The muffled sounds of an argument finally began to rouse Natalia from her slumber. Sleeping was a luxury she didn’t partake in often. She only ever felt the need for it maybe once a week. Two weeks if she wasn’t exerting herself too much. She was almost certainly exerting herself lately. After the fight with the dragon, she’d had to sleep two nights in a row for what was the first time in likely half a decade. It felt wonderful. Long gone were the days where she’d rest in bed night by night, falling asleep to her mothers’ bedtime stories or under the stars with her father. She wished they could have stayed, given her something to do other than sit awake with her thoughts for hours on end. Occasionally Alice joined, going to bed late and waking up early, but it didn’t fix the problem. It made her feel wrong.
Sleep was one of the aspects of herself that fled later into her transformation. First were the wings, then her eyes, her perception of temperature, and finally, the last place where she could ever see the fading faces of her kin. It was almost funny in a way. She could fly as easily as she could walk, her magic was both powerful and destructive, she could go days without rest, she was practically immune to extreme temperatures, yet her nearsightedness hadn’t changed even a bit. She was grateful for it. It reminded her that she was flawed. A person. Not a god or an angel, no matter how close she got.
Coming to terms with the fact that she wasn’t going to be getting anymore of that wonderful rest and reset, she focused on the argument. She didn’t open her eyes, instead opting to wait and listen. The other three could survive without her. Probably. Hopefully.
“-well someone fuckin’ had to,” Alice’s voice scoffed. Natalia could practically hear the dark elf cross her arms.
“Well obviously! It couldn’t have just been no one,” came Ingrid’s. The girl sounded like she was on the verge of a breakdown.
“Alright, what’s the evidence then? Just say it out loud. I’ll wait. Rubber ducky me, remember?”
“I know, I know I just–”
“Maybe we can all take a minute? This has all gotten really fast really quickly. A breath might be good for everyone, right?” Kallen asked. “We can wait for Natalia to get up, and then we can figure out what happened.”
“Kallen, please, just let me do this,” Ingrid sounded strained. “I just–Someone did it, while we were asleep. None of Alice’s chimes went off, and anyone who would have snuck in here would have likely tried to kill us rather than destroy the totem.”
Natalia frowned. Someone destroyed the totem? Ingrid had mentioned Alice might make a play to do something like that. Was she playing up the confused angle to continue that asinine circle of gaslighting the pair had? Convince the dark elf that she wasn’t actually onto her? No, Ingrid wasn’t that good of an actress. She’d barely been able to be convincing enough to pretend she actually wanted the totem intact, and that was more because she was impartial than actively lying. This was far too genuine. The druid had managed to stave off her panic attacks since the first night they’d met. It was impressive, something she should’ve been proud of if she thought about it even a little. She’d even managed to hold herself mostly together when Alice was about to be killed, much to the illian’s surprise. But Natalia had heard the girl when something was actually getting to her. This was genuine, unless she took a drama class overnight.
“Alice’s knife can barely scratch it, let alone make a cut like that. I don’t have anything that can cut that cleanly, even if I might be able to crush it with stones or tear it apart with roots and plants,” the druid continued. Her voice steadied as she continued to gain confidence, but she seemed disturbed as she ruled out each possibility. “The only weapon we have on hand that we know can do something to the totems is Kallen’s glaive. I can’t even get it to budge, neither can Alice,” there was a pause. “I’m… sorry, but I did check to see if you were faking it. I could sense the way you moved, as a creature, the way your muscles strained against it. You weren’t.”
Alice sighed. “I mean, you were checkin’ everything. You’ve got plenty’a reason to think I did it too. Water under the bridge.”
Another pause, followed by a deep breath. “Alice, you only managed to move it a couple of inches. Even if you did just go slow and force it, you couldn’t have cut it like that, but that means the only person who could’ve done it was either Natalia or Kallen, and Natalia’s–”
“Getting up,” she grumbled, turning onto her stomach and shoving herself up from the floor. She flapped her wings slightly for balance as she got her feet under her. The downside of having wings was that she couldn’t lay on her back for very long without making them sore or cutting off circulation. Awkwardly sleeping on her side when she’d been a back sleeper all her life was still something she wasn’t used to after all these years. “What do you want?”
She didn’t bother to hide her annoyance as she rubbed the tiredness from her eyes. An argument was far from the first thing she wanted to deal with in the morning, but of course something would go wrong. She hesitated to think of it as something going wrong without her, because it almost certainly would’ve happened even with her present. Her conflict avoidance really needed work.
Ingrid opened her mouth, floundering with her words for a moment before Alice spoke up. “Kallen’s glaive. Mind tryin’ to lift it real quick?” she asked casually.
“Why?” she asked. Looking at the polearm, it was a large weapon, but even the biggest of swords and armaments tended to be fairly lightweight. Heavier weapons could only be tailor made for someone with the absurd strength to wield it, and given Kallen’s poverty, there was a snowball’s chance in hell that that was the case.
“Just humor us, will you?” the dark elf rolled her eyes.
Natalia huffed, then took the glaive from where Kallen had been holding it out to her. The human had been holding it with one hand, and it was no different for Natalia. She picked it up and hefted it. Light as a feather. It was impressive craftsmanship, whoever did make it. With its oversized blade, it should have by all means been poorly balanced, though she’d written that off as Kallen’s strength making up for it through brute force. There were no such flaws in the weapon though. Gods, what her mom would have given to see a weapon like this, to speak to whoever made it.
She tossed the weapon from one hand to the other, then handed it back to Kallen. When she looked back at the elven duo, they both looked mortified. “What?”
“How the fu–”
“It really wasn’t heavy at all?” Ingrid pressed, leaning forward in curiosity. Natalia, Alice is significantly stronger than me, and she could barely budge it. You both make it look like you’re tossing a piece of driftwood about!”
“I tried to tell you guys, it’s really not that heavy. It never has been. Honestly, it feels lighter than other weapons I’ve used,” Kallen explained, returning the blade to her back. “I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”
“It is when we’re tryin’ to figure out who the hell cut the totem in half. You two are the only people who can use the proverbial murder weapon,” Alice said condescendingly.
Natalia’s eyes went wide as she walked over to where the totem had been. It was still there, but she could finally see what everyone was talking about. From top to bottom, the device had been cut cleanly in half, like someone had sliced into a cake.
“Guys, Natalia just woke up. Can we at least have breakfast first? Alice said she figured stuff out from the interrogation too. We don’t need to be fighting,” Kallen pleaded, holding out her hands like she was trying to get children to settle down. Now that Natalia thought about it, that was likely the appropriate response to these two.
“Kallen, this is serious! I–” Ingrid cut herself off, tapping her foot nervously. “I hate this. I hate this so much because it was you! And I know it was!”
Natalia furrowed her brow. Ingrid sounded far too sure of that statement for it to be as confused as it was. She wasn’t saying it as an accusation, it was an undeniable fact in her mind. The evidence did point that way, but Kallen had no motive. The human barely even cared about them, only destroying the previous one when asked to. She certainly didn’t have a reason to go behind everyone’s backs to do it. Natalia’s wings went rigid and her teeth clenched as she made the connection in her head.
“Hey, take a breath, Love,” Alice comforted, putting her hands on her shoulders. “You’re panicking, I can hear it in your voice. This is unfortunate, but it’s not worth working yourself into a breakdown over. You’ve been doing so good lately, let’s keep the streak up.”
It was slightly unnerving hearing Alice speak so gently. Did she even care that she was the cause of this? A voice in the back of Natalia’s mind screamed at her to spill everything, but she smothered it. Doing that would mean losing Alice, her ticket into the Blacktips inner circle for a contract. She looked at Ingrid. She liked the elf, but not enough to prioritize her over her actual goals. It sucked, but she could bear it for a moment.
“No,” Ingrid snapped, her voice wavering as she pushed herself away from Alice. The dark elf looked shocked. “No, I can’t stop, none of this makes sense, Kallen wouldn’t lie like this! You wouldn’t lie like this!”
Natalia clenched her jaw.
Alice gave her a confused look. “Again, Love, let’s take a moment,” she said softly. “Kallen was the one who agreed with me last night on destroying it, that’s worth noti–”
“No she didn’t!” Ingrid cried, panting.
Silence filled the room. A dozen different emotions played out on Alice’s face until confusion was the only one that remained. “What?”
Ingrid took a shaky breath, taking a step back. “She didn’t want to destroy it. I told her to agree with you, because I was worried you were hiding things from me and I wanted to prove you weren’t. I-I found spiders, and I put them in the room with the totem so they could tell me who it was and I asked them and the person they described was Kallen!” she was screaming now, pointing at the bewildered human. “She didn’t have a reason to do it, she didn’t even want to do it! But she did and she doesn’t even remember it, or she’s lying for no reason! And the only person who actually wanted to destroy it was you!”
Alice looked like she’d been punched in the stomach. Panic was clear in her eyes as she stared at her lover, watching the woman’s tears patter to the floor. “I–You told her to agree with me?” she looked betrayed. “Kallen, did you only agree because she said to?”
The human gave Natalia a concerned look, but nodded. “Yeah.”
A one word answer. What else could she say?
“Love, Ingrid, what’s going on?”
“I–I’m sorry, I just–Certain things weren’t making sense, and you said you wanted me to make my own decisions, but you kept arguing with them! I was trying my best! And I thought that maybe if Kallen was the one agreeing with you, then you’d agree with me instead, but I wasn’t thinking and I set it up wrong and used Colette too–”
“Ingrid, I want you to make your own decisions, but you’re not immune to them being wrong or shitty!” Alice snapped. She sounded just as desperate as her lover. “You were abusing how much I hated those two so I wouldn’t disagree even if you had a shitty idea? Why didn’t you just fucking talk to me?”
“Talk to you when?” Ingrid screamed. “Ever since the dragon you’ve barely been talking to anyone! You come to bed after I’m asleep and get up before I’m awake! It’s like you’re not even here!”
“There’s a lot going on right now, I’m fuckin’ stressed and there are other things–”
“You won’t talk to me either!”
This was getting hard to watch. Natalia stepped forward, ready to put a stop to the hysterics, but Kallen put an arm in front of her. The illian gave her a curious look.
“They need this,” the human said quietly, shaking her head.
Natalia looked back at them. Alice looked like she was on the verge of tears as well. She sighed and crossed her arms. Those two were going to have a blowout sooner or later. It might as well happen now. At least she could try to deal with the aftermath. It would be worse if she tried to put it off even more.
“I can’t talk to you about this!”
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“Why not? Alice, do you realize how much I love you? I want to help! I want to make things better!”
Alice clenched her hand in a fist. It shook with the force of her nails digging into her palm. “There are certain things you can’t help with, Ingrid!”
“And why can’t I? Even if I can’t do anything, I can be there for you! Maybe I can make whatever you’re dealing with a little bit easier!”
“And how the hell are you supposed to do that when you never look beyond what’s right in front of you? How are you supposed to make it easier when you’re the pro–!”
The sound of metal slamming against stone brought the argument to a grinding halt. Everyone in the room turned to face Kallen, who had slammed her glaive into the ground between the elves.
“Stop.”
It was a command. Bits of stone clattered off the ground as she yanked the blade out, placing it on her back. It was the first time Natalia had ever seen her look anything other than cheerful. Instead, the human had a resting bitch face that would put hers to shame.
“Ingrid, can your animals lie?” she asked.
Ingrid shook her head slowly. “Th-they communicate through feelings, not words. There isn’t really a concept of lying for them to use,” she said in a tiny voice.
Kallen nodded, looking between her and Alice. When she spoke, it was clear she wasn’t looking for any sort of argument. “Then it’s settled. Even if I don’t remember it, I was the one who broke the totem. Sitting here and arguing about it isn’t going to put it back together. Okay? Let’s just clean up here and get going. This is going nowhere good.”
Neither elf looked at each other. They both stared at the ground, not saying a word. Silently, they both moved to begin cleaning up the makeshift camp they’d put together near the room the totem was put in. Kallen watched them for a moment before letting her shoulders drop. She looked exhausted.
“Why’d you stop them if you didn’t let me do it?” Natalia muttered quietly as she moved to Kallen’s side. It wasn’t an accusatory question. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Kallen would do that without an extremely good reason.
The human sighed, giving her a sad smile. “I was hoping they’d let some of that pent up anger out. What Alice was about to say though, I just got a gut feeling. She hates me, I know she does. She loves Ingrid though. And my gut was telling me that she was about to say something she’d regret,” she said quietly, making sure the couple couldn’t hear. “I said before that I’m a wanderer at heart. I go around helping people, regardless of whether or not they like me. I think I just helped her there. I… guess I’ll never know, really. Maybe I stepped in at a bad time, and now it’s going to blow up in a few more days, and it’ll be even worse, and I can’t stop it. Guess we’ll find out, won’t we?”
Natalia scanned the woman’s face. She was genuinely unsure if she’d made the right choice. The illian glanced at the elves once more, then looked back at Kallen’s nervous smile. “You’re right. Time will tell. But,” she placed a hand on her shoulder. “That gut feeling, it’s a good thing to have. Even if it has a few misfires, it’s come in handy more often than not. Keep it. Listen to it. I think it’ll take you far.”
“You really think so? What makes you say that?”
“Call it a gut feeling,” Natalia mused. “But… you really don’t recall cutting that thing in half?”
Kallen frowned, shaking her head.
Natalia bit her lip. If she had suspicions before, this confirmed it. She’d met a lot of liars in her lifetime. Hell, some of them were as close to her as her blood family, wielding lies as masterfully as any sword savant or archmage. Kallen wasn’t a liar. Not about something this important.
“I don’t think they’ll be saying much to each other,” Natalia murmured in the human’s ear. “We’ll stay close so we can hear it if they do, but Kallen? I need to tell you something.”
Kallen tilted her head quizzically. “Oh, is something wrong?”
“No. Well, kind of. Just come with me, I’ll explain when we’re fully out of earshot,” she looked back, making absolutely sure that Alice wasn’t overhearing their conversation. Given the way her ears were pointed at the ground like a depressed puppy, Natalia was confident. “I know what happened to the totem, and why you don’t remember it.”
For the first time in a very long time, Kallen felt nervous. Ingrid hadn’t said a word since getting on the wyvern’s back. There wasn’t true silence, the flapping of wings and the rushing of air staved that off, but it was enough to notice. The elf leaned back against her stomach, more for balance than anything. The wyverns were mostly stable, but they certainly left a bit to be desired, if Alice’s general reactions were anything to go by. Kallen glanced to her left, where Natalia and Alice sat on the back of the other wyvern. They seemed to be about as talkative as she and Ingrid were. The dark elf had either gotten over her fear of heights, or was suppressing the nausea through sheer spite. The latter seemed more likely, all things considered.
It would’ve been nicer to ride with Natalia. Their situation wasn’t good by any means, it kind of sucked, but at the very least the illian was talkative. It was easy to pass the time with her, and even in situations like this, she could recognize downtime for downtime and speak freely during it. Hell, she would’ve been fine with talking about the situation itself. Again, not ideal, but it was something to do. The current pairs they were in were split by a mix of distribution of weight, as they had been prior, but also a clear need to keep the lovers apart. Kallen had been surprised at how quickly the relationship was seeming to deteriorate. Their trust was eroding like snow near a fire, and it was volatile. All those times they’d elected not to argue or talk, instead reaffirming their love for each other and burying their problems under that were rearing their head. It was the third day since they’d left the previous Dark Zone, and they’d exchanged maybe two words. A simple ‘I’m cooking’ and ‘okay’ the day prior.
She cast one more longing glance toward Natalia, wishing again for some conversation to pass the time. Her winged friend was still recovering from the damage she took against the dragon. Apparently, she’d been holding out for quite a while on her own while waiting, praying for Alice and Kallen to show up. At this point, she was mostly fine, but spending all day flying wouldn’t be very conducive to her recovery. Thus, they slowed their pace. The Wyverns weren’t the fastest form of travel to begin with, laden down by gear and people. Flight however, more than made up for that. Journeys that might have taken weeks or even a month were condensed down to a matter of days, and for all of her recent screw ups, Alice cut that down further. In her interrogation, she’d learned the location of a sort of base of operations for the group the dark elves they’d slaughtered were a part of.
Slaughtered.
She winced.
Did they really need to go in that violently? She was no stranger to violent entrances, especially in situations like that, but that didn’t necessarily mean she liked them. It was much better to let people live when possible. Natalia and Alice seemed to have an equal amount of bloodthirst however, and a confidence when declaring that it was time for battle that told her they probably knew more than they were letting on. She had no doubt all she had to do to get Natalia to tell her was ask, but they hadn’t had very many chances to allow that. Their prior conversation alone had left her too reeling to consider any questions like that. Ingrid didn’t put up much of any resistance to the idea either, only asking Alice if it was really what she wanted to do. Another red flag.
Far too many things felt weightless, in a way. Fighting the elves, the comments from Alice, the aggression from Natalia, the information gained from their hostage, everything felt like it should have been faced with the utmost care and addressed thoroughly. Instead, she and Natalia were dealing with Alice and Ingrid’s relationship troubles. Alice found lots of good information: the location of the base of operations, a general use for the totems, some inklings of what the actual purpose of them was, major info. Yet it was thrown out and accepted like it was as simple as saying what she was making for dinner.
Maybe she was being cruel. She had a hard time grasping the kind of relationship Ingrid and Alice had, and why such a massive bump in it would cause such drastic changes in their demeanors. As much as she tried to relate to Natalia, they were different on one fundamental level; Kallen’s parents had died naturally, and she’d accepted what happened. Natalia’s family was taken from her, brutally, she was very clearly not over that. Maybe she never would be. At least she still managed to be polite and offer some good company.
Kallen felt alone. It was an odd brand of loneliness. There were people around her, and they still got check-ins from Malori and Colette, though neither party seemed particularly keen on delving into details of how they were doing outside of matters directly related to their goal. It was loneliness in the fact that she was surrounded by people who had been hurt and were struggling in ways she struggled to comprehend. She still hadn’t told anyone about what Alice said to her. The least she could do was keep that secret. How long would Alice be able to keep it though? The more scrutiny levied her way, the harder it was to hide everything, and that scrutiny became more and more powerful with each passing day. She really hoped that whatever they were on their way to deal with, it was something that could be faced mostly by her and Natalia. Aggression aside, the illian usually kept a cool head when in a fight, even if a brutal one. Alice and Ingrid? They seemed more like people she needed to be protecting rather than fighting alongside.
She sighed, leaning back slightly. Ingrid didn’t object or prevent herself from sliding back with her. The girl looked exhausted.
Kallen hoped that she could get her out of this okay.
Natalia closed her eyes as the wind blew through her hair and feathers. For a long time, the sky had been her place, somewhere others couldn’t follow. The vastness of the sky at her fingertips, inviting her to explore whatever heights she so chose. It welcomed her into its embrace, its winds carrying her in new directions or challenging her to fight against them. It was the closest thing she had to a home. Sharing it was a gift she felt like only she could give. Logically, she knew that literally any ari could do the same, and even a handful of Mephelos. Skilled mages and magic users could achieve the same heights as well, potentially with even less effort. Until she met someone who could though, the sky was hers. She would enjoy it while it lasted. Comforts like home were fleeting.
The thought that someone could be so dour while in a place so incredible had never even crossed her mind until she met Alice. The dark elf was practically seething in front of her on the wyvern. Had she no appreciation for this? Natalia took in a deep, deliberate breath, letting the clean, thin air flow in and out of her lungs. Small. The sky made her feel small. In that vast emptiness, she was nothing more than a lonely speck, easy enough to mistake for a bird. She was just one of many, easily passed over. Everything she had ever wanted.
Alice was the opposite. She sought attention, but was particular about what kind of attention she received. She wanted Ingrid to see her as a pillar, a hero, even, but refused to use her most helpful tools. A mystery that became offended at attempts to solve it. A house of cards desperately holding together what scant few supports it had left to keep the illusion together, unaware of or unwilling to acknowledge the fact that it could never be repaired. The first glimpses of truth had slipped through the cracks, and with them opened a door that could not be closed.
It was ironic, really. A skilled enough mage to conjure illusions real enough to fool a dragon, even if a mad one, yet she couldn’t hold together the carefully concocted image of herself for a couple of months. And even still, all she did was dig herself deeper in her own grave rather than coming clean or seeking help. Irritating didn’t even begin to cover it.
“This is a new low, Alice,” Natalia grumbled.
The woman glanced back at her, before returning her gaze to the horizon. “The fuck you on about.”
Cursing. She was angry.
“You know what I’m ‘on about.’”
Alice didn’t say anything. She faced forward like turning around would be the end of her. In her eyes, it might have been.
“You know more about the totems than you’re willing to admit, and I have a guess as to why. Am I going to have to pry it out of you, or do you want to tell someone what’s happening for once?”
She could hear Alice gritting her teeth.
“I’ll tell you if you don’t te–”
“If I don’t tell Ingrid? Yes, because that’s working out so well.”
“It would be working better if you didn’t tell her I was manipulating her!”
“I didn’t. She told me you wanted her to make more decisions for herself, yet every time she makes one, you argue against it. When she questions that, you get like this. I didn’t do anything except point out your hypocrisy.”
Another pause.
“Go fuck yourself, Natalia.”
“Alice, believe it or not, I enjoy your company.”
The dark elf turned back, a confused look on her face.
“It isn’t just because you’re giving me a contract, either. You remind me of some of my old family in certain ways. In the time we’ve spent together, I’ve found that I’d like that to continue, if possible.”
Alice narrowed her eyes. “Where are you going with this? If this is a love confession or some shit, I’m not exactly interested.”
Natalia pinched the bridge of her nose. “You’re tearing yourself apart at the seams, and you’re making Kallen and I watch. I know you don’t give a damn about her, but I’m not entirely sure how you feel about me. Regardless of how that is, I want good things for you. By extension, for Ingrid. However neither of you are taking steps to actually get those things, and you’ve forbidden me from offering any input to her unless I want my contract compromised.”
“You care about that contract more than you care about her?”
“One is an acquaintance and the other is my life’s goal. It’s not exactly a difficult comparison.”
Alice glowered. Natalia saw her shoulders sag.
“I like you too. I can actually respect you, and trust you, in a roundabout way,” she looked at Natalia, but averted her eyes. “You’re good in a fight, you don’t complain when the going gets rough, and you’re willing to actually listen to reason. Your takes are actually informed, instead of just spouting whatever comes to mind first. It’s grounding to have.”
“High praise, coming from you.”
“Little bit. I love Ingrid though, more than I even have the words to describe. The thought of losing her, maybe it’s because of my line of work, but it’s far more terrifying than anything like death. Things go quiet when you die, one way or another. Losing the best thing that ever happened to me? I gotta live with that. It sounds like torture.”
Natalia cocked her head to the side. “You realize that right now, you’re the one pushing her away. You controlled Kallen. You’ve lied about your magic. I know damn well you killed that hostage when you were done interrogating him.”
“He was under influence, I had to,” she snapped.
“But why not tell us that? Because it would let on that you actually understand how that kind of magic works? In trying to cover up every single miniscule detail, you’ve let far bigger ones slip past your guard. This isn’t sustainable, Alice. She’s going to find out, and if it’s while we’re out dealing with all of this? We all die. I like you, but I also like being alive.”
Alice looked as though she was in pain as Natalia spoke. If Natalia didn’t know better, she’d say she looked on the verge of tears. The dark elf looked away.
“Gimme ‘til this whole ordeal is over. We’re on our way to their base of operations, we’ll be there in a couple days,” she paused, “Please?”
Natalia sighed. “Fine. However, you know damn well how much I abhor that kind of magic. I was barely lucid when you used it at Berith’s camp, and even then I only put up with it out of desperation. Use it on me or use it on Kallen again, and I tell Ingrid on the spot. Understand?”
The clearness of the sky faded, choked by the tension between the two. The sky was already gray, but Natalia could’ve sworn it was darkening.
“I understand.”