I leaned to the side as the jacket I’d asked for just barely missed me. Kimmi, who’d thrown the thing at my head, loomed above me with a vicious grin on her face.

“Hey!” She was always rude in the mornings, but this morning she seemed especially irritable.

Apparently, the big Destiny Reveal had her on edge. I couldn’t blame her.

“Samalrune! If we have to wait in line for an hour just because you get out of bed slower than cold molasses, I’m going to do more than just throw a jacket at your stupid red head.”

I grinned. “Like what?”

She pointed to Bradvin, who already had his clothes on.

“He managed to get up and dressed in a reasonable time.”

“I told you that you’d regret staying up late.” Bradvin crossed his arms while silently judging me.

“Like I could sleep!” This day would literally affect the rest of our lives!

I threw on my jacket and hugged my two best friends. “Kimmi, you’re going to be the best mage healer ever! Brad, you’re going to become an amazing DPS mage. And I...”

“Would be lucky if you don’t get stuck with a non-combat destiny because of how average you are.”

“Hey! There is nothing wrong with being non-combat. A majority of people are.” I laughed and released my two adorable friends. “But that’s not going to happen! I’m sure I’ll be a mage or a fighter, DPS. Either way, with Dos as our tank, we’ll be invincible!”

And speaking of Dos, the seven-foot-tall terracotta skinned golem knocked on the door. He grinned. His glowing blue eyes seemed to light the dim room.

Well, it was just after dawn.

“We have to get going. There is already a line forming half a block away from the AllChurch.”

“Then, let’s race! Whoever’s last has to buy drinks tonight!”

I rushed out the door while Bradvin yelled, “Agreed!”

Once I reached the stairs, I jumped over the railing to the floor below, startling several of the inn’s patrons.

“Hey!” the dwarven innkeeper yelled. As I made it out the door, I could just barely hear him yell, “Damn children!”

“Not after today,” I yelled back. “Whoop!”

Even with my head start, Bradvin caught up quickly.

“You’re buying tonight,” he said while passing me.

I glanced back to see Kimmi also gaining on us. Her delicate feet made no noise on the cobblestone street. When she passed me, she advised, “For your own safety... let Dos win.”

I mean, she had a point. Without a tank, I’d get my ass handed to me as a DPS.

While Destiny Reveals showed a 16-20-year-old their destiny ordained by all the gods, it wasn’t like they weren’t also related to what a person was good at or loved doing. Rarely did someone get a seemingly unreasonable destiny.

I think the last person who received one was the son of a merchant. Everyone assumed that he’d be non-combat like his parents before him, but he’d secretly spent all his time practicing the bow. So it was only a surprise to those who didn’t know when he became an archer.

Dos ran past me. His shoeless, human-looking feet made ‌little noise. Then again, he’d grown up with elves and had the same training as us.

Ah well. I supposed treating my friends to some drinks wouldn’t be that bad. While I was planning to pull my own weight, I also knew that these three had always been better than me at the things they were good at. But they were geniuses, and I was merely above average.

But, even if I wasn’t as good as them, they always had my back. They’d helped me study. Helped me train. And when I decided to take the two-month journey to travel from my father’s frontier township to reach Forestview city, instead of waiting for a personal gate to open, they’d decided to come with me.

If that wasn’t a mythril bound friendship, I didn’t know what was.

When I got in line behind Dos, the three cheered for me.

“Are you cheering for me, or the free drinks?”

“Whatever you think is what it is,” Bradvin said.

I hated when he did that. Why couldn’t he just be specific? What was the point in talking around the subject?

***

The line moved fast, but we were still a half a block away when a conversation reached me.

“Yeah, they say the Elven Tank who took the Destiny Test last night reached level 150!”

Since Dos was blocking my view, I leaned over to get a peek at the two ahead of us. One was a muscular orc in merchants’ clothes, and the other was a blonde human girl who appeared to be friendly with him.

She thumbed her small red nose. “Are you serious? Most people only reach 70 — 80 at most — in the four years between the Reveal and the Test.”

“Yeah, but even though he was that high in level, he still didn’t make it.”

“That’s crazy.” She took out an unfamiliar long yellow fruit ‌and started peeling it. Her eyes darted to mine. “Hey, you’re an elf. Is it true that Elven Tanks are cursed to die?”

Were they? History wasn’t exactly my best subject. Fortunately, Bradvin stepped forward.

“Actually, Elven Tanks are rare because the only way they’re known to pass the Destiny Test is by reaching level 300. Because at that level, they’re as immortal as Emperor White.”

The girl, who was just about to take a bite of her fruit, paused. “Are you serious? Is it even possible to reach level 300 in four years? Don’t most people take fifty or a hundred years to reach that level?”

“Well, that’s why only a handful have ever made it past their test. But they’re still around today. Most of them work for the various emperors.”

Bradvin always was better at history and memorizing all the boring facts about the White Empire’s structure. But that’s why we kept him around.

We all paused as we realized that we neared the AllChurch. The massive stone building had pointed arched doors and colored glass windows depicting the various gods and goddesses that created the world and the laws that governed it.

I leaned in to Dos and whispered, “You think I could jump high enough to tap Belinda’s nose?”

“I think the Goddess of Intelligence would crawl out of that depiction and tie your arms into knots if you tried.”

Ah, he was no fun.

“That was a hypothetical. Hypothetical!”

When I stepped foot into the AllChurch, a pressure like I’d never felt before seemed to press down around me.

“Do you all feel that?”

“It’s because of the god’s altars.” The girl pointed to the various stone half pillars that littered the massive room.

Well, it was hard to make them out since the line wound its way this way and that as if someone had wanted to make a really difficult maze. And at the end of the maze was a glowing gate. Dungeon gates looked similar, in that they appeared to be large flat ovals that swirled with energy. But those were different colors.

Where dungeon gates were colored based on the environment behind the gate, this one had the color of clouds on a sunny day.

Just as we reached a very twisted part of the line, it stopped. Someone appeared to have reservations about entering the gate.

Near us, a group of four catfolk wearing black leather hissed. Everyone in the room, aside from the terrified person holding up the line, turned to face them.

They were glaring at a young pink haired catfolk.

“Murr, what are you doing here?” One woman in that group with long hair glared at the young pink-haired man.

He crossed his arms defensively. “I’m 17. I have the right to be here, just like you.”

“Oh, no no no. You see, that’s where you’re wrong.”

An orange haired catfolk leaned in and said. “Why don’t you go home, huh? Before your rich parents find out.”

Another with tiger colored hair. “It would serve him right if he became a non-combat class just because he refused to wait until the age everyone else did.”

Pink hair’s back stiffened. “I’m tired of being treated like a child. It’s suffocating.”

“Can you believe this kid?!”

“Come on, let’s throw him out where his family’s butler can find him and take him back home before he makes a fool of himself,” the girl said.

My hand tightened.

“Samalrune,” Kimmi warned. “Don’t.”

I grinned. “Kimmi. You realize that I’m going to do it, anyway.”

“Samalrune,” Bradvin said. “Just listen for once.”

But the catfolk were already surrounding the boy. I jumped over the velvet partition and stood between the teen and the larger catfolk.

“How about you let him do what he wants to do?”

Tiger-hair hissed. “Mind your own business, pointy ears.”

“Okay, first of all, that’s speciesist. You wouldn’t want me to go around calling you all four ears, right?”

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

His cat ears twitched and his round ones turned red. A scowl ran across his face.

“Listen here, you ginger piece of shit—”

“Can you even do anything in this place with the gods watching?”

He choked.

I turned to Murr, “Why don’t you come join us—”

A strong force slammed into my side. I took several steps to mitigate the force. On my last step, my foot landed on something yellow and slippery. I slid forward, fell over the partition, and slid across the glossy marble floor.

Crack!

Pain shot through my head.

“Aaaand he’s ou—”

***

Memories of my Human parents. No, I had Elven parents. What?

Then, instead of the fort I grew up in, there was a world without magic. But it had technology so advanced that it looked like magic. Beautiful buildings that shot into the sky and touched the clouds.

Skyscrapers.

I remembered these obscure concepts as if they’d always been there.

Then the personal stuff decided to bubble up to the surface. Growing up. Going to highschool. Punching the shit out of bullies and having to move to a different school.

I went to college to become an architect. There I laughed with friends about memes and Saturday Night Live.

At the graduation dorm party, I saw a girl too drunk to walk get escorted to a room by some rich graduate. I threw the guy out before he could do anything, basically humiliating him in front of the whole party, and helped the girl get home.

That guy talked to his daddy and got me blacklisted from working in any local architect firm after graduation.

That led me to temporarily surviving by driving for three different rideshare companies. As several years passed, that temporary became closer to permanent.

Even the firms outside of the city I lived in refused to hire someone a few years out of school and no experience.

Then, just as I finally secured an interview at a local company, I picked up a fare. A girl and her boyfriend heading toward a club to go dancing.

They argued softly in the backseat. My nerves stood on end the whole time.

Finally, the girl yelled, “If you’d just clean up your own damn mess!”

I didn’t know why that line set the guy off, but he slapped her. Then they started throwing punches at each other.

I pulled over, opened the door, and pulled her out of the car and away from him.

“I’m calling the cops!” I held up my phone with the number for 911 being dialed.

A desperate look crossed the guy’s face. He took out a knife. The way it shined in the streetlamp caught my eye just before it repeatedly plunged into my kidney. Then he grabbed my phone and ended the call.

What kind of bath salts was this guy on?

Well, he must have killed me because I remembered being reborn, knowing everything about my past life. Apparently I had acted too much like an adult and had been having trouble adapting, so my parents took me to the AllChurch to have my memories sealed.

***

A hundred cars crashed into my skull. I opened my eyes to a spinning church.

“He’s awake!” Bradvin said.

“Help him up. We’ve held up the line for long enough,” Dos said. A large, warm hand wrapped around my left arm and pulled.

Then a thin, cold hand grabbed my other side. Together, they hefted me to my feet. The world spinning made walking difficult. Still, I managed to hold some of my weight.

“See,” Kimmi said. “This is why I told you not to go over there. You need to learn to mind your own business or you’ll get yourself killed.”

A giddiness bubbled up from somewhere and I said, “Too late!”

“What?” She rubbed her temples.

“So, did ramming your skull into Belinda’s altar make you smarter?” Dos asked jovially.

“I hope so,” Kimmi said.

“My ears hurt.” Actually, it was more of a ring. “I could have sworn you said I hit an altar?”

They turned me to face the stone pillar I’d hit. There was a familiar yellow peel near it.

“Banana?”

“What?”

“Wait... So, I was pushed... slipped on a banana peel and broke my head on the Goddess of intelligence’s altar?”

“If that yellow thing is a banana, then that sounds about right.”

We stood in front of the gate. “Can you stand on your own?” Bradvin asked.

“Barely.” Each step sent the world wobbling. At least it was better than spinning.

“Then go in first.”

They pushed me forward into the sky-like oval as I passed its event horizon and plunged into a lake of energy. The waves sent me spinning this way and that.

This did not help my whole spinning world situation.

When solid ground steadied my feet, I opened my eyes to see a fog filled world.

The crowds from earlier had vanished, leaving just me and my personal Destiny Reveal… which looked like two tiny glowing fairies smoking something suspicious in a pipe. Little clouds of rainbow smoke exited their lips.

When they saw me, their eyes grew wide. One of them coughed, choking on the smoke she’d just inhaled.

“Am I in the right place?”

The two looked at each other, then grinned like they were customer service agents who got caught doing something suspicious. “Of course!”

“This is definitely the right location.”

“The gate never takes children to the wrong location.”

“Never.”

“If you’re here, then you’re meant to be here.” Their voices were sweet and adorable. Though they had a slight hint of gravel.

“This way!”

They darted into the fog.

This was not good. I didn’t realize I’d have to walk. Each step made my dizziness worse until I stood in front of a house-sized gambling machine. It had three wheels that each showed a circle.

[https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/949515587766329405/1035320795079127060/SPOILER_Machine_copy.jpg]

I just looked at it. And blinked.

Part of me really thought I had fallen asleep, and this was a dream.

“This way!”

They hovered over a small lever with a ball handle on the side of the machine. Holding my aching head, I stumbled my way over to the handle and grabbed on.

“Is this supposed to reveal my class and designation, or am I gambling with my future here?”

Their laughter sounded like bells and caused the pain to worsen.

“Of course, it just shows you what your destiny is.”

“Don’t think too hard. And pull!”

“Pull! Pull! Pull!”

Well, if they said so.

While this all looked suspicious, the adults back in the fort said that they each had unique experiences during their Destiny Reveal.

I pulled the lever down and watched as the ball on top flew back up.

The massive wheels turned. I stumbled back several steps to get a better view.

Even though I felt like throwing up, this was my Destiny Reveal!

The first wheel rolled to a stop.

Class: Fighter

Then the second.

Sub-Class: Go Out And Earn One

Perfect! That would give our team another close combat—

Designation: Tank

What?

No. I had to be seeing that wrong.

I rubbed my eyes and looked again. Because there was no way I would be given such a raw deal.

Nothing had changed. Nothing. It still said, Tank.

I turned to the fairies.

They clapped. “Ooooo. A Fighter Tank!”

“And you’re an elf.”

“You can become immortal if you get your level high enough! Congratulations on such a spectacular destiny!”

“Who wants to be immortal?! I just don’t want to die!”

They tilted their heads, confused.

I repeated back the words I just said in my head. Okay. Yeah, I could see how they’d be confused. “I mean, I don’t want to die during my Destiny Test. If I don’t reach level 300 in four years! I’m dead. This isn’t good. It’s basically a death sentence!”

They laughed. “Well, of course it would be difficult!”

“You think just anyone deserves immortality?”

“I don’t want an impossible chance at immortality. I want to live! This is idiotic! Stupid! Completely unfair! Not only is it unfair to me, but it’s unfair to every Elven tank that’s come before me!”

I kicked the gambling machine that cursed me to die earlier than I did in my past life.

“Hsss!” I hopped up and down on my good foot and grabbed the one I’d hurt. I glared at the machine that hadn’t even budged.

“I wouldn’t say more if I were you,” one fairy said.

Maybe it was the concussion, but that was unbelievably frustrating. Here I was basically alone aside from these two and they were telling me to curb my anger? I always did that! Couldn’t a dead man walking vent just once?!

“This is bullshit! That machine is bullshit! This whole world’s system is bullshit!”

“Oh, he did it now.”

“And I—“

A horrifyingly massive, glowing hand reached towards me from the clouds. I fell on my ass to avoid it. Or maybe that was the concussion.

[https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/949515587766329405/1035320795720863855/SPOILER_Scared_Sam_copy.jpg]

The fingers that were as long as I was tall wrapped around my waist and legs. My heartbeat pounded. Was it going to crush me?

Fortunately, it just lifted me up.

I grabbed onto the hand, terrified that it would drop me.

It brought me upwards over the clouds. A woman’s mountain sized face glanced down at me with a wry and irritated smile.

It was the same face from the stained glass that I’d joked about touching less than an hour ago.

[https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/949515587766329405/1035328893374181406/SPOILER_Goddess_of_intelligence_white_robe_foggy_world_s-2157817913_copy.jpg]

“B-Belinda?” My voice cracked.

“I’m impressed that you had the balls to curse out my system.” Her lips did not move, but her voice echoed in my mind. It made my dizziness return ten fold. “I worked hard on it, you know.”

“Ah.”

“Since you think it’s so unfair, how about I give you a cheat that will help you survive the Destiny Test?”

This was a dream, right?

“This is not a dream. And no, you did not say that out loud.”

Let’s see, a cheat from a goddess whose system I just cursed out? Not being an idiot... “I politely decline. It wouldn’t be fair for me to have what others don’t.”

Her glowing eyes narrowed at me. “Too bad. You’re getting one anyways.” Laughter echoed through the fog and rang in my ears.

The world spun. I clasped my head to stop it.

Then I plummeted.

“AAAAAAH!”

I stepped onto the solid ground of the AllChurch. Voices from the bustling crowd echoed through the chambers.

That was when the blue boxes appeared. Weren’t these supposed to be parchments? Why blue boxes?

Congratulations! You’ve become a New Adult! Your destiny is to become a Fighter Tank!

You’ve received the Ability - Game Sight. This allows you to perceive the world around you in an even more gamified way compared to your peers.

Because the Goddess of Intelligence and the creator of the system is impressed with you! She has given you a Random Boon!

Press Here to activate the lottery!

As I stepped away from the gate to let others pass, I noticed the box didn’t vanish like the others. Instead, it became more solid and even increased in size until I could only see the world in my periphery.

She really would not let this go.

I sighed deeply and pressed the button.

Ding-a-ling-ya-dong!

Like a menu from an online game, the side of a wheel appeared with the names of boons. The ones I could see were called things like 10 Extra Lives, Shield Master, Dual Class, 10x EXP or Weak Spot EXP. It made me wonder if she wasn’t fucking me over after all, but really trying to fix a problem with the balance of her system by handing out extras.

[https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/949515587766329405/1035410688220352592/Wheel_copy.png]

With a graceful swipe, I turned the wheel. A clacking sound came from it as each option passed the arrow.

It slowed down around the boon Tentacle Arms, then passed over Magical Space, and a few others.

Just as it was about to hit 20x EXP the little pointer stopped on Tough Nut.

What kind of boon was that?!

Congratulations! Your random boon is:

Tough Nut

- You earn NO EXP. You level by taking a strike to your groin area, then having you or your party kill your foe.

- Foe must be within 6 levels of you, positively or negatively.

Fuuuuck that! No. Nope. Not doing it.