Curb Appeal

“Why here?”

“Look the space! Look at the open canvas of possibilities!”

“But why here?”

“It’s rigged for industrial power, and is ready for us to move right in.”

“Bob, its next to the police station. Why here?”

Why to never want to let your tech friend choose your lair.

“Oh! A t-shirt with Juicy and the words Lair Lizard!”

"Yes Carl, Merch Ideas are flowing. We get it." Emilia groaned.

Ryan shrugged, grinning at Lisa. "He gets like this. An idea, be it tech or merch, starts rattling around and he stops really hearing anything else for a while."

"I once painted his toenails while he was zoned out. Didn't notice for two days."

“I’ll put some meat in the oven to jerky, so we have protien for the walk. Tonight we will drink like kings, or rather supervillans! And tomorrow we head for the garage Lisa said petting Davys head. “Hopefully Carl reboots before then.”

Carl waved his hands, as if to wave off the concern, though he didn't really seem to be aware of what had been said.

The next morning, they rose, packed up, and gave both Juicy and Davy a snack of remaining meat that didn't get cooked, with the last of it put in a Tupperware they found along with ice Lisa had put into trays the night before to feed the lizards later.

Lisa sighed as they stepped out into the humid forest. “This is too much to deal with without coffee. “So, Ryan in the front, me and Carl then Emilia, right?”

"Right, and on principle go to helmet camera only out there. Keep your shotty ready Carl, I don't want you getting a hunk taken off because you're looking through a viewfinder. Cass would kill me and you both."

“Yeah. I’ll save it for when we take a break.” Carl said as they began to walk. Lisa watching her feet and keeping a tight hand on Davys leash. The little splicer beast running side to side exploring the jungle

While the ground was overgrown, and any grooming that might have been done on the landscape was long gone, game trails aplenty allowed them to take a meandering route through the jungle. They chose to start in the area the two hunters knew, and work their way back to the garage.

Fortunately, the compasses worked just fine, even under water, and they were able to keep a more or less consistent route around the other domed structures, which they discovered were all on thick legs, not solid columns like they'd half expected.

“This is amazing, I wish my phone worked I think I’ve seen more edible plants but I’m not a hundred percent sure so I wouldn’t want to risk it.” Lisa mentioned.

“Hey Ryan, I think that’s one of the traps. Can we get some footage with camera one?”

Ryan didn’t really want to but knew his friends one track mind. "Yeah, I think we can." He looked around and hefted a large hunk of a limb that had fallen from a tree. He walked over and tossed the heavy, soggy wood onto the pit trap. A couple more hunks were needed, but it finally dropped, sending the wood to the bottom with a crash.

Carl filmed the trap, explaining how it worked for the microphone. This one didn’t have a bird in it. “Cool, I want to make sure I have plenty of roll to edit this together, there was a honking sound and an almost shoulder tall bird came out of the brush. It’s head tipping as it looked around.

“Does that bird look pissed to anyone?” Lisa asked.

“Honk.” The bird said, a surprisingly threatening noise for what it was.

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“It kind of sounds pissed off too.”

Said bird was joined by a second, and together they charged the distracted camera man. A third and fourth bird came from another direction squawking and running at Carl.

“Carl look out!” Emillia yelled.

“Lisa back up, get away from the birds.” Ryan shouted, going for his guns.

Lisa hurriedly backed up, the one bird that came closer to her getting smacked across the head by one of Davy's claws, the Crocker not seeming upset so much as thrilled at the chance to bat around some playthings.

“What the hell?” Carl dove to the side to avoid falling into the trap when the birds bum rushed him, eating dirt as they pounced. The birds beaks scraped across his back plate. Rolling, he smacked one across the head with a backfist, then kicked another into the pit as he tried to roll away from the feathered pile of rage assaulting him. "I am sorry! Your friend was delicious, and I was hungry!”

The other humans all spread out, Ryan kicking a fifth bird away, Emilia punching one that had already attacked the tech in the head. It was when they'd spread out that realization dawned. "They're just attacking Carl! Why are they attacking Carl?" Lisa asked

Before anyone could hazard a guess, Carl fought to his feet and tried to run away, only to trip over the bird that was dazed by Emilia's punch. He staggered, slamming into the red-headed woman, who then herself tumbled down the short hill, right into a bush.

"Emilia!” Lisa shouted, running for the redhead while skirting the flock of angry birds. Davy grabbed a bird leg and started shaking another rhea. Juicy, unhappy with the noise and chaos, freaked out at the combat, threw her wriggling tail at the feathered invaders. It hit and exploded with a loud bang as the blue and green lizard ran up a tree. her tail already starting to visibly regenerate.

"Did my lizard just throw a tail grenade? Was this maniac making lizards or freaking Pokémon!"

When the Rhea Davy was fighting started sporadically jerking, then collapsed with a scent of ozone, Carl said "Why not both." Shooting the last of the birds, in self-defense. "These things hit like freaking tanks!"

"Wow! Everything is so bright! Did more lights turn on? And why are you glowing Lisa?" Em asked as she stood, two bright yellow frogs gripping her face.

Lisa instinctively reached out to start brushing the frogs off Emilia, "I am not glowing. Em, are you okay?"

"Crap another wave of birds incoming.” Carl shouted

"Run!" Ryan ordered, pushing Lisa and Emily to start moving. Only Emily slapped his hands away. "Don't be so pushy. It's daytime, and the others are here, you pervert."

"What?"

Emilia giggled, then jerked in surprise, just in time for the Rhea stunned by the thrown tail-bomb to shake off its shock and bite Carl on the ass. "Oh god, he got goosed by a goose! That's hilarious!"

"That freaking hurt. Wait, isn't that a poison dart frog?"

"Oh puckernuts!” Lisa said looking at the bright yellow amphibian in her gloved hand She flung it at a bird that ate the fruit looking flying thing then began running in a circle and attacking the birds around it.

"Ryan, Emilia's been poisoned!"

The redhead laughed. Pulling out her sword. "Charge! to Battle!" She ran at the birds.

"Oh god, she's going to kill everything in that general direction." Carl groaned.

Ryan looked unsure about if he should chase her, or avoid the rather strong, well-armed warrior woman. "She's not poisoned, technically." He said. "My father had a few of those for, let’s say, reasons. She's tripping balls."

"What are we going to do! The birds are coming at Carl like prime rib on a Vegas buffet!” Emilia was attacking a Dragon fruit tree. Shouting at the 'hydra' to die, several bleeding birds running into the underbrush. "And Emilia is currently fighting mythical beings that don't show up on this continent. Which is another weird sentence. Back to the dome to regroup?"

“I don't know, maybe? Any idea how long it will take Em to come down?" Lisa asked as another bird came through a bush, looked around then ran at Carl, squawking as Davy grabbed it. with a happy cheap. Once again, it danced to the taser tango, sparks just visible between the Crocker’s teeth.

"About an hour or two. Lucky she's not wearing her Raycons." He pulled off his pack and pulled an object out, bringing it to his mouth.

"Is that an Ocarina?"

"Don't ask..." He sighed, then played a quick, complicated song, Emilia singing a short line then passing out. Ryan scooped her up quickly. "I'm going to suggest we run. I hear more Rhea in the distance."

“I'll follow.” She grabbed Carl with one hand and the rope leading to Davy's leash while Carl grabbed Juicy, the man scooping the exhausted looking lizard from the tree. They ran, following Ryan through the woods heading back towards the bedroom dome.

Davy let out an upset creel. He was built for sprints not long runs. Then his feet sparked a couple of times, and he let out a happy bark as he was being pulled through the air, floating like a tiny mag rail.

"Okay, the tiny lizard can fly. That's different." Carl said. "The Dragon can't do that."

"It does spit lightning though." Ryan said. Bigger bolts than Davy, but he is a baby.”

"Davy did what!” Lisa said panting as they ran after Ryan. "I am so restarting my gym membership after this!”

"Good plan." Carl said

She looked back at the baby Kaiju. “Cheater!” she said at the floating animal, who chirped at her enjoying the ride.

They hit the stairs, and dove into the foyer, Ryan having to kick a particularly quick Rhea back out of the patio before the door slid shut. They all took a few seconds to catch their breath, staring out the glass at the crazed birds, who slowly started drifting away.

"Seriously...what...the...hell. Lisa panted dropping to the floor. Davy dropping next to her. "Carl did you piss off some bird god?"

"I mean... Maybe. There was that statue..."