Half Bath

“What the hell! Were you trying to kill me?”

“What are you talking about, you lunatic?”

“I asked you where the powder room was! You sent me to a room full of explosives!”

“Yes, the powder room. Where we store powder and explosives!”

“See, this is how I know you’re still a virgin.”

Saphire Blade discussing the meaning of the word ‘Powder Room’ when mentioned by a lady with Terrorex.

"Either way, the door didn't seem to be locked to the house.” Emilia said, trying to get everyone moving towards the home. “I would bet that Carl would love to lounge on a couch while we check out the rest of this building."

"I mean, why should today be any different than any other day." Ryan teased.

“Hey, I’m injured here!’ Carl protested.

Lisa nodded, turning from the turtle she had been admiring and heading back up to the house. The door opened stiffly but without really any trouble. Inside they found a much more understated building. While the colors were still bold, they weren’t as eye-searing as some of the previous areas. The couch was a strong blue, but comfortable seeming fabric with matching chairs around a trapezoidal table of some sort of blonde colored wood. The floor was actually hardwood similar to the house above. The multi-pendant light figure was like a brass and frosted glass starburst above the conversation area.

She helped Carl sit down, then her eyes lit up. “Dibbs! She shouted, running into the bathroom.

Carl laughed. “The city girl isn’t used to peeing in the bushes.” The camera man said.

Emilia shook her head at him. "Yeah, well, I'm right after her, so kiss my ass." Emilia grumbled. "I grew up in a cult, not a freaking stagecoach."

“We’ll ignore you were born and lived on Air Force bases for most of your life.” Emilia added. “Freaking Chair Force goes camping with air conditioners.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a rumor, started by ex-marines like your dad.” Carl laid down, lifting his pain-pulsing foot.

A few minutes passed, and a smiling Lisa walked out, looking somehow less tense than she had been. “There is a god, and also toilet paper.” She smiled at the boys as Emilia dodged around her to take her turn. “Where is Davy?” she asked, noticing he wasn’t with Ryan who had been holding the leash earlier.

“He’s outside on that big rock. It’s a heated basking spot.”

"There was a gate, so I closed it." Emilia called out as she hurried to take the other woman’s place in the powder room.

"We left the door open, so I suspect he'll find us.” Ryan added. “Shall we look around this floor? It's a bit cozier than either of the other places we’ve seen.” Ryan paused, frowning. “Did that sound as weird to anyone else as it did me? A cozy super-lair?”

Lisa laughed as she looked around and through the other doors out of the front room, finding a bare bones kitchen. “Not big, but since it’s the third kitchen we’ve found, just fine for a guest house, or a bachelor pad.”

Ryan chuckled. “Way to stay on task there, Lisa.” He went through a door into a bedroom with a simple twin bed and walls covered in photos and paintings of reptiles, along with a huge concrete slab taking up one wall with odd graffiti on it. “Odd choice of décor. I think he stole a wall from somewhere."

“Weird.”

The room next door was the bathroom, so the next was another, nearly bare bedroom. It consisted very basically of a bed and dresser with nothing else done to it. The bed was even just a bare mattress, no one having bothered to do it up. "And this was an afterthought, or he was going to make a cell and got lazy about the door."

Another door opened to a small, disused laboratory, one with older equipment than they’d seen in the larger set ups. “.” I could probably gut this room and make it a third bedroom, but this fits our theory that this is an earlier lair .” Lisa commented, looking at a very bulky microscope. “I mean, I don’t even see an old computer like there was in the other one ….”

“And no projects waiting to jump us.”

“I found a basement door!” Emilia shouted, having found a large painting of the Amazon River that had swung off the wall, revealing a concealed door next to the one to the attic-lab.

Ryan and Lisa hurried down, to join the redhead. Heading down the stairs, Emilia smiled at the snake carved banister. “The guy definitely stayed on brand.”

"Nice! Though again, we knew which house the hat put him in, but this is a weird choice. I mean, why go even lower? Really kind of pushing... Oh, my... Okay, I withdraw the question.”

The area at the bottom of the stairs was larger than the house above, possibly the full size of the inner ring outside. Within the cavernous space were maybe a dozen vehicles, bizarre objects, and even torn uniforms in displays. "I think we found his trophy room."

They continued down, him marveling at a red, blue, and white jet aircraft that was parked near the stairs. "That's a British plan. I think it's an old jet fighter." Ryan said.

"And I think that's one big bunch of fancy looking cars ." Lisa said, pointing to what would be the south of the circle.

One of the cars looked ancient, like something from a world war era movie, while the others seemed to be older models, but more sixties and seventies era, sports cars. They were all covered in dust but looked well maintained and cared for.

“That one isn’t like the others. And it has green and white lights in the grill.” He frowned. “But Lizard was a villain, he wouldn’t have been rolling with hero light bars.”

“Well, I recognize the car. It’s a Crysler New Yorker. I drove one when I was in high school.” Lisa said, the old boat had been a wonderful car for all it was about as long as a school bus, or so she’d felt. “But it’s not stock, not with street rod tires or chrome tailpipes. I’m not a car nut but even I can recognize those.”

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“Who would have driven…” Ryan snapped his fingers. “This is one of the Empire Statesman’s cars! It’s even the same blue as New Yorks flag. He even worked the gold from the lady on the seal’s dress into the chrome. It’s got a gold tint.”

She snapped pictures to show Carl the cars. Then pulled out her pad. “Research 50-year-old stolen property claims. You think the Statesman will want it back?”

“The cape community is weird about things like that. He’ll likely suggest it be sold for charity. Accepting it back is almost as bad as it getting stolen in the first place.” He shrugged at her arched eyebrow. “Hey, capes are weird.”

She shook her head, then considered the next vehicle, something that looked like an oversized mini-van but with six off road tires. “Oh, a fire truck. It’s kind of cute. At least, I think it’s a firetruck?”

Ryan nodded. “An airport fire tender. Its markings are for an aerodrome in the United Kingdom. Maybe it came with the fighter?”

She shrugged, looking over what was basically a large six wheeled van with an articulated water sprayer on an arm mounted on the roof. "Never seen one like that before. And he’s got what is basically a damn showroom of motorcycles over here.” She looked at the badges. “All of them are variations on the same brand and model. The Velocette Viper. Makes sense for his sense of theming even if I’ve never heard of them before. Sharp looking bikes, though. Definitely classic bikes, and not new classics."

“That is sharp, and the designs are less bulky, or maybe it’s better to say it’s lighter looking than a Harley. Either way, they are street racer stock. Guess he was a big motorcycle guy. Maybe that’s why Manors went for him. “Chicks dig motorcycles.” Lisa said with a laugh.

"Kinda was tempted to steal these. Hell, he's got several different models and designs. We can form our own motorcycle gang." Ryan joked. "And this place is weirdly dry, so they're in great shape, for having sat."

“I was curious and checked. The door had an industrial grade seal on it, and this is basically a well-furnished cave.” Emilia said. “Solid concrete and I’ve not found a bit of damp, so I’d bet there’s some function pumping out any additional moisture. And don’t worry about temptation, some of those are going in the bus and I don’t care about propriety.” She added dryly.

“There is a big door over here built out of a concrete wall.” Lisa said pushing another graffiti covered wall that rolled on hidden rails high above, opening up to another room with a super suit on a manikin and another car. The car was painted, unexpectedly, blue and red and had an aggressive stance, obviously built with power and speed in mind. “Ford Falcon Cobra. I’ve never heard of that one. And it’s numbered?”

Ryan stepped closer, seeing the badge on the side of the car that she had. “I’ve never even heard of this, but it looks kind of like an old school mustang, but a bit more robust. And obviously they felt like it was special, since they numbered it.” He looked around, seeing tools, bottles of supplies, and other signs of a working shop. “And I’d bet its not stock.”

He pointed to the back of the room. "And there's the elevator, or one of the elevators." Ryan said, watching as Emilia pushed another door aside against the closest side wall, revealing a larger version of the room they were in, but without a vehicle inside

Both had what looked to be flat-bedded platforms with sealing boxes in the center, big enough in one case for a car and in the other significantly larger, perhaps for a bigger type of vehicle. Each had ramps to help wheel something onto the platforms, though the larger platform had one long ramp instead of the pair of wheel ramps in the car chamber. "There's a lift that I would guess has to come out someplace else on the property. I think that clearing that's about two hundred yards from the house."

“The one that looked like the foundation for a missing barn?” Emilia asked, then she nodded. “Yeah, I’d buy it. Odds are the barn got hit by lightning or something and burned down over the years and left the concrete behind. The door probably opens under that.”

After a few minutes of considering both side chambers, Lisa nodded. “Okay here is the important question, will either of them work to get us out of here?”

"Let's look and see what we can see." Ryan suggested climbing onto the car mover and looked over the controls. He opened the box and frowned. "We have one blown fuse here, but that's out of the lot. I think we need to get Carl to look at these. With all these cars and the plane, I think we might be able to, well, watch him kit bash something together. Hopefully."

“I’ll go get him and Davy.” Emilia walked up the stairs to find Carl half dozing on the couch. “We found the elevators, but you’re going to have to work your magic on them. I don’t think they’re as bad off as the other elevator was though, from what Ryan could see.”

“Right.” He sat up, shaking the sleep out of his eyes. “Man, I’m going to be glad to get out of here.”

“All of us will.” She continued out the front door, and ended up having to carry the sleeping croc who was being stubborn about getting off the hot rock.

As quickly as she could, she explained what Ryan had described to her, while the little slicer beast woke up himself.

"Okay, not the worst scenario." Carl nodded. "We can go down take a look at it and also go through the loot pile and decide what we want to take out with us, because seriously... screw Lisa’s boss."

“To late, she’s already pregnant.” Lisa said, she and Ryan cresting the stairs. “She let you know what we found?”

“Yeah. I’m eager to see if we can get out of here. This place is cool but I’m beginning to feel a bit too much a part of the zoo.”

"With a side of 'Inmate's running the asylum', if you don't mind mixing metaphors."

Em nodded. "Sounds about right."

"And true."

It wasn’t too much of a struggle to help Carl down the stairs, and by luck, after a bit of poking around, Ryan found a cart that they could sit Carl on, wheeling him around the basement area, to look at the car lift. While they could climb onto it, the actual lift pod was enclosed, like the elevator down, and they couldn't get the door open.

"I'm betting that's the fuse that's blown. We could try the up button, but I'm not feeling like finding out the tunnel is dangerous that way."

“Could you pull the fuse from something else and put it in the spot? Lisa asked

"Yeah, maybe. Hmmm..." he looked around. "These are a more industrial style. Take me over to the other lift first. If it's straight working, we could try it instead, but if not its likely to have something along the lines of what we need. I admit, I’d prefer to fix this one, since its likely to go to the garage, not someplace who knows how far from the bus and house."

They walked towards the other lift Lisa keeping Davy on a short lead. The curious baby croc wanting to climb in and on everything.

The cameraman opened the panel, frowning. "Okay, it’s not blown, but something got in here and died." He pulled out a blue and red lizard that had definitely died from electrocution. "Blew about half the lines, but there are good fuses in here." He began unscrewing the old style fuses, each looking vaguely like thick poker chips with threaded backs. One by one, eyes checking them closely, he tossed a couple away after determining they were damaged but ended up with three. "These aren't quite the right amperage, but they're close."

“Fingers crossed.” Emilia said

“Can you even buy these anymore?” Lisa said looking, at a discarded fuse. “I’ve never seen one that screwed in like this before.”

"You can, but it ain't easy to find them. Only really old houses or buildings might have them, and most building codes require they be upgraded. If I were I to have a choice, I'd change these boxes out to modern breakers, or at least automotive style fuses, depending on why the boxes are even here. Usually these fuses are at the breaker box."

He unscrewed a couple from the other control box, replacing them with the closest pair in throughput. "Okay, the ones I put in are slightly higher amps than the old ones. That's slightly risky, since fuses blow for a reason, but it’s not likely to be a problem. I just want people to know it’s not perfect."

Everyone crossed their fingers. “Throw the lever!” Lisa said with a smile

"Alright! Here we go." He pulled the lever, and with a hiss, and only slight scent of ozone, the door began opening slowly. "It lives!"

The door opened, and to Ryans surprise, there was a car inside. It wasn’t anything familiar to him, a sporty little convertible car, decades old in design but he cold tell it had been customized to the very edge of possibility. It was also painted a candy pink color with golden trim, and he wasn’t sure it was just gold chrome here. The open canopy showed off rich chocolate leather, that was cracked and ruined by time.

Lisa’s smiled “What the heck is this?” but her expression fell as she saw a skeleton wearing what was either a skimpy costume or lingerie, she wasn’t sure which. Lots of foot long mummified lizards were scattered around the corpse that was curled in the corner of the lift

"What the fuck!" Carl yelled.

"That's... not what I expected to see." Emilia agreed, stepping back.

A group of speakers near the roof made weird, rude noises. "Miss Manors, I told you not to come down to my lair anymore." A voice, with just a hint of Hispanic purr, filled the air.