Guest Bedroom

“Okay, so, we’ve finished up the build to your clients’ specifications. There’s a non-descript strip mall on top, which was handed over to the company specified two months ago. The one designated was turned into a laundromat with the requisite secret doors and roof lift for their helicopter or whatever aircraft.”

“Right, good. And the cells?”

“Six high security cells, one of which I really need to talk to you about.”

“How do you mean.”

“I get the power countering technology we installed, I understand the battleship armor grade doors, but tell me I don’t need to fire up woody the wood chipper over the one that got a four poster bed and silk wallpaper.”

“Wait, that was in the specs?”

"No, Carl, you did not piss off the divine spirit of Daffy Duck, the great and powerful." Ryan growled. Turning to the confused Lisa, he explained. "Some idiot called us thinking it was a lair for some occult organization, when it was left over from some lady who liked to make big statues of cartoon characters out of paper Mache, I think she would give them to schools and churches for events. Weirdly, Carl almost died twice due to plummeting piñatas."

"That was a popular video series, darn it."

Ryan shook his head, standing, then looked out the windows at the clearing they'd left. He could just barely see it, a fox, and a few other animals eating the killed bird. "No Rhea's..." He mused,

"They all left when we got in the observatory. Carl said wincing. "I think I am bruised all over, several of his armored bits where cracked, and chunks were missing from his other plates. "Not cool why didn't they attack any of you?"

'Yeah, but they were all over that raptor thing... and... oh hell, you haven't really done more than a sink bath have you. And none of us have washed our suits."

"No, though know that we know the monster that ate our food was Davy, we could use bathtopia. You think they didn't like the way I smelled?"

"No, the opposite. You were the only one to touch the coke. Cocaine I mean not the soda we’d all be hosed then.'

It took Carl a moment to remember. "That bin full of cocaine I threw the bag in with the raptor didn't I... It was just loose. You think they smelled that on me? I mean I might have gotten a little on me when I moved it.

"Yeah, that's the only thing I can think of. Especially since they were all over the... disposed meat, but don't care a whit about that stuff over there. They're fighting over a berry bush, in fact."

"Okay, so If we bathe Carl, we should be able to get through the forest without being mobbed by Coke starved Big birds. Lisa said. What about Emilia? Is she going to be okay?"

"She'll be fine. The high will wear off, and she'll wake up after a nap. Then hit me." Ryan nodded. "And we'll need to wash his clothes, too. Did anyone notice a washer and dryer anywhere?"

"Not down here." There was one up in the house but that's not too useful. We could try looking in the Lizard’s closet see if there is anything that will fit, wash what's left of the armor in the pool and sauna?"

"I think we'll need to." He nodded. "Might be worth doing for all our kit, just to be safe. Assuming our host has loose fitting clothing."

A couple of hours of Emilia sleeping, one punch in Ryan's arm, and half hour of raiding a rather well stocked closet in the bedroom later, and the group were lounging around, the boys in very old and ugly leisure suits, and the women wearing very long shirts and clam digger shorts they'd found. "God, I thought stuff from the eighties was bright."

"But you look so good in lime green Carl." Lisa teased. "And I bet you can get a mint for that at a vintage store. She said as she finished putting a Shirt that looked like the carpet from the Shining on Davy, who wriggled enthusiastically

"Why the heck did you get the dinosaur a shirt?" Emilia asked. "I mean, sure he's cute, but still."

“Because it’s cute No other reason.” Lisa said “And look at him he loves it.”

“Ask a stupid question." She admitted

“So, another night of roasted Rhea meat and we try again tomorrow. Lisa said. Not going to lie that was a bit terrifying

"Yeah, that was a disaster. And we discovered through sound, if nothing else, that the grinder can deal with wood as well as bird. That was enlightening." Ryan shivered. He'd been way to close to those blades before he’d known that. He wasn’t sure what to think about it getting retroactively more terrifying.

“I thought those birds were going to push me in the death pit. I’m not going to lie, I hurt all over.”

"I admit, those things hit like small trucks. They're not light weights." Ryan agreed. "I kind of see why he chose to make them a pain in the cartels rear."

“God if they went that nuts for just the dust on me imagine what they’d do to a farm, or a processing facility, or a mule…. He winced. I wonder how many birds he got down there. Wisconsin isn’t anywhere close to Columbia. I assume he flew them there somehow.

"I’m guessing the conveyor belt thing has something to do with it, though why the hell he set up such a specialized export method for the eggs. That's just weird."

"Maybe later we'll come back and stick a tracking device on an egg, see where it comes out."

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“Know anyone in the DEA? They have to know about the birds, and that they aren’t normal.” Lisa said. “I mean some are used as drug finder animals, from what you said.” She gave the group a wry look “I’m also having a real unpleasant mental image of someone who put Cocaine up the back door and the birds going for it.”

“Oh, oh god. That’s not even funny in the abstract. That’s just terrifying.” Carl shivered.

"Agreed. I don’t personally know anyone in the DEA, but I can track someone down to let them know." Ryan said. "Though god, this entire place is a special kind of hell for at least three different government agencies. I think some of the species in here are Illegal in this state."

Lisa winced. “Maybe they can get grandfathered in or something? I don’t think we could take anything out without damaging the internal ecology of this place. And this area is known for the fishing, I bet this place is why.”

"The dome makes habitat, and the food release for the dragon is going to add to the supply for smaller animals too. I could see that. It’s still going to drive someone nuts."

Lisa took a sip of whiskey. “Yeah! Me! I must write the disclosures and contact the proper offices to inform them that there is a huge lair here and that the Lake Superior Dragon hangs out in the submarine dock-room, not to mention there are death traps and cocaine addicted birds. That’s before I must find contractors who can fix the elevators, that tube, and God knows what else is wrong down here. I’ll probably even need to hire an ecologist or something, to make sure all that remains stable.” She groaned. “Good lord, this house will either make me or break me. Meeting you and Davy are the only things that might make this worthwhile”

"That bed and breakfast idea is sounding better and better, admit it." Emilia teased.

Lisa nodded angrily. “Yeah. I may have to, well Hannah may have to. She holds the paperwork for this place.” She blinked, looking down at Davy. “We also need to figure out what all these adorable abominations can do. Carl claimed he saw Davy use lightning, and he floated on the run back here. And on top of that, now he’s charging my phone while he naps.” She pointed to where her phone rested on the Crocker Spaniels hip, showing a charging icon.

"That's just cheating." Emilia grumped.

Ryan chuckled. "He hit one of the birds with what looked like a taser grade bite, maybe a little stronger. The flying was more like hovering above the ground, but that'd fit with electromagnetic abilities. The Dragon does spit lightning, so that fits. Juicy here can apparently throw her tail at things and it blows up, though not real hard." he examined her. "And she's mostly grown back the tail already."

Juicy looked up from where she was working on her third plate of food, chirped, and returned to what was set aside for her. They’d had to, since the little lizard kept diving for whatever anyone else was eating.

"Likely why the little guy has the hunger." Carl said.

“Well growing bits his hard work.” Lisa said “And feel free to charge your phones, I doubt Davy will mind. Do you think Juicy has any other tricks?”

"I mean, species wise she already had wall crawling and such. She does seem strong for her size, but I can't really judge if it’s out of scale for what she should be or not.”

"I get the feeling both of them are smarter than they arguably should be."

“Juicy is smart. I mean she seems potty trained, shared her food, and used her tails to help in the bird brawl. Davy is just a baby, so we will have to see how he develops.”

"And if you need a larger yard. Or ranch. Or island." Carl joked.

"Honestly, I don't think he'll get that big." Ryan said. "Don't know why, but he's got a serious small dog energy going. The happy kind, I mean. Not the crazy chihuahua shakes."

“Only time will tell, but I have a decent fenced in yard, and I can get him a kiddie pool to splash in, maybe get a small pond put in for him. All I know is I’m not leaving him here.”

Emily waved her off. "Don't blame you. He’s too cheery to release in the jungle thing. And he’s obviously designed to be a pet."

"And you won't have to worry about people sneaking on your property one it gets out you have him."

"I don't know, I think the neighbors’ kids are going to love him." She said with a chuckle. I already see their little girl begging to take him for walks. She's ten and is already running her own neighborhood dog walking business."

"I could see him get along with dogs." Ryan admitted

"After I teach them, they aren't chew toys." Lisa said, "I note the little guy went after those birds with no hesitation, which could be a protective instinct but need to make sure he's not going to eat some ladies Yorkie."

"You know, that'd be true of a great dane, too. To be fair."

"Yeah. So, is Juicy going to be going with you on future explorations with her exploding tail power?"

"Have to figure out how prone she is to blowing things up, first." Ryan shrugged. "Apparently she knows she can do it."

"Yeah, but looks like it wears her out too." Lisa looked at the lizard who, having finished eating till her stomach bulged, dragged herself over to Emilia's lap and passed out in a slightly sticky heap, new tail twitching.

"Well, she's making a new tail and new supply of low yield explosives.” Carl shook her head. “Man, this place, seriously, it’s a Pokémon cosplayers wet dream.”

"Can you get me a warm damp cloth. She's covered in fruit Juice again." Emilia said to Carl. Who was fiddling with some wires in his equipment bag. One second. He grinned, setting the camera batteries against Davy grinning as they started to charge. "This is great I was down to one battery. He got up to get the rag moaning at his bruises.

"Those birds worked you over, man."

Emilia chuckled. "I'd tease, but one of them hit me too. Those birds are freaking units."

“Well, they look like a smaller ostrich or emu, and those Birds are known for putting people on t-shirts." Lisa said, stroking Davy's head, pausing as a pearly scale popped off in her hand. She held it up. "Well, that's kind of pretty." she said holding it out to Ryan after checking to makes sure her little friend was okay. A shiny scale was under where the original had been.

"Hmmm, thick too. Bet he can take a hit, not that I'd want to test it." Ryan said, trying to flex the scale. "Okay, so, things are drying. Think we'll make progress next try?"

"If not, we'll have to change our drivers’ licenses." Emilia said.

"Well, none of us should smell like drugs now, and we know to look out for the little yellow frogs and the pit traps, so probably. Though if I don't call Hanna by tomorrow evening, she's going to call in help. Not that I know how EMS would get us out of here.”

"They'd have to find us first. That alone could be a trick."

"True.” Lisa said as Carl came back and handed Emily a warm washcloth.

"On the plus side, with all the helmet cam footage of the fight, we are sure to have a hit when we post this adventure." Carl said, dropping back into the pit and sighing as he stretched out over the soft cushions.

"Additionally, I'm totally ordering the t-shirt guys make a ‘Carl getting beaten by birds' shirt." Ryan smirked. “The Power of Daffy Compels You!”

"You’re a laugh riot. Go ahead, have your fun."

"Oh, I will, counting the money we make as subscribers purchase your pain." Ryan said dryly.

"Seems fair, I do it to you."

“Frequently.” Emilia added.

"Maybe you can get Juicy her own lizard cam, get a birds eye view no, drone needed." Lisa said. You can do a T-shirt that says cam girl. Or boy? Hopefully a vet can tell, I've been defaulting to girl.”

“Damn it, I should have brought the drone. Stupid of me, thinking we wouldn’t need it indoors.”

Ryan shrugged. "I thought the same. And y we'll stick with girl for now.

“I'm solidly in 'boy' camp for Davy. He's just got that kind of run and play in dirt energy." Emilia said.

“You taught me how to climb trees, Em.”

“You’re right, Ryan, but I did it wearing a sun dress.”

Lisa laughed and shook her head. "Yeah, I think he’s a boy too and being white will be fun to keep clean. “She leaned back in the seat. "Well, I can't say you all haven't earned your consultation fee on this trip." She said with a laugh.

"And the video will be great." Ryan agreed. "Now we just need to get out."

“Here's to that.” Lisa said looking up at the dark water above.