She almost hoped he was asleep, so she wouldn’t need to see him in any other state—but then, she prayed that he was awake, so she could talk with him. It was the whole reason she offered to do this.
It was with mixed feelings, then, that she knocked and received a mumbled call to enter.
She carefully pushed open the door to have Tavin greet her with a weak smile. He looked worse every time she saw him.
“Thank you.” After sitting up a little more on the bed, he said, “You can just set it down there. I don’t think I’m ready for it just yet.”
“How’ve you been?” she asked, quietly, as she followed his instruction. “And that friend of yours. The girl.” For the life of her, though, she could not recall that girl’s name. It had yet to become important enough to take the time to memorize.
“I’ve been as well as I can be, I guess.” With the answer came so many things unsaid. Things that the adults had mentioned, that perhaps he thought she wouldn’t have known enough to be concerned if he didn’t tell her. “Nadia’s been doing well, too. She actually wanted to come and meet you, but she’s expecting a letter from Enebish soon and Leon needed her help at home. What about you? It looks like there’s something else on your mind.”
Philyra let out a sheepish chuckle. “Nothing gets past you… But I don’t want to bother you, if you’d still rather be resting.”
He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m here if you want to talk.”
For a moment, she considered what she was going to say. She quickly decided that she wasn’t going to mention Jesper—that would too easily turn into other questions, other confessions, that she did not want to make in front of him. She knew she could trust Tavin to keep nearly anything between the two of them, but for something like that, she couldn’t risk Zofie knowing about it. So instead, Philyra talked about the other half of her problems. She told him about the dreams—the voice that wasn’t hers, the memories and people that were familiar yet unknown.
While she waited in silence to hear his response, she partially expected to be told she was simply imagining it. She didn’t know if she hoped for that outcome, or wished that he’d tell her something more than that.
“That’s been happening since Natheniel disappeared?” was the first thing he asked. It was careful, like he didn’t want to upset her, and concerned, which was the part that truly worried her.
Still, she shrunk a little as she nodded.
“I assume you realize you probably shouldn’t have waited this long to mention it..? We know that it’s not something to cause concern now, but even in Qizar, you still have to be careful of Myaló. Recurring nightmares like that shouldn’t just be ignored.”
“I know…”
As he continued, his tone was more thoughtful, and she didn’t fear whatever he was going to end up saying quite as much. “It wouldn’t be impossible for you to have just made them up, but as much as you might prefer that answer, I don’t think that’s what it is. It’s too predictable, it can be triggered by certain surroundings, and it follows people that actually lived at some point in time.” Neither of them wanted him to say it out loud. “I think it being caused by a spirit makes the most sense.”
“I went through twelve years of my life before doing this, do you really think I wouldn’t have noticed something like that?” She didn’t know why she was trying to fight it. She was talking to the person with the most knowledge about spirits in the whole camp—more importantly, someone who wouldn’t suggest such a thing to her unless he completely believed it.
“Most people with spirits could go their whole life without making the connection. The only reason so many people in Seothia know is because, in a lot of places, kids need to be checked for spirits. Qizar doesn’t have those kinds of rules. Unless the spirit majorly affects their life, they’ll just think however the spirit influences them are only odd quirks.”
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
“That still doesn’t seem to explain why this is only a recent thing. I didn’t notice anything like this until three years ago.”
“Spirits show more, whether they mean to or not, when the person they’re connected to goes through something similar to them. She could’ve gotten closer to you after you nearly died in a way that she had.” Before she could ask any more questions, though, he added, “I can’t be the only one you tell this to. A spirit may be relatively harmless but it’s still something that Aunt Zofie, at least, should be aware of. You should talk to her.”
Philyra uncomfortably shifted, mumbling something she didn’t even exactly understand.
“Lord Kadol, then? He seems like the second best person to talk to. He might be able to tell you more about it, too.”
…
She was, honestly, intending on completely ignoring Tavin’s advice and returning to her little bubble of denial. But then the time came the next morning when Zofie and Imre were talking, Thero was with Zofie, Dimas was taking care of Tavin, and Domenique had wandered to one of the nearby border towns. Philyra found herself alone with Kadol who, since none of the Seothian lords had shown up yet, was told that he didn’t need to be in the meeting.
He noticed her anxiousness long before she’d worked up the nerve to ask anything, and prompted, “Is there something you need, Princess?”
Nearly against her own will, she told him the same things she’d told Tavin, and what he’d instructed her to do. She never once looked up at Kadol, even when it seemed that he gave her all of his attention. She’d imagined, when she finally finished and willed herself to meet his gaze, that he might have a stern or uncaring expression; she assumed he might find it silly, or impossible, and the time she spent explaining it was nothing more than a waste.
But some form of amusement showed in his expression, his eyes unchanging from when he asked her, and putting aside whatever other work he had in front of him. Then, he began to answer her ramble with a question of his own: “Do you know anything about Queen Ilena?”
“She was one of Qizar’s past queens..?” Philyra guessed. “I… don’t think I ever heard about her…”
“I’m not surprised. She wasn’t able to do much in her remarkably short reign and any past controversies are cleared up and forgotten by now.”
“Did she rule as someone else’s regent..?”
She was in no way surprised to see Kadol shake his head, nor his answer. “She was murdered.”
“What does she have to do with this?” she decided to ask, instead of dwelling on such a fate.
“I heard that she was a lot like you. Both of you bore a strong resemblance to Holy Queen Norah—especially your eyes. Queen Ilena had Holy Queen Norah’s spirit, as well, with the fact being well known among most of the people. They thought it was a sign that, perhaps, hers would be the reign when they would finish recovering from the acts of the Tyrant King… then she was murdered, slain by a coward who did not share her optimistic ideals. Queen Kyra—your great-grandmother—was first suspected, though it didn’t take long for her to be cleared, her name sung as the new queen, and Queen Ilena’s tragic fate completely forgotten.” He smirked, for a moment, before likely remembering how disconcerting such a thing was. “Now, why do you think she was killed?”
“You said it yourself,” Philyra pointed out, “someone didn’t agree with what she was going to do as queen.”
“More than that.”
A pause, then slowly, “She was connected to Holy Queen Norah…”
He nodded. “It is commonly believed that one’s connection to a spirit can only come in three distinct forms. But, like most things in this world, it isn’t quite as clear cut as Seothians teach them to be. You know that there are a special few with strong enough connections that their minds ‘create’ the spirit, a perpetual illusion of sorts. There are even fewer cases where it manifests not as a projection of the mind, but in the flesh. That is the kind of connection Queen Ilena had—a kind of connection you, too, possess to Holy Queen Norah. It’s a rare ability, one nearly akin to suggesting that Vriuh had allowed someone to leave their domain and live again. For every person that simply wishes to learn about or protect the one with that bond, there are several more who fear it. They see it as a hindrance, instead of an opportunity, and strive to get rid of it. That’s why every queen with eyes like yours—like Holy Queen Norah’s—have had much shorter reigns than the ones who do not.”
“Am I supposed to be comforted by some portion of this?”
“No, I’m simply stating the truth.” His tone and expression softened, though, as he continued, “You don’t need to worry about it. You and Zofie both are very much like family to me, and that means more to me than the opportunities you might bring. I already ensured that no one would dare to hurt you—either of you. No one would be foolish enough to try, on that you have my word.”
She had one more question, one she already had a guess to the answer. “Is… Mother aware of all of this?”
“In fragments, perhaps, though I doubt she knows the full story. Odelle was hardly told what had happened to Queen Ilena, so there wasn’t really anyone to tell Zofie. I consider it for the better. We can both understand why—she doesn’t need another cause for concern, or reason to keep you hidden away. I believe you can also guess that I would like this conversation to stay between the two of us, so that nothing else can spark her paranoia.”