Each of us needed time to change into our adventuring gear, aside from me, who just equipped it through my menus. We went up to my room and started getting ready. Well, Murr did.

Kron, who was only participating as a healer, sat at my room’s small circular table, reading up on how to best heal broken bones. The confidence he had in me was inspiring.

Once Murr finished putting on his magic leather pants, I threw him his black shirt. “Since I’m doing this Tank Off thing and possibly harming her, I think I’d like to know why you dislike Rava now.”

“Oh, that?” He struggled into his shirt, but I suspected that he was avoiding answering.

I nodded. “You basically got me into this situation with your fancy outfits and flaunting our leveling speed.”

“To be fair,” Kron said, “I also wanted to have fun and dress up.”

Murr winced as he finally finished getting his shirt on. “I didn't know that would happen.”

“But you weren’t disappointed when it did.”

He sighed and shrugged on his leather jacket. “Okay, listen. Remember the second time we met when you two got attacked by that dumb team of assassins?”

“How could I forget? You helped us help you.”

“Well, Rava and her friends told me that I had to track that group down and take them out to join them. This would prove I was capable enough. When I returned successful, they practically laughed at me! Then they said that they couldn’t believe I’d taken them out since they’d just been messing with me. They thought I’d realize that and leave them alone.”

Owch. “You didn’t say anything to us.”

His face reddened, and he flicked the tip of his nose with this thumb. “Would you?”

Maybe not to strangers.

“Anyway. Let’s go kick some ass!”

***

Apparently, since the inn was owned by dwarves, it was connected to the dwarven underground within the city. Directly under the building, through a series of well lit tunnels, was a small fighting arena. Mostly, it was a massive cylindrical room with support pillars and a hole dug out of its center. Of course, this was dwarven architecture, so, while I described it simply, it was anything but. There were murals on the walls that had boxy graffiti in Dwarvish. Beautiful patterns reminiscent of Art Deco were carved into the stadium-style seating. The hole was designed so those in their seats remained safe while also being able to see everything. The area was striking. I wanted to sketch it like I did in my past life.

Dos and I stood in our armor at the sand covered bottom. Rava sat on a chair behind the massive golem while Murr hopped around me while waving to the crowd to get them to cheer louder.

Meanwhile, Olin and Kron remained just outside the hole, ready to save us if we messed up. Both of them had similar grim expressions.

A dwarf, dressed in fine clothing, was lowered from a viewing box in the ceiling.

“We’re about to begin. Give her hell for me.” Murr slapped my pauldrons and sat in his chair.

“Here are the rules,” the announcer’s voice echoed through the chamber. “Each tank can win by knocking each other out, by getting the other to concede, or by injuring their opponent’s unarmed and stationary ally. No hitting to kill. If you try to murder your opponent, you’re automatically disqualified.

“Also, Allies. You must remain in the chair. If you get off it, your tank will lose. The chair needs to have at least one leg on the ground at all times. And if I see either of you two trying to pull a weird crab crawl or butt scoot with your chair, I will come down there and kick your asses myself. I will permit you to stand on it. Just keep in mind that this is a Tank Off, not a Rogue Acrobatics Exhibition. That’s on Tuesdays.”

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

The crowd chuckled.

“Fighters take your places! Rogues, take your chairs!”

I double checked that I stood in the right place, then eyed Dos, who pulled out a shield and spear. He knew I was faster than him, so he decided on the weapon with the longer reach. From his glare I could tell that he wanted to slice up my pretty Elven face.

“Set your eyes on your target! And get ready to Tank Off!”

A bell rang.

I ran forward directly at the massive golem, who stood around two feet higher than me. When he neared me, his spear stabbed towards my chest. I caught it with Blood and Honor then redirected it into the ground. Before Dos had time to pull it out, I stepped on the shaft, and started running up it.

Dos’ eyes widened, but I knew he was trained to never drop his weapon. He raised his arm to attempt to unbalance my footing. More fool him. I was counting on this. I used the momentum he gave me to throw myself forward.

After rolling into a run, I darted to Rava’s chair and stabbed Blood towards her shoulder. Unfortunately, she’d been prepared and slid in her seat, so her back was where her rear had been.

I hurriedly stabbed down at her shoulder again, but the slippery rogue turned on her side, causing my blade to dig deep into the wood. Then she winked at me!

Frustrated, I was about to kick her off her chair when I heard Dos nearing me. Just before he could barrel into me, I jumped backward so far I left skid marks on the sanded pit floor.

“Samalrune! That was a shitty trick.”

I grinned at the grumpy golem. “You’re not even that good with a spear, but you’re using it against me?”

He ran at me again and started stabbing forwards with his weapon as if to prove me wrong. I backed up to avoid each swing and thrust, redirecting his attacks when I could, but mostly dodging. He used his greater size to force me back to the center of the ring.

“How can you be a tank if you can’t take a hit?” He said.

“Why should I when I can dodge?” Then I did just that, avoiding a series of thrusts using Dangerous Dodge. Once more, I backed up.

“Your partner is behind you, yet you keep allowing me to get closer. And dodging is only wasting your stamina. You’re a tank, not a rogue.”

I once again redirected his attack and stepped inside and attacked him with A Thousand Will Do.

[https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/949515587766329405/1045162245522464829/SPOILER_sam_2.jpg]

Of course, he took it on his shield, but I was counting on that. Each slice cut into the wood and metal in the same exact spot. By the time my tenth and last strike hit, I’d sliced into the golem’s terracotta skin, exposing the glowing blue beneath.

Dos hissed, and his eyes widened. As if I’d scared him, he jumped back and stabbed towards me with his spear like he wanted to seriously injure me. And he aimed at my face. Asshole!

I ducked under the stab and attempted to get around his defenses to slice at his chest, but he blocked me with the edge of his shield. Then, he shoved me with his aura infused shield, sending me several yards away. My whole chest ached with the aura that he had bashed into me. Then, while I was still recovering from that blow, he ran around me and towards Murr.

The pink haired, who had been standing on his chair while waving at the crowd, flattened his ears. Shockingly, he tilted the chair onto its two back feet and began quickly walking it backwards to get away from the charging tank. How was he even doing that?!

“HEY! YOUR OPPONENT IS ME YOU SELF-CENTERED DICK!” I taunted the golem as I ran to attack his undefended back. He jerked his head towards me, lifting his shield to meet my double attacks. Then I used his habit of pushing me backwards to move him towards the center of the ring.

I couldn’t believe my taunt actually worked on him!

Unfortunately, I could only guide him to the middle of the pit before his eyes started clearing from the anger. If my taunt worked on him, then maybe...

When he sliced towards my waist, I pushed it down between my legs till it just barely touched my groin. I still partially doubled over and the Shocker did its work. Dos’ eyes widened, and he froze.

The crowd grew silent as they, too, became shocked.

I had ten seconds, and I already wasted one recovering from the small tap. Next, I ran while ignoring the pain as best as I could.

When Rava saw me coming her way, she stood on her chair and attempted to copy Murr by running her chair away from me. But I wasn’t a slow and heavy golem.

I closed in and slashed towards her shoulder. She somehow managed to use a rogue dodge technique to almost instantly move several feet ahead.

At that point, the stun effect on Dos wore off. His whole face reddened in embarrassment and he charged towards me. But I hadn’t stopped chasing the wandering chair-plus-rogue. I only had a few moments.

Fortunately, Murr hadn’t been idle. He’d somehow made his slow way over here like a circus act and blocked Rava’s path for a single second. Only a second. It was long enough. I dashed forward, jumped, clearing the distance between us, then rolled. With a single slash, I cut off the two back legs, breaking them off.

Rava tumbled to the ground, ending the fight. Even Dos knew it had ended and he slowed to a stop.

I put my swords away and lifted the chair up in triumph.

The bell rang.

The crowd went wild.