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The criminally insanely violent farmer Bob
Chapter 007 He is doing what

Chapter 007 He is doing what

Percy woke with splitting headache. Unfortunately he was not in the brothel and his headache was not from too much booze. He was tied up and there was something nasty in his pants. A woman called out “Are you awake?” Percy tried to move to get a good look at who was speaking but could not turn over. Percy called out “Where am I? Am I being held for ransom?”

The woman weary voice called out. “I am Elizabeth a identifier as far as I can tell we are in a oubliette it is a type of dungeon in a newly captured keep. Bob brought us and another prisoner Ivan with us. Ivan the evil son of a worm riddled goat has already been ransomed. You know my ransom was less than the cost of keeping his teeth.”

Percy had a really bad feeling about what was going on. “What do you mean by that?” “Ivan ransom was 150 silver without his teeth and hands. It was 225 fully intact. Ivan borrowed from his friends to make up the 75 silver needed to go back fully intact. My ransom was 3 silver without my hair and 15 silver with all my hair. My colleagues did not even raise the 3 silver . A months pay they could not raise a months pay. Well at least I am not as badly off as you are.”

Percy quailed “I am Lord Percy. Did my family not have the gold to cover my massive ransom” “Nope your family do not want you back. I think Bob forgot about you after he helped your cousin take your property. Luckily he needs a tutor for Rabbit and so I am being hired at a third of my wage with the first 2 years going towards my ransom. Your in real trouble as Bob can not give you away because you could make trouble for your cousin. He can not let you go and he can not kill you. Killing nobles is frowned upon so your just being stuck in a hole and being forgotten about which is what Oubliette means I think. Someone mentioned it means to forget”

Percy began to sweat “My family would not just abandon me to my fate. Besides the other nobles and the city watch would pay my ransom” Elizabeth started to laugh “That is so sweet you are sitting in a pool of your own urine and waste and think Bob would do that to someone he could ransom? No he would have offered your friends a choice of rooms you would be imprisoned in. Most nobles have their own chef and bed warmers. They have to pay of course but if anyone had even offered a copper coin for you Bob would have you in a actual cell rather than a hole in the ground.”

A few hours with nothing to do had Percy asking what had happened since he was knocked out the answer horrified him. “Wait wait Elizabeth your saying one of Bob's skills was some kind of youth skill he transfers to his minions.” “Yes Barney still looks old but he might be regrowing his teeth and he actually has hair now. The whole get younger thing caught everyone by surprise apparently the effect of the skill is retroactive. So now Bob might be marrying the queen. Odds are he is going to be our new king”

Feeling like the walls were closing in on him Percy took a deep breath and counted backwards from 10 before asking about Bob and his regal queen “Wait that is impossible our queen is a vision of womanhood. How could that animal Bob even be worthy of licking her feet?”

Elizabeth chuckled “You know older people have more classes levels and therefore are stronger than young people. So who is most interested in a skill that gives you more extra time on this earth the higher your level? Old folk old guards and warriors that feel a extra ten or twenty years at their prime is worth bowing to Bob rather than the current king. Plus I think the current queen is not that much of a saint. I bet she is already plotting to kill her husband and put Bob in charge.”

“No the queen is a noble and upright woman she would never ever” “She is a woman is she not she which means for a few more decades of being young she might crawl on all fours and bark like a dog for Bob” Percy began to scream at Elizabeth. “How dare you dirty my lady name with your foul name. I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.” “An annoyed voice echoed out from above “Shut up or I will come down there and force feed you prunes and laxatives to help your digestive system and then gag you.”

Percy tried to look around but being tied up he could not look around he whispered “I am going to see you hang for your profanity. The queen is a living saint while you are scum. The lowest piece of Troll crud.” Elizabeth spoke out “We were in this together but now your on your own” “I would rather be in here with a diseased pig than you.” Percy lay there stewing in his anger. How dare this peasant question his queen. He would have her flogger to death and that would be her getting off easy.

A hour later still thinking of things he could do to Elizabeth a voice came from above. “Hello Elizabeth great news my sister Rabbit has gotten you the job she offered.” Elizabeth called out “That is great how about you get me a dirty sock and some laxative I want top explain to Percy over there why it is not a good idea to call a woman names.”

“Why touch him that is what Golly is for. Now that he is awake we can have Golly feed him the green gruel rather than the normal soup” Elizabeth voice was actually timid as she responded “The green gruel that is the stuff they used to convince me to send a ransom note. That is just evil but he did call me names.”

Percy desperately tried to turn around and spit at Elizabeth. What was the green gruel and why was it worse than having laxative stuffed down his throat and a dirty sock stuffed in his mouth. Percy cursed at Elizabeth “You harlot I hope you enjoy bedding pigs and worse that smelly filth eating Bob.” Elizabeth voice called out “You know I am about to be freed and when I am I am coming over there to kick you in the nuts.”

"Wait what?”

“You heard me your lordship. I am coming over there and I am going to kick you in the balls a couple of times. Then when I get out I will bribe someone to take whatever record of you exists to Bob forgets about you. You will rot down here until you die you entitled ass. Get down here Arthur and untie me. Also I am going to want the slop bucket.”

As small feet climbed down a rope Percy began to sweat what was Elizabeth going to do with the slop bucket? Percy squirmed as Elizabeth stepped over him and her foot came up. Arthur called out “Do not kill him” Pain Pain like he had never known struck Percy as Elizabeth foot slammed into his balls. Elizabeth pulled her foot back and spoke to Arthur. “Now Arthur one blow will break his balls. Two might cause him to bleed out or faint at least two from me. So come over and give him another few kicks. ”

Percy tried to beg but was in too much pain. He could only sob as Arthur refused to come over to kick him and Elizabeth got ready to kick him again. Elizabeth wound up her leg and then stopped before grinning nastily at Percy “I owe you a kick see you tomorrow.” Still in too much pain to say anything Percy groaned as Elizabeth left he passed out.

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A bang woke Percy from blessed oblivion. He looked up to see a young boy standing over him. The boy was dressed in a expensive pants and jumper with a crest on the front of his jumper. The boy spoke out “My name is Count Curtis” Percy blinked “Are you being held for ransom as well?” “No I am here because I am a second son. My parents are worried the other nobles will take the opportunity to kill my older brother and seize our lands. While I am here they will not dare kill by brother because if they do Bob will seize my family lands”

Percy groaned "Can you let me out i need to clean myself " Curtis bowed “I am sorry Gavin the guard told me if I free you that he will feed us green gruel only. I do not know what green gruel is but I do not want to risk it. I guess I could pull up your pants.”

Percy swallowed and tried to look down. Curtis looked behind Percy “Oh by the gods there is a tube stuck up your ass.” Percy began to strain at his ropes. He called out “Pull it out pull it out.” panic rising. Curtis looked at the tube “I am not touching that its in your ass no way am I touching that.” “You have to help me your a fellow noble.” “I might be a fellow noble but I am not risking them stick a tube up my ass. I will cover you up at least so your not. By the gods the tube is moving. Is it alive?”

As Percy began to scream and trash Curtis moved backwards. After a few minutes a voice came from above “What are you all screaming about.” Curtis called out “Gavin he is screaming because he has a worm up his ass.” “No he does not that is a tube it has a few minor enchantments if its moving its because its doing its job.” Curtis sighed “What did Percy do that warrants that kind of punishment? Because i want to avoid doing it.”

“What are you talking about? It is from the previous lords collection. I bet Percy had a bunch as well in his dungeon it cuts down on costs. What you think Bob just had a dungeon built in the few weeks he took over? Your actually lucky Bob ordered most of the punishment items destroyed. Do you want a gag?”

Percy stopped screaming “Wait are you gagging me?” Gavin the guard laughed “No we are going to free you and apologise of course we are going to gag you if you scream. Or rather Curtis is if he wants to sleep. Oh and if he gets free and I have to come down there. Well how many tubes do you see? Let me give you a hint there is one between the two of you. I will change it between you every day at meal times where I will use it to force feed you. I bet you can convince Percy to remain quite and eat his green goo. Because if you fail I will have you force feed him with that tube you as well.”

Gavin laughed "In case your missing it one tube to force feed you and help you relieve yourself"

Hearing Curtis become quite Percy tried to turn his head. “Wait are you saying your going to use the tube you stuck up my ass to force feed me?” “Well your Lordship if you refuse to eat do you think I am going to use a clean tube? I would have to wash it out. Besides what about that goblin and serf act? It says its one tube per two dozen people.” Percy began to grow furious again “That was for those of the lower class”

A chuckle came from above Gavin laughed “I see why your still tied up. I am one of the lower class idiot. Your not there because you pissed off Bob your there because Elizabeth is out here. She is not paying me anything but given you just implied I am at the same social level as a goblin you will not be let out of those ropes until I leave. See I can you big words like implied.” Gavin stopped talking “Just for being a rich noble I am going to beat you up smart guy.”

Curtis spoke out in a low scared tone. “Why are you going to beat him?” “Why not is there a reason I should not? I work for Bob the Bob if I did not like hurting people do you think I would be here ”

Curtis nodded furiously “I never believed all those theories that the lower classes did not have feeling like us nobles because they did not have time to develop them.”

Gavin laughed “Alright kid let me explain technically I could free ass hat there but having him insult my entire class means I am not going to do that. You seem respectful so I will see about transferring you to a actual cell one without rats for your stay here. Did you hear any more about the Queens trial?”

“What trial she was dragged from her bed found guilty of treason and hanged on the spot. The king felt she might try and kill him so he acted first. Personally I think they might actually find evidence she was plotting something. My family were all for supporting the king against Bob. The kings bonuses are are about business and increases in manufacturing productivity. So 90 percent of the nobility are siding with the king. The problem is the 10 percent that want Bob in power are all the warrior nobles. They reckon a deal will be done they will make up a new title for Bob Protector of the realm or arch-count something like that. It gives Bob a title just not too much power.”

Percy kept quite trying not to draw Gavin attention. He cursed himself he should have waited until he was ransomed and then had Elizabeth whipped to death. The very idea that the king would order the Queen death was laughable. Still he had better behave because he had openly supported the laws on allowing one tube to be used on a dozen men. If that goblin spawn Gavin realised that he might think to use the tube to force feed him. Those laws were only suppose to only be for the poor. He knew he would get no help from Curtis the man may have been a noble but his grandfather was rumoured to have been a common merchant. Remembering the stories his mother had told him Percy decided It was time to be like a spider.

Percy thought of all the times he had been complimented on being smart. It was time to use his superior brain and figure out what was really going on. He was a noble bred to rule over the lesser classes. Gavin called from above “Figured out that your not important enough for us to lie to. Good for you Percy” Only images of the tube being forced down his throat stopped Percy calling out and telling Gavin that his mother would have been lucky to be allowed clean his shoes. Percy internally groaned why were the lower classes so ungrateful. They should be glad that the nobles like Percy were there to rule over them and help them. A single noble could help hundreds of those less intelligent than themselves.

Giving up on annoying Percy Gavin tossed Curtis a gag. “You might want to gag him.” Curtis leaned over and gagged Percy who had stopped struggling. A laugh came from above. “Bob does not use gags much so that one is enchanted. Guess what your not getting your own feeding tube. I just did not want to be one to install it.” Percy froze as Gavin chuckled “Bet you did not know this but being part of the slavers party gets you noticed by people who are at risk of being enslaved. My cousin Dot gods rest her soul was taken away when her land was sold between nobles. So you being a big shot slaver noble its not good. Elizabeth read me your a list of your families crimes. ”

A feeling of dread washed over Percy he was in hole with a slaver guard. He renumbered the stories he had laughed about with his friends about how their guards had cooked people alive and forced their loved ones to eat the bodies because they were bored.

With Percy gagged he had no knowledge of how long he was in the hole except that Gavin gave Percy a meal for him once a day. It had been almost two weeks of boredom before Curtis was moved to a new cell. The days dragged from their his only contact with people was Curtis who came once a day to clean his bucket and feed him. Almost four weeks later Curtis undid Percy gag and let him take out the tube. Percy began to cry “I have ass sores do you have any healing potions” Curtis shook his head. “I do not but I can get you one if you agree to do some work.”

Percy looked around crazed “Work for that monster Bob I would rather die.” “Bob has stopped his expansion for now and is setting up for the long haul. That means you either help me out and I get you some decent food or I let you rot down here in your soiled underwear. ”

Percy glared at Curtis who sighed “Bob does not even remember your name. If you want I can actually have someone remind him you are here. But he is just going to have you executed Like the other nobles. ”

“He is doing WHAT?” Percy screamed out “Nobles are the gods chosen ones we were chosen by the gods.” Curtis sighed “Listen I can either give you a potion and a spare pair of pants and underwear and you can do some work for me. Or I can leave you here with your rags and do the cleaning myself” “I am a noble I refuse to bow before Bob.”

Curtis nodded “Gruel it is then. See you tomorrow” “Wait tell me what is happening? What news of the queen?” “What's happening is I have to clean the other oubliette's. It is my first day and I do not want to have to spend longer than I have to in the dungeons. So if your not helping I am leaving ”