Butler’s Pantry

“So, why precisely did we buy a food truck?”

“Because no one will notice it just sitting around while we watch for trouble. That, and stakeouts are hungry work.”

“I could make boxed lunches, you know.”

“Meh.”

Iteration and Mystic, debating the fine points of Mystics choice of observation vehicle.

Emilia’s scream echoed through the jungle as her leg dropped out from under her. She threw herself forward, hands slamming down onto the rich loam of the Jungle, pulling herself away from the pit trap, an enraged trapped Rhea trapped inside attacking her flailing leg, causing her to cry out again.

Ryan reacted instantly as he saw her start to fall, reaching grabbing her wrists with both hands, heaving her back and up, away from the raging bird and depths of the hole. "What the hell! Is there a fucking building code that requires villains always got to have at least one pit trap, God damn it.”

The bird hissed and honked at them, unable to get out of the hole hoping on one leg, the other broken. Emily looked down at the deep scrapes in her shin armor from its beak. "I’m not sure it was meant for people. Shit, that scared me."

Ryan stood and looked in the hole. The bird was hopping up and down, trying to get out. "There's something weird here." He said, frowning. he pointed his gun and shot the bird, killing it instantly, then dropped into the hole, which was just up to his shoulders, but thin enough a bird wouldn't be able to spread its wings, though the Rhea didn't seem like they could fly, anyway. He crouched.

"There's another door down here, but its closed." He said, considering a metal portal in the side of the pit.

"Weird, what kind of door and which way?” Emilia asked, looking down at him.

"Towards the wall of the dome." He stood up, looking out, in that direction. Nearby there was a support, with a tube going up it. "I wonder. "

The metal door came open suddenly. He looked down to see a three-pronged claw reach out and grab his leg, the rust pitted gripper pulling him off his feet. He planted another foot against the wall as the claw tried to pull him into the side passage pushing back and crying out as he realized he was being pulled toward the spinning blades. "Crap! Help!"

Emilia reached down, grabbing onto him with both hands, pulling with all her might. Jerking him to try to break the robotic hold on him. “Kick the bird! maybe it will slow down!"

He let go with one hand and shoved the dead bird past him, shoving it into the blades. The claw suddenly retracted as the beast began to get ground into chunks, some of the blood and bits raining on Emilia and him before the second door shut.

"The holy fuck?" He stood up and watched as the tube on the support shook, scrambling out of the pit. "It's a vacuum. How much do you want to bet it’s a feeding system for the Dragon?" he asked, realization dawning.

Emily's eyes went wide. "Oh man, that explains why it's been voted most tourist friendly Kaiju. Even after 50 Years the Lizard is still feeding her!” She hugged him tightly. "Are you hurt?"

"Twisted my ankle a bit, but not enough to keep me from walking. I'm beginning to buy the idea that Escobar had him assassinated. His plans were so long range, that I really doubt he screwed up and got himself killed by his own critter. He strikes me as the thorough type."

"Going to be honest, the whirring death machine doesn't really feel Mister Lizard to me, that must be a Miss Manors’ Special.” Em said glad he was okay.

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"Well, someone built the place for him, we already knew that."

“Okay, so let’s figure out how this is set up. I doubt there is only one of these pits,” Emily said as Juicy threw another fruit at them.

Ryan crouched and considered the trap. "Looking at the door, it drops when a certain weight comes onto it. I also notice no really big trees are right here, so the soil is shallow, makes sense since it's a concrete box." he said.

“So, we need some good poking sticks, and to keep an eye out for clearings.” She reached up and picked Juicy out of the tree, the lizards belly round with fruit licking her lips and eyes and put her back on Ryan’s Shoulder. “let’s see if we can find another one, see if we can get a bird and confirm what we are looking for.”

"Yeah, let's see..." They moved around, and after twenty minutes of looking, found another clearing. "It's a slight rise, too." Ryan said. "Makes it easy to avoid if you know what you're looking for."

"But the birds in there squawking. Why isn't it dragging it out?"

"Hold on, let's see." He kicked the trap open, and grabbed the bird by the neck, pulling it out, snapping the neck then grunting as he tossed it aside. Then he looked down. "See, there, there's a panel in the middle. I wasn't standing on that. Want to bet its triggered when the bird stops moving, to make grabbing easier?"

“So, with your feet off to the side, and the bird not moving for a while, it triggered the fetch part of the trap. Figure if the bird is too tired to fight, it’s easier to, let’s go with process. Well, we can let the other two know if they fall in a pit to keep moving.”

"Yeah, that'll make things easier." He agreed. "It also explains why the birds haven't overrun the place. There can't be that many predators that can deal with the big ones, and the small ones won't set these off."

“And it’s not near the nesting area so less likely to get an adult with chicks.” Emilia said. “Well, that got us our second bird, and if those are particularly tasty, we can keep an eye out for more and have a barbecue when we get out of here!”

“Agreed. Let’s head back, and we can let the others know what we found. “

“And feed Carl before he gets cranky.”

In the kitchen Lisa was cooking the meat in some pans she’d found and washed. “I went through the pantry in the back of the kitchen, I’ve got some beans soaking in salt water and some rice cooking. I’m roasting the Rhea meat you brought with some vinegar and honey. And I’ve also put some oat bars I made with maple syrup in the fridge.”

"Um, okay. And that's all good?" Emily asked, suddenly wondering if hunting was necessary at all.

"Oh yeah, that's like the survival goods check list." Carl nodded from where he was sitting at the table, changing out batteries and memory cards. "The guy’s larder wasn't exactly stacked for World War Three, but he wasn't going to have a problem if he got stuck hiding for a few months."

“That’s not counting the edible plants outside.” Emilia said, setting down the bag full of fruit.

“Oh, mangosteen! Those are hard to get. Lisa said peeling one and eating one of the petals. “Ooh yum.”

"Well, I feel better now that I know they have a name. All we knew was Juicy and I could eat them."

“Yeah, they aren’t common. Oh, I think I saw some powdered milk. I could make rice pudding with these! I wish we could roast one of these birds up right. I seared up a bite to see how it was and it’s pretty good.”

"Well glad that's true. between the two birds we have like four thanksgivings worth of meat."

“Well, I know Davy likes it. He begged like crazy until I gave him a drumstick. He worked on it for about ten minutes before he crunched it all and went to take a nap.”

"Likely eats the bone for the calcium, like a lizard would." Emilia suggested.

Carl nodded. "That's what I thought."

"So, our food situation is way better than it was, we can get some rest, and troop through the damn forest tomorrow. I doubt it'll take more than a day, it's not that big."

“No, but it’s not going to be a straight walk either.” Lisa said. “Why don’t you go sit with Carl I’ll bring the food to you when it’s done.”

"We'll get cleaned up first, but yeah."

“Enjoy the bath.”

Twenty minutes later she plated all the food on the Mister Lizards plates and carried everything to the living room. Well, here you go Ben’s and Rhea, roast Rhea with honey vinegar sauce, and mangosteen rice pudding.

"Seems eclectic but smells delicious." Ryan said, and they all dug in, making satisfied noises, the freshly roasted meat better than the potato salad sandwiches from earlier.

"So, there are traps out there, but not for intruders, at least not that we found." Emilia said. "He seems to have traps set up to grab the occasional Rhea and turn it into dragon chow. One tried to eat Ryan."

"To be fair, it only tried when I stopped moving for a bit." He said wryly. "Basically, if you see a clearing on a slight rise, it's likely one of the traps. There's, um, processing elements that then sends it through a tube system. I am willing to bet fruit bushes or trees will be nearby too."

“That sounds terrifying.” Lisa said.

“I think it sounds like Patreon money! Carl crowed. Please tell me the helmet cams were on!”

"Yes Carl, the camera was on as I desperately fought the robot claw as it tried to murder me and kicked a giant chicken into an industrial grinder. Going to make a t-shirt too?"

"Not of that. Maybe one with grilled Rhea though."

"I hate you."

"I know."