“Welcome back, Your Gloriousness,” a dwarf said as Vur and E walked into a room. Close to a dozen dwarves were sitting in a circle with two empty seats in the center. “Who is this?”

“This is Vur,” E said. “He was supposed to be the new dwarf king. The coronation ceremony will have to be put on hold until this situation is dealt with though.”

“A human as our king?” one of the dwarves with a massive red nose said. “I can’t accept this!”

Another dwarf who was bald and had a silver mustache nodded. “Right. I hate Plumby’s guts, but even I have to agree with him this time.”

“Don’t call me Plumby!”

“Shut up!” E said, stifling the commotion before it could grow too loud. “If you can’t accept a human as our king, then pretend he’s a really tall dwarf. There will be no more arguments about this, understood? We have more pressing matters to deal with.” E strode to the table and leaned over it, reading the titles of the documents spread out over a massive map. “This is the declaration of war? It’s definitely written by some pretentious nobles, look at how archaic the language is. And it’s even backed by the Lion of the East. What are those two buffoons who call themselves emperor and empress thinking?”

“Oh, you were hit pretty hard, huh?” Vur asked as he towered over all the dwarves. He rested one arm on Plumby’s head while gazing at the map on the table. He brushed aside a few documents and clicked his tongue. “Whoever designed this kingdom sucked. It looks like a mishmash of twelve separate countries tied together by a couple of roads.”

“Well, that’s essentially what my kingdom is,” E said. “I rule over the twelve generals, and the twelve generals rule over their own lands.”

“There’s only eleven people here,” Vur said and looked around.

“We lost Mooney,” one of the dwarves said. “That’s his portion over there.” He pointed at the section of the map with a giant red ‘X’ drawn through it. “We know nothing about it. No messages have been sent out, and all the scouts we sent in never came back.”

Vur rolled his eyes. “Well, when you only have two roads leading into a country, of course, it’s going to be easy to isolate. Get the earth elementals to construct a road over this river and send in scouts that way.” He pointed at the portion next to Mooney’s on the map. “Who owns this section?”

“I do,” the dwarf with the silver mustache said. “I—”

“Alright, you’re responsible for reconnecting with Mooney via new entry routes,” Vur said. “Create one road exiting your territory, but have it branch out into hundreds of roads to enter Mooney’s so the invaders can’t use them to sneak in.”

Stolen novel; please report.

The mustached dwarf glanced at E. E nodded. “Do as he says,” E said. “His words are greater than mine. He’s a master at strategy and warfare. He comes from across the ocean, much like our ancestors, and he owns his own kingdom that he’s confident enough to leave without management to go on a vacation.”

“Hmm.” The mustached dwarf inspected Vur from top to bottom as if he were seeing him for the first time. “So he has some qualifications. Well, I see nothing wrong with his proposal. I’ll create those roads right away, but will the earth elementals cooperate with me?”

Vur patted his right arm. “Deedee,” he said.

“Don’t call me that…,” a defeated voice said as a brown figure materialized next to Vur.

Vur gestured towards Diamant. “He’ll help you coordinate with the earth elementals.”

“My name is Diamant,” Diamant said to the mustached dwarf. “I look forward to working with you.”

Chatter broke out amongst the dwarves. “Diamant…?”

The door to the war room flew open, silencing them. Lindyss walked inside with her hair disheveled and clothes partly tattered. Following close behind was a fairy who was spewing curses out of her mouth. “Hey! I want to go inside too!” Lulu’s voice shouted from outside the palace. “Hey, guys! Wait for me! …Guys?”

“What’s this?” Lindyss asked as she plopped down in the seat reserved for the king. “A strategy meeting? How boring. Just summon a swarm of undead and sweep through them.” She glanced around. “Where’s your royal library? I want to find some information on how to increase Vur’s mana pool and mana regeneration so his dreams won’t stay dreams. Take me there.”

The dwarves exchanged glances at each other while Erin muttered, “Do you see how rude she is? How can someone like her even exist?”

E sighed and snapped his fingers. An armor set appeared next to Lindyss. “Follow that and you’ll arrive at the royal library,” he said. Lindyss nodded and stood up, letting herself be guided by the empty suit. Erin glanced at the dwarves, who were shooting hostile looks at her, before muttering and following after Lindyss.

“That was his aunt,” E said, gesturing at Vur after Lindyss had left the room.

Vur scratched his chin. “I want a report on all your troops and supplies required to maintain them. I need to know everything about your firepower and abilities,” he said. “I also need to know about our enemies: what they can do, how strong they are, what their favorite foods are, how many times they drink water in a day. Everything.”

“What do you need to know that for?” Plumby asked.

“And no backtalk,” Vur said. “If I say jump, you ask how high, understood? If I say walk, what do you say?” He cupped his hand over his ear.

“How long?”

“How far?”

“To where?”

“How fast?”

Vur nodded. “Close enough,” he said. He furrowed his brow and muttered as he went through the mental checklist labeled, how to rule your army by Mr. Skelly, “Adopt domineering attitude, check. Point out flaws and show how your methods are superior, check. Persuade them one at a time if you must, check. Carrot and…, right. That.” Vur nodded and placed his hands on his hips. “Okay. If you do well, I’ll give you a fancy stick. If you don’t do well, I’ll stab your face with a carrot. Got it?”

“Preposterous!” a dwarf with an eyepatch said while all the other dwarves agreed with Vur.

Vur glared at the eyepatch-wearing dwarf before saying to E, “Fetch me a carrot!”

“Ah,” Lulu said, peering through the palace entrance with one eye. “He’s so cool! But why does he stay transformed as a human for so long? It must be to fit inside these tiny buildings. Why didn’t I think of that? He’s so smart. I should ask him to teach me.”