A dust storm seemed to burst out from the dark tunnel and into the entrance area. When the small crabs within the cloud saw us, they scuttled to a stop.

For a moment, we stared at each other. The smaller crab in the back tried to run away, but the two beside it grabbed its pincers and dragged it back.

[https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/996145339650293891/1118435987421397022/SPOILER_2_copy.jpg]

[Image Link]

Murr smirked as he drew a long, gleaming dagger from his side — one I hadn’t seen before. “Looks like this dungeon is infected with crabs.”

Kron started his casting, causing light to rise from the ground around his feet. “And the only cure is—”

“More cowbell,” I interrupted.

The two glanced at me, completely confused. A crab charged forward. Kron released his spell at it.

“I was going to say, ‘us.’ Shit!” The golem hurriedly pointed toward the crustacean he hit. “That one is weakened!”

“Why do you always come up with the weirdest things?” Murr said to me before running at the much slower monster.

He plunged his new dagger deep into its eye. When it attempted to grab him with its claw, the rogue used his dodging technique to jump backwards while pulling the blade out. A squirt of black ichor came out of the wound and the crustacean took several steps back to steady itself.

From my inventory, I pulled out Blood and Honor. “That sounds like a conversation for another time.” Since it was generally better to decrease the amount of enemies first, I attacked the same crab Murr had.

The monster tried to fall back to allow its friends to take its place. It was too late. Both of my swords plunged into its head, through the wound Murr made. The crab collapsed, likely dead.

Killing one with my party was way easier than fighting it alone. Of course, having Murr point out its weak point so obviously helped. Too bad I didn’t have time to revel in our speed because Sir Crabnatius and Mr. Crabington attempted to murder me with their claws.

I twisted my hips and took a step backward, avoiding their attacks. The last crab, the one that had tried to leave earlier, I just named Ms. Crabson. She got a little too claw-sy and snapped toward my thigh. I had to use Dangerous Dodge, barely stepping back and out of the way. And that was when I felt something magical hit my calf. My whole body drained of energy and my limbs seemed to weigh twenty times more.

Ms. Crabson, hadn’t given up on her attack and jumped forward, large pincher open, which was just enough to reach my groin. Her claw clamped down. My world darkened. Frankly, it felt like she’d put all of my intestines in a winepress.

I yelled and heard a high-pitched squeak. That couldn’t have been me, right?

My stomach rolled. I unequipped my helmet just before I threw up my breakfast all over her face. Ew.

She took a step back in shock and used her free claw to wipe off her arthropod face. Though she didn’t release me, her grip loosened.

The other two crabs clamped onto my greaves, but I managed to use more aura than it should have to protect my legs from being crushed like a tin can.

And now I was stuck between three crabs in the most awkward position in my life. They hadn’t even bought me dinner first.

“Sorry, Sam! You dodged right into my spell.”

“Get! Them! Off me!” Spat the disgusting taste out of my mouth wiped my mouth on my shoulder before reequipping my helmet. Game Sight once again proving to be the best fucking thing the goddess gave me.

Kron cast another weakened spell, this time on Ms. Crabson. Her vice-like grip loosened. But I was still being held by Crabnatius and Crabington.

Moving through the pain and weakness, in hopes that stabbing her would make the pain stop, I weakly lifted my swords high into the air and brought them down on her eyes. My attack bounced right off her aura.

The other two crabs used their free claws to grab my swords, jerk them out of my hands, and throw them into the darkness of the main tunnel. I was now weaponless. But I wasn’t alone. Murr ran out of the shadows, jumped on Ms. Crabson’s back, and stabbed his dagger into one of her eyes. Then the next. He did it repeatedly and swiftly, as if taking revenge for my crushed nuts.

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

Ding-a-ling-ya-dong!

Congratulations!

Through hardships unknown, and balls crushed — you have gone up a level! You have one attribute point to assign.

As she collapsed, her claw finally released me, but the other two crabs hadn’t loosened their death grip on my greaves. Fortunately, my strength returned.

“Catch.”

Kron picked up the shafts of two broken pickaxes and threw them at me. Grimacing through the pain, I caught them and glanced down at the two fancy crabs who were fending off Murr’s shots with their free claws.

I needed to get these guys off me while they were distracted. I clenched my teeth. Looks like I’ll have to beat them off with both shafts.

Wait. That didn’t sound right...

But it didn’t matter. I started bashing the crabs’ heads in while enhancing my attacks with aura. Even without them being weakened, I could tell I was hurting them more using bludgeoning-type damage than I had with my swords.

They pulled my legs back, causing me to face-plant into the hardened dirt, then they slid me toward the yellow glowing portal.

Kron downed two mana potions at once, then cast the Weaken spell on Mr. Crabington who suddenly slowed down. Of course, the other one kept going, so my legs were slowly being split against my will. This was not comfortable, but trying to attack two crabs while being dragged face down was not easy. The best I managed was turning onto my side and beating at the faster one’s legs.

Murr dropped his slingshot into his inventory, pulled his dagger out, and ran forward — his gaze sharp and fierce.

[https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/996145339650293891/1118435987698233404/SPOILER_Murr_copy.jpg]

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He jumped on Crabnatius’ back and viciously stabbed his eyes.

All of my aches and pains vanished. Kron must have finally cast Heal on me.

Crabnatius released my leg, and I used my newly-freed-and-aura-enhanced foot to kick Mr. Crabington’s claw off my leg. He stumbled back a bit.

Another Weaken spell hit the remaining enemy. Then Murr made short work of the monster.

Since all the crabs were down, I sat up, exchanged my nearly crushed greaves for my old pair, and rested. My body didn’t ache anymore but the whole fight, had been mentally taxing and I needed... I just needed to not think.

The whole situation had been… a bit fucked.

Kron also sat to recover his stamina while Murr kept watch on the entrance deeper into the mine.

Once I was feeling more like myself, I looked at Kron, who noticed my gaze and winced.

“Sam, about that Weaken spell...”

When I remembered the whole situation, my anger grew. I grip my weapons tighter and let out a calming breath. If I wasn’t reasonable, right here, then I’d become someone I didn’t want to be. lashing out at my party members for their mistakes was the incorrect path.

“If we’d been up against more or stronger opponents, I could have died there.” It came out harsher than I wanted it to.

Kron tightened his jaw. “This is the first and last time this will happen.”

Murr placed his arms behind his head and stretched. “I don’t know. Maybe Kron has hit you with a life steal before. You just didn’t notice.”

“I have not! This was the first time one of my spells hit someone by accident.”

A lesson my father taught me bubbled to the surface. “Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘If you’re going to sling spells into close combat, either make sure the spell lands so far away from your party members that you won’t hit them... Or don’t do it at all?’”

Kron’s jaw tightened. “It will not happen again.”

I nodded. “Maybe learning to work together as we slowly add new skills and spells is partially why Guild Master Arok wanted us to clear out this mine. If we were facing stronger opponents, then...”

“I... could have gotten you killed.” Kron closed his hand into a fist.

“You focused on healing spells while you were growing up, so you must not have had a lot of practice with debuff spells, right?”

“I apologize, Sam. I’ll make it up to you in whatever way I can.”

“I’ll accept your apology.”

I stood up and waved for Murr to rest. He plopped down and took out a silver water flask with expensive filigree and magical enchantment.

“That said, we’re party members. You made a mistake. It was bad, terrible even, but I didn’t die. That is the important part. We are developing our techniques while power leveling at a pace most would think is insane. Frankly, it’s better to fail now, and discover where we are deficient that to mess up when we’re up against massive high-level mobs that could wipe out our party just from sitting on us.”

“I’ll make it up to you, somehow.”

I shrugged. “Do it when I make a terrible mistake.”

He nodded solemnly.

Murr then took out a yellow stamina potion and drank it like a shot. He grimaced and chased it down with water.

I shoved the old pickaxe shafts into my inventory and glanced down the tunnel, trying to spot where Blood and Honor landed.

The catfolk rogue practically jumped up, “That’s it!”

“What?” We both turned to look at him.

“I just figured out the perfect name for our adventuring team.” A smile spread across his face as he waited for suspense to do what the crabs couldn’t — kill us. “Sam and the Ball Bash Boys!”

“How about, not that,” I said.

“Wait, this has some promise.” Kron stroked his chin as he thought.

“Kron, I swear, if you veto my veto on this, I will un-accept your apology.”

He grinned. “I guess I have no choice.”

Murr’s eyes twinkled. “I’ll get you a mage’s staff if you agree.”

“Our party can’t afford one right now,” Kron said.

“I don’t think Murr is talking about paying for it...” He would probably borrow it from his family’s estate or something. “Besides, staffs are old school. The best magic users ponder orbs.”

“Not old school. They’re classic. And they can double as a weapon when Kron runs out of mana.”

Some scratching noises came from deeper into the mine, along with the muffled sound of metal sliding against stone. Murr’s ears turned toward the tunnel and his eyes followed the sound, then dilated.

“Hold on, that’s where my swords are!”

I sprinted down the tunnel, reaching a group of small red crabs just as they carried Blood and Honor up the stone wall and into a crevice.