“Are you sure you want me to drop you off here?” Dimas asked from the carriage, his concern more leaning towards suspicion. “I don’t mind if you stay until we get closer to where your parents are.”
Kiah shook her head slowly. “It’s not going to hurt to walk. Besides, there’s… somewhere else I want to go first.”
He didn’t seem too convinced but didn’t ask any more questions. She watched the carriage disappear in the direction of the castle before she took to wandering the streets herself.
There were too many thoughts running through her head. She wasn’t usually the kind of person to show her emotions but she felt like she was dangerously close to it now. It was already hard to accept everything else that happened around this time. Now, whatever calm and confident front she’d been able to maintain was crashing down.
Farrar disappeared in Oklathis. They’d written to each other before then and he even gave her a stupid birthday gift, but she hadn’t been in Qizar for a year; at that point, she figured it was fine if she just pushed back the trip instead of giving the work to someone else. Worst yet, he disappeared in Seothia and she still couldn’t figure out where he was. There were only a handful who spoke of him at all anymore.
Minne died in Onala. It shouldn’t have been surprising, she’d acted weird since Tavin was born so it made sense that she’d sacrifice herself for him. But there had to be something else that could be done or something. She was always reckless, so who was to say that there could’ve been a way for them to both be alive?
And then… there was Lydia. Kiah didn’t think she’d miss her. She was loud, obnoxious, and even as an adult she kept walking on and let others deal with everything for her. That didn’t make it any easier to accept it. They could’ve done something. If they’d just come sooner, if they’d stationed guards, then maybe—maybe she’d be alive, Imre wouldn’t feel responsible, and Tavin would still have a mother.
Now here Dimas and Kiah were, away from it all in Hyasari. Like the cowards they were.
She crept past her parents’ house only after assuring herself that neither of them were there. Then she mumbled a little prayer of repentance, made sure there was nothing to associate her with Seothia’s army, and walked into the Ambrosia Tavern.
“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Eirica remarked. “I heard what happened. It’s unfortunate, obviously, but I guess that’s the Skiá for you. The usual, I’m assuming?”
Kiah nodded numbly and gave her a handful of silver coins. “However much this can get me.”
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She sat at an empty table and drank. She didn’t want to think of anything. The more muddled her thoughts were the better, and it took her longer than realizing the world around her had just become a buzz to stop.
…
It was like a little pocket of hell.
None of them could keep their composure when they saw it. At some points it barely looked like humans. All of this had been done by the Skiá… but did they really have the capability of doing all this damage without direction?
“Look for any survivors,” she instructed once she’d regained herself somewhat. She stood outside for a few moments after most of the soldiers had entered. Then she decided it was time to face reality and stepped inside.
Kiah looked for someone familiar in the hopes that she wouldn’t be there. But there Lydia was. She’d put up a fight—or at least, that was better than thinking she hadn’t been able to fight at all.
Words kept failing and, with another look around the room, Kiah knelt down and began her plea in the Old Tongue. “Vriuh… I know you’re only following orders, but please… please tell me they’re with you…”
There was a peacefulness that followed, urging her back up when one of the soldiers walked up to her.
“Commander Kiah, we found some of the children.”
She walked over to see them huddled together. Whether they knew what was on their way out or not, this was going to stick with them. She tried to muster the best smile she could, saying, “It’s gonna be alright. Let’s play a game—close your eyes and follow my voice, okay?”
…
“Efse, give her room to breathe.”
“What else am I supposed to do when she’s been like this all evening?”
“She’s an adult. Let her deal with it herself.”
“I don’t think getting a letter from Eirica to pick up our daughter is supposed to be a part of that.”
Kiah’s head was pounding and she felt way too sick to listen to them. “Mom, Dad, please go argue in another room…” She opened her eyes and propped herself up on the couch before realizing a third person. “Wait, Dimas, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be with Zofie?”
“She wasn’t feeling well,” he said simply. “I told Domenique the news, listened to Philyra for a little while, then I heard you drank enough that you’ve been passed out for most of the day.”
“I did?” Most of it was more of a blur than usual.
He sighed. “Remember what Imre said about keeping appearances, especially in times like this.”
“Forget appearances,” Efse remarked. “Think of yourself! You know what Orestis says about drinking. It’s worse enough that you still engage in it but the fact you’re not even trying to protect yourself—”
Zadeer put a calming hand on her shoulder. “What your mother means is that you’ve got to be more careful. What had gotten into you to forget when to quit?”
Kiah mumbled, without any attempt to correct her quietness, “We all know what it was.”
No one said anything until Dimas muttered, “Well, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that it’s alright to mourn. It’s losing yourself in the process that’s the hard part.”