If he was going to be honest, he didn’t really know what compelled him to get them lanterns. It hadn’t been any of the spirits. But, then, it also wasn’t simply him. No matter what it was, though, he knew it wasn’t a bad idea.
Tavin had wandered a little further downstream than the others. It wasn’t quite time to send them off yet, so he sat down to observe the lanterns already in the water.
He wasn’t on his own for long. A familiar hand brushed against his shoulder to announce her presence before Nadia sat down beside him. She didn’t have any lanterns of her own; for better or worse, she had yet to lose someone close to her.
“You have five,” she observed quietly. Something else crossed her mind before she worriedly asked, “Something didn’t happen, did it?” It was obvious how she scanned the crowd and her sigh of relief to see that everyone from the castle was still there.
Somehow, he managed a small smile. “Those two are for my brothers.”
“Brothers? More than one..?”
He nodded. “Mother had twins before me. She was young when it happened, so not a lot of people outside of family and a few friends knew about it.”
“What were they like?”
“That’s the funny part,” he admitted with a sad laugh, “I don’t know. Or at least, I’m not supposed to. They both died eight years before I was born. Yet… sometimes, I feel like I’ve actually seen them. We’d gone places together. They scared off Natheniel for me. I know what their voices sounded like, their personalities, what they aspired for…”
“Lydia’s memories?” she offered as a way of describing it.
“I think these come from me, in a way. Mother told me a while ago that she’d done something so she could see us all together. She’s never shown me memories of it from her perspective but, somehow, I still remember it. She said I seemed more aware of the whole illusion than most of the other people that appeared in it. Even if it’s been fifteen years since she used that charm and saw us all together, I suppose I must have gained some knowledge from it.”
“Is there any special reason you decided to dedicate lanterns to them this year?”
“Not really. One way or another, I just got reminded of them. I realized that, with the Stones all gone, there’s no one left to dedicate a lantern to them. I know there’s probably no point in it anymore, but…”
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Nadia smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Well, I think it’s sweet. I’m sure they appreciate it.”
He looked up and recognized the signs immediately. “It’s time. You should head back to Leon, he’s probably waiting for you.”
“Actually… he let me stay with you.”
His smile faltered only because he was taken by surprise; it grew soon after. “Can you help me send these all off, then?”
“Of course.”
…
Over the years, the next few days after the Lantern Festival began to be characterized by mournful reminiscing about those that had been lost. It might’ve always been there, honestly, since he was unable to remember a true start to the solemn tradition. All sorts of names would come up in those kinds of conversations. There were many that he didn’t, and likely never would, recognize. But that just meant that, when he heard a name he knew, he understood those feelings being talked about a bit too well.
Yet, the future didn’t wait for them to finish looking back at the past. Time still moved on, like it did every year, and the only thing to be done is hoping that there won’t be more to talk about at the next Lantern Festival.
It wasn’t two days past it and those at the castle had already failed that goal.
Still, Tavin went to Missa-Sidyn as if nothing was wrong at all. They all had jobs they had to do; no matter what else there was to consider, they couldn’t falter here. If any of the people he’d talked to noticed the change, they either attributed it to the general atmosphere or him not feeling well. Only one person dared to ask.
Nadia occasionally came by to help him—even if that help was usually just keeping him company and reminding him to eat while he did paperwork. Of course, by now she was also more knowledgeable than most about his moods. “Is something wrong?”
“I’d rather not discuss it here…”
“Everyone else is gone by now, I think.” She poked her head out the door and, satisfied with what she saw (or didn’t see), she went back to him. “It’s late enough that everyone that lives outside of Lelishara has already gone home. And that’s everyone but you.”
Tavin sighed. Despite the kind of encouragement she tried to give him, he still kept his voice low. “Ihu died.”
She’d been with him long enough to know what he was really saying. “That doesn’t have to mean anything, does it?”
“They were his Fos. What else could it mean?”
“He could just have been too far away from them for too long.”
“There’s no use thinking about it now. All we can ever do is guess. At the very least, the one hope we thought we had of proving that he’s going to come back… it’s gone.” He shook his head. “Please, don’t mention this to anyone else. Father wants to wait a little longer before announcing it. There aren’t many who know about their significance but the ones that do… it doesn’t exactly make the future look any brighter.”