I can only feel rage as I look down at the Hobgoblins that harmed MY Demons.
Raising my hand, shadows coalesce together to transform my arm into a single, massive, and jagged spike, my wrath pushing my power to become sharp and twisted, thorns and twisted claws forming at random, running across writhing tentacles where one of the wings used to be. The other wing remains whole, but is twitching, feathers bristly as the shadowed limb is fully extended and shaking with my agitation, barely maintaining its form.
Gritting my teeth to hold down a roar, I take a step towards the cowering Hobgoblins, ready the run the both of them through and pin them to the floor like the insects they are.
The blue one wraps herself protectively around the little green one, her broken arm laying limp beside her, her body bruised and battered. The green one is crying as she clings to her clothes, the vines that cover her body trying desperately to wrap them both up in a protective shell.
I move to run them through, my spike of gnarled thorns stabbing through the air towards them.
The little green one screams, her voice full of fear as she closes her eyes and buries her face into the other’s chest. For a split second, I see Sky held in my arms…
I stop short, the both of them cowering beneath me, their bodies shaking like a leaf in the wind as they wait for death to take them. My eyes look up from them, finding my reflection in the cracked ice that coats the walls in thick layers. I look horrible. I am covered in dirt and blood. My shadows are making me look like some kind of eldritch abomination of a demon, and my face… My face is so warped with anger that I can hardly even recognize myself. My teeth are bared and shadows are spilling from my mouth, seeping from between my teeth like evil escaping my body. My eyes, they look almost like black pits, veritable entrances into hell itself. Even my hair is standing up on end, moving with some unnatural life as they sway in the air alongside my shadows.
I look like a demon. Not the same cute little impish Devil like usual, but an ugly thing so full of wrath that it is leaking out to the surface for the world to see and judge.
Would my family be happy to see me like this? Would Sky still love me if I was this thing? Forget about the Goblins, I need to get my anger under control!
Through sheer force of will, I pull myself back, wrenching my bladed arm away from the pair and taking a step back.
Focus Lain. Focus on your breathing. Think happy thoughts. You’re at home with Sky, cuddled together next to the fire. Her soft hair feels so soft and smells like her favorite shampoo after a nice hot shower. The touch of her soft hands. The sound of her voice in my ears. Happy thoughts… Happy thought…
“Lain, what are you doing? Hurry up and finish the-“
I jerk and twist around, shouting over my shoulder, “Shut up!!!”
Frank’s eyes widen in surprise at me, flinching as he takes a half step back away from me, his gaze locked onto my face.
I quickly turn away from him, shame temporarily overpowering my anger for a moment, though it is quick to flare up again. Closing my eyes, I keep muttering over and over, “Happy thoughts… Happy thoughts…”
Sky’s smile. Mom picking on me and Anna. Dad cracking jokes with me. The first time Anna got drunk at her birthday party and passed out, she slept in my bed with me, and I spent the whole night freaking out like a virgin and couldn’t sleep. Funny in retrospect, and I am glad I didn’t do anything, but past me had regrets. Bullshitting with Sandy and Sanders. Playing Monster Hunter with Thomas. Hanging out with Rookie. The rare smile on Sgt. Lenz’s face. A nice talk with Lieutenant Colonel Roberts. I’m pretty sure that he sees his daughter when he looks at me sometimes… Happy thoughts… Happy thoughts…
“Haaaaaaaaaah……” I let out a long shuddering breath as I slowly try to drain the anger out of my mind and body, imagining it as if the vile stuff is being physically expelled from my body and out into the world, every fresh breath of air bringing in clean and pure energy into my body, mind, and soul, cleaning myself out one breath at a time.
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With my extra senses, I don’t need my eyes to fully understand the world around me. My connection to the others and my ability to sense darkness is enough for me to feel the world for the most part.
With my eyes still closed, I stop the two Hobgoblins from scooting away from me by making shadow spikes pierce the wall just an inch ahead of their faces. They quickly get the message and stop moving, choosing to remain huddled up against the wall. I can worry about them in a moment, when I’m not one twitch away from TEARING THEM APART AND PAINTING THIS WALL RED WITH THEIR FUC-! calm, calm... Happy thoughts…
“Fooooooooohhh…” Another long breath out and I focus on the others.
Nathaniel is finishing up on getting Sam out of a mess of ice. The both of them don’t feel so great right now, but are healing just fine. Nathaniel is all burned up on one side and has a slight limp, but he is alive and will be done healing in thirteen minutes.
Sam is suffering from mild hyperthermia and has frostbite on most of her lower half, and her arm. Now that she is out of the magically enhanced ice, and my Field is keeping away the cold of this blue Hobgoblin’s Field, her body is already working on overdrive to get everything back into working order. Even if she had been frozen solid, she would have been able to last for a few hours before we got her out. The frost-bitten skin can’t be saved, so regeneration will take some time as she regrows a couple of toes and fingers, should be about an hour or so, faster if I feed her some monster meat. I have some jerky in my pack for my meals. I’ll share with her.
Xander is fine for the most part. Much less frostbite than Sam and he is already close to getting back to full health. Right now, he is just trying to get his sword unstuck from the ice without breaking it.
Frank is covered head to toe in cuts and spots of frostbite. The worst wounds are a hole in the thigh that is closing up slowly, a couple of lacerations where his armor couldn’t protect him, and something that tastes like poison in his veins. His body is already handling it, but it is enhanced by magic most likely and is taking some time to get processed. Besides some muscles fatigue and soreness, the poison doesn’t seem to be doing much. Most likely the work of the little green Hobgoblin that smells like flowers, a Nature Mage most likely. Frank will be fully healed in about half an hour.
All four of them are fine.
None of them are dead, just injured and healing.
I need to calm down…
…
Leaning my head back, I let out another long and tired breath out though my teeth, my draining anger leaving me exhausted as it leaves my body.
“Frank, I sorry I snapped at you like that. I wasn’t in control of myself. I’m better now.”
I open my eyes to find him looking down at me, a concerned look in his eyes, but he nods, regardless of whatever opinion he has.
“What should we do about them?”
“I don’t know.”
“Lain, we can’t take any prisoners.
“I don’t know…”
“Lain-“
“I just killed thirteen people! And I almost… I don’t know…”
I close my eyes and try not to think about how easy it was. How simple of a task it is for me to take a life. To tear though a group of people and then rip someone’s head off with my bear hands. Even if they aren’t human, they are still people. I almost pinned two scared and crying girls to the floor. For a moment, I thought of them as insects!
And still, I am not feeling much of anything… I took fourteen lives just this week, and that isn’t even counting the normal Goblin that are probably on the cusp of becoming people, but I’m… I don’t know? I should be crying or freaking out, but instead, I am freaking out over not feeling anything. Would it be different if I killed a human?
And I am still doing that! I keep referring to them as humans, as if they are something other. Like I really have stopped being human myself. I can’t even think of them as being the same as me anymore, can I? I thought that I had gotten better at dealing with this, but I keep getting reminded of how much I have changed! I keep getting reminded that I am a Devil now! The fucking Demon Queen or whatever other bullshit has been pushed on me against my will!!! I never wanted any of this! I just-
I get pulled out of my thoughts as Frank sets his large hand on my quivering shoulder, holding me as I shake.
“I’ll do it. Move. I’ll make it quick and painless. You’ve already bloodied your hands enough for us.”
Of course he would misunderstand… The issue isn’t the killing. It’s me. It’s this fucking life that I have been forced into against my will. The only bright light of any of this, is Sky… I would have never met her if this didn’t happen to me. Gods, I just want to go home and cuddle...
“Haaah… I’m out here for her. To keep her safe.” I whisper to myself.
They would burn down my home and kill everyone I love if I don’t kill them. I am doing this because I must. I can cry into Sky’s shoulder when I get home.
“No, I’ll take care of it. You just focus on healing. Sit down and take some pressure off that leg. I’ll kill them.”
“Lain…”
“I’m fine.”
Raising a hand to stop him from saying anything more, I finally return my attention to the frightened looking Hobgoblins. The blue one’s face is sweating, and she is looking like she is really pushing her brain hard, like a kid trying desperately to wrench the correct answers out of some dank corner of their brain for a particularly important test.
The short green one is still crying, and I raise an eyebrow as I watch the blue one open her mouth, honest curiosity compelling me to come to a temporary stop as I raise my hand to finish them off.
“plEase… nO, KilL!”
…
“… Eh? Did you just speak English?”