left her sleeping form in contrast to the ball of anxiety she was the previous day. That wasn’t even mentioning the adorable bedhead, though Ingrid was no stranger to that with hair her length.

She closed her eyes again, letting her head sink into the pillow once more. It wouldn’t hurt to rest for a little bit longer. Besides, Malori looked so cute that it would have been a shame to wake her.

Eventually, Ingrid relented to her better judgment and pulled herself out of bed. She made sure to do it slowly, even replacing her own body with her pillow to try and disturb Malori as little as possible. Satisfied that her friend could sleep in, she got up and left to run a bath. Normally Chimsley would do this, but he was likely busy gathering the rations and maps she had requested the previous day. She wasn’t opposed to doing something so mundane on her own, either.

Malori had mentioned the previous day that she liked hot baths, which helped, since Ingrid enjoyed having them hot as could be.

As she was preparing everything, she heard Malori beginning to stir, and went back into the bedroom. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” she joked quietly.

Malori rubbed her eyes with one hand, the other clutching onto the pillow. “G-Goo’ morning…” she mumbled, still not opening her eyes.

“I’m getting the bath ready right now, so don’t stay too long. I figured you’d want to take one before we headed out, wouldn’t you?” she asked thoughtfully, sitting on the bed and reaching over to play with the younger girl’s bedhead.

The esper nodded, but barely seemed to be listening. “B-Bath sounds… Nice…” she yawned, clutching the pillow even tighter. Her brow furrowed. Even with her eyes closed, it was clear that she was more awake than she had been. “W-When you say baths, what do you m-mean?” she asked, a hint of nervousness in her voice.

Ingrid tilted her head. “What do you think it means? Baths help me wake up and face the day. Plus, who knows when we’ll get to take a hot bath next. I figured I should get one more for the road.”

Malori opened her eyes, nineteen years of social awkwardness shining through the purple irises. “Y-You want a bath, b-but you said the bath w-was for me too, so that means,” it didn’t sound like she was explaining it to Ingrid so much as trying to explain it to herself and rationalize it.

“I mean, you don’t have a problem bathing together, right? It’s just a bath,” she mused, realizing that she probably should have expected this level of shyness from the girl.

Malori’s face went red, and she quickly buried it in the pillow she had been hugging. “Th-that’s… Both of us t-together…” she trailed off, like she didn’t want to finish the sentence.

Ingrid couldn’t help but giggle as she continued to play with Malori’s hair. “Your hair is so soft. I could help you wash it if you’d like?” she offered, “Or, are you nervous at the idea of being naked around me? Or seeing me naked?”

She nodded into the pillow, not saying a word. Even her ears were turning red now, much to Ingrid’s amusement.

“Really, it’s no big deal. It’s just a bath! I won’t force you if you don’t want it though,” she said comfortingly.

There was a long pause as Malori thought about what to say next. Ingrid waited. Eventually though, she lifted her face from the pillow. “I-I guess it should be f-fine…” she muttered. She was clearly still nervous.

Ingrid gave her a pat on the head, then helped her out of bed. “We don’t need to spend too long in there. If you’re nervous though, don’t worry. There’s plenty of steam, so it’s hard to see things. Are you sure you’re alright though?”

Malori appeared to think about it again, then nodded, staying quiet.

Smiling at her, Ingrid led her to the baths, where she started to undress. The esper’s face again turned bright red as Ingrid took off her clothes, quickly averting her eyes. The way that the blush and look formed though seemed familiar. The more she thought about it, and thought about the comment she had made about her brother being around Malori’s age, it was more than likely that Malori leaned more towards women than men.

She tucked that mental note away, and finished taking her clothes off before lowering herself slowly into the bath. “If you’re worried about me looking, I have my eyes closed, and I’m facing away from you,” she said reassuringly.

A small whimper was audible from Malori. After a few seconds though, she began to hear the sounds of clothes being taken off. Ingrid smiled, happy that her new friend wasn’t too uncomfortable. Lowering herself further, she kept just her nose and higher above the water, eager to let the warmth cover her. A few more seconds, and she heard a small ‘eep!’ as Malori entered the bath. Ingrid couldn’t help but giggle.

Eventually, she felt the water shift as Malori fully entered. The bath was more than big enough for two people, and could likely fit a third and fourth comfortably. Ingrid brought her mouth above the water. “So, have you given any thought to letting me help wash your hair? I have to take care of mine fairly well, so I have a good routine for it,” she offered, keeping her eyes closed.

Malori squeaked, like she wasn’t expecting Ingrid to speak. “O-Oh! Um, I-I’ve never had something like that before,” she muttered. She was quiet for a little longer. “...I-I suppose it sounds nice…”

Ingrid smiled. “Is it okay if I open my eyes then?”

There was another quiet pause, before she heard a meek ‘mhm’ from the other girl. Ingrid drifted over to her, then slowly opened her eyes. Malori was bright red, but it was hard to tell if it was from the heat of the water or not. It was always easy to tell due to how pale her skin was normally, but it was amusing nonetheless. She was also staring intently at the water, seemingly trying to avoid looking at Ingrid.

Ingrid made sure to take her time with washing both hers and Malori’s hair, being as gentle as possible. She kept talking to a minimum as well, given how little she responded anyways. This was progress though. It wasn’t exactly a secret that she didn’t have many friends, and maybe her view of how personal friends could be was a little skewed due to her time spent with Alice. Regardless of that, Alice was a cherished friend, and she hoped that Malori and her could become closer as well. That required a girl as jumpy as Malori being comfortable around her, and she was fairly certain that one good day and a nice bath wasn’t going to completely break down those walls. It was a start though.

Even so, she could feel the esper get ever so slightly less tense as the bath went on, until they were both finished cleaning themselves, and a healthy amount of lounging around in the warm water.

Ingrid looked up at the small pendulum that she kept above the bath. She knew that they had slept in, she had done that on purpose, but it was getting close to noon. Begrudgingly, she exited the bath, using her magic to dry herself off. It was the same spell Labhras used to remove the dirt from her after she fell. Air swirled around her, picking up the individual water droplets and delicately removing them. She took a breath as it ended, letting her hair drift down around her as the updraft faded.

“H-How did you do that?” Malori’s voice of awe came from behind her.

Ingrid turned to look, and was surprised to see the embarrassment that had been on her face the whole time not present. She smiled. “It’s a little spell my mentor taught me. It has a couple of uses, but I tend to use bits of wind to dry myself off,” she explained, using it to blow her hair as a quick demonstration. “I can’t stand being wet when I’m not in water, but I also just really like baths.”

Malori nodded along, the wheels in her head clearly working to think about the functionality of the magic. Ingrid let her have her thoughts and began to put on her clothes for the day. She made sure that they were good travel clothes, but ones that could be worn under her armor. Leaving Malori alone to dry herself off and begin dressing, she went back into her room to start the complicated process of fastening her armor and its plates into place.

Not long after she finished putting it on, Malori poked her head out of the bathroom. “U-Um, Ingrid?”

“Yes?”

“C-Could you maybe, um, use that spell on my hair?” she asked meekly, gesturing to her hair that, while more dry, was clearly still very wet. “Y-You don’t have to! I can just wait, if it’s too much!” she said quickly.

“Of course I can! Come here, silly,” she laughed, before casting the spell. She maintained it for a bit to fully dry off her hair, amused by how in awe of it Malori was. “Good?”

Malori nodded, quickly starting to tie her hair at around the halfway point with a light blue ribbon.

As both of them finished getting ready, they left Ingrid’s room and headed towards the stairs. Chimsley likely had breakfast ready for them now, as well as all of the supplies ready to go. Placing her hand on the railing, Ingrid took one last look towards her sister’s room. She didn’t know what she was looking for. Was she hoping that Cecilia would rush out on her wheelchair to apologize? To wish her luck and hope she brought their brother back?

She shook off the feeling, solemnly looking away as she walked down the stairs, with Malori following closely behind.