She could not have just been asked that in front of the church. But, as much as she wanted to defend herself—claim that he was imagining it—no such words came out. She just stood there, silent, as she acknowledged that the longer it took, the clearer the truth became.
“Of course I did!” she managed far too late for it to sound genuine. “It’s an honor to be a part of the celebration. Many others could only dream of being in such a position to worship one of the gods…”
Jesper looked between her and the guard. “I see what the problem is.” Then he looked right at the guard and, casually, said, “Don’t worry, I’ll bring her back safe and sound.”
Before either of them could understand what he meant, he took Philyra’s hand and ran off with her.
She still hadn’t processed what had happened until they stopped. She couldn’t tell exactly where they were—she certainly hadn’t been out long enough to memorize such backroads—but wherever it was, there were remarkably few people. Or, perhaps more importantly, there were no guards, nor members of the church, who might overhear a possible conversation.
“Is this any better?” he asked with a grin.
“What was that for?” She didn’t know if she was mildly panicked by the fact she was now practically alone with a stranger, or what would happen when someone else found out. “You can’t just go running off with people! At least give me some kind of warning before you do that!”
He let out a sheepish chuckle. “Sorry, I just knew things might be a little better if we had the opportunity to talk alone.” He gestured around them. “I mean, you don’t see anyone special here that I don’t, right? Do you think you might be more willing to answer my question now?”
“I already did,” she tried, but she knew it didn’t matter. “It’s an honor to be a part of such an event. A testament to one’s beliefs, a way to directly honor our gods.”
“Yeah, don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think Vriuh would like someone who doesn’t seem to want to be there ‘honoring’ them.”
“I—I just don’t like being in front of a lot of people. Even thinking about having all of those people watching me is terrifying. That’s all there is to it.”
“I know I’m a stranger, but I want to help you,” Jesper said with a sigh. “I think it’s pretty obvious—the kind of thoughts that ran through your head while you were performing.”
“You know nothing about me.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But I’ll tell you something about me.” He looked around, perhaps just to make sure that there truly was no one else here, then turned all his attention back to her. “I live right outside of Hyasari. The reason you’ve never seen me around before is because I’m a ‘heretic,’ too.”
“Don’t say we’re the same!” Philyra caught herself only after it had been said, and quickly changed to what she was supposed to be saying. “Rather bold of you to admit something like that. What makes you think I’m not going to turn around and report you to the church? They won’t need any other word. You’d probably be executed before sundown.”
“Alright, then. I’m not going to stop you. Run back and report me.”
She wasn’t sure if he seemed relieved that she never moved from her spot, or showing his confidence in knowing she wouldn’t.
“See? We might not be the same, but we’re not too different, either,” he continued. “You know no one in their right mind would joke about something like that. And if I trust you enough not to tell people about it, do you really think I’m going to tell someone about you?”
She forced herself to take a step back. Why was she still standing here, anyway? What if the guard or, worse, Kadol ended up finding her here?
“I’ll be honest, I was told not to mention anything to you until I knew for certain,” he said. “But I’ll tell you this: I want to bring you somewhere, but before I do that, I need to be sure of where you stand. I won’t do anything to you. None of the people I’d bring you to will either. A lot of them know what it’s like to wear a mask… and they understand the importance of letting it fall, sometimes, before it shatters at the wrong time.”
Stolen novel; please report.
“Why do you think I’m wearing a mask?” she dared to ask.
“Because I see what’s under that face paint and I know it’s not someone who wants to have it.” He sat down on the ground and, a moment after he gestured for her to, she sat down beside him.
Which was better: being alone with a stranger when the guard found her, or being alone in the bustling crowds of the city?
“I guess you win,” she finally mumbled. “But… can anyone blame me..? What am I saying, Mother might actually kill me if she finds out. It’s the words of a heretic—that these aren’t Orestis’s plans, that they’re not just temptations of Darkness. They couldn’t be. Good people are suffering because of things they can’t control, or judged by something that says nothing about them. It doesn’t matter if they deserve it. They don’t deserve it. And no one says a word, because if they do, they’ll be abandoned too. Orestis is supposed to be kind and caring, so why has he let this go on for so long, without ever trying to do something about it..?”
“You know there’s a part of the Commandments, at the very end, that the church never taught. They say Orestis secluded himself, for any number of reasons. What they didn't say, and what they probably never will, is that he decided something in that moment: he was never leaving that seclusion, and he has no idea what’s happening in the world now.” He managed a grin. “It’s kinda related to the place I want to show you—a place full of people who want others to know that truth.”
He held his hand out to her and she, though hesitating, was about to accept it.
Before Jesper quickly hopped up and ran away at the sight of whoever just approached them. Philyra got up too and turned around to see the guard, relieved, and Kadol… who strangely didn’t seem to be as upset as she thought he’d be.
She still expected to be at least scolded, but all he said to her was, “I’ve finished my work. I assumed you might like to get something to eat before that last practice.”
Philyra nodded and immediately fell into place behind him. She was not the same girl who had confessed heretical words mere moments ago. She was back to being that perfect princess, the one that dutifully trailed behind the advisor, who did or said nothing that might change that image.
As much as she wanted to, she never questioned why he didn’t seem upset. They both knew Zofie, when she undoubtedly found out, would act like someone had actually done it with the intent of hurting her. Maybe that was why—Kadol understood how Zofie would react, and thought it best not to subject Philyra to two similar conversations.
But there was something else, too. Something was different about his contemplating frown and the way he engaged in idle conversation. He wanted to ask her something, but for one reason or another decided it best to stay silent.
They returned to the castle after the last practice, neither saying a word that they were thinking, and almost immediately went to the dining room for dinner. Zofie, Thero, and Domenique were there, surprisingly—the latter giving absent nods and mumbles of agreement while the former rambled about what could’ve only been the most recent letter from Dimas.
Zofie immediately stopped and smiled, though, when she saw the two of them. “Did the practice go well? I promise I’ll make it to the performance tomorrow. I’m not going to miss the opportunity to watch you.”
Philyra somehow managed a smile and nod. “She said I was the best one there…”
Kadol relayed a few more praises, ones directed towards all of the performers, before they fell into casual conversation… until Philyra made the mistake of mentioning that she’d gone for a walk.
“You had a guard with you, didn’t you?” It was matters like these that brought a certain side of Zofie out, inescapable, and hard to quell again; a woman who had lost her mother and her magic to mysterious forces, all amplified by the influence of Mávri Mageía.
Readying herself for whatever might be said, Philyra had started to answer, but she’d already taken too long.
“What were you thinking, not having anyone with you? You could’ve gotten hurt, or worse! There’s people all over the place who’ll try to hurt you. It’s not safe for you on your own. You need to stay with someone who could take care of you, like a guard, or Kadol, or—“
“My apologies, Your Majesty,” Kadol interrupted. “I believe the fault is mine. I allowed her to leave, so I should’ve made sure someone would always stay with her.” He gave Philyra some knowing glance.
Did he know who she’d talked to? No, if he knew it had been a heretic, he would say that part outright. He’d overseen executions before, he’d have no trouble calling out another. Unless… Did he know she’d talked with Jesper, and had wanted her to?
She banished the thought as soon as it came. She found more comfort, somehow, in being the only “heretic” within the castle walls.
Zofie clearly didn’t like Kadol’s answer, but nonetheless relented. Somehow a much longer rant was saved for a later date.