A old goblin named Goodgoblin sat in front of group of small Goblins and smiled at them.

“Do you want to hear the story of Yobo and the bloody murdering maniac Bob?” The young goblin became quite and a female goblin one of the older spoke up “But Goodgoblin my mother said that if you tell stories of Bob he will come take you in the night and cook you in his pot ” Goodgoblin smiled “For others not for me.”

“The beginning of what was to be called the time of blood and sorrow by most and by me reasons never to F*** with that maniac Bob Started with a goblin called Yobo. Yobo being a smart goblin had set himself up as a merchant. Being a merchant in those days was different than it is today. The humans were not pushing forward and goblins ruled the wild places and hills. A goblin could trade with the humans and raid the humans.

In those days goblins used to raid the human farms. In some cases killing the humans and taking their goods. Yobo had started out as a raider but a lucky escape from a arrow convinced him that raiding was for less intelligent goblins. Having killed a human Shepard and stolen a couple of his cows. Yobo felt that he had enough wealth to become a major merchant. What he failed to realise is that the pathetic amount of trade goods he had and risked his life for goods that were not worth a goat. Luckily he was leading 2 Ox to the market. A local offered to feed him if he would get the ox to pull out some stumps. A deal was struck and Yobo managed to at least eat.

After a few days of helping the old couple of farmers pull out tree stumps and moving goods Yobo decided to do the smart thing and went to the pub. The inn keeper Dolores a old lady who was still active was able to help Yobo. The local farmers had many illicit stills which produced cheap beer and whiskey. If Yobo would deliver the booze to a local orc encampment while avoiding any tax men Dolores would cut him in on a third of the profit. Now Yobo knew he was being taken advantage of but what did it matter to him? If he made a few runs he would be able to hire his own minions to take the risk.

It was then that Yobo would first hear about Bob who later came to be known as the great disaster. Bob was a small time farmer who rented a couple of rocky fields from his lord. He had a hovel he shared with his sisters. Bob was not educated but being a farmer knew how to estimate and plan ahead. In this case Bob's lord was raising his rent to pay for troops to protect him.

They were raising Bob The Bloody Butcher suspected of slaughtering millions of goblins rent to pay for troops to stop goblins attacking. Now as you can imagine Bob was not eager to pay. But at the time he still had a farmer class and the lord had plenty of mercenaries. Bob decided to do a bit of smuggling and turned to Yobo. Under a huge Oak tree at night a deal was done. Yobo gave Bob a couple of barrel's of whiskey and Bob gave Yobo a few silver coins. The both traded their goods without a word being said and went their separate ways.

Yobo being Yobo organised another shipment and decided to ask Bob if he wanted to cut out the middle men. Bob agreed and business started to pick up. Bob was Bob and even with out his later legendary class's he proved to be a mighty warrior. Yobo noticed the bear that lived near there meeting place going missing. He also noticed how when a injured hungry wolf came down the mountain and was thinking of eating him Bob looked at it and the Wolf ran off as fast as its three legs could carry it. Even then Bob was Bob. His full strength and power had not had a reason to truly show itself.

Now little goblins remember this if nothing else. We have rules for a reason and you have all been told which warrior classes to choose for a reason. If you get the choice of a decent class you take it and we will support you. Had Bob been a goblin he would have been our God and lead us to conquer the world. Had the humans nobles supported Bob and helped him he would not have had every noble in a thousand miles tied to a piece of wood and thrown into the swamp of despair. When I was young that swamp was called the Moo's swamp after the cow that got almost got lost in it. Nowadays you have to avoid it due to all the ghosts and undead skeletons running around in it. The human nobles forced him into a class he hated and he took action when he could. And by action I mean he buried everyone responsible up to their necks and let the rats and crows eat them.

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The old folk goblin hate Bob. He came in he killed us and used our flesh to make candles. He took our future and now those of us who survive live on reservations waiting for the sound of human boots. When I was young we were slowly growing in power and the humans losing theirs. Given a few years it would have been us pushing the humans out of their lands. Hate Bob for what he did to us but hate fate more. Hate the fact Bob was not born a goblin.”

Goodgoblin patted his sweaty head “Enough of a sermon then younglings time for me to tell you about Yobo and Bob. Now Yobo was doing well he had a couple of wives and was expanding. Bob was not doing well his lords were taxing him and the amount of silver he was earning from smuggling was not much in human terms. For while a few silver coins are a lot to a goblin to a human it was barely enough to buy a donkey.

Bob being Bob never wore shoes because he was too poor. He slept on leaves and grass in his room and ate things even goblins would not. But Bob's donkey had metal horseshoes slept on a old mattress he bought it and had a worn out blanket. He feed the donkey better food than he had himself because with that donkey he would not have a future.

Things took a turn for the worst for Yobo and Bob when a couple of town soldiers noticed the local inn was selling cheap beer and whiskey. They wanted a cut and by cut they wanted 80 percent of the profits. They beat the inn keeper until he told them about Yobo and laid in wait for Yobo.

Yobo not knowing about the town guards arrived to deliver his whiskey and meet Bob who told him a couple of towns guards and been killed by goblin raiders and he would have to flee. Yobo was no fool and the scent of blood on Bob was unmistakable so he tossed out the barrels of beer he had and took his cart and ran. Three days later he found out that two guards bodies had been found dead from a rock to the head. A month later he was back delivering beer and whiskey to Bob.

But there were consequences for the deaths of the town guards. In this case a more corrupt man at arms named Otto was hired to drive off any would be goblin raiders. Now Otto was a drunk a womanizer and could not write his own name. But he was no fool so when he looked into Bob's eyes when he came around to see about collecting the tax. He decided Bob needed a tax cut. In fact Otto told Bob if he wanted he could take a cut from his wages to assist him. Now while Otto was not a fool neither was Bob. If he took Otto coin then Otto would look for others to kill him. So Bob suggested a solution he would expand his smuggling business and cut Otto in.

Otto took one look at Bob's cold hard eyes and knew if he said no he was not going to live. So a deal was struck as time passed Bob managed to grow his fields and things were looking up for him. Or they were until three things happened. The first both of Bob's sisters showed talent so he needed more silver to pay for there apprenticeships. The second a goblin chief known as Gladstone got drunk and killed Bob's donkey while it was being rented out to a freeholder goblin. The third thing that happened was the local lord was found to be embezzling . This meant that he was censored and had some of his powers taken away. Unfortunately for Bob one of those rights was the right to tax beer and alcohol products.”

Goodgoblin looked at the small goblins “Bob was smuggling in cheap beer and selling it a massive mark up. How was he to compete against actual Brewers with skills that helped them create cheap and tasty booze. Bob decided to meet with Yobo and ask his advice. Yobo was upset that his venture had come to a end but there was nothing to be done. The goblins were too poor to buy smuggled weapons from the humans. And they had nothing else the humans wanted.

That is when Bob asked the question that haunted Yobo for the rest of his life. The Lord will raise the rents again he has to he squandered all of the silver he took in taxes to help fight the goblin hordes. So do I take a medium risk or a small risk. The small risk might see me in the clear for a year maybe more. But after that I will have to find something else. The medium risk the odds are low of it working but if it does not more than likely no one will blame me for it. Which do you think is best Yobo?

When Yobo asked what the small risk was. Bob told him I will kill Otto and take his silver he has a bit plus his horse and armour. Now children at this stage Yobo was getting worried. Here he was a goblin next to a blood thirst maniac who knew he had silver hidden away. Was Bob going to capture him torture the location of his silver out of him and then eat him alive? Bob told Yobo he needed a anchor a small one that folded up as well as a chain and nails that could be twisted around the chain.

Yobo not wanting to end up in Bob's cooking pot explained that yes he could supply him with the anchor and a few sponges as well as a few claptraps. Yobo did not know why Bob wanted the steel nail claptraps of the shards of metal spikes. But he knew he better give Bob a good price or else he would be the first person being robbed and murdered. Finally Bob thanked Yobo and called him a Good Goblin before heading off to brew laxatives.

That is how I got the name Goodgoblin from the destroyer of hope Bob's own lips”